From Active Sufferance to Passive Sufferance

I have loud sensory noise induced Tinnitus.
I personally reject the customary 1 to 10 self assessment handicap scale, as it seems totally arbitrary, and conflates volume with distress.
To determine my “T” volume I use an iPhone app ‘SPLnFFT decibel meter.’

I hold the meter six inches from my face, and simply vocal match my internal noise.
It has been constant for four years at 50 to 60 dbs.

In the absence of any medical help whatsoever, I am only too aware that ‘coping’ is all that I have.
The term ‘Management’ is a bit ambitious, as it is suggestive of action, but what action is possible?

Deep relaxation (meditation) does help me to shift my distress from:
Active Sufferance to Passive Sufferance.

(Please ensure that you are resting comfortably, with a soft mouth, and a loose hanging jaw.)

“I lay in a warm bath and allow myself willingly to hear my tinnitus without any distraction.
I halt all voluntary breathing and do not inhale until my diaphragm decides it is time to breath for me.
My diaphragm takes over my breathing.
My brain whispers silently ‘deeper’ with each breath:
‘deep’ out - ‘er’ in.....’deep’ out - ‘er’ in........
(Continue for a comfortable period of time.)

I still hear my sounds, but in a state of near total relaxation.
(No distress - anger - loathing etc....)

I now think of my suffering as passive rather than active.
Yes I hear my sounds - but I’m okay with it.”

I’ll just finish by saying that when I read absolute drivel on this website, I respond with an insulting smiley face - don’t we all?
I’m fully expecting an influx of smiley faces after this post, and I’m fine with that.
(I’ll simply imagine I’m a stand-up comic.)

But I suppose it’s just possible that one person might ‘get it?’

If all of the above fails, my only other therapeutic suggestion is the acquisition of three pussycats
- but of the appropriate constituents:
Two British Shorthair Blue and Whites,
and one Blue Persian.

(You must admit I’m trying......)

 

Thank you for the post. I have not thought of this idea of passive and active suffering, but I like it and will try your suggestion!

 

What is drivel to you Jazzer?

 

When we are faced with a devestating predicament like Tinnitus, changes in conception can be so beneficial.
We may have a better roadmap.
The trick is to hand your breathing over to your diaphragm, where there are sensors that will actively inhale and exhale for you.
Obviously this occurs during sleep, but can be induced at waking times.
Delicious when you get it right, and opens the gate to meditation.
Good luck with it Jack
Dave x
Jazzer

 

.....er.....I don’t normally answer trick questions,
(One man’s ‘drivel’ is another man’s ’Drambuie!’)

Drivel = tripe, nonsense, bullshit, poppycock, cobblers, codswallop, etc.....
But of course it’s all subjective.
I do a fairly impressive line of drivel me’self at times.......

 

Tinnitus is a soothing sound in the ear.




Er, anyone seen my coat?

 

@Jazzer I tried to quote a specific line from your post but my iPad wouldn’t let me do it. The line was where you wrote that “coping” is all you have.

I needed to hear that because I think we all come here for various reasons. Some for information, some to commiserate, some to find a soapbox to stand on, and some to learn how others cope. And you’re right when you say that one persons drvel is another persons Drambuie.

I appreciate your post about meditation. My psychologist is trying to get me to see what you describe. My tinnitus has driven me into the rabbit hole of depression and one of my coping skills is supposed to be meditation although I’m not there yet. But reading how it helps you gives me another reason to try.

I’ve dealt with this to long. TODAY there is nothing to make my tinnitus go away and that thought gives me a profound sense of hopelessness but “coping” is what gets me to tomorrow. You post gives me one more way to cope and help me get to tomorrow. My audiologist, my meds, and my psychologist also give me ways to cope.

So, thank you for your post. It helped me.

Bobby

 

Your cats are truly epic Jazzer.

 

Bobby - I posted this little rider to Jack Straw, which may help you also.
The whole idea is to hear your sounds, but instead of feeling terrified and distressed by them, actually practice relaxing with them.
Maybe not easy at first - we have invested so much in ‘hating’ it - so this is a sea change.

When we are faced with a devestating predicament like Tinnitus, changes in conception can be so beneficial.
We may have a better roadmap.
The trick is to hand your breathing over to your diaphragm, where there are sensors that will actively inhale and exhale for you.
Obviously this occurs during sleep, but can be induced at waking times.
Delicious when you get it right, and opens the gate to meditation.

Best wishes
Dave x

 

.........well you can’t ‘ave ‘em - so there.....!

When I was growing up with my desperately ill depressive mother, my only relationship was with Timmy - my beautiful tabby cat - so gentle.
I told him everything - I whispered into his fur, so nobody would overhear me.
He died aged twenty.
Still love you Timmy xxxxx

 

I don't have any pets but, I love cats and puppies!!

 

“Pussycats - worth being born for.”

“And doggies come to that
- just adorable.”

 

Jazzer you know I’m an emotional mess. Are you trying to send me over the edge?

 

Listen here Bam.
Emotional people are stronger.
It comes from being prepared to be
open and honest.
You’ll be okay Bud xx

 

I get it, Dave. This is how I deal with my tinnitus, have been dealing with it this way from the very beginning.

A cure, in my very humble opinion, is a long way off. I need to be able to cope and live my life in a way that is acceptable to me. Meditation, yoga, exercise and mindfulness all help me a great deal.

My tinnitus is quite loud and it rarely changes, other than an all over "head buzzing" on occasion, which I much prefer over the constant tea kettle whistle. Meditation helps me, this is a given.

Passive Sufferance, as you say above, is how I am coping.

Thanks for this post, Dave. ❤️

 

Thanks for coming on here Ems.
I honestly think there is no alternative to this way.
It does provide a way forward.
If morale is paralysed we become emotionally and physically inactive, with no way forward.
I know that members may find being prepared to ‘listen’ with no distraction quite difficult to start with, but as you practice and relax with it, it does start to work.
Dave x

 

The only time I feel this way it's in the middle of the night. I may wake up and hear my tinnitus, even loudly, but just drift back to sleep not caring. Then I wake up in the morning and think, here we go again!

 

There you go Michael.
You are on to something.
You wake up - you hear it - you drift back to sleep again.

Now actually practice just that in meditation, and you will become more successful at it.

 

You know what they say Sean......?

 

Sam - with a comment like that
- you don’t deserve a coat !!

 

If only it was a soothing as my 3K+ bass I cannot play anymore!

 

Thanks @Jazzer My career has been cut short by 40 years. All because I like Rock 'N Roll and Weather report

 

Oh I’m so sorry PD.
So undeliverable cruel.

I was a pro for years, and had to give up.
I now walk around the lovely park where I live singing jazz chorus’s to myself, that nobody will ever hear, that will never pass through my beautiful trombone, and reach out to my audience.

That’s life I guess.

I think you must find something else to excel at PD. I do know just how hard this is.
Love
Dave x
Jazzer

 

You don’t have to
‘listen’ to your sounds.

Practice ‘hearing’ them,
and relaxing with them.

For a very long time I would:
“Hear it - my life is finished.”

Now I:
“Hear it - and I’m okay.”

It sounds too glib, I know.
It takes dedication and practice.

 

@Jazzer pefecto

The bit people get lost in is the anxiety & stressful emotional response...
Tinnitus is tinnitus...

My cat hates me !

 

I agree, Dave.

We are all hard-wired differently and this determines how we react to something like tinnitus. What works for some will have zero effect on others. While I await a cure, (which is a long time coming in my realistic way of thinking), practicing meditation and other forms of relaxation along with healthy lifestyle habits is how I plan to carry on with my day to day life.

Life is a gift and I want to live mine in the best possible way, in spite of tinnitus.

 

“Cleanliness is next to Godliness.”

 

When my tinnitus sufferance was active, and overwhelming me, I was paralysed, imobile, finished.

As I approached it with meditation, it became more passive.
I took some of my life back.
I became operational once again, calmer, functioning.
It was on the back burner.
Yes - it is a compromised life - no question,
but the only way I have found to survive, which for some obscure reason, I still choose to do.

I will never underplay the severity of what we have, like some on here - this condition is quite the worst condition we can have - but I have always looked for answers.

My infancy was unbonded, because of a desperate mentally ill mother - so I was forced to conceptualise what was happening to me, to come up with a plan to survive.
I made it.

My ears might not be, but my survival instinct is intact.