“Tinnitus Truths”

Jazzer, I'm suffering bad. I'm losing my mind, my vision, the plot. Don't say anything. I don't want to hear it. I just wanted to lean on you. I hope that's ok. Thanks.

 

Dear Daniel - my lovely mate.
How can I not say something to you?
I can promise you that you will have better days than today.

On the morning that I woke up in hell - it literally happened over night - I was desperate to die.
I did not know how to survive the single moment that I was living in.
My only bit of peace was occasional sleep, for which I had to take Melotonin.

In order to force myself to go on living, against my wishes, I promised my wife, my children, my grandchildren, my pussycats even, that I would try to go on living, if only for their welfare.
Perhaps I could make myself live if only to look after them?
I made a secret vow to live - for them.

Days, months, years have gone by, and there has been a change.
Not only do I still live for them - but I now live for myself also.
I am living again.
I still have the same “!! FUCKING TINNITUS !!”
but I promise you that “I” am so much better.

I honestly and truly believe that you can get better my friend.
Would I ‘bullshit” you?
Would I patronise you?
Absolutely no way.
You’re too special for all that shit!
You will have better days,
and you will have better times buddy.
Anycase, I’m following you now,
just to make sure.
Dave x
Jazzer

 

Thank you my brother... Needed that. I am cooling down now... calming down.

Thanks again.
Sincerely, from my heart, Daniel

 

There are times on here when passions run high:
Small wonder......

 

The prophet DJ, Dave Jazzer, my initials too, Daniel John.

Just wanted you to know, I had a good day. I took the kids for a swim and ice cream. I talked to my family, I laughed, I cried, we laughed and cried, it was cool. Gabriel, second son, "dad, why did you become an artist"

Daniel, "because I am stupid". We laughed,". Because I believe beauty is a legacy worth leaving, that it transcends money, profit, war"... I kind of lost everyone there, but it was cool. You're my elder, you're wise... you have wisdom. Thanks for sharing it.

I just wanted you to know, old Danny boy is feeling a little strength coming back... my ears hurt, the bloody hyperacusis has said hello, but the will... the fight... the joy believe it or not was felt today. Yah, the joy, the joy of love of life, so battered and torn, but a flicker of light, of a smile, of my old self.

Thanks for letting me lean on you. Hope you had a lovely day, and that you had that joy, that something... I have a feeling you did.

 

My dear mate - you swine! - your post really touched me - you do know what I mean by that don’t you? - there was nearly water coming out..x
Despite all the ‘unmentionable stuff’’ you still managed to find joy, love, laughter, and the odd tear, with your beautiful family.

This condition is truly inhuman - but all the time we manage to hang onto our own pretty incredible humanity, we are all going to be okay.

You deserve a wonderful piece of music, my friend.......x

Stephane Grappelli - Danny Boy

 

Hey Daniel. My boyfriend is an artist as well. A glass artist. He has Tinnitus too. He describes the severity as 6-7 generally on a scale from 1 to 10. What is more frustrating for him is his Hyperacusis. When we talk, he says focusing on his sculptures helps him being distracted from the sound. He is a little workaholic tho.

I just wanted you to know that there is someone experiencing things very similar to yours miles miles away

 

So cool, thanks for that.

Another workaholic... sounds familiar.

His tinnitus strength and mine I would say are the same. Hyperacusis is dreadful but can back off, or did for me and then returned.

Pleasure to meet you Melike.

I am gonna try to sleep now, it's midnight here.

Goodnight my friend.

 

“Love Is The Greatest Thing”

 

Today I went swimming. The handicapped team, as they are called, showed up as they always do, and swam lengths next to me. They have limbs missing, and they swim fast.

The truth is, I envied them, I would trade brain damage for a stump anyday.
I have never subscribed to envy as a principle. So maybe the wrong word. They are not imprisoned by their condition, where the slightest noise can damage them.
I live in the city, car horns, car backfires, noise is everywhere and will find me....unless....unless I become like a ghost, or a vampire, keeping odd hours, avoiding crowds, people, socializing, normality.

Depressing....yes....true, definitely, can I adjust....yes.
When I get out of the pool, nobody knows... they can't here the siren, the noise.
Sleep, replenishing sleep... is really a thing of my old life...

The is illness, this syndrome, this condition, is relentless and vicious.
The drugs don't help....so I don't take them.

There are no treatments as of yet, so I wait and look and listen to feedback from brothers and sisters who have tried new experimental ones, they ain't cheap baby, and most don't work.

And it would seem the new ones are still somewhere down the road a long ways from the corner.

I will not, and can not give up.
I will persevere, I will keep on with love as my anchor and my guide...
I will fight on...

Today was a good day. The sound in my head is a constant. I haven't cried, at least not yet, and the family is safe, there's happiness and love, so I take what I can get and carry on, carrying the heaviest load that nobody can see.

 

@Daniel Lion - you write so well (no BS!) that I would hate to miss any of your posts.
I wonder if you can remember to preface your articles using the “@“ flagging system.
@Daniel Lion
@Jazzer

As another severe Tinnitus suffferer I can understand all of your thoughts expressed here.
Essentially it feels that we are now living for the benefit of those we love - our beautiful loving wives - our adoring children - our precious and dependant pets.
If it were just ourselves, with nothing to balance the equation, would we make the same decision??

For me, there are some days when I seem to cope better than others.

Must go now mate - picking up some of those adoring grand children from school.

Best wishes brother,

Dave x
Jazzer

 

@Jazzer

 

@Jazzer

For me.....

 

If today was a good day, then tomorrow may be better. Never lose hope, you can carry the weight, no matter how heavy....stay strong.

 

Thank you so much emmalee

How perfect is that.
I love it - I love it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Ah.....so you’ve finally admitted it ?
Great looks and incredible charisma
- even a guy can’t miss that.

 

Words by @Daniel Lion

 

Yes, Brad Pitt is a good looking guy, a pretty good actor, too. I watched one of his older movies a couple of days ago, trailer for legends of the fall, it is a favorite of mine.

 

Now look, emmalee
- when we talk about Brad Pitt, I don’t want you
‘coming over all peculiar now...x’

 

I'll do my best not to....

 

(Honestly - I can be quite naughty sometimes)

 

I bet you still remember those good old days @Jcb when you were @emmalee ’s favourite??