4 Years This Week

Well it's been a long 4 years and I'm still here battling. The battle some days seems easier and some days it gets the best of me but I bounce right back. I pray for all of us all the time that we may find the strength to keep battling this terrible affliction.

My life now resembles more of what it used to be but I'm so much more cautious with everything I do.
I have been training again for the upcoming Marathon and I'd thought I'd never run again.

Thank you for helping me battle through my dark days. This forum is a true blessing.

Stay Strong
God Bless and give you strength.

Carlos

 

Thank you for the kind words @Markku also would like to thank you for everything you do within this forum, it's a true blessing.
Stay Strong
Carlos

 

Same here Carlos.... July 28 I was 4 years in.... After 2 years I thought I was fully habituated and only was battling sensorymotor OCD.... and until 2 months back...my mind just went back to T again... same T as it always has been which I could ignore is now a day to day battle again... Need masking otherwise my anxiety goes way up...

It's a mind over matter thing and also an OCD thing...if I did not focus on T it would be something else. I wonder how much of the "old" T people still have their up and downs. Some people say they are being a better person after T. For me it is not the case.. I was the best person I could be.... nice to everybody, helping everybody...laughing...joking....loving life..... Until I opened a can of Fernandes soda in m y car which made so extremely loud noise in the car my ears went crazy....and after that....the counting of T started. I was born in 1972 but my years of this new life made start counting over and is now 4 AT (4 years after T)

 

@RicoS Hey Rico hang in there my friend...Be an example of strength to those that need it.
I always tell my myself to be kind to my mind and not over react to things good or bad.

I'm sitting here at work with blasting TEEE in a quite office and when my mind starts to get the best of me I'll get up go for a walk and replace those negative thoughts flowing through my mind.
Hang in there my friend
stay strong
Carlos

 

@Carlos1 I do my friend..... But it is kind of harsh that you think you are habituated and than from 1 second on to the other you are back to square one. Sure I hang in there I have a family to take care of and after 4 years I feel I am already a veteran in T.
But this 4 years feel like a lifetime.
And people who read this...do not be afraid ...it will get better ...mine was monster T in the beginning with major H and T 10/10 which after 4 years became 2/10 in daily background sound. But in a silent room it was 8/10 so I used bird sounds in the places where I was sitting the most at home. Now my T is about a 5/10 just enough to bug me again and perhaps it is always the same but my mind just brings it more into my awareness.

Thanks for the kind reply @Carlos1 we all will hang in there, but sometimes it just takes a lot of energy and you think there is no end to this. But at good days I feel almost normal again.....I guess I had to many bad days in a row now ;-)

And Carlos1 .... my T in silence is also deafening...but I try not to react to it.... THE BACK TO SILENCE METHOD really worked for me so perhaps I should try it again. To much negative thinking keeps you down

 

@RicoS Hi Rico I don't considered myself habituated more like Tolerant. For me it really depends on my state of mind negative thoughts for me feeds my TEE and I get overwhelmed. I just live like most people say one day at a time and if I'm having a bad TEE day I tell myself better days are coming.
I too have a family and have to be strong for them....This affliction is not easy its something no one understands unless you live it.

 

Tolerant is a word I can relate to now, but I must be honest and 3 months back T was not an issue and I could here it but I just was focused on other S-OCD stuff...until my PT started acting up and this stupid thought came into my mind "What if I never hear silence again!?" and poof there was my normal T together with PT and the anxiety attacks etc etc.. I would mask my T a bit... (not completely of course) and I would be fine. Now I hate masking because .... I do not know hahaha I just do not want to mask anymore.... It is like I just had enough of it from one second on the other.

What I did always was keeping a diary with only a few words in it and that was if my T not an issue that day and if it was almost out of conscious. That way if T was bad and I thought it was always like that I looked back in this diary (which is just a simple text file on my computer) and could read that I did had good days. Just to keep myself positive.

But yes...people who do not have it do not understand this daily struggle. We hang in there.... one way or the other !!

 

Hi Carlos, after I posted my thread, I randomly read the thread and replying to you here. I just came back from Amsterdam, and it was such a lovely and lively city. I went to visit the Anne Frank museum, and bought the diary to read as well. I forgot my mobile phone on a private tour bus, and the tour operator - Tom, was so kind and responsive, he retrieved and sent it back to my home in Thailand. Am supposed to get it tomorrow.

I just want to say - please try to get enough sleep, and try this laser watch (mine is by Dr Weber), it relaxes you and supposed to cure it. It comes with the headset that points the laser directly to your ears.

Mine went away this morning, although I have it still, but it has gone to a very low level, and I'm hoping it will slowly be 100% gone.

I can see that yours comes from stress, or acoustic trauma, so I think the laser treatment might be right for you.