hi. i'm jack,i'm 17 and i'm currently studying horticulture at college and i've just got back from having to leave the class early from almost having a panic attack. i was having a conversation with one of my friends and the topic was his ears hurting from a fire alarm going off last night. he said his dad had tinnitus and he thinks he has it. he was really nonchalant about it and i wondered how he could possibly do that. i told him that i think i had it but i didn't want to jump to conclusions (it's really easy to worry me,the amount of times i've cried over tricking myself into thinking that i had cancer or diabetes or a skin disease or my teeth were going to fall out) but he started talking about how it eventually leads to hearing loss and how it only gets worse. it gets louder and more persistent and after hearing that i couldn't focus. i couldn't pick up my pen to write,i couldn't make eye contact,i couldn't speak and i couldn't breathe. i just wanted to leave.
my nan has tinnitus. she said she got it one night when she was around 40 or so (20 years ago) and she was trying to sleep and it just started ringing. we always call eachother hypochondriacs because we're always fretting over our health,it doesn't matter what it is. the ringing is never there when i'm out and it's rare i hear it in the house,it's only after i take my earphones out. i've told myself today that i'm gonna stop listening to music with earphones and some people might say thats drastic but if it ever gets to the point of this ringing becoming louder and having it be the only thing i hear,i wouldn't be able to live. i've heard that tinnitus is quite a common cause for suicide,especially for young adults and i would rather take that than have to live with this constant ring in my ear.
there's nothing i can do about it if it happens and that's why i'm so fearful. i don't want it to happen. i've saw that acute tinnitus is 4-6 months and it tends to go away after that but this has been going on for about a year. i'm not sure if its been any longer than that. it might be two or three. it's only ever when i'm trying to sleep that it REALLY happens. i just can't help but imagine what life would be like if that sound was there all day everyday. i wouldn't be able to cope,and i'm terrified. advice like 'live for the moment' and 'pay it no mind' doesn't work with me. it never has and i doubt it ever will. it's so much easier said than done and i wish it wasn't. i really wish it wasn't.
there's no real point to typing this other than i had to get it out and let it be heard to a community of people who are going through the same thing. it never happens unless i think about it actually happening and i feel that after today i'm gonna be thinking about it a whole lot more,so that ringing will continue to persist. there's probably hope for me yet. sorry for making it so grim and dark i hate being like this but it terrifies me. i just had to get it out there.
my nan has tinnitus. she said she got it one night when she was around 40 or so (20 years ago) and she was trying to sleep and it just started ringing. we always call eachother hypochondriacs because we're always fretting over our health,it doesn't matter what it is. the ringing is never there when i'm out and it's rare i hear it in the house,it's only after i take my earphones out. i've told myself today that i'm gonna stop listening to music with earphones and some people might say thats drastic but if it ever gets to the point of this ringing becoming louder and having it be the only thing i hear,i wouldn't be able to live. i've heard that tinnitus is quite a common cause for suicide,especially for young adults and i would rather take that than have to live with this constant ring in my ear.
there's nothing i can do about it if it happens and that's why i'm so fearful. i don't want it to happen. i've saw that acute tinnitus is 4-6 months and it tends to go away after that but this has been going on for about a year. i'm not sure if its been any longer than that. it might be two or three. it's only ever when i'm trying to sleep that it REALLY happens. i just can't help but imagine what life would be like if that sound was there all day everyday. i wouldn't be able to cope,and i'm terrified. advice like 'live for the moment' and 'pay it no mind' doesn't work with me. it never has and i doubt it ever will. it's so much easier said than done and i wish it wasn't. i really wish it wasn't.
there's no real point to typing this other than i had to get it out and let it be heard to a community of people who are going through the same thing. it never happens unless i think about it actually happening and i feel that after today i'm gonna be thinking about it a whole lot more,so that ringing will continue to persist. there's probably hope for me yet. sorry for making it so grim and dark i hate being like this but it terrifies me. i just had to get it out there.
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, and smile. 
