99% Habituated, but at What Cost?

[Tibberz]

It's been over three years since I gave myself tinnitus. The first 6-12 months were absolutely maddening and I'm quite surprised I made it at all (I was mentally torn down to nothing and was ready to die).

Sometime between now and then I've managed to get to the point where I'm able to keep my mind "preoccupied" to the point I don't notice it for most of the day, but as soon as I try to relax boom it's back. I feel like I'm constantly working myself to death just to temporarily not notice the constant ring. I keep seeing posts I made on Facebook years ago, I used to have a bunch of ambition but now I'm sort of detached, emotionless trying to suppress my anxiety of this sound. I've had a lot of success since I am driven to work in order to forget, but actually living to the fullest is the hard part...

Sorry if this seems like a rant, but just needed to get this off my chest. Nobody around me in life seems to understand just how draining tinnitus is...

 

[derpytia]

I feel you on that. I used to be such a happy, fun-loving person.

Now my days are spent just trying to make it through each day and spend most of my day so preoccupied that I forget for shot moments that I have tinnitus or at least forget how sad/anxious it makes me.

If anyone asked me what my greatest wish is, it'd be to cure us all of this so we can go out and live our lives to the absolute fullest and make a difference in a real and impactful way. We unhappy tinnitus sufferers deserve that much at least.

 

[Wolfears]

It's been over three years since I gave myself tinnitus. The first 6-12 months were absolutely maddening and I'm quite surprised I made it at all (I was mentally torn down to nothing and was ready to die).

Sometime between now and then I've managed to get to the point where I'm able to keep my mind "preoccupied" to the point I don't notice it for most of the day, but as soon as I try to relax boom it's back. I feel like I'm constantly working myself to death just to temporarily not notice the constant ring. I keep seeing posts I made on Facebook years ago, I used to have a bunch of ambition but now I'm sort of detached, emotionless trying to suppress my anxiety of this sound. I've had a lot of success since I am driven to work in order to forget, but actually living to the fullest is the hard part...

Sorry if this seems like a rant, but just needed to get this off my chest. Nobody around me in life seems to understand just how draining tinnitus is...

I always thought the whole "try to keep busy" gets thrown around a lot, but it rings kind of hollow (no pun).
No matter what, at some point of the day you have to slow down (or else you will burn out)...and this is where it hits you like a freight train.
This whole situation kind of reminds me the sniper T-shirt, that most of us have seen at some point:
"No need to run, you'll only die tired".

Don't get me wrong...busy is good, but it has to come naturally from within.
It cannot be forced, because then it is no longer genuine and this is where the problem starts...
Much like the forced positivity, you can only deceive yourself for so long, before it catches up with you.

 

[dayma]

@Tibberz I think that you can eventually get beck to that enthusiasm. Seems you taking some big first steps still which is good! Keeping pre-occupied/busy for most people is a good thing even if you don't have T. Have to keep the brain challenged!

 

[fishbone]

It's been over three years since I gave myself tinnitus. The first 6-12 months were absolutely maddening and I'm quite surprised I made it at all (I was mentally torn down to nothing and was ready to die).

Sometime between now and then I've managed to get to the point where I'm able to keep my mind "preoccupied" to the point I don't notice it for most of the day, but as soon as I try to relax boom it's back. I feel like I'm constantly working myself to death just to temporarily not notice the constant ring. I keep seeing posts I made on Facebook years ago, I used to have a bunch of ambition but now I'm sort of detached, emotionless trying to suppress my anxiety of this sound. I've had a lot of success since I am driven to work in order to forget, but actually living to the fullest is the hard part...

Sorry if this seems like a rant, but just needed to get this off my chest. Nobody around me in life seems to understand just how draining tinnitus is...

Habituation should be the goal for everyone. The thing is this, we should NOT force this or dwell very hard on getting to this stage of living. The pressure to habituate, can simply backfire on us and make things worst. Habituation brings me a bit of closure and peace. Not being affected by the stimuli (Intrusive/LOUD noise) was my goal and is our goal. When I say not affected, it means that I can STILL hear this LOUD noise, but it doesn't stop me from living, loving, doing and achieving!

With habituation:

You still CAN hear the ringing
You still CAN have days that seem hard or bad days

The good news, is that you CAN get to the level of habituation and I hope all try to get there. I am about 95% habituated and it took lots of heart, soul, guts, glory, motivation to get there!

Bless all!

 

[sirhand]

I haven't felt true relaxation and comfort since "that day". I used to love collapsing in bed into basically sensory deprivation, pitch black, silence. I used to start dreaming before I fell asleep.

We'll get back there. Whether it's because we forgot what silence is like, 100% habituation, or a cure.

 

[dpdx]

I am having a very hard time today. Yesterday my T was moderate (tolerable), now its back to blasting 8/10 where I hear it everywhere.

 

[dpdx]

I haven't felt true relaxation and comfort since "that day". I used to love collapsing in bed into basically sensory deprivation, pitch black, silence. I used to start dreaming before I fell asleep.

We'll get back there. Whether it's because we forgot what silence is like, 100% habituation, or a cure.

Same. My life pretty much ended. Every day is just survival. I don't know how much more of this I can endure.

 

[jimH]

Sorry if this seems like a rant, but just needed to get this off my chest. Nobody around me in life seems to understand just how draining tinnitus is...

No need to be sorry. Sometimes we really do need to "vent" in order to get the emotional relief that we need. Who better to share your feelings regarding your struggle with trying to cope and live with Tinnitus than us? People who understand because we know what it's like.

Yes, it can be very draining at times. I've referred to the "wearing down" effect it can have on us in other posts. I had a severe spike the previous five days. Even though I'm a long-term veteran of living with this affliction, it was tough at times. We can only distract ourselves by keeping busy for so long. When I woke up this morning, I was glad that my T was back to it's normal baseline. It's been that way all day. I feel five years younger. Too bad I don't look five years younger!...

 

[Lane]

I haven't felt true relaxation and comfort since "that day".

Hi @sirhand,

I sure hear what you're saying. It took me many weeks after initial-onset t until I experienced what I felt was true relaxation. But I could only do so with the assistance of being in an HBOT chamber. At about the 30-minute mark, all of a sudden the feeling of being a twisted pretzel let go, and I could relax, even though the tinnitus had not changed. This experience was consistent with the dozen or so sessions I did.

My goal is to get an at home mHBOT chamber so I can experience this daily. I think it may even have the potential to improve the tinnitus, but the relaxation is what I feel I need to experience on a daily basis. At this point, it feels like it may be my only salvation. Moments of true relaxation are harder to come by since I stopped the regular HBOT.​