Feeling Desperate, Don't Know What to Do

Hi to all.

I just don't know what to do.

I have had T since April last year, some weeks after a severe onset of floaters. When it started, it was very mild, I could only hear it at night in one ear and didn't bother me at all, I was obsessed about floaters that time and I didn't care about T, it was just a mild annoyance.

It progressed a little bit during last year, but I was very happy because I was being able to cope with the floaters thanks to a lot of sessions of CBT.

In January this year, T became much worse. I had a spike and I could hear it on many more situations, and it became hardly maskable. I have been severely depressed about that.
Anyway, I continued with the CBT sessions and since last week I was feeling a little bit better and more optimistic.

But yesterday, I accidentaly dropped a bottle of parfum into the sink from a height, it made an horrible sound. Now I have another spike and don't know how am I going to cope with this. I am seriously anxious and depressed.
My girlfriend is becoming very tired about the whole situation. All of this is having a great impact in our relationship.

I don't want to live like this for +-50 years. I am having a lot of suicidal thoughts.
Last night I slept 2,5 hours. I am very tired. I know I need medication for anxiety and depression but I'm scared about side-effects worsening my T.

I'm now at the street because the T at home won't let me think and I have a panic attack when I sit in the living room (I haven't find a sound to mask it yet). In the street it's less annoying.

I'm out of options, I'm tired of trying to habituate to the T and then it gets worse again and again. I can't find strenght to continue like this. I don't see the point of continuing like this.

 

@dipp
This spike from the parfum may settle down, don't despair just yet.
You may need some help with medication, at least for sleep, or you could try natural remedies like valerian root and Passion flower. There are also natural anti-depressants like St. John's Wort and 5htp.
I take a small dose of Remeron for sleep, it was honestly a life saver in helping me get my sleep under control again. I had to use a benzo for a couple of weeks as well.
You are not alone, and you will get through this.
Stay strong.
Sam x

 

I'm taking 5-HTP, melatonin, and valerian infussions, but doesn't seem to work.

Also, sleeping is a problem but not my main problem. The problem is that I am feeling desperate all day and the thought of this spike staying like this is too hard for me to accept.

 

Hi Dipp, there are many on here who have been, or are, in a similar situation to you. Take faith in the fact CBT worked for you and it may work again. I've noticed floaters and T together seems to be a common combination - a close friend of mine has both as well, so does @Markku I believe? I know a few others on here do as well. Situations come and go, so with all the will in the world, you need to fight through it. Seek professional help to take the strain off yourself and your relationship. I'm in a really bad place myself, yet a few weeks ago, I was really happy. Life can just knock us to the ground out of nowhere sometimes.

I'd say your spike is likely anxiety and stress related in response to your perceived threat of the noise. It should calm down when your CNS calms down.

Stay strong bud.

 

Thanks a lot for the support, @Ed209.

I read your post and thought about writing in, but I was waiting to feel a little bit better because if I write something now, it would have negative content, and that's what we don't need!

 

Best advice I ever got when I first developed T was this,

"Don't sit and wait for things to get better, when your anxiously waiting for something every minute feels like an hour, when your busy every day feels like a minute. If time is the greatest healer best not sit there and count the seconds"

My uncle told me that when I first got T, I was just sitting in my room waiting for it to get better or to try and get use to it. Every minute felt like an eternity but it was only when I kept busy and distracted time flew by and before you knew it 9 months had passed and my T was gone completely.

Don't sit there and wait for something to happen, if it's going to happen in time it will regardless of how you spend that time.

 

Thanks very much for the advice, I'll try to follow it. The thing is that T impacts on everything I try to do, but I'm trying my best. It's just that there are times of despare. I know that sensation, every 10 minutes feels like living hell... it's very hard to cope with this.

Sorry, maybe I'm confused, your T faded in 9 months? Or do you mean that you habituated?

I wish the best for you

 

@dipp,
Ask your doctor about taking Nortryptaline its a AD but can help you sleep and help tinnitus ,anxiety and need about30- 50mg and for therapitic level for depression 75mg+ .
The panic attacks are due to a sudden rise in heart rate and overwhelming emotions and no place to go but by slowing your breathing down you will get back control.
Put a hand on your chest and one on your stomach and breath in to the count of 3 and out to the count of 5 slowly and repeate 7-10 times till you feel it has passed.
When you start to think of negative things just think STOP and stop the thought and replace it with a relaxing thought or a nice walk or relaxing music.
Hope this helps....lots of love glynis

 

Hi Glynis. Thanks for tour kind advices.

Do you think Nortrypaline is 100% safe for the T? Last thing un the world I need now is to worse my condition... I'm scared of AD because of the side effects.

 

It's very common for temporary loud tinnitus to arise from a panic attack. I had it happen and it was at least 10x louder than what I currently have. Panic attacks can be avoided by not hyperventilating. Hyperventilating causes blood pH to rise and the body responds by releasing adrenaline. When you have a panic attack you need to breath normally. I would try to avoid hyperventilating first before getting near benzos that are ototoxic (cause tinnitus) and have horrible withdrawal symptoms. If you want louder tinnitus take benzos.

If loud noise (by loud I mean at least 100dB+) didn't cause permanent damage to your ear then it should be a temporary spike or all in your head. Your MML has likely stood unchanged.