“Jesus Christ — the Same Yesterday, Today and Forever.”

“Jesus Christ - the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

‘Oi Oi Oi - what’s this - Jazzer, infamous agnostic, and author of that much neglected TT site ‘Agnostics R Us’ - actually quoting from the bible.
Well, only vicariously. Don’t get too excited.
It was a brilliant observation made by a British prisoner of war in Colditz Castle, Stalag 111 during World War 2, after fighting off other ravenous inmates to cling onto his barely life-sustaining bowl of pig-swill, that bore absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to sauerkraut.

It occurs to me that this observation applies perfectly well to this ‘sack of shit’ referred to medically as Tinnitus.’

Mine is loud - very loud - as loud as f**k !!!
Well I’ve had some loud ‘liasons’ - you know - when both parties get a bit carried away - but this is ridiculous!

It is there from the moment I wake, until my next opportunity to finally fall sleep.
My consignment of torment is delivered fresh every morning to my pillow, and there is more than enough to last me all day.
The delivery man never slips up.

So how do I cope?
I don’t really know, it seems that I just do.
This thing all started just over four years ago, and put me in total ‘hell on Earth.’
I desperately wanted to die!
All severe /catastrophic sufferers will know exactly what I am talking about.
(Hobbycraft Tinnitus dabblers will not have a pickled clue!)
It is still every bit as loud as day one - it has not moderated by even 1 dB.

But I would have to admit, I am no longer actually suffering in hell.
I still suffer - I still despise it - don’t get me wrong - but I suppose I have just learnt to ‘put up with it’ without fretting, sobbing, falling to pieces, disintegrating.
It is still there every second - endlessly, but I am now able to get on with my life.
Obviously I sincerely hope that one day there will be a treatment or a cure.
Personally I do not expect to see it.
I can’t imagine a gizmo, a plastic box, full of buttons, wires and batteries, making any real difference.
Neither do I think that a magic pill will be developed that will quieten all of this ‘shit’ without destroying other vital brain functions.

As a positive, I honestly do notice that I pay ‘it’ much less attention these days, leaving me freer to concentrate more on the rest of my life.

 

Hi @Jazzer thank you for your honesty, iv just come up to a year and was beginning to cope better but this week the fear and panic have come back and the distorted thinking is also back feel like back at square again, i am so distressed and disheartened i guess only time will tell if i can ever cope with it

 

I am so sorry @Bazan .
Of course I am sorry for us both.
The shock of losing our past way of life is just immense. Immense!

It definitely takes much time to absorb that horrible predicament.
It is a truly horrible thing to come to terms with.

What I have worked on is making the noise, the sounds, less obtrusive. Less distressing.
I have had some success.

One thing might be worth a try.
(I have copied and pasted this from another post, but it is applicable to all of us Baz.)
‘Lay in a nice warm bath with eyes closed.
Lips closed - teeth apart - mouth and throat nice and soft - breathing nice and gentle.
Allow yourself to hear your Tinnitus - but without listening to it.
Do not listen for it - just hear it.
Do not concentrate on it - it just happens to be there.
Ask your tummy to take over your natural relaxed breathing for you.
As you exhale just ‘think the word ease’
As you inhale just ‘think the word ey.’
‘Eas-ey.....eas-ey......eas-ey...eas-ey....

No listening to it,
No fighting it,
No hating it,
Just a benign acceptance of what is.....’
Enjoy the warmth of the water.
Enjoy the (relative) peace.
Basically you are training yourself to merely hear it without listening to it - to accept that it is ‘just there.’
I can usually feel at peace throughout the day.


I do this daily - I never miss.
Doing this daily has a cumulative effect.
It gets better. It gets stronger.
Keep it up Baz.
Best wishes
Dave x
Jazzer

 

@Jazzer

many thanks for the reply if i can lose the fear and anxiety in time then i will take that, it truly soul destroying, i am bout to start TRT......

 

Best wishes
Take care
Dave x

 

@Bazan,
Good luck with your TRT .
love glynis