Deciding Whether to Have Children

I know there's another post here about coping with kids, but would you start a family if you already had severe tinnitus and hyperacusis?

Are there people here who have had babies while suffering from this and managed it? How did you cope?

 

Not that I'm planning kids anytime soon but I've been thinking about this too and have not come to any conclusion.

I mean, what kind of parent would I be if I can't be around my own kid when it's crying or screaming? Should I wear ear plugs or muffs all the time? Would the father have to nearly everything for me? I would probably end up with really quiet kids and some silly rule about using an "indoor voice".

It is not impossible but it comes with obstacles.

 

HI Sally
@Sally,
Please have no fear. In most cases tinnitus can be habituated to and hyperacusis can be completely cured that I assure you. In severe cases hyperacusis will need treatment but it can be cured natually using sound enrichment during the day and at night using a sound machine. Please read my articles: Tinnitus, A Personal View and Hyperacusis, as I see it, in my started threads. If you wish, send me a PM with your email address and I will send you these documents in PDF format for you to print and read which is better. You are new to tinnitus and hyperacusis. They can both get better and I see no reason under these circustances you can't have children...Go for it and I wish you the best of luck. A faint heart never prospers.

All the best
Michael.

If you need any more help please access the posts on my "started threads" or PM me.

 

I was thinking of making this thread myself.

It is a great wish for me to eventually have a child and become a mother, but I must admit that thinking of having a baby/child that cries and sometimes is quite loud, does not seem compatible with having T and H

I also feel afraid of how a pregnancy and birth can effect the T, with all the hormones and stress on the body and such.

 

I cannot advise on the the pregnancy and birth but can on tinnitus and hyperacusis. I vehemently believe as I am proof of this and know others in my situation men and women. Once you have habituated to your tinnitus and your hyperacusis is cured, which it can but may need treatment in extreme circumstances most people can lead a perfectly normal life doing everything that they want to within reason. It is negative thinking and mindset that prevents many people from moving on with tinnituus and hypercusis. These conditions are treatable and not a life sentence that prevents people from doing what they want to do. However, it must be understood treatment takes time and isn't achieved in a few months, this has to be realised and completely understood.

Michael

 

I once read a page made by a pediatrician who developed tinnitus from working with screaming kids. Unfortunately, I can't find it right now. I'll post it if I do.

Apparently babies can and do scream way louder than 85 dB so the issue is not so much habituation as it is the risk of further damage. I cannot begin to imagine what nightmare it must be to just have a child and not cope with tinnitus simultaneously.

A colleague of my mother developed tinnitus during labour. I don't know how it caused her tinnitus, whether it was the noise, drugs/meds or something else. But that's when she got her T.

I'm not trying to scare anyone. These are just concerns that I have. Having a child is not completely risk free for T and H sufferers.

 

FOUND IT!
http://www.vegsource.com/attwood/babes.htm

I also recall reading a Norwegian article about kindergarten workers developing T and hearing loss, even some of the children too.

 

Interesting article, thanks People in these jobs should be warned...

But with your own children, after the baby stage (which would definitely be tough and probably impossible without a very supportive partner) surely they would learn to keep their voices down at around age 4?

 

Carly a member here has a young baby and raised some concerns about when she screams. I advised her to enjoy this special time and don't get paranoid over such things. I don't believe she has taken any precautions and is coming along just fine. If one uses "noise reducing" earplugs when around a baby that screams I believe this will suffice. There is risks in everything. Whilst I agree that one should take precautions and many of my articles and posts recommend this, I refuse to let tinnitus rule my life. Life is problematic enough as it is without adding more to it unnecessarily in my opinion.

There are people in this forum that go to ridiculous lengths. Disabling airbags in cars and wearing earplugs at the slightest hint of hearing a car horn or ambulance siren. This is not good and if one isn't careful they can develop phonophobia. Fear of sound.

Michael

 

Yes, my nephew is 4 and he understands my problems now. So he stays quiet when we play together. He will scream here and there but still, we're doing ok.

It's only when he gets tired that he forgets. Then it's time to go to bed !

But the voice of a kid is still quite high pitched and can be annoying when you have H, even at low volume. So plugs can be necessary.

 

Of course I have to interrupt my break from this forum by posting on this thread with a topic that's close to my heart. I'm a staunch antinatalist even before getting T and H. I think having children is incredibly selfish. I won't knowingly bring children into this world full of pain of all kinds. I refuse to inflict them the life-long suffering called existence.

But now I have both T and H, I definitely would not have kids for these specific reasons:

* I don't want to pass on my weak ear genes to my children and the rest of my ancestors. Yes, I got T and H because of an acoustic trauma at a festival but my friend who was right there beside me didn't even get fleeting T.

* I wouldn't have an active presence in my children's lives. A partner is an adult -- they can make adjustments and sacrifices to accommodate our limitations. But kids? They won't understand and even if they do, they will forget.

* I would be a burden to them. I'm not healthy enough now when I'm supposedly at my prime. What more in the future? T and H are unpredictable -- especially H, I think.

 

You wouldn't be here if your parents hadn't given you the miracle of life. Be thankful!

 

Did I say I want to be here? So why should I be thankful? As early as 13, I knew I didn't want this life. That's why I struggled with depression and anxiety for years.

I'm in my 30s now and still feel this anger at being alive -- even more intensely now that I have T and H.

I'm alive because I was brought here without my choice. And I'm still alive because survival instinct is incredibly hard to overcome.

Congratulations if you feel thankful to be alive but don't tell me what to feel grateful for.

 

I personally feel having children is a true blessing and an enhancement to life, of course...whether they are your own or adopted. For those women who have intention of going through the birth process, the notion to deny yourself based solely on the fear that your tinnitus will increase in volume seems disturbing to me. There is no way I think having children is selfish in any way since I think it is the most normal and natural wish for most of the population and if anything, it requires much time and devotion of a parent. To bring forth a new life, to protect, cherish and properly instruct... is a magnificent achievement. If every individual on this planet would think this way -- that they should not have children for assorted non-valid reasons...... where would we all be??? Humanity continues and shall despite the harshest (and most difficult) of situations. There are many handicapped people who bring children into the world despite the many challenges it presents for them. I doubt very much that weak ears are hereditary as many conditions truly are.

I feel it would be one of the greatest acts of self-denial to permit tinnitus to interfere with a plan to have children and I have seen tv programs concerning those who are severely disabled who still manage to bear children and be very present in their lives as they raise them.

For those individuals whose desire is great enough to have children, I would wish them well and would be happy for them.

There must be many members on this forum who had tinnitus prior to their giving birth and subsequently hearing the cries of their children.... who did not suffer further tinnitus trauma.

 

Why is this always a "gift" that we should be so f****ng "thankful" for?

I competely agree with you! If I could decide, I'd choose not to be born in a split second.

I have been thinking about suicide since I was seven years old. As far as I know, I've been miserable and depressed my whole life. I'll be surprised if I make it to 50.

I understand there are people out there who love life and want to cling on to it for as long as possible. I'm not one of those. I'd happily give my life to someone who wants it. If such thing was possible.

What do I got to thank my parents for? They got me and then bailed out. I was just born to be a "green card".

 

My my my, there are some unhappy people on this thread and believe me I do understand. As I've always known through counselling people with tinnitus. Often there are additional problems with one's life coupled with tinnitus that makes life at times if not all the time intolerable. It doesn't take a lot to bring out these inner frustrations, concerns and disappointments that one has about life to the surface. We don't know what another person has to endure and therefore we must accept another person's decision, whether we agree with it or not, it is their choice and it isn't for us to judge. For the record, I don't want children for a variety of reasons. Mostly because I wouldn't want to bring one in this world the way that it is today.

A parent can't say boo to their child without being reported to social services for abuse. When I was young if I talked back to my parents I'd soon regret it. Today, kids show no manners and have no respect towards their parents because they know they can get away with it. There is no deterant. They do exactly what they want and parents have no say. Why on earth would one want to take that on is behond me. My parents are dead and gone and I have never used bad language infront of them. A friend of mine recently told me her 17 year old daughter told her to F-off. and spa-t in her face. Yes, believe it. She was in tears to me on the phone. I hear it all the time from parents being told they have to treat their kids as if their adults. Don't tell them what to do. Request and ask politely. I'll get off my soap box.

Michael

 

I wouldn't have kids but that has nothing to do with tinnitus. I just don't really like kids. I didn't even like them when I was a kid.

 

I did want to be married someday but I couldn't even have my first relationship because I never leave the house. I don't think I'll ever have a normal life for that reason. All of my friends and former classmates are going off to college. I stay in the house all day and the only place I can go to is the park with my parents or a cafe.

 

How old are you?

 

17

 

Too late for me jaja, I have 2 boys. They are screaming machines.. and I love them with all my heart.

I had my second child at the middle of my habituation path, and I regreat nothing. They make me a better person, and they make me feel alive everyday. Also, I have someone to fight for, not only against health issues, but against life problems. In fact, having my second child helped me alot.

I'm completely sure that still today I would have alot of empty feelings if I were alone, No kids, no wife.

My advise... fix your mind, get to habituation, get peace with your Tinnitus, and then enjoy your life having children... DO NOT WAIT UNTIL YOUR TINNITUS IS CURED, just wait until you get in peace with your T, that can take you from couple of months, to 1 year, ONCE YOU START THE PROCESS.... if you never start the process of overcoming Tinnitus, your situation will be hardly better even in several years.

Today, I'm a full person having Tinnitus and having my little boys.... but today I could not imagine NOT having T, but neither having my children.

Regards,

 

Are you sure it is a good idea to bring children into the world with so many incurable conditions like tinnitus?

 

You're very wise for your age.

 

It is often a curse. A punishment.

 

Wow! That's very dark and depressive thinking right there.

 

My cousin has regular tinnitus, pulsatile tinnitus and vertigo. She was diagnosed in 2012 and it hasn't stopped her from marrying and starting a family. Find out what you need to do and do it if thats what you want to do. Tinnitus shouldnt stop you. Indeed I think having kids can probably bring things into focus.

 

Indeed it is. Each dark and depressive comment on this thread has come about by circumstances that person has been through and probably sadly valid.
Michael

 

Lol so much bullshit here, no wonder on a forum full of depressed people

 

They've got a point though kids aren't great.

 

To you they may not be, but please respect that some of us feel differently.