Becoming Pregnant with Tinnitus

So I am just curious if there are any ladies out here who have become pregnant with Tinnitus?

I know some have got pregnant and then discovered they got tinnitus due to pregnancy, but what about the women who had tinnitus before being pregnant, did it make the tinnitus worse or it stayed the same?

I’m 30, I’m not on any form of birth control, started to decide we wanted a family and started trying the same year before I got Tinnitus!

Now I feel like I’ve waited too late to start trying

Tinnitus just appeared out of the blue for me, and I have had all these things I wanted to do in life when I turned 30, for example start a family.

 

Hi Crystal,

Although I'm not a lady by all intents and purposes I just wanted to reply to your question all the same

It seems you and I developed Tinnitus around the same time, I read one of your posts and we both appear to have the fun intrusive variety, yay! Anyway, as to your question regarding pregnancy I can't really answer that for obvious reasons, however I myself became a dad 18 months ago and just before my sons first birthday I developed this lovely ringing in the ears. Like you I also had a lot of plans for the future in terms of my career and family (being just 28) which now have come to almost a complete standstill (but won't be standing still forever).

Having children is an amazing and humbling experience but it's extremely tough at times as well, especially the first year(s) can be very challenging as a baby or toddler takes up every bit of attention you have, also during the times you are feeling broken or tired, with newly onset tinnitus it can be borderline unmanageable at times.

This is not to say you should give up your wish to start a family, all I am saying is there is a right time and place for everything. Obviously now with the shock of Tinnitus you won't be able to fully enjoy the experience of the pregnancy and the first year of your newborn child. This however does not have to be the case once you are habituated. As a bit of a positive ending to this story, the best friend of one of my close friends developed intrusive tinnitus about 10 years ago. She was 22 at the time and had a very difficult time initially dealing with the condition, as you can imagine she too had the same doubts and was abruptly put on a different course than she could have ever contemplated at the time. Now ten years later she says it hardly bothers her anymore, it is still there but for the most part she can put it in the back of her mind and does not cause her hardship anymore. She has a flourishing career and is very happy in her relationship, tinnitus became a virtual non-issue to her.

Now I'm not where she is by a long shot, but I will be there in time and so will you.
Don't beat yourself up too much about what could have been, be kind to yourself and take the time to heal.
Your dreams might take a bit longer now but I'm sure with time they won't have to be put on hold indefinitely!

 

Having a loving little boy helps me not worry about tinnitus.

 

I'm 3,5 years after onset and just today my son was born. T took away 2 years of my life but i refuse now to let it control my life and my plans. It still annoys me and probably always will, but i do take one day at a time and go through my day, and my son gives me a will to live. So if you feel you want a family and kids don't hesitate and do it.

 

congratulations!

 

It usually doesn't but pregnancy causes something even more annoying; kids.

 

One of my gfs have T and she has a kid, i think it's ok as long as you have ear phones handy at any given time. She lives in constant fear of her kid's screams...it's really sad to see that sometimes she avoids him because his constant shrieks sometimes give her spikes. She hires a maid though, and you can probably do the same to help give you a break

 

@coffee_girl

How long has your friend had T?

 

I dunno, she said several years now...but it was a sensitive topic and i didn't inquire

 

Oh that’s no good. So sad to be afraid when your child needs you. I can’t imagine.

 

no dood. T Is waaaaaaaay worse than a crazy baby.

 

I am going to ask a weird question but i was just wondering if there are a lot of hospitals in which you can decide to keep the umbilical cord stems after giving birth. I know that some parents do that in case their kid develops a disease in the future or if one of the parents wants to use them. The rest of the umbilical cord is pretty much put to the bin after the birth whereas this type of cells can be useful. I was reading some articles about this and i was just curious if that s possible in the usa and europe.

 

Sorry but some of the go for it, don’t hesitate! rhetoric worries me here. It’s like the OP just has a common cold and is thinking about going on a skiing holiday.

@CrystalB correct me if I’m wrong but you have intrusive T and from what you’ve written on this forum it’s already seriously affecting your relationship and life.

If anyone with severe T is even thinking about kids or even marriage for that matter, then they need to sit themselves down and have a serious word.

Ask this important question: ‘If this doesn’t go away and instead mutates and gets twice as loud as it is now, will I still be able to maintain a relationship, sleep, function normally and provide for another human’s needs?

That may sound harsh but a child needs 100% of you at your best.

If you think any different you’re in total denial about the enormity of what you’re facing.

 

Congratulations!!!!

 

Thanks for your reply. I agree with you. I had wrote this post back in April before my marriage was having the problems we are now. Kids should get 100% from the parents, no matter what the adults are going thru, that’s why it’s better too think about the outcome. Life throws rocks at you, even when you have plans of the future and it will stop you in your tracks.

 

Honestly if you want kids, have kids. Please don’t let tinnitus take that away from you. We cannot predict how our future will be. Not to sound harsh but if we weighed every outcome when it comes to having children then no one should have children. Women die in child birth which results a child growing up with out a mother. I mean really there are a million things that could happen that would could stop you in your tracks. Just because you struggle with tinnitus does not mean you won’t be a great mother. Just please keep that in mind. No family is perfect. Just be the best you can.

 

@CrystalB I hope things are improving for you. I didn’t want to speak out of turn but as someone who would have lost their children to this, if I had them, it worries me to see people leaping in to offer platitudes.

As someone who has suffered from the hurt of not being able to take care of my dog with the energy and enthusiasm I used to, i cant imagine what that would feel like with a child. I feel like I’m letting a dog down! It’s crazy I know that, but I really see in his little face that he knows im suffering. He licks my tears from my cheeks too much these days.

It’s so tragic we’re all going through this. I’m so sorry. To be a young woman and putting your plans for a family on hold because of this is so cruel.

Lots of love to you anyway. x

 

I would like to second Bam's opinion.
You need to really, really think this through and proceed with utmost caution.

Yes people will tell you that life is unpredictable and anything could happen, so why worry about it.
This is true to certain extent, but having Tinnitus is equivalent to knowing that you have a timed bomb strapped to your chest, without being able to see the display that tells you when (or if) it goes off.

I'm not sure how severe is your Tinnitus right now, but it seems like almost every day there is a post in the support forum, who's author had manageable Tinnitus for years, when it inexplicably decided to move into the big leagues.
You and everyone else trapped in this horrifying predicament all know, that there is an upper limit to how much torture we can endure and still function (or even survive).

Are you sure you can handle the aditional stress and noise of having kids, along with what seems to be a very selfish and unsuportive partner? (based on your previous posts)
I hold the opinion that the odds are not in your favour in this matter.
I'm really sorry that you are caught in such a horrible situation because of Tinnitus...you deserve to have a good normal life like everyone else, but so do your kids.
They will need their mom to give them 100%.
Will you be able to give them that?

 

Two guys who posted recently really hammered this cautionary point home.....

One had mild T for 34 years and suddenly it mutated on him and he was suicidal and dropping benzos within days. His utter disbelief that the T he had coexisted with for decades could suddenly be heard screaming over his TV and when driving his car had clearly overwhelmed his psyche completely.

Another guy similar story. Mild T for 14 years and BOOM! One of his posts was basically just an outpouring of panicked gibberish ending with a stark haunting line......

‘....what the hell is happening to me?’

I don’t think people knew how to even answer him.

The point is these poor guys should have been far better prepared than a lot of us and been made fully aware of the potential consequences of what they were living with all these years.......and they sadly weren’t.

 

I am curious how many of the respondents on this thread have young children. There are many parents on TT. Individuals who acquired tinnitus before or after their children were born. Perhaps your questions would be better addressed by those who have experience as a parent with tinnitus. For example, if I am going to fly I want advice from those who have experience flying with tinnitus versus assumptions from those who have no experience.

Two good sources would be @linearb and @Ed209 but I know there are many others.

Regarding the question of what if your tinnitus worsens — that could be asked of anything. There are countless negative possibilities that can happen in life that will short and long-term impact your relationships, your ability to sleep, function, etc.

When tinnitus and other chronic health concerns have impacted my life, I have fleetingly questioned whether I should have taken the path to parenthood. Every single time my answer is unequivocally yes.

I would not be here today if not for my children. They pulled me from my despair. They comforted me, helped me find my strength and gave me a much needed distraction. They are the reason I hear my tinnitus but do not listen to it.

If I did not have children, I am sure I would assume it was fortunate that I was childless. But I also know that without children I would have seen no need to continue my life. And if I did continue, I’d very likely be an anxious shell of who I had once been.

All of that said, parenthood is not for everyone. It is not a requirement for a fulfilling life. Take the path you need to find your own personal happiness. And if you think that path is parenthood, then pursue it based on what you know about yourself and what you can learn from those who’ve walked that path too.

 

Sadly the only thing that is predictable about Tinnitus, is the evil and unpredictability with which it strikes.

Mine went from debilitating to manageable in about 4 months, but I'm not fooling myself into thinking I'm out of the woods..
As long as I can hear it, it is an existence "at the edge of a knife".

 

I admire your courage @Tinker Bell....your kids are very fortunate to have such a strong and loving mother.

I still think @Wolfears and I have raised valid concerns. The harsh reality is that as much as the health services sugarcoat it, not everyone is able to live with incessant head noise without it seriously impacting their mental health, sleep, finances, work, family and social life. They are in such dire straits without even hope of getting better that they are essentially forced to end it.......At that point children make the decision far more torturous.

Horribly sad and tragic but this nasty vicious piece of shit illness is no stranger to twisted logic and inane cruelty.

 

All I can say, in my case, is my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I decided I wasn’t going to be a slave to tinnitus and turned my life around 180 degrees. Obviously, there are things that have changed forever, such as using earplugs in noisy places, avoiding anywhere that’s too loud, and I no longer perform live music. I won’t lie, my daughter screams really loudly, but I don’t really care. I’ve mostly trained the fear reflex out of my system which was something that was giving me spike after spike. Objectively speaking, it’s not like she’s a jackhammer or something, running for hours at a time! She’s a little girl having fun, and seeing her beautiful beaming smile and laugh lifts my mood pretty much instantly. So what if there’s the odd scream here or there; that’s my opinion.

Seeing her grow and looking forward to our adventures together honestly fills me with joy. Tinnitus robs our silence, and in my case, it’s something I hear all the time but I got tired of fighting it and stressing over it. Once I accepted that this is my life now things improved. I’ve stopped looking at the what-ifs, because if I’m being honest, I learnt a lot of bad habits on here that set me back, mentally. Nowadays, I try to plan ahead and give myself goals, because a life without reason invites stress, depression, and negative emotions in my opinion.

If something happens in the future I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. It’s all too easy to sit around worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, so why stress about it? That only ruins the present moment.

As Mark Twain once said:

“I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

Or

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”

Elbert Hubbard

And

“There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why.”

William Barclay

 

I can honestly say that parenthood will force you to relocate your Tinnitus at the bottom of your proprieties. Yes, habituating to this condition is really hard and takes time. However, our first line of defense against Tinnitus must be our determination to keep living our life as normal as possible. Having children will not cure your Tinnitus, in fact, children will add more stress and complication to your life. But for sure, children will also bring immeasurable joy that Tinnitus will be the last of your concerns.

Lastly, it is important to remember that in most of the cases, Tinnitus improves with time. The odds are in your side.

 

I don't mean to insult, but only someone who hasn't been completely incapacitated by Tinnitus could write this.
As a matter of fact, it hasn't been that long, when couple of mothers were lamenting their situation here in support forum, both of them rather suicidal.

There are only 2 options here:
Either parenthood hasn't forced them to relocate Tinnitus to the bottom of their priorities, or their Tinnitus was the severe kind, which simply cannot be relocated.

 

Hey @Luminox I know you’re trying to be supportive here bud, but you don’t see that by saying things like this you’re really belittling the struggle of all the parents with intrusive T who battle daily with the agony and guilt of loving their children but also being desperate to be free of this daily torture.

These people exist. Their suffering is awful and until a light is shone on their struggle, the frankly disturbing ‘coping’ industry with their ‘T can be tuned out and happily lived with’ attitude wins every single time and more and more people will continue to be put through this hell on earth while shelling out all their hard earned money for useless therapies that induce even more guilt because the burden of failure is placed on the patient who ‘didn’t try hard enough’ or ‘has the wrong attitude’.....much in the same way your ‘relocation’ theory is in danger of shaming those mothers and fathers who adore their kids but can’t simply ‘relocate’ this god awful noise.

 

Do what you feel is right for your life , I don't think the opinions of strangers will help you with this kind of life changing decision.

 

Here is one such story..this one should make the point, but there are others just like it.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/going.29974/#post-348642

 

Jesus. That is a very sad but very appropriate example of what we’re talking about. My heart truly goes out to this woman.

 

I belong to a parents forum. Every single day someone reaches out or posts their frustrations because they are suicidal. I have read some truly devastating posts.

I am unsure why it is negative to have something that gives you pause, that makes you keep fighting. And at the same time, people with children, spouses and parents commit suicide every day — that isn’t always enough to stop someone.

I have noticed you have a habit of frequently pointing out threads where someone references suicide or often speculating that someone has committed suicide. It’s an interesting habit on a support forum.