Emotional Over Danny Boy — Support for Members

I didn't want to put this on his In Loving Memory post but I'm in tears a lot over his passing away as he was a lovely person to know and a dear Tinnitus Talk family member.

I know some of you feel the same I'm sure...

A few hugs wouldn't go amiss as I'm still in shock.

I wish he would have reached out to us more for himself or by PM just to talk and to know we care for him.

I have been a member a long time and privileged to be a staff member and do care about every member on here.

I thought a support thread for members might be needed as I need some at the moment.

love glynis

 

Glynis, thank you for caring about us (me!) I have never met you, but you are an angel. I can't imagine how you have persevered despite this horrendous condition for so long. Thank you for your selfless and ever-sensitive contributions to us on this website. You are very kind, and you are an inspiration.
Yes, to speak for myself I desperately need support.

 

@Manny,
Thank you for your kind words.

It is hard to lose a member and I hope it doesn't happen again.
It's time for more support for people with tinnitus worldwide and hope for a cure and help.

I hope you're ok and have support around you as in times like this our mood can get low.

We have a few vulnerable members whom need extra support at the moment and this will be hard for them too!

love glynis

 

Thank you Glynis and everyone for being here for me and for us. Only we really understand what an absolute hell severe tinnitus is.

 

Some of us who knew him are truly grieving at this time. My good friend @Dana and I both joined the forum the same year as Dan. We were sharing our grief and trying to console each other earlier today as best we could via PM's.

After learning of some of the additional sorrows in Dan's life from Christian78's post, in the other thread, I am feeling even worse. Such a lack of love and emotional support for Dan in his short life must have made him feel so isolated and alone. Additionally, those of us that got to know him by reading his many posts and exchanging PM's with him, know well that he suffered from other issues as well.

Thanks for creating this additional thread, @glynis, for those of us who knew and love him so that we can share our grief and express our feelings with each other during this difficult time.

 

@jimH,
I wish he had reached out to us more and new how much he was loved by our Tinnitus Talk family.
I will remember his lovely smile and how happy he was on a photo he sent me by pm when he held his baby daughter in his arms.
I wish he had better support in his home life too..
love glynis x

 

Dear Glynis....it is so important to express your grief and sadness and just talk about what you feel inside. It is also important to not be afraid to mention Danny's name. It hurts to feel alone during this time of loss.

@jimH I understand. Keep being there for each other. The grief process has no set rules for the different stages.

@Christian78 thank you for your words in Danny's memory thread. I know you feel lost and sad and angry but your friendship with Danny was real and very close. Please keep talking about this when you feel like it.

The weird part about this is how the world keeps going on and you wonder why.

When I lost my friend Dave...god damn it hurt. We were like you and Danny. Spoke every single day and emailed even more. He was devoted just like Danny towards helping other tinnitus people. Like Danny he had nothing and his family...did not care. Then suddenly one day I was alone. I remember sitting at my computer waiting for my email. I remember people telling me not to mention his name and to move on and stop talking. I remember being shunned. It was the most cruel part of that time - in my life. I took a sledge hammer and destroyed my computer because the page went blank. My biggest supporter was just....gone. Back then I thought destroying my computer would take away the pain. But of course it didn't. So I do not suggest that particular method.

So I understand the pain you all feel. And I want you guys to talk. Freely.

 

@Starthrower ,

I remember now, in the other thread, you suggested a new one for this purpose. I meant to comment on what a good idea I thought it was after I had finished reading the rest of the posts. Unfortunately, I got distracted and forgot to. I just went back and copied your suggestion:

"Maybe create another thread and take time to grieve and talk with each other about the pain. This is so important."

Glynis obviously agreed and saw the need for herself and other forum members that knew Dan and truly cared about him.

I feel a lot of compassion for you regarding your loss and the pain you experienced when you lost your dear friend, Dave. Perhaps that's one of the reasons you intuitively realized that there was such a need here for another thread for those that are truly grieving the loss of Dan.

So, I'll thank you now as I did Glynis earlier.

 

Oh no that’s actually devastating, let them tears come Glynis don’t hold back it’s all part of the grieving process. Do we know how he passed. I never spoke to him personally but read a good few of his posts which were informative and helpful. I’m truly sorry for all his family and friends. As Star said it’s important to express your grief and emotions when you lose somebody you were close to, never be ashamed to express them or reach out for a chat or help.

 

It’s effected me in a profound way; it’s all I’ve been thinking about these last couple of days. When I signed up here Danny was like a hero and I read a large part of his post history. I also remember an interview he did on YouTube about the effects of Trobalt and what it had done for his tinnitus but at the expense of his eyes.

I will never forget him, and although I never met him, this has had a huge impact on me. I suppose that shows what a great guy he was. A real legend.

RIP Danny, you’ll never suffer again.

 

@Ed209,
That's how I am since I found out about his passing, getting more Twitter contacts and just in a gloom mood...

Getting more involved in awareness is what I need...

love glynis

 

Was it this? It's been removed now?

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...-general-discussion.5074/page-175#post-127140

 

Probably. I did look for it but couldn’t find it.

 

The shock of this loss is the first emotion to hit many of you. Just always remember what his life left behind for those who were close. His words and empathy for other people in pain far surpassed his own situation. What a wonderful legacy.

Sometimes it helps to write. A journal or poetry of thoughts as they hit you. Because as the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years....one day you will revisit your words because...you will want to remember him.

It is with great uneasiness I will share a poem I wrote for my friend in 2003. I never want to forget as my life moved forward. But I did not want to stay in "that" place at the same time. You will know when it is time to move on with the good memories in your heart.

For @glynis whose heart is broken and sad. Memories will heal your soul.



I said

Hey, tell me your stories
About your days of glory
When you chased the ladies that you loved
And had a broken heart from one


I miss
Those times you wrote to me
About being so carefree
Living among nature’s wonders and
Striving to be free


I remember
Well the afternoons we talked
Until the sun turned into the moon and
Laughed about some incidents that
Seemed to be embarrassing but now
A joke between two friends who
Loved to talk about way back when


I think
Of times when your depression hit
And you held on to me
Your friend

Across the country from you then
But always there when you’d

Hit send

The message came onto my screen
And I said Hey, Dave talk to me


I tried
To sooth your pain away
With words so soft you
Had to listen
To the melody that I had written
With the small part of your heart
That had not been hidden
From me

But one December night
I failed


I say
Now let me tell his life stories
Of his days of glory
He wrote to me of happy times
When life was on his side


There were times when he was
So carefree
Like feeding doe and fawn and buck
So the city kids could see the
Mystery of nature when given just
A tiny bit of Human kindness


He fixed an owl’s wing and
Set it free and watched as it
Flew gallantly into the trees
He said he cried as he saw
The owl perched high above
Looking down on him as if to say

Thanks my friend


Let me tell you his life stories.....

 

@Starthrower,
That is beautiful.
I do small ones for my parents, so thank you.

I put a poem up that Daniel did on the In Loving Memory thread.

love glynis x

 

@Starthrower. This poem is beyond beautiful. I am floored and feel so emotional reading it. Thank you for sharing, dear fellow tinnitus friend. Namaste.

 

I'm ok now after the shock, I'm still sorting my parent's things out since mother passed away and finally we have the grave stone and writing chosen as it's a double head stone that's an open bible in black and the writing in gold so had to choose the right words with family and having a border in black and stones in it.

This should be in place by the end of August and finally we can all rest knowing it's finally in place.

love glynis

 

Oh, Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling From glen to glen, and down the mountain side. The summer's gone, and all the roses falling, It's you, it's you must go and I must bide.

RIP

 

@Starthrower I just read your above beautiful poem (posted here in honor of DannyBoy) again and it so speaks to me. Is there somewhere I can read more of your work?

 

@Manny you have no idea how much it means to me that my words moved you. It is very....strange sharing private writings from back then and I have many. Now I am glad because it helps me remember Dave and what we went thought together helping tinnitus people.

Sigh...I know some say this is morbid and "it" only makes people scared. My other pieces are kinda dark and deal with the emotion of dealing with the aftermath of suicide. One in which the person (me) witnessed first hand. Some days I can now talk about it like the weather. Other times it brings me to my knees. This happened in 2003 just a little over a year when I had gotten tinnitus.

I thought it would help some of those who were close with Danny to know that this type of friendship is real even though on the board many do not know about the friendship or the depth of love for a person as a close friend.

Dave...the aftermath was awful. He was pretty much labeled as a horrible man for doing what he did. But I knew the truth about him. And no one would accept it hear it or listen to it. I remember specifically someone asked a question about Dave on "that" other board. No one would answer and it dropped to the bottom of the page until I explained the beauty of his life. One post for a man who was posting daily and researching for other people in pain and helping them. It broke my heart even more. People like me are shunned away and ignored and told not to mention this.

So it was so hard to bring it here but you have all been so understanding it heals my heart.

I do have many other pieces I wrote. I put them away in a vault. I have never shared them or the one here with anyone on any board. Just with one friend privately. He told me it made him cry.

I hope those who knew Danny in a close friendship will write things down before they are forgotten. It helps with the grief and depression.

I hope I didn't offend anyone.

Much love to you all and keep posting anything that may be making you sad, mad or alone after Danny's death.

Much love,

Jen

 

Jen/Starthrower, I can sympathize with feeling strange with sharing these personal experiences. Especially on an open forum on the internet of all places. Alas, what choice do we have. This site enables tinnitus sufferers to "congregate" in ways that are simply not available in person (thanks admins!)
In any case - thank you for sharing your personal feelings and experiences with us. To speak for myself I appreciate your genuine sharing, and your encouragement that myself and others here share any feelings they may be experiencing. Indeed, I am absolutely heartbroken. Not, to be honest, due to Danny per se - I didn't know him - but rather in recognition that there is a Danny boy inside of me. I won't go into too much detail, but it is very, very difficult for me. So many things I loved so very dearly - and indeed, much of my identity - have been destroyed by my ear conditions.
In any case - Thank you for your love, and much good vibes and support back at you. May things improve, amen.
Take care friend.

Manny

 

@Manny thank you. Sorry for the delayed reply.

I just feel so....sad or lost or whatever when we lose someone here. It brings back memories that I had long ago packed away. Fast forward since 2002 and nothing has really changed.

Actually there is this large box in my attic that has two packages of packing tape around it. I put all my memories in it. Everything that had to do with my friend Dave the ATA and pictures and a hand made totem pole and so many things. I made sure I could not easily open it by using so much packing tape....

Weird to share this.

I hope people feel free to talk about the recent losses here. I hope they do not just disappear.

 

These days, I think of Danny often and my regret of not getting to know him better. When my tinnitus first began, I became a recluse.

Even after finding Tinnitus Talk, I felt there was no immediate cure being discussed so I felt I would just check back in every few months. Back then, I would see these feisty, yet informative posts by someone named Danny Boy. I thought to myself, who took that photo of his, was he sticking his head thru a window and decided to take a selfie?

But this year, my tinnitus and habituation improved and I wanted to participate more in discussions and also try to help newcomers who slip thru the cracks. I think I would have gotten along with him splendidly. I feel like I understood his isolation and would have loved to play some online games with him and talk about movies. I feel it in my chest when I see posts of his, here. But rightly so, this was his place.