For Noise-Induced Tinnitus Sufferers: Do You Fear Loud Places? What If Your Tinnitus Went Away?

This has been my main struggle the past month or two.

Even if my tinnitus were to go away completely, 100%, and my hearing loss repaired too, I would still forever be afraid of going out to any kind of loud event.

I am a single male in my 20's, and really do want to experience having a girlfriend at least once. A kiss, sex, whatever else. This is the point in my life where that seems important. I'm very afraid how mad I may get at myself and how much I'd regret it later on if I never had some kind of "fling" experience at this age. I know this is probably petty and sounds stupid to the older population of this forum, but I am already seeing the effects of over a year of self-loathing after the seemingly permanent damage I've done to my ears with one stupid decision. The only life regret that I could see rivaling my ear damage is going through my whole youth never having any experience with a girl.

It just seems impossible now to ever feel safe at a bar, or a party, or a club, etc. Even with ear plugs. The problem with the plugs is that it makes your voice seem louder to you (occlusion effect), while making all other voices harder to hear. Communication, while hard enough at these aforementioned loud places, is made almost impossible with ear plugs. Not to mention the typical look I get from my 20-something year-old peers at parties... The facial expression equivalent of something like, "What the F$%* is that guy doing?!"

All of my friends are free to go out without a care in the world, whereas I have to either protect and then listen to nothing but muffled music, my own T, and wack facial expressions, or simply not attend and cut my likelihood of ever meeting anyone at that type of event down to zero... Attending without plugs is probably not an option unless someone can provide a convincing argument why I might still be okay with no plugs at a university-volume party.

Sure, you can meet people (in my case women) in other ways, but try as I might, as a 5'6"/168cm tall male in the west coast of Canada... Well good luck... At least before this I could go to parties like a regular and joke around, receiving some level of attention that way.

Of course, back before this whole tinnitus ordeal I was much more stressed socially because of other reasons.

My most recent thread was somewhat of a "success story" where I talked about how I have been getting a lot better at coping with my stress relating to the T and in general, but as a result of reducing stress I have opened up my mind to more extroverted types of entertainment... But I am still feeling blocked from going out and being social like a single boy in his early 20's should do. Thus the spawn of this thread title.


-Zer0, with zero in his head

 

self.answer = yes

 

I am not terribly nervous, no matter what you do...anything can happen anywhere. No one is safe, nowhere is safe...you just take the kind of risks that are affordable to you.

I wouldn't go to bars or clubs as anything can happen there and the sounds are too random for me to be comfortable. I would say going around my neighborhood, the risk factor is 3/10...going to a bar or a club is 8/10. I'm happy with this point in my life where i just sit under a tree somewhere reading a good book quietly or going to the park for a fun picnic. Loud venues don't equal fun to me, personally i prefer quieter stuff anyway.

 

Why are you distressed by this thought? People who attend those loud events have no idea what is at stake, they have no idea how close they are to having their life being completely derailed. You are now aware of the risks and know that you will act accordingly. That's great, right?

 

The probability is always non-zero, however different activities have different probability of something horrific taking place...

 

You don’t have to go somewhere loud to meet a girl. Find someone who likes nature or libraries. Fake conformist situations like clubs aren’t really the ideal place to meet someone and get to know them.

 

I guess it is just my ever-present desire to be someone who I'm not. I would rather be "young and stupid" at this age than knowledgeable about the risks, even though the way I am now is probably better for me long term. If I had never cut the metal a year ago then I would have remained in my relatively careless state, health-wise. I have always been obsessive about other things, but when I wrecked my ears and realized I permanently damaged them, the stress became out of control. Ever since it has been a personal battle to regain my pre-T level of stress, which I thought was oh so bad at the time.
All my life I have been such an overthinker and never really had a phase of "putting a brick under the brake, blindfolding myself, and smashing the gas." I never had a chance to be crazy and reckless, I guess is what I'm saying.

Maybe you guys are right. I was never, ever a fan of clubs at all. I think they're boring and the folk who frequent them aren't my type of people, but for some reason I have been having a burning desire to act a fool and be like them before it's "too late" for that. Not even really because I want to or ever actually wanted to, but because I think I would regret it if I suddenly wanted to do that say, at age 50.
Today I saw a 50+ year old man on the bus with a full suit and some girl half his age with him, and they were talking about going to some club... I don't want to ever be like that guy, for several different reasons, but on this topic, I merely want to make use of the venues aimed at the young and reckless while I can still fit half of that description... If I could fit the 'reckless' part of the description then even better, but I do agree that it's probably best and healthiest to not be that way, even though most of my peers still are.
I just never in my life have had a time where I was fully relaxed and careless. I suppose that's what I'm really after when trying to join up with the club-going crowd which I really don't have anything in common with.

 

That's pretty normal to be young and full of *ahem* energy, do your thing...have fun and get it out of your system, just be responsible with your ears and you should be fine. Your best chances of snagging a quality partner is not going to be some person laying face down on the bathroom in a pool of their own vomit while the bartender has to use a hose to get them lucid enough to be carried out.

 

Maybe he's trying to meet a specific kind of girl

 

I've never been crazy and reckless. I am proud of it, and glad that I was able to pull it off. Crazy and reckless gets you minor fun in the short run and major problems in the long run.

 

I wonder what party drug will make your T worse....hmmm

 

I utterly loathe unnecessarily loud places now and feel at peace when I’m somewhere quiet, especially nature.

I regret ever going anywhere loud even though I got T from ear wax. Somehow a life time accumulation of noise damage must have contributed.

 

There are other ways to enjoy your 20s without hitting the friggin nightclubs. They're not the be-all and end-all of youthful leisure. Instead you might want to try some new social circles that centre around muscle cars, motorcycles, firearms, demolition, etc... hehe, just kidding.

But really, you're not missing out. Depending on which pubs and bars you might end up going, they're not that loud (80db+, depending on your level of damage, you'll get away with an earplug - and cue the "Ohhh nooees! Sound is evil! Your ears will reach critical mass!" crowd of wet blankets, who I'm sure are a fun lot).

Anyhoo, by the time you're in your 30s, depending on your career, you'll have networked and made enough friends who'll invite you to relatively quieter venues like fine restaurants and gala style parties, which are, trust me, a-okay.

 

There are way more places to meet girls than bars/clubs/parties. I've been to a lot of night clubs because a certain band would be playing there. Spent a ton of time on the Sunset Strip. Never met a single girl there cause you can't hear didley squat. Ahem, here is where I've met my past girlfriends in hopes of giving you some more options and hope. First of all, never underestimate the chance encounter. I met past SO's at a intermission during theater, they were working as a tour guide or while I was buying a pair of shoes. And Im shy af so they were usually the instigator. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you. Other situations are people you meet in class and can't forget about the good ol' OKcupid. Now the one time I initiated a chance encounter, rememberer im shy af, was when they were my waitress and I just had to ask her out. So I wrote my number on the back side of the bill receipt. Maybe she'd see it, maybe she wouldn't. Got a call 2 hours later giggling like nobody's business.

 

LOL. I don't want that level of craziness... I just love funk and disco music and it always sounds like such a great time; the topics they sing about like partying and dancing and stuff. I guess being in my early 20's in 2018 I'm a little late for when that stuff was popular. Now clubs usually blast electronic stuff which is sometimes "funky" and has some elements of disco, but it isn't the same.

@Emperor-Drax That is true. There are other venues that aren't as loud,and I would feel safe with plugs. Sometimes I feel like plugs are almost too much protection since they make hearing conversation harder.

@another sean I suppose there is always the possibility as long as you're putting yourself in an environment where there are other people. I never seem to receive any attention at all though, and I would tend to blame that on my physical appearance. Before talking to someone, that's all they really have to judge you by, right? I guess I need to get better at initiating the interaction, whether at a social event or in any situation where there are other people.

NOW we're asking the right questions!

 

I’d say the drug wouldn’t make it worse but taking it & not caring much, then going somewhere loud is likely

 

I tell you from my own experience

The problem is that when tinnitus improves significantly your whole mind changes. Music sounds good again because you no longer have those ringings in your head and you start to think that people who have tinnitus that never gets better may have other problems (mental issues or other health problems). You feel normal again and you think your ears work perfectly, you feel healed by time. This is only partially true, and unfortunately it only takes a big mistake to make the problem worse than ever.

It is essential not to forget that loud music is dangerous and not rely too much on supposedly safe protections (ear plugs).

 

You must have taken a lot of damage when you first got tinnitus. I just got a mildish kind of tinnitus, I did not notice a change in how music sounded. Maybe it's to to with level of damage.

I have attended concerts with ear plugs and it was fine. Everyone's tinnitus is different ...

 

That´s true. My previous bout was moderate anyways. It was easy maskable but bothersome in silence. It became inaudible after 2 years. I ruined it with that Gene Simmons concert in 2017.
It also depends on the musical style, the characteristics of the theater, the quality of the sound and the type of earplugs.

Anyway, I think that there are so many fun things to do, it is convenient to avoid places where loud music is played. Here are other cases of resurgences like mine. But it is only my opinion, of course.

 

My husband and I go to a lot of concerts, that's really his thing and I go with him. We've been doing this since the 70's.. I got tinnitus in April (noticed it) after I think, a concert in March. Front row and there was either a faulty speaker right in front of me, or it was just pointed right at my ear -- I should've left, I felt dumb... but it was actually painful. I was stupid. Hearing was compromised when we went to the car, figured it would stop and it did but then damn - tinnitus. So I've avoided a couple concerts since then, but did go to one and wore my earplugs (again, front row table). The artist (Mike Stern) saw me putting them in at the beginning of the concert and came to me and commented how I needed them (he's SO nice!) and that he wears them too. I blamed Eric Johnson (whom he has played with a lot) and he laughed and said he blames him too. Eric Johnson also has tinnitus by the way.
I am not so afraid to go to concerts now as long as I have my ear plugs... and I use them every morning when blow drying my hair.

 

Do not over think it... If the noise gets loud move away or wear ear plugs... If still too loud even with ear plugs move further away... Live your life... We are all gonna be dead soon from something... Enjoy life NOW