Dating and Intimacy

Discussion in 'Support' started by UKJon, Jan 22, 2016.

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    1. UKJon

      UKJon Member

      Location:
      Leicestershire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Prolonged stress followed by bereavement
      Dear people,

      How is it possible to put T away when you're dating? How can it not ruin dates, eating out (or in) or a sex life during a quiet time of intimacy when it's all you can hear?
       
    2. glynis-harbron
      Feminine

      glynis-harbron Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      England, Stoke-on-Trent
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      Hopefully its a understanding partner you meet and will be their for you and they might come with health issues also and wondering the same .
      When I met my hubs the first date he told me he had epilepsy and I was fit as a fiddle...lots of love glynis
       
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    3. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      Hi @UKJon, sorry you are going through this. It is hard to imagine our lives with tinnitus. But I have found, after 2 1/2 years with T, that I pretty much continue to enjoy everything I did before (although now I have to wear ear plugs sometimes when I am enjoying things like movies, etc).

      If this makes you feel any better: I find having sex with my sweet husband actually relaxes me and distracts me from my tinnitus! I know, too much info.... ;)

      Just take your date to a restaurant that's not too noisy. Tell her you want to hear every word she's saying.
       
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    4. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      being able to change your focus is something that just happens naturally for most people over time; that wasn't really the case with me, but I guess I have sort of figured it out to some extent though a bunch of different habits, some very conventional (diet, exercise, mindfulness, meditation) and some a little more esoteric (yogic dream practices).

      Sex should be completely fine, just don't let anyone put a penis in your ear.
       
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    5. glynis-harbron
      Feminine

      glynis-harbron Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      England, Stoke-on-Trent
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      Intimate times are special and the bed springs make a good maskers and knocking headboard :)
      I just need a oxygen tank.....:LOL:..........
      The neighbours might need the ear plugs....OMG now I'm laughing.....lots of love glynis xxx
       
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    6. UKJon

      UKJon Member

      Location:
      Leicestershire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Prolonged stress followed by bereavement
      Many thanks.

      I'm not actually dating now but I hope to be at my age (whilst everything still works). That's one reason why I'm getting out again more and meeting people after last year's breakdown. Unfortunately, I seem to get reactive spikes when I'm out which I hear when indoors again or in the quiet but they only last 20 minutes or so and then recede. Being an anxious type, they send me into another tailspin of panic. Panic is no good on a date.

      I'm hoping that I'll habituate to these eventually or that they may even fade. At least they don't last long.

      Incidentally, I've also started mindfulness classes and I'm hoping they might help with habituation.
       
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    7. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      Sounds like you are on the right path, @UKJon. Let us know how it goes with the mindfulness. It has helped people.

      I also was horribly anxious when my tinnitus started, rolling panic attacks after never having them. I honestly thought about ending it.
      But today? I guess I can say... I have habituated! There! I never have said it before, but I think its true.

      Hang in there. You will go on to laugh and love and break your heart with all the wrong people, as Nicholas Cage says in "Moonstruck." But hey, his character ends up with Cher.
       
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    8. Zug

      Zug Member Benefactor

      @UKJon Dude, don't date expecting T to fade, date instead of T. In the words of Liam Gallagher, if T screams, just scream louder.

      For real, just do it. It won't be a walk in the park (I was nervous like a Teenager in the first date I had after getting T). Go ahead and do it.

      About Sex... Well, I'll be damned if I'll let this fucking T interfere with my fucking. :rockingbanana:
      For real... After I started hum... getting personal with this girl I'm dating, At first I was surprised that sometimes I don't hear it, sometimes I do (Maybe hearing it is a sign I should, er... apply myself more).

      Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Don't expect that dating will do anything for your T, just go ahead anyway and do it, you know how the song says: "even educated fleas do it". Just ask someone out, you'll be fine.
       
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    9. glynis-harbron
      Feminine

      glynis-harbron Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      England, Stoke-on-Trent
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      Hi @UKJon,
      You have come along way and so happy for you and the mindfulness classes with support you even more.
      Great your getting out and having fun again and im sure someone will come along to meet the lovely man that you are.

      Take care...lots of love glynis
       
    10. UKJon

      UKJon Member

      Location:
      Leicestershire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Prolonged stress followed by bereavement
      Thank you all. I had a long spell of silence this afternoon while resting so that''s also positive.
       
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