Acute Trauma Progress

Hi everyone,

I have had tinnitus for about a year now; it was caused by an single event. A middle aged woman at work asked me to help her to fix her machine. I saw that the problem was an air hose that was disconnected, and she said that she knew it required a very strong person to reconnect the system. Well, being a 27 year old guy I figured I was just the man for the job, and boy oh boy do I wish I had left that hose alone. I don't know what I did wrong (maybe depressurizing the system first would have been the thing to do :-P), but when they reconnected there was a shot louder than any gun I have ever fired. My right ear was pointed directly at it from less than a foot away, and my life changed.

I spent the next six months swimming in inconsolable terror. At first I had convinced myself that the ringing had only lasted a few minutes...I was in a fairly noisy manufacturing environment. That covered the ringing to a degree. I kept telling myself "oh, that ringing noise is just the sound of that machine over there." I ran to the locker room, which was quieter, and then convinced myself that I heard it more prominently because the locker room was closer to this and that machine. When I went home I told myself that the power supply on my computer had gone bad with coil whine, and that my fridge was only more noticeable because I was listening for sounds. By the end of the day I had accepted the truth that the sound came from within myself, and I quivered with the thought, possibly not incorrectly, that the sound would be with me forever.

I began look for cures, as we all do. I cut out all junk food, took vitamins, exercised, protected myself from from the pain of hyperacusis, stopped my daily drinking, stopped smoking weed, listened to pink noise and this noise and that noise, and tried a myriad of other things. I began to meditate and listen to inspirational sorts of audio recordings repeating things along the lines of "you are strong, you can do this, you don't know your own strength until it's called upon." These things, especially the meditation and inspirational ramblings, are not things I would have ever done unless thrown into the depths of despair. They helped, or maybe they didn't. I heard the ringing, and I, for the first time in my life, considered suicide.

Looking back now, I am glad to say that those days are behind me. I still hear the ringing, even now as I type this. As the days and months went on the noise subsided slightly, not substantially. I stopped listening; I stopped checking in to face the sound. I now simply acknowledge its existence, note how my reaction, and move on. "Oh, there it is, and it's very disturbing...oh there it is, and it's not bothersome...oh there is is, and it's unavoidable." But I am in no danger. I still rest with my fan or waterfall noises or my favorite playlist lulling me to silent sleep...a precious gift that was scarce closer to the initial incident. I never hear silence; I miss that forgotten friend of mine. But life is good again, and it can be good again for you too.

 

Great story. Would you say your T reduced and you habituated? is it mild?
Thanks

 

I wonder how that woman feels now although it is not her fault ,but nevertheless made you suffer.

 

It did reduce in severity bit by bit for the first few months, and I suppose I have habituated a little. The first few months were moderate to "moderate-high" (or however you'd say that) I guess, but it is now fairly mild. It's still quite audible unless I'm in a very noisy environment, but I generally avoid noise levels loud enough to mask it entirely. I can go to the cinema with protection though. Some days it spikes way up to how it was at onset for no apparent reason. I guess as loud as wearing headphones at 50-75%, but it subsides within minutes or hours. I used to have somewhat of a panic attack when this happened and think "oh no, it can't stay this loud forever...I can't believe I complained about it buzzing while it's now blaring," but now it's more of an eye roll with thoughts like "ok, spike, go away, I get it, I'm incredibly lucky it's usually not this loud." While I am extremely grateful that it isn't always that loud, I think I could adjust and still be ok if it did stay that way forever.

The hyperacusis / pain / whatever associated with sharp noises has also diminished. I can now sit fairly comfortably in the next room if someone is cutting vegetables on china or washing dishes, and I can even do it myself if I'm careful.

 

Waluigi WAH

 

She felt incredibly guilty. She asked me how it was almost every day, and during the nightmare days I told her it wasn't a big deal and that I'd be fine and that I don't blame her...with only the latter really being true. After about eight months or so I had habituated / healed / whatever enough that I could honestly tell her it wasn't a big deal. At that time I told her how serious it was for me in the beginning. I assured her that I don't blame her and that I really really am ok now.

 

OH YEAH

 

OH YEAH WALUIGI

(Volume warning)

 

Why are you posting ear rape memes on a tinnitus forum?

 

I gave volume WAHning.

 

You are a true gentleman,I am not sure how I would have behaved,in your place but anyway all is well that ends well. Thankg God for that.