Almost 4 Months In

Almost 4 months in and I feel like a newbie again. I was doing fine but then it got to me. I feel I can hear the ringing all the time no matter what I try to do to mask it. I'm probably just so focused on it that I can't be drowned. I started school and I know that's a major reason I'm focused on it because that is all I can hear during all my classes and it didn't bother me much at first but this week it has. I hope this gets better. I'm not depressed but I dread each passing day. T is the only thing on my mind. During class, instead of paying attention to lecture I am researching about tinnitus and hearing loss. Maybe I should get into tinnitus research? Lol The only escape I have is being with my girlfriend. Anyone have setbacks like this after the initial stages?

 

I'm starting back at university at the end of the month, and that is what i fear. I wont be able to concentrate in classes because i'm focusing on the T. Of course, the T might go by then, but pigs might fly too.....

From what i've read over the past month from users on this site, setbacks are guaranteed on the path to habituation. So I wouldn't feel too down about it. Hopefully you soon have more better days. Hopefully we all do.

 

4 months in. Going through pretty much the same thing, Considering not going back to University as I feel like I won't be able to focus. Just sad in general and want it to go away. (yeah right )

Can't shake the feeling it's going to go get better and leave, and you never know, it might, but odds are, it's here for life and I'm just finding it hard to deal with that. Feeling depressed lately. I was feeling a lot better the past month (T even went away for a day) but I'm kind of back to square the past week.

 

Yeah that's pretty much my mindset too. I'll be 6 weeks in tomorrow. Even if it were to fade away I think that would put me in a totally different psychological battle, always worrying that it could come back.....

 

If it were to fade away I'd be the happiest person on earth. If only.

 

Oh. Me too. I would truly be taking care of my ears in that case. Not that I'm not already, but it would feel like a 2nd chance.

 

I'm one month in and still obsess over it. Have trouble sleeping, which only makes it worse. Of course my doctor just put me on Xanax, which does knock me out, but it doesn't solve the problem. I'm right there with you guys with the Fall semester of school starting up. I have know idea how I'm going to handle it. I can barely concentrate at work and I sure don't need school right now.

Hitting another doctor on Friday for some real help, meaning acupuncture, melatonin, sleep aids. If I could just sleep good I feel like this wouldn't bug me so much. How are you guys doing with your sleep?

 

Yeah it's rough. Over here in the UK they don't give out Xanax so it's not an option. I'm trying to get through it without any sorts of medicines at the moment. Only thing i am taking is nytol to help me sleep, which is sort of working. I am getting 6-7 hours or so of broken sleep. Hopefully as time goes on i'll stop waking up.

Considering trying melatonin myself. Not so easy to get hold of that here either, have to buy it online. It's an option though i guess. I know i wont be going back on the prescribed sleeping pills, that would be an almighty step back.

 

Yeah it really sucks being in class at times. If I really try to focus on the lecture I can but it is harder. I gueas many, if not all, things are still possible with T but they are harder than before. I hope a treatment aimed at a cure comes out sooner than later but if it doesn't we will have to habituate. Btw, even though class is harder it doesn't seem impossible, not even slightly. I recommend you continue going to school and pursueing your goals before T. Its when I am busy that my T is easier to deal with because I don't dwell on it as much.

 

I'm with you on the sleep pills, I don't want sleep medication like Ambien or Lunesta. That stuff is not good for anyone. I know it will make you sleep and its technically not physically addictive, but you'll become addicted to them mentally real fast. The whole, "I can't sleep without them.", is a road to constantly being medicated. Its going to be a hard couple of weeks for me. I just stopped using my ear plugs to sleep due to T, have been usign them for years. Its going to be hard to sleep without them for sure.

 

I'm kinda in the same place nowadays.
I was in a pretty bad shape the first 3 months, then it all got a lot better.
Dunno why that was, maybe the antidepressant was kicking in, maybe I was having a great vacation.
When I returned home, work started, anxiety resumed.
It's a bit more difficult to concentrate at work, however I don't find myself less productive than before (I was pretty lazy already lol). I also feel way more optimistic, since I already experienced that life can be really great, even with T in the background.

 

I've had a ton of setbacks. It's important to not forget what you have learned in dealing with t during this period.

 

Did any of you guy find that any medications helped with te anxiety and sleepless nights? I'm going through that bad right now.

 

Xanax got me through a lot of difficult times.

 

It still baffles how things changed from one day to the next. I had everything going for me and it was going great just as I planned and then boom, life hits me. I'm sure you have felt the same way as you sound like a very smart individual preparing for law school.

 

I know exactly what you mean, one day i would feel ok then awful and back to square one. I felt i was back to square one but i wasnt. When we get scared or anxious we lose the ability to think clearly, our brain literally gets inhibited. Have you ever gotten angry at something and then once you had time to reflect on it you realize that was a really dumb thing to do or say. Its the same with the anxiety we feel from t. And feeling after all this time you've made no progress. I think in the grand scheme of things four months is nothing, especially when it comes to tinniuts. But your continuing school and taking steps to make sure your t doesn't control you which is great.

What helped me was learning how to do things with tinnitus. I would read or study for 5 min then try a bit more and more because i could not concentrate for the life of me and like you it was just consuming my every thought. So just try like you are get through one class, then the next , when you study try to make your self ten minutes at a time then maybe give yourself a couple of minutes to let your mind worry about T then keep repeating until you get some sort of handle on it.

Good luck man,

 

Right now my T is lounder than normal, and my ears feel a bit plugged. Mildly annoying.

Most of the time it's not an issue but every once in a while it's "Man, this sucks." But it passes. Hang in there E. You may have setbacks, but remember - it's your reaction to the T. Focus on the positive in your life. Hey, you said you have a girlfriend. And you're in school. Sounds like you are building a future.

Focus on the studies. It's hard, I know. When I first got T I had to focus on my work - most of the time my work involves reading and writing in a quiet office, so I know exactly what you are going through. But I had no choice - I had to make a living. Soon, by focusing on my work, I was ignoring my T.

You'll get through this, man. You will.

 

Actually it is the rule, rather than the exception.

We sort of expect progress to be linear - like a line with positive slope. The reality for most folks is that progress is more like a haphazard sine wave with an overall positive slope over the long run, but with some impressive dips along the way.

Hope this helps.

Dr. Stephen Nagler

 

That's amazing!. I really don't understand how some people do that. Stay in a quite place an imaginary jet engine blowing in your ear. I really do applaud you for that because honestly, and excuse my language, it takes balls. My dad got intrusive T after a cold about 20 years ago and he has never researched T or anything. He just lives with it. He is not a practicing religious man but does believe in God. He believes that God has punished him with hearing loss and T for all the bad things he has done in life so he lives with it. Twenty years, twenty years and I did not know he had T and he prefers silence. I think of him and he gives me mental strength. STories like yours and others where you are forced to listen to your T also give me strength. I know if others can do it, so will I. I do not give up easily. Thanks for the reply.

 

Thank you Dr. Nagler,
Helpful to say the least. I just questioned it because people are usually having the worst time in the first 3-6 months but honestly after my first week it wasn't so bad. I had regrets and hardships but life gives you hardships whether it is T or something else so I just tried my best to get by and I did. I had no anxiety and depression like I did the first week. Then I returned to school after having developed a comfortable daily routine and I think it fear struck me as well as the screeching T during class. However, today school wasn't so bad. Just taking it day by day. Thanks for the help.
Btw, my dreams were to become an MD or DO but more so go the DO route since I wanted to learn OMM but now I think I might go a shorter route and become a PA. Any advice or thoughts? I really do admire humble doctors such as yourself. I appreciate you dedicating your life to help others even now that you have tinnitus.

 

There are two sides to that coin. In some parts of India people with tinnitus are highly revered - because it is felt that they hear the voice of God in their ears.

Dr. Stephen Nagler

 

It does get better, guys. After 42 years having T, that constant variety of sounds that seem to come more from the center of my head than my ears, my routine is pretty much the same through every week.

If it peaks, I turn on my MP3 player to listen to nature and cricket sounds. even while at work or in meetings. For me, the fact that I am listening to something while all else is going on around me is not obvious to others as I wear hearing aids that are bluetoothed. A transmitter I wear around my neck sends the cricket sounds directly to my aids and no one is the smarter.

I will go around the entire day at work listening and get as much done as the other guy. Doing paperwork at my desk, I will often have difficulty coming up with the right word as I write, a part of the distraction T causes. It can be frustrating; still, my work gets done and, even though I can potentially retire in less than three months, I've been asked to stay on by my superiors because, after 27 years, it is a breeze for me to overcome obstacles that arise frequently that would otherwise delay my replacement.

So, there is hope, and you will one day find that a routine will set in as you employ whatever therapy that works best for you, even while you're at work. Even you will be believing that life is good.

 

I don't know how you do it. It's been 10 months and I can not get past this.

I have lost all desire for anything and everything in life. This noise consumes me, I'm a living zombie. I have no personality, no drive, no dreams or hope for the future, nothing left.

I know that I have very severe T and H, but I am a strong person. I should be able to handle this, yet I'm stuck in this nightmare.

The only thing I have going is that I can retire at this point. All my years of blood, sweat and tears to pay for this thing called tinnitus!

 

Telis, I know what you mean. I had my T a little bit lower on Wednesday.
But yesterday and today, back with full intensity. Loud and so high-pitched like a dentist drill in my head 24/7.
Was taking my wife into my arms and could not stop crying.
11 months in with a T that cuts through everything and can even be even heard in the shower sometimes.
I can only cope by listening to high pitched cricket sounds.
The nightmare continues....

And this only because I always cared for others which led to a breakdown at the end.

And I do not react, at least I try.
I work, I socialize, I do my stuff.
But my body reacts with high tension, higher blood pressure and other symptoms.
I cannot do anything against this.

 

Lol really first time I am hearing about it..

 

@Enrique just hang .. Its not easy .. But do try. Don't give up without a fight.. Fight to move forward in life not fighting the T. Soon some sort cure will come. Try to led a healthy life, condition your habits and life style in such way you are busy with something which will help you in your life be it reading book learning new skills concentrate on studies.

 

It took, for me, a complete turnaround in how I viewed the ringing. I had to believe that it will not kill me, even though I thought the competition between me and my problem to be all that life was. I had to believe what I heard was not going to cause me to off myself or kill me. I came to realize it was only how I perceived the head noise that caused me suffering, and that perception had to change. For me, it was sound therapy that put me on the right track. Even for the H, which was the first -- and usually is -- condition to respond to the constant sounds I listened to day and night.

For the H, I experimented with various noise recordings: white, pink, etc. and found what was being touted as the best option, pink noise, to not suit me well. I used the white noise maskers the VA gave to me, but to no avail. My first experiments aggravated me. Then a free online noise generator helped me to fashion my own tolerable CDs, which, in those days, I played on a CD player strapped to my side as I worked every day. The more I listened, the more sound outside myself I was able to tolerate. It was a slow process that led me to alleviate the H.

Then it was for the T that I listened, and for me, the best recordings were Mike Petroff's CDs. Again, as often as I could, they were playing through my CD player, through a head set into my ears. I learned I had to have a better balance on the sound coming to me through the head set as the hearing of my left ear was much worse than my right. I needed balance in the sound coming to me. That was a hard struggle for me because, even though there were MP3 players out by then, none of them contained balance knobs. I finally found balance through a bluetooth transmitter that sends MP3 recordings to me through my hearing aids.

So, you see, it's all a process. But, it has to begin with you realizing there IS a way of escape, and to stick with the plan. Did I ever cry myself to sleep, or for that matter, not sleep at all? PLENTY of nights. Did I worry about my future? Without a doubt. But as things began to improve, my outlook changed a little here, a little there.
David

 

Thanks for the tips. The hardest thing is to change my perception. I don't know why, but at the 10 month mark I find this harder than I did at the 4 month mark. I think I can see now what it is taking out of me. I was more optimistic at 4-5 months. Plus it has gotten louder, guess that doesn't help combined with the reality that this is here to stay for sure.

I thought I would be further ahead now, and that carried me through at the time. The fact is I sink deeper and deeper. I have massive anxiety attacks, i mean painful for hours at a time upon waking.

It's also scary seeing myself age about 5 years in these last few months. When you can actually see the effect, makes it really tough. I look like I'm dying.

Anyway, thanks for the reply. I will work on my perception to this problem. Try and shift my thinking.

 

T has forced me to do things (like working out, postponed home projects, eating better, etc) to overcompensate.

I hate trying to make light of this beast but there is a silver lining for me at least..