AnneG's Tinnitus Journal

I'm lost. . . I usually was a very happy kid, always so positive, fun loving, I just simply looked at the brighter side of life all the time.

Until I got sick literally last month. Well it's September first here in the Philippines so it's last month for me.

But it started a week ago. Yes, just a week ago. I had fever, Runny nose, crazy cough with thick phlegm. I honestly could handle those but then i woke up that 2nd night I was sick with a very loud noise in my head around 3am. I could barely hear myself think. It sounded weird like air rushing or something. I was awake for 30minutes but decided to go back to sleep.

When I woke up it was gone.

And it stayed gone for 2 days but then it came back. No, it's the same noisy sound this one isn't so loud. It's just like a noise somewhat like the noise you hear when your locked up inside a closed room.

It's not really loud, in fact when i don't think about it. It's like its not even there. . . But still I know it's there. I may be able to block it but I'll hear it again. . . and again . . .

I told my mom, and she said its probably because my nose is clogged and the pressure in my sinus is building or something like that.

This morning I woke up without hearing it, I was happy that I smiled and thought FINALLY it's over.

But just then I tried concentrating on the sound and there it was. It's like hearing my blood flow. It's just started for me but I can't seem to already handle it that after a while of noticing it I ran to the kitchen.

Cried my heart out and took the knife. Tried to talk my self out but the noise keeps pulling me in. Just when I was about to to do it my cousin saw me and took the knife and ended up crying with me. Now I found this . . Hoping somehow I can find comfort. . .

 

Sir, Markku

you have no idea how much what you just said comforted me. I never thought about those things and i think your right. I shouldn't jump to conclusions that my tinnitus would last forever. After all i still to have runny nose and cough until this very moment. And yes, Its either i cover my ear to hear it. Or i would have to be in a quite place to hear the annoying sound, And i will definitely take your suggestion regarding White sound.

Thank you so much kind sir.

 

@AnneG; Your T is still in initial stages. And it's probably temporary too! I had a terrible case of T, but it turned out to be temporary(well... almost!). You're being to anxious, but that happens. Go through this forum, view other people's cases and you'll know that your T is very mild. And it might go away soon too. I know how you feel, it's terrible to think that you may have to stick with this forever. But that's exactly what you're not supposed to do. Don't start thinking about the future. Have some faith, and tell to yourself it will go away. And, moreover, you say that you've to really concentrate to hear that. So, stop concentrating! I know EXACTLY what you mean by that. My T was very loud, and after it reduced about 90%, I still had some left(the 10% ). That, I could/can hear only when the surroundings are very silent. When I go to sleep, I can hear it. Initially it bothered me a LOT. But now, 0% worrying, I have learned to ignore it. Even if I can hear it, I'm not bothered by it. And I know that my T will go away soon, mine was caused by stiffness in the neck. Yours will go away too, hope for it!

Now, what you need to do is, distract yourself. Go back to your normal schedule, do whatever you used to do earlier before you feel sick. Read books, go for a walk, watch a movie, go out with friends, etc. Give it some time, you'll start getting used to it, or you'll start ignoring it. And hopefully, it might go away too! You really wanted to end your life because of this? No! You shouldn't think about that ever. You say you were a person who'd always look on the bright side of your life, you gotta do that now. Don't let an irritating sound in your ears take away your life. Look at thousands of other people who have had it worse in life. Don't let T take control of you so much. So, distract yourself, ignore the sound, and try finding the reason why you got your T. Go through the forum and read other's symptoms and reasons why they got the T, learn more about it and try finding your cause. Go see a Doc too. Keep us updated. Have a pleasant week ahead!

 

Oh and btw, don't stay in a place which is too silent! Initially, it's very irritating. And I'd get curious every minute and I would always try to go to a silent place and check the volume of my T. My advice, don't do that! I stopped doing that. And I tried to open the windows in the house so that some outside noise would be heard too. Don't isolate yourself in a very quiet environment, and don't check the sound often. Stop worrying. The more anxious you get, the louder it gets/feels.

 

@MT09

I cried. . i really did. . . not because of the T this time. But because of all the comfort. I'm very thankful for your words and i will certainly do that. You are right! Very right. I shouldn't think ahead, I'm just scaring myself and making me more anxious and causing me more to notice the sound. Everything you said made me realize one thing, its that I shouldn't let the T control me, But It should me controlling the T. I suddenly felt guilty about the decision i was about to make this morning. I would have regretted that forever. Thank you for you and sir @Markku You both certainly helped me.

 

That is so true! I would usually go inside my room and close all the windows and focus on the sound. And then after i finally hear it my heart would pound like crazy and my heart would start beating like its on a race, then the tears would follow. I can totally relate to that! Wow. . now i really feel like I'm not alone. THANK YOU!

 

hi Anne, i understand where you are coming from at first i was afraid too, i got my T on July 9 th 2013 so im pretty new too. But in this short amount of time ive have coped alot and being on this web site help me alot. i got a masking device which plays white noise cause that helps me so much, at first i was very sad and thought i was going to loose my mind but i got my self together and listened to what others who had T for awhile and that really helped me . today i enjoy going to the gym , movies and yes birthday parties, i have to wear earplugs just to block out loud noises but it works and i can still hear when people talk to me lol.. hang in there you will be fine.. ALOHA.......

 

@christine kauhane

Thank you maam. It is very scary, I am still hoping mine won't last forever. Do you have any idea what could have caused your T? And what's the sound do you hear? I hope you don't mind me askin maam.

 

@Markku

And Sir, May i ask. Are you a Victim yourself?

 

Good, don't think about making such decisions again! Never. And I'll add some more points. I had my T in my left ear only, which was caused due to a severe stiffness in the neck. Also gave me horrible neck and shoulder pain all day long. Couldn't sleep well. Everyday I woke up with a bad case of neck pain, and high pitched sound in the ears. This scenario, got worse when my left ear got blocked with ear wax. My sound almost increased by 400%. I couldn't hear much from the outside in my left ear, and the only thing I could hear was that irritating sound! I went to the ENT, got my wax removed, and it was back to normal. Still had the sound, pretty loud. I could hear it over every normal sound. I could hear mine when I was listening to music, or when I was talking to someone too. I was losing my mind. And then, I started treating the root cause of it, I started exercising my neck to ease the tension. And voila, one week is all it took! In one week, my T reduced upto 50%. It's week 2 going on now and it's reduced 90%. Still have some stiffness in the neck and that's what's probably making the 10% T remain.

I realised that I went wrong in thinking too much about it. Thinking too much into it frightens you, and will make it worse. Second, I always kept concentrating on the sound, to check how loud it is, or if there were any changes to it. That was my second mistake. Learn from my mistakes, and avoid both of these. These two are the major mistakes you shouldn't make! Avoid these two, and you'll be relaxed a bit. And then, time is all you need. Wait for a few days, I'm sure yours is caused due to blockage in your ears or something like that. Don't panic.

Further, the main reason I had joined this forum was because my mother suffers from T. She's had it since 5 years. I'd joined this forum long ago before mine started. My mom has had it in both ears, and it was very bad initially. Over the years, it has reduced significantly, but still exists. But, she has learned to cope with it and carries on with her life just like any other normal person does. So, you shouldn't worry too much. Even if it's permanent, you will learn to live with it. There are people in this forum who have had T for over 30 years! And they still lead a normal life. Quit worrying! Hope yours will go away. Have some faith. And take care of your health.

 

Yes, he is. And he's the one who started this forum!

 

@MT09

Thank you once again. I salute you and your mom. Please tell her i wish her all the best and of course you too.
Believe it or not after posting this and reading all your post i felt better! I ate lunch, went into the living room where we watched TV and we talked and laughed and then i thought, wow, i totally forgot about the noise. I'll be going to the ENT this afternoon or maybe tomorrow morning. Still Keeping my Hope's up Oh and i still have runny nose and cough. Hopefully it really is related to that. I'm hoping like you i would also find answers.

Wishing you all the Best

xoxo

 

hi anne know i dont mind you asking. I went to bed one night and when i woke up i had a lite ringing in my right ear and it continues today..dont know what the cause was but i've been on sleeping pills cause i could not sleep my T was loud like a high pitched bee buzzing in your ear, and also was put on anxity pills cause i would get panic attacks every morning i would hear it.. after about 3 weeks i stop taking those meds due to the long term side affects, i guess i now know that i am going to be ok it's a noise and as irratating as it can be at times i will be ok , i will live, and i'm learning that if you don't stop doing the things you love you will block it out and it will not bother you , you have to continue to do those things you did before, everyone here told me that same thing, ( dont stop being who you were before T came in your life... there are days when my T changes but i'm ok i've learned that i survived this far i will continue to live on ..... i love this tinnitus talk site it helps me so much.... hang in there ......

 

@christine kauhane

Maam that was so INSPIRATIONAL! Thank you for posting that! You are so strong and so brave. I wish i knew you in person! you are very inspirational like a lot of people here. Keep up the fight maam Thank you for the inspiration.

 

Hello Anne sorry to hear about your T we are all in the same boat, great advises above , whenever you feel down just come to this forum we are here to support you.
Take care of yourself hope you feel better soon xoxox

 

hey anne i see you are from the phillippines ? what part ? my children are phillippino/ portugese lol (Ilocano) dont know if thats the correct way to spell it hahaha but yes write to me any time....

 

I'm from the capital of the Philippines maam, Manila That's wonderful! are you the Filipino? or your husband?

 

HI AnneG - I hope your ENT appointment give you positive news and hope this T is just as a result of your recent illness and with time you will heal and the T disappears - but I support all the advice above about trying not to let the T become the focus of your day - keep busy and distracted believe in your heart its just the last stage of getting better from your recent cold/flu issues and you will seen start to ignore it more and more and hopefully oneday wake up to find it gone. T feeds of worry and anxiety in my experience and if you can find the strength to overcome that then the T wont win this battle. I found sleep my biggest issue and if you too struggle then research this web site for ideas to help - Ive now taken on board some suggstions Ive read on here and its helped me greatly.

Keep us posted how you are getting on - I feel the people on here are my T family and we support each other care for each other - much love Cher x

 

Thank you for your Words of encouragment @Cher69

Unfortunately i was not able to see the ENT Today. I tried to stay positive and put up a strong front but ended up feeling sad, lonely after a while resulting me to cry my heart out once again. But my hope is still up! I used to be a very positive happy go lucky person. And i'm sure i can still be that even with T.

Wish you all the best
Xoxo

 

Thank you @Karen

That means a lot. But right now it is 1am here in the philippines and i woke up just earlier feeling scared, like even though the T isn't loud my brain keeps saying FOCUS ON THE SOUND! DON't SLEEP! Is this a Panic attack?

 

It's anxiety, it's normal! Try to focus on something else, don't worry and if you can use something to sleep, take it.

 

Dear @Carlo
Thank you for posting! I'm very new to this. I also suddenly felt hot flashes or something like i feel warm all over my face and arms. I'm scared and lost once again.

 

You see Anne? Hot flashes, warm are typical expressions of anxiety. You don't need to be scared! Nothing bad can happen to you. Read your previous posts, and you'll recognize the positive part of yourself facing this new situation. I hope as soon as possible you'll see the ENT, but in the meanwhile it is really important to get rested and try to sleep. If it's the T disturbing you, use some white sound to mask it and, if it's not the T, use your way to relax.
And, if I can give you a advice, tomorrow ask your doctor some help for sleeping. There are a lot of solutions, and light drugs...

 

@AnneG

Welcome!

I have never heard of anyone getting chronic tinnitus after a cold. My tinnitus also spikes when I have colds. Then it goes down again. Luckily, I don't get them often. I've had friends who got tinnitus after a cold, but they have always been okey again. And, if your tinnitus is just mild. You will habituate fast anyways. When I first got Tinnitus, it was very faint. I did' not even search for it on internet, or contact a doctor. After some weeks I forgot about it.

Just remember to be careful with your ears. Avoid loud noises, and use earplugs at concerts. And you should be pretty safe in the future.

 

Everything you are feeling is normal i went through the same things anna, don't let you self get caught up with thinking you will never be ok cause you will look at me 3 months since i had T and i'm doing great the secret is don't let it control you , ill share a secret lol when i first got my T i did not want to go out , be with family or friends and not even go to work yes ! i was scared and thought i would go crazy. but you know what i did I called my sister and told her lets plan a family BBQ and thats what we did everyone came and we ate, talked and YES ANNE I EVEN LAUGHT AGINE .... that what helped me see that even with this T i was able to do the things i did before, that was the first step my next step was going to the gym which i loved doing before all this T thing started, I went and i still go i love it and i'm still here.. and i also went to see a movie something i use to do with my kids before T and i worn ear plugs but i could hear the movie but not real loud , and i enjoyed.. so yes Anne remember you are not alone keep coming here and reading other peoples stories. i continue to pray for you... Aloha..