There is currently no cure for tinnitus. This is an indisputable fact. If there was - even the man in the street - who incidentally does not have tinnitus - would know about it. In the old days itinerant pedlars dispensed a product known as ‘Snake Oil.’ It seduced the gullible on many levels. It was dangerous to harvest as it truly was snake venom? - so it had to be genuine, right? *it looked all ‘gluggy’ *smelled vile *tasted even worse *and had no health benefits whatever, in fact quite the reverse! (Your bum would be running for days, usually with scary green stuff!) If secretly administered to one’s wife, for eight consecutive days (you may need two bottles) surreptitiously disguised in a spoonful of honey, it was bound to cure ‘irritable spouse syndrome,’ making your unsuspecting partner more amenable to your predatory advances! It would also most likely work on one’s neighbour’s wife. (Three bottles perhaps?) What a sales pitch! It did however offer hope. It cured everything from Vaginal Warts to Erectile Catastrophe. Chilblains to Morbidity. The snake oil of today is far more subtle of course. We are so much more sophisticated, right? Books such as: ‘How I Cured My Tinnitus,’ ‘I Did It And You Can Do It Too,’ ‘I Made My Tinnitus My Bestie,’ ‘My Tinnitus Was a Guest at my Wedding,’ There are also countless gadgets out there, which will undoubtedly reduce the annoyance, let alone the torture, of tinnitus. All I will say is: ‘Buyer Beware!’
My favorite saying to come out of all this. There are a few people at work that were not familiar with the term. It's like the funniest thing they ever heard. And one that doles it out is a "Snake Oilist."
I have scientifically invented an Elixir that cures everything known. It's on sale today for €24.99. It cures arthritis, foot rot, stomach flatulence, helps grow hair, stops noises in ears, relieves stress and anxiety. Buyer beware! This Elixir contains pure bullshit strained down, 98% pure mountain dew. Take 1 litre daily for 3 weeks. No refunds. Send cash or cats to Elmer 44433 South Bullshipper Rd. Co. Wicklow
