Having a Very Difficult Day...

My T is ratcheting up to the loudest its been in about two months and I'm feeling down and discouraged. I thought I was starting to habituate--most times my T doesn't bother me but today I can't bear to hear it so I'm masking it (it's so loud I can hear it above the blue noise). Tomorrow is 7 months in and I guess I'm back to square one.

 

Kathi one bad day won't put you back to square one. My last few days were quite bad t wise but I'm feeling better today and haven't heard it much today. Its ok to have days like this . You said most days it doesn't bother you. Once in a while it will untill your fully habituated. You will be better soon. I find when I stress about other things somehow my t is louder and for some reason I belive the stress is from the t and I get into that circle. As soon as I'm calm again I realize what was going on. Anyway sorry for the rambling but you'll be great.

 

Hi Kathi

Try not to feel discouraged. Just remember that most of the time your T doesn't bother you & it won't be long before you feel that way again.

I know how hard it is to think like that whilst your head is screaming but 'keep calm, keep busy & talk to friends & family' - it will pass & you'll feel better.

T is cruel in the extreme - the way that it makes you believe it's almost gone, that you're finally getting rid of it and then it comes back in full force. I don't think you're back to square one - have a think about how you felt at the beginning most of the time - do you feel better than that most of the time now?

I found the best way of coping at times like those was either to keep busy, talk to friends (for hours!) or hide under a duvet just peeping out to watch a film. Anything that you can concentrate on - that takes away just some of the tedious task of having to listen to tinnitus.

Good luck - stay strong.

Click x

 

Kathi, I'm sorry you're having a tough day. You are going to be fine. Tinnitus has a mind of its own and knowing that it can be unpredictable can be an important piece of the habituation puzzle. From your other recent posts, it is pretty clear you are starting to habituate and there is no reason to believe you won't continue to do so. You're not back to square one. Those days are over.

When things begin to go well, and we see a little daylight, we may sometimes feel the process of habituation will move in a straight line. And if it doesn't always do so (and it rarely does for anyone), we may question whether we are making the sort of progress we thought we were making. It may not feel this way to you at the moment, but you are making terrific progress. Try not to confuse a difficult day with a lack of progress.

In important ways, difficult days and what we do when they occur are a huge part of the habituation process. I admire the perspective the previous posters shared with you. click is right that it is just a matter of time before tinnitus won't bother you again and cullen is right that it is OK to have days like this.

A good place to get to is when we don't assume we are making progress because tinnitus is soft or assume we are losing ground if tinnitus is louder than usual.

here2help

 

Thank you cullenbohannon-- you're right. I was very upset about my cat yesterday. He got outside --we rescued him when he was a kitten and he is an indoor cat. I couldn't sleep. He finally came in at 3 a.m. I'm happy you are feeling better. Talking with you always helps me.

I had to turn the blue noise off--it was making me irate. I'd rather listen to 'sylvie'--that's what I named my T. I read that patients with chronic pain name their pain to help manage it so I thought I'd give it a try.

 

Hi @Kathi, I'll just agreed with what the others have said. You are not back to Square One. It's just that crazy thing called habituation. I don't think we can ever be guaranteed 100 percent "good" days in life -- with or without tinnitus. @here2help said something valuable: It's what you learn to do with the difficult days (I try not to say "bad" days any more) that counts.

You ARE getting better and this will pass. Over the weekend, I was as little disappointed that my ears decided to be somewhat noisy during my mini Memorial Day vacation. But I didn't let it stop me from having a good time. And yesterday? The quietest day I have possibly ever had, so quieeeett I really could not tell I had tinnitus. Those days are right around the corner for us all.

And thank god for things like maskers to help us through. Darwin had tinnitus, and a host of other miserable ailments, throughout his life. Can you imagine bobbing around in a sailboat over rough, uncharted waters for months and months -- no masker, no white noise generator, no Tinnitus Talk??!! Tinnitus technology has a long way to go. But I am thankful I am living with T today versus living with T more than 100 years ago.

Wishing you quieter days soon.

 

Thanks Click! How soon I forgot how horrific it was at first. Thank you for reminding me. I'm going to put on my X-file cd's after I do some relaxation exercises. Thanks for being here--just posting to you and Cullen has taken me out of my head.

 

Thank you so much for your advice and encouragement. Click and Cullen are right--we do have bad days, even non T people have bad days--and I did forget how bad it was in the beginning. Compared to then, today is a walk in the park. . I do have to remember that even though I couldn't stand to hear my T today, I was not afraid or terrorized by it like in the beginning. I guess I had a T hissy fit.

T is so hard to understand. Why is it so quiet some days? Is it truly quiet or am I just not hearing it? Does my brain take a break from monitoring it? a mystery for sure. I'm truly glad that you are here --you help me a lot and I appreciate that you always tell it like it really is.

 

Yes, as everyone says, you will return to your normal state. I still have loud days, but they are very few now! So, no worry! You'll be better soon and as time passes you'll have more and more good days.

 

You made me laugh out loud picturing Darwin in that sailboat! Thank you for being here. I know this will pass--it's already better. I've been typing with no masker and am feeling better.

 

Kathi
So sorry you're having a bad day ; you have probably 'largely' habituated (just not completely yet) so don't get too discouraged. It took me over a year to habituate (it just kind of all happened one week, I wasn't really expecting it); but I had my share of major (and many minor) setbacks in that year -- hated them. But I came to recognize them for what they are and learned my fear that 'all would go wrong from here on out' was unfounded. I also learned what kinds of situations / environment preceded the setback and learned to either avoid them or deal with them better. Then when I had another spike or big setback (in any sense of the word) I could at least understand that it was situation 'X' or environmental factor 'Y' that caused it -- understanding helped me relax quite a bit more (which also helped).

You have 7 months experience with T under your belt -- call on that and you will get back on track. Good days ahead!

Until then...Prayers!

Mark

 

Kathi, from reading your previous posts I am sure you are on the right way towards habituation.
You will get through this, I am sure.

I call my T "RINGO".

Stay strong.

 

Thank you all for your help getting through my discouragement. I am much better today.
--I'm camping in my mobile home as I type this and we had a wonderful day. My husband and I went all over the county looking for antiques--then we went to a place that was on the show American Pickers...such a good day. Today I'm okay and all we really have is today. My T is loud right now but I'm tired and 'sylvie' is telling me to get some rest.

@Martin69, RINGO is an excellent name!