Having a Baby with Tinnitus. Advice Needed from People with Experience.

Discussion in 'Support' started by AlanS, Dec 7, 2018.

    1. AlanS

      AlanS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2006
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      I have had noise induced tinnitus for about 12 to 13 years now. I am 26 years old. My tinnitus has worsened over the years due to my own stupidity exposing myself to loud sounds I should not have. It is currently quite loud but I for the most part manage it well. I have developed a strong sensitivity to loud sounds in the last couple years though. I avoid anything loud. My dogs barking cause temporary spikes. And they just feel extra sensitive to noise. Especially noises either very low pitch like bass seems amplified, or high noises like the microwave beeping is irritating for some reason even though I know its not "too loud"

      I would really like to have kids. My wife and I are finally getting to a place where we are comfortable to do that. My concern is my sensitivity to sound and my tinnitus with a crying baby. Does anyone here have experience with a similar situation to mine? Noise induced tinnitus with sensitivity to sound and having a new born baby? Does anyone here have any tips for me?

      Im not going to let my tinnitus get in the way of having a family but I also would not like my tinnitus to get any louder that it already is, which is intrusive. All advice is welcome :) thank you
       
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    2. Redocooked
      Insomnious

      Redocooked Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Work related Trama/stress
      Not an expert but it sounds like you'll always have to keep earplugs with you, and equipped when you're near your kid, since you never know when a baby will start crying.
       
    3. Hissy missy

      Hissy missy Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2002
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Antidepressants
      Hi Alan you started experiencing your T very young ! I had a baby 9 years ago and they are shrill little things I tell you. It was quite stressful for me as it’s really not something that can be controlled. Kids are just noisy. My kid was a shrieker too and I kept ear muffs handy at home to get some relief from the pitch of it. It’s really tough dealing with T as so many parts of your day to day are impacted.
       
    4. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      AlanS

      AlanS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2006
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Yes I originally got my t from playing with firecrackers when I was younger and a short fuse that blew it up point blank in my ear as I was holding it about to throw its . I was completely deaf for almost 3 days before my hearing came back. Can’t change the past though. Or I definitely would lol!

      Like I said I would never let it stop me from having kids. I’m just trying to know what to expect. My dad has had T for most of his life and he has had 4 kids and it didn’t seem to affect him. But his tinnitus started from an unknown origin so I don’t know if it will be different having noise induced T. Especially lately noises bother my ears that don’t to the average person. I’m hoping this is just a temporary phase and my ear will readjust to normal sounds. I try not to baby my ears too much but I always have ear plugs handy whenever I’m going out or anticipate being around loud noise.
       
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    5. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      AlanS

      AlanS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2006
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Theres gotta be loads of people who have kids after having T. I’m surprised I haven’t heard from more people on this yet.
       
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    6. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Adopt a 10-year old.
       
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    7. DebInAustralia
      No Mood

      DebInAustralia Member Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      Geelong, Victoria
      Tinnitus Since:
      30/12/13
      @Samantha R

      @linearb
       
    8. DebInAustralia
      No Mood

      DebInAustralia Member Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      Geelong, Victoria
      Tinnitus Since:
      30/12/13
      I don't have kids myself.

      But I do work with newborns as a midwife...

      I have some sound sensitivity too that has improved since stem cells last year, but I find working with babies to be not a problem really...
       
    9. Tinker Bell

      Tinker Bell Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSHL from virus
      @Ed209 and @linearb are two parents on TT who might be able to help you with advice about the baby stages.

      My children were past the infant and toddler stages when I acquired tinnitus. But looking back, as newborns their cries were not very loud. One of my children rarely cried as an infant, and the other cried but was easily soothed and never cried for very long.

      One piece of advice: purchase a good baby monitor. I had only a sound monitor, not a video/sound monitor, and it would make an alarm noise when the battery was low. It also picked up quite a bit of background room noise and in that way was a bit like a white noise generator. That might not be a bad thing for you, but something to think of when looking at monitor options. I think a video monitor gives the option of turning off or lowering the speaker volume.

      I feel like the toddler stage can be loud, but I maintained a quiet home and spoke quietly so my kids were quiet too. Some children are screamers — even in elementary school they will easily scream when excited — but I never tolerated that from an early age and my kids are not like that. In fact, they cover their ears and scold anyone who screams or loudly shouts.

      I am sure posters without children could try to discourage you, but I am very glad I have children. I honestly would not still be here without them, they help me and give me a reason to live life with my tinnitus and hearing loss.
       
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    10. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      I honestly would not still be here if, in addition to the burden that is T, I would have to deal with the burden that is children.
      For me, life is about being carefree. Children would take that away from me, which would amount to them taking away my main reason to live.
       
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    11. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      When I'm having a rough day at work from loud tinitus, the first thing I want to do when I get home is see my son.
       
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    12. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      To each, his own. What I yearn for is solitude.
       
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    13. Tinker Bell

      Tinker Bell Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSHL from virus
      Okay, this is a thread by someone who would like to have children and asked for advice. Why comment if you do not have personal experience with the topic? The poster very specifically asked for advice from people with experience.

      Your personal preference to be child-free is not relevant on this thread, and you felt this way long before tinnitus. There is no reason to try to justify your choice to be child-free when no one has personally questioned it on this thread.
       
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    14. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      I was responding to your
      At the time (5 minutes ago), it seemed like a good idea to be making that post. Now that I think of it, I am leaning towards agreeing that you were right about my posts not being appropriate.
       
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    15. Tinker Bell

      Tinker Bell Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      SSHL from virus
      Thanks, Bill. Sorry if I came across harsh. You don’t need to justify to anyone your choice to be child-free, if you’re happy that is all that matters. Just like if having children makes me happy, how others feel is irrelevant.

      We see this often on threads asking for advice on children. If someone posts asking for advice on being vegan from people who have experience being vegan, I am not going to respond because I have no experience in that area. I love bacon too much. ;)
       
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    16. TLion

      TLion Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2006
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      stress/loud concert
      I have four kids, two times twins (age 2 and 5). When I recently had a worsening of my preexisting Tinnitus which felt almost like a new onset i had extreme hyperacusis and I couldn't stand being with them without earplugs. I always carried earplugs with me. But I also noticed that getting over hyperacusis was easier with them than without them. You simply cannot end like many people around here who never go out to avoid any kind of noise. You constantly have to decide if you want to plug in earplugs when at home or not. I'm over the hyperacusis now. It subsided.
      The Tinnitus increase from April did not subside. But I'm coping better. Kids are very intense and you never forget to live and laugh. After a day of work I'm always happy to see my kids. I would never let Tinnitus stop me from having kids
       
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    17. threefirefour
      Peeping tom

      threefirefour Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      5/15/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      140dB B R U H moment
      well yeah children suck and I can prove it mathematically.
       
    18. Agrajag364

      Agrajag364 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I asked a former colleague with loud tinnitus this same question. From what she said it really wasn't much of a problem for her other than she didn't find it very easy to nap in the first months of the baby's life when they disturb your sleep. But she was someone who didn't appear to be very bothered by her loud tinnitus altogether. I kept several pairs of headphones on hand when I was around my loud nephew in the early stages of Tinnitus. If you're coping well I hope that you go for it and that it brings you much joy
       
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    19. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      destroy all creatures. they cannot be regenerated.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      Other than protecting your hearing a lot more than a normal person does, I think it's profoundly unwise to base major life decisions around tinnitus, because it's just giving it even more control over you than it has implicitly.

      Thus, if you want to have kids, have kids; if you don't, don't.

      I think my wife, who does not have tinnitus, has worn more earmuffs/earplugs as a result of kiddo screaming than I have, because she has a much harder time focusing on other stuff when kiddo is screaming than I do. Kids are pretty loud compared to owning a goldfish, but not loud compared to chainsaws, motorcycles, or driving a normal car with studded snow tires on the kind of insane terrain we have around here.
      we're too busy managing our kids. You try to find the energy to wade through the kind of toxicity that tends to permeate a lot of the threads here, while you're running on 6 hours of sleep in the last 2 days with a bag of soiled diapers in one hand, a bunch of baby food in the other, and an adorable small person nipping at your heels saying, "dada, MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW kitteh MEOW".

      I wish your parents had made this connection before bringing you into the world, pal.
      (Kidding, you know I love you, but interjecting this particular unhelpful opinion into this thread is a dick move, and you should be less of a dick sometimes, as should I).

      The serious reply to this is that kids are, indeed, extremely resource intensive, in terms of both time and money, and so if you're inclined to look at it from that point of view and the thing you care about the most is how much is left in your checking account at the end of the month, yeah, definitely don't have kids.

      You're not wrong in your view, @Bill Bauer is not wrong in his, and I'm not wrong in mine: we're different people, with different expectations and desires out of life, so we're going to make very different decisions. Also, respectfully ThreeFireFour, when I was your age I had no idea if I wanted to have kids or not, but the whole thing did seem expensive and stressful. I felt a lot differently about it ten years later. You might feel differently, you might not, and also we might all be dead from massive climate instability by then.

      I probably thought about my tinnitus less in the 3 months after our kid was born than any other stretch of time; unfortunately that's only an effective treatment if you have four extremely fertile wives and a bottomless bank account (I'm looking at you, Saudi princes).

      @AlanS as for your most direct question, my own experience has been that for whatever reason, the sound of my kid bawling, even when she shrieks right into my ear, does not set me on edge nearly the way other sounds do, and I've never had any tinnitus spikes or changes that I've associated with that. When she's really cranky and just insists on being loud, I put in earplugs, but that's been pretty uncommon. I have no idea if that's likely to be true for anyone else; when I hear car brakes squeal it makes me grit my teeth, but 88db of WAAH WAAAAH WAAAAH just makes me think "huh she's unhappy and she's a baby so that's what she sounds like, I feel sad for her unhappiness and I wish I could help her, but I refuse to be baited into letting her watch videos on my cellphone screen whenever she's slightly bored, so she's just going to have to deal with it and go color or something".
       
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    20. threefirefour
      Peeping tom

      threefirefour Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      5/15/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      140dB B R U H moment
      Yeah me too. I remember once growing up my parents decided to lecture me about how raising kids was terrible, and the only thing that could "repay" it was for the kid to eventually have kids of his/her own, so they could go through it.

      I'm glad some people reproduce but if you look at the math, kids suck. I'll give you the rundown of why I don't want kids:

      I get to retire very early because I'm a doctor w/ no kids
      I get good free time at home
      Pets
      Free time with my wife and her unruined body
      much less stress, live longer, and look younger.
      And of course, money. So much money.

      Sure I think people should have kids if they want, but they should just be aware it's a bad idea.

      the-official-fun-vs-effort-graph-of-pets-dragons-dogs-30485872.png
       
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    21. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      destroy all creatures. they cannot be regenerated.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      @threefirefour Well, I think you're making some, *ahem* pretty dubious assumptions there. If free time at home is a big concern, you may not be in the right career path -- I don't make a doctor's salary, to be sure, but I'm not far off (making more than twice the state median family income (just based on my own salary, not my wife's)), and I also graduated close to debt free from a low stress program in 4 years, so when you factor in the additional years of income that got me, over time through compound interest, that calculus gets a lot more complicated. Also I work from home, basically whatever hours I want, and it's extremely rare that adds up to more than forty hours in a week. One of my coworkers (who has kids) is obsessed with early retirement and last I heard plans to retire at 45, we'll see how that goes.

      "ruined body" is pretty laughable (not to mention at least toeing the line to just being misogynistic). Not a problem in our case, is about all I want to say about that (if you want pictures, you can try to find my wife on Tindr or something).

      Your comment about longevity appears to be backwards: https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/03/14/parents-live-longer_n_15357636.html

      Overall life satisfaction is a lot harder to grok, though this study tried and came to a pretty obvious conclusion: https://www.latimes.com/science/sci...aving-kids-make-you-happy-20140114-story.html

      Anyway, you're being an asshole; someone posted a thread asking for advice from parents with tinnitus, they didn't ask for the unsolicited opinions and memes of childless juveniles who don't even have tinnitus anymore. Don't you have your whole own thread to go shit up? Not everything has to be about you, dude, and that's all I've got to say on this in public so feel free to PM me if you want to continue this unhelpful derail.
       
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    22. threefirefour
      Peeping tom

      threefirefour Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      5/15/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      140dB B R U H moment
      Sorry but you know the rules. ofc I'm gonna reply. Your coworker could be retiring earlier without kids just saying.

      And yeah I'm aiming for early retirement. That's what I mean. Tons of cash is a good way to get there, and being a doctor provides.

      And even if what I said was somehow misogynistic, it doesn't make it any less true. Sure it doesn't always "ruin" a womens body, but there's a very significant number of ailments women can develop after pregnancy. You assuming I meant "ugly" is misogynistic. Not facts.
      https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1016/S1526-9523(99)00003-3

      And for parents being happier there's papers all over the place about it, but the article says "if you want kids". vasectomy and Hysterectomies have a very low regret rate of 3%. You can just choose to adopt if you regret kids, but you can't yeetus the fetus them after they're born.

      Yes I do have a whole thread to shit up but you have to see where there's a need. I'm not making it about me, I'm helping OP. Idc if they want to have kids tbh, just as long as they know it's not a good idea. There's no good financial reason to have kids, the only reason people should have kids in the developed world is if they like kids. No more no less.

      You want to say anything else than feel free to DM me.
       
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    23. threefirefour
      Peeping tom

      threefirefour Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      5/15/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      140dB B R U H moment
      Wow where can I sign up?
       
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    24. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      destroy all creatures. they cannot be regenerated.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      :D That was mostly me being tongue in cheek, though I'm a bit surprised you didn't jump on that sooner.

      That phase doesn't last very long, and for me (admittedly a career insomniac), the sleep disruption was inconsequential. Certainly, it helped that my salary allowed my wife to take a couple years to be in full-time parent mode.

      A more serious comment would be, "mostly I'd rather be hanging out with my kid than posting on forums, because she's awesome" (and on her way to sleep at the moment).

      All of that said, I'm certainly not encouraging anyone to have kids, and I think that people who are pushy on that have a screw loose, it's about as obnoxious as trying to convert them to your religion.

      @threefirefour as much as we may disagree on large chunks of this, I'm sure we can agree that whether or not one has kids, practicing the act of doing so is both fun... and an excellent distraction from tinnitus, and the rest of life's miseries?

      And saying it's "not a good idea" is a personal value call, and also about as obnoxious as trying to convert someone to your religion. As far as the rest of this quote, isn't the same thing true of any number of other things with overall bad ROI which people do because they want to, like buying sports cars?

      There's another calculus here -- as much as having kids might be financially disadvantageous for the individual, if everyone stops having kids, it's catastrophic for the sustainability of the economy. The only alternative is taking in massive amounts of immigrants to gradually replace the work force. Japan is grappling with this right now.

      https://www.independent.co.uk/news/...ng-serious-problems-for-economy-a7770596.html
       
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    25. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
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    26. Samantha R

      Samantha R Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador

      Location:
      Geelong Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @AlanS I just saw I'd been tagged in this by Deb.
      I have a 4 year old, and 2 year old twins. My tinnitus came on one month after my twins were born.
      Kids are noisy, that's a fact, but I've never found them to be unbearable or like the noise of a cry or occasional scream would cause damage to my ears.
      When the twins were babies, I'd make sure to keep them away from my ears when comforting, or if crying was prolonged, I'd use ear protection.
      It's probably overkill, but it made me feel more comfortable with the situation.
      There are times when you just can't be ready for a scream, like the other day my son woke from a sleep while we were in the car screaming because he needed to go to the toilet. I wasn't ready for that and it was loud, very loud, but I'm fine. These things happen.
      I do take Nicotinamide Riboside, NAC and Curcumin which potentially provide protection against damage, so I feel like I'm doing all I can to protect myself, not just against the children's noises, but against everyday noise I can't avoid.
      I can't wear earplugs around them all the time, I'd go crazy listening to my tinnitus and would miss out on properly interacting with them.
      I wish you all the best, in my opinion, it's an amazing experience to be a parent and I don't regret it at all.
      Please let me know if I can share anything else with you.
      Sam.
       
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