Anna, a newbie again.

Hey! I´m a 23 year old girl from Sweden (so my english spelling might not be the best)

Until 2 weeks ago I lived a perfectly happy life, studying at the university, riding my horses, hanging out with friends and family and just being normal.
Unfortunetly so is not the case anymore,

My story:
I developed my first T about 10 years ago, I really don´t know how, but it might have been from a concert in a church. It hit me really hard since I was only 13 years old, i remember being really scared and crying alot, filled with anxiety. But some how I habituated after I while, don´t remember how long. And my life moved on, I´ve been to many concerts since then, always with earplugs though, I´ve been clubing and going to parties since I was 16-17, never any problem with T. Maybe some louder ringing on the night when coming home from the club, but always like normal the day after.

Then, 2 weeks ago a friend of mine asked if I would like to work a shift at the student clubs bar, and I said yes (and you can imagine how much I regret that now.) With no thoughts in the T for severeal years I went to the club, worked in the bar for 5 hours without earplugs, when I came home that night my ears where ringing like after "a normal night out" and I fell a sleep after a while. Waking up the next morning with an awful high-pitched sound in both of my ears. Since than it has been there, and another more low sound has arrived on the right ear.I can hear over almost everything since its so high-pitched, worst is it when I try to whatch the TV, it increases with the level of other sounds.

I paniced, got bad anxiety attacks during the week who came, had to move to my parents temporary cause i was climing the walls in my student apartment. The anxiety, panic and regret (over working at that club even that I knew I had tinnitus since before) went so bad that my parents (who are the most understanding and supporting ever) took me to the doctor, I got some Atarax 10 mg, who should help with the anxiety, maybe they did a bit since I became totally listless. I could´nt sleep for over a week, just short periods, then the T woke my up.

Now, I don´t feel so panicy anymore, just hopeless, I have to live with this my hole life, I can´t focus on my studies, cause I can´t concentrate on reading, I have a big exam coming up friday, and I know I will fail.I can´t eat which makes me so tired, but then I can´t sleep. - I probably don´t have to tell any of you here how that feels, cause you all know it

I´m just so scared, I wan´t my life back, and I so affraid that wont happen, I´ve gotten suicide thoughts over the last couple of days, and that has never ever happened to me before.
I don´t care if I cant go to concerts anymore, or clubing, it´s not important, i just want to be able to sleep, eat, study, watch the TV,hang with my friends, and live a normal life as possible.
I more or less see this like the end of my life, I really really wan´t to live but I can´t, beacuse of the T.

I know 2 weeks with T isnt anything at all compared to what many of you has been through, and I have the biggest respect for all you who are living with this.

I would really appriciate some advice, and something to hold on to that will make me stay alive, since it´s getting harder each day. How do you get through your days? Is there any chance my T will be better since it has´nt been that long?

Sorry for essay, just needed to put it all down in words.

/Anna

 

Thank you so much for your answer, I will try to use the masking sound!
Is there anything I should avoid from now on? I understand that i cant go to concerts, clubs etc.
But can I go to à noisy resturant, the cinema, or fly on airplane?
Or should I always use earplugs for those kind of activitice??

I sucks so bad that My life feels over at 23! How old were you when you got it? How long did your habituaton take? Is your life back to "normal" now?

Sorry for all the questions, just feeling so lost!

 

Thank you so much for your answers, i will definiatly use such earplugs if I go to a concert!

Do you have any good advices for habitating? What to do and maybe wath i shouldnt do?

I had a hearing test today, perfect hearing, dont know if that is good or bad?

Did you also get your T from sound trauma?

/Anna

 

Hi Anna, when you say 'perfect hearing' was there no decibel loss at all? I'm always wary when people are told by the audiologist that they have 'perfect hearing' because the first audiologist I went to said something similar, he said 'you have the hearing of someone in their twenties'. NO I dont. When I pushed him and asked to actually see the test results and print them for me I saw that I have a loss at 4khz & 6khz with 6khz measuring at 25db on his test (its measured more on subsequent tests). Upon further research I saw that the loss I have is a 'typical pattern' for noise damage hearing loss.
The NHS guidelines here in the UK for 'normal hearing' are any loss up to 20db. But that only means that you can still hear adequately without needing hearing aids really. It doesnt mean that you dont have hearing loss. Just another annoying example about lack of tinnitus expertise in the NHS.

 

Thank you so much for the advices!
Is it dangerous to have the masking sound at the level so you dont hear your T?

Dont now on which level the hearing test was, bit does it really matter if I have a hearing loss? I Will still have the T?

I've got a remiss to the ENT aparment in the hospital and the have a special Tinnitus-team, i hopp that I will get a time there as soon as possible!

Trying to ger through every day right now, its so hard, I sat on à lecture at uni today and thought "Why am I even being here, i am not even going to work when im finnished, cause My life is over".. That was a hard thought to cope With!


Anna

 

Knowing if you have hearing loss would give an indication as to whether hearing aids could help you. I know you are young and they sound like the last thing you would want but some people do get relief from their T with aids.

About the masking sound level, the rule is to always have it just below the T so that you can still hear the T as hearing it is the only way to habituate it, "you cannot habituate something you cant hear" is the quote.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad. I understand those thoughts completely. I hope the specialist team will be able to help you.

 

I had it on the lowest volume on my iPhone, the T started to move around in my head, really scary!

I Will def tell you when i've been to the tinnitus-team!

I hope it Will feel à little bit easier soon, right now its emberable!

Thank you so much for your answers and support!

/Anna

 

There are some aids that go to 10khz but thats the highest I know of. Presumably the people that fit these aids are also able to test your hearing above 8khz.

 

I´ve will ask the tinnitus-team about that when I meet them, but how would a hearing aid make my T any better?

Another question i hope someone might have som exprience from is:

I´ve been listening to Jim´s soundmasking tracks for two nights now, just short periods in earphones, on the second lowest volume on my iphone, i cant hear the lower of my T sounds when I´m listening but the highfrequency ones in both my ears are still there, but when I take the earphones of the lower tone is changed,for quite a while and then it goes back to normal, how the hell can that happen, and is that a dangerous for my T? Maybe someone has own experience of this)

/ Anna

 

I dont know how aids help T when a person gets the 'suppression effect' when all they have to do is put them on. Some people do experience this, (Carlover on here is one such). But longer term they are giving the brain back sound at the frequencies which have been lost so that should then cause the neurons to again listen in to that sound instead of misfiring etc etc. The brain should reorganise tonotopically. I think that's more long term. I wanted the instant suppression effect but I dont get it.

I've had the T mimmick sounds that's Ive been listening to. It did it sometimes when I sued the Soundcure device. Also I was trying to pitch-match for a long time one day and after I'd finished, all night I could hear those pitch tones in my ear. Its very odd and I've no idea why or what it means.

 

Anna, The only thing I ever found to help with really loud tinnitus was very high-pitched sound, such as one finds on the Moses-Lang cd (from the Oregon Hearing Research Center). The 8kHz-14kHz whistling pitch cuts right through roaring tinnitus, and you don't have to make the cd very loud to get relief. I was able to listen to it for awhile, get some relief, and then I'd feel more hopeful and would have the energy to go out and do something. Knowing you can find some relief for your tinnitus makes it easier to cope with.

Noise cancelling headphones work better than earplugs and are suitable to loud environments that can't be avoided. Ear plugs, when used, should always be custom made or they don't provide enough protection. Most people with tinnitus find they can no longer go to concerts or night clubs. Motorcycles are out of the question. It's not the end of the world, however! There are still so many social things you can do, eating out with friends, skiing and swimming, plays, sports.

Most of us go through a period when we blame ourselves for what caused our tinnitus. It's only human to want to hang out with friends. We don't deliberately bring harm to ourselves. Be kind to yourself. With time you will adapt to your tinnitus. Give yourself time off from school if you feel you need it. Distraction is important, but you have to be ready for it. With tinnitus, the grieving process is very important. You don't have to be superwoman. In time, you will again experience life's joys, with more appreciation than ever before.

 

That's the first time I've heard someone mention the grieving process. It seems very logical that there will be one. After all, we have lost something. For myself I hope I'm in the grieving process and that I will come out the other side. Doesn't feel that way of course, it feels like this is it forever.

 

Hej Anna!

I am Swedish too so pardon my English My T was also introduced during my unversity studies, right before I was about to begin my B.Sc thesis. The thesis was mostly practical so I managed. The blow came during my master studies. I could hardly open a text book during that year. I was too worried and scared about not being able to live my life as I had before. I beat myself up really hard with thoughts about "what if I hadn't...". Anxiety, anger and all the attention to T took all my focus and I could not concentrate reading. I passed somehow by paying extra attention during class and practicals. However, this was all because I had not habituated yet. That was then, today my T is actually a bit worse despite all my precautions, but my feelings towards it has changed dramatically. I do enjoy everything I did before, with ear plugs if necessery (but who cares. You do worry about your future occupation, as did I. I could never have imagined I could work as I do today. After the master degree I became a PhD student in a subject I felt so much for that it motivated me to overcome my fear of reading. Luckily I can concentrate amongst people so for one thing I started reading at cafés (with moderate noise level) which worked for me. After about a year I took a step to read in libraries also, and it worked. I finished my PhD last year and today I work as a fulltime researcher. I fly frequently long distances and take a mandatory gun handling course for security reasons in the Arctic each year. I double up my ear protection then but it works (though I sometimes nod comfirmly to the instructor despite not hearing a word his saying. But I know the drill quite well. When the topic of T came up during a beer session on one of my field work trips, it turned out that all of my fellow researchers have T to some degree as well. If they can do it, I can do it and if I can do it, then you definetaly can do want to do Best wishes!

 

Markku, a friend got really bad T after having his ears syringed. His was an assortment of loud and angry sounds. It suddenly went off completely after a year or more.

 

Ellen, by 'went off' - do you mean his tinnitus completely went away? If so... that's great news!

 

Is that another Markku that got T through ear-syringing? Thats uncanny.