Hey everyone, this will be my first post after just recently finding this site... I'll try to make it brief. If you have a moment, please read through this. I'm so desperate. This year... has been a literal hell for me. I'm 22 years old, and developed severe chronic stomach problems as well as skipped heartbeats while living on my own. I decided to move back in with my parents after 5 years. I rediscovered that my father is an extremely verbally abusive and sometimes evil person, and that my mom is now a very very severe alcoholic, and it's rare to see her sober (she is no longer the same person). We found my full blood brother (he was put up for adoption as a baby) on facebook. It was miraculous, he had everything in common with me and I'd never had a brother, better than the lottery... About 2 months after we had met him, he overdosed on Heroine and bled to death from hitting his head. Before he died, I started having EXTREME anxiety and panic attacks out of nowhere, all randomly after waking up one night. An illness I'm afraid will not leave as I don't respond to medicine well. My beautiful loving girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me after my brother died. Mostly due to anger issues I inherited from my father, but I think a huge part of it was the new found anxiety and panic attacks I had. I miss her every day, and she still tells me she loves me and texts / calls me, making it hard to move on. I moved out of my parents house, and am searching for a psychologist for the anxiety, as the one I was seeing made it clear she didn't care if I ever felt better. I told my ex to stop speaking to me so I could move on, and she started saying "but you are the love of my life" and what not... The point is, I was doing everything I could to fix myself after months of anxiety, depression, panic, suicidal thoughts, and an ENORMOUS amount of physical symptoms due to the constant anxiety. Yet the universe decided I had not seen enough pain, and after attending a very loud concert with a friend (the first thing I've gone out in done in months), I developed a very high pitched ringing / chirping sound in my left ear. I figured with everything else on my plate, there's no way it wouldn't go away. It has now been 5 days, and after squeezing every bit of information from the web, I've lost any hope this will ever get better unless a cure is found. Maybe I would be able to handle one or two of these life changing problems, but not all of them together. I had hope until the tinnitus struck, and now consider suicide every hour I am awake. I feel these multiple trials are meant to make me kill myself, and that every time I try to find hope for me the universe says "no, you should not feel good... time to cripple you again". I know it's a very short time compared to some of you that have had it years, but I can't say I'm hopeful it will go away, as nothing in my life seems to be good. Anyway, I've called multiple suicide hotlines, and am ready to go. The only thing holding me back is that I can't fathom hurting the ones I love, but I wish they would just let me go... Thanks in advance for any kind words or hope you can give me... I remember when I used to be healthy and care free, what I wouldn't give to go back.