Hello Everyone — I'm Easily Depressed, and Tinnitus Has Made Me Feel Like Wanting to Die...

Hello everyone. I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Stephanie. I am 27 years old.
All my life I've suffered from tinnitus but from the majority of my life it was in the background and only affected me when I went to bed. 4 days ago that changed sadly... and now the noise is so loud...

I've never listened to music extremely loud for long periods of time. Once here and there I did. I probably shouldn't have but being young and stupid I did and now I am paying the consequences and will have to live for the rest of my life with this loud noise.

My tinnitus is like a high pitched white noise. That has been driving me insane since it started. The thought of having to live with this for the rest of my life depresses me so so much... I've never even been to a concert in my life and now with this I doubt that I ever will go again for fear of losing my hearing all together.

On Thursday I have a doctor's appointment but I'm not very positive... :/ Now I'm telling all my friends and people I care about to take care of their hearing. You don't know how precious it is until it's affected...

I'm easily depressed and now with this, it has made things worse... and honestly made me feel like I wanna die...

 

Most spikes are temporary spikes. It makes sense to begin to worry about it being permanent only after no improvement after 1-3 months.

When people first get tinnitus, it often changes a lot after a year or two. So even if this is permanent, you shouldn't assume that the sound that you are listening to now is the sound that you will get stuck with. It ought to soften and fade.

Check out
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...eone-else-who-has-tinnitus.26850/#post-307822

 

HI @StPh000

Before your tinnitus got loud, did you regularly listen to music through headphones or earbuds?

Michael

 

Is that true for tinnitus brought on by medication too? After how long usually does it start to soften and fade? Will stressing about it stop it from softening and fading?

Mine feels like it's going to be permanently high pitched. And I stress about it big time.

 

People with noise induced tinnitus often report experiencing improvement after a month or two. If there is no fading after 3-4 months, that isn't a good sign.

I think there are medications for which it would be true. Also, perhaps the timeline is different if one's tinnitus is due to ototoxic medication...

Have you experienced Any changes for the better compared to how it was back in July?

 

It isn't contributing to your recovery, but I can't imagine it Stopping the healing in its tracks...

 

Stephanie, you may have impacted wax.

Do not let them microsuction it if that's the case, insist they clear it manually.
So sorry you are suffering, nearly everybody here including myself feels like dying when tinnitus kicks in. Wait till you see your ENT and perhaps get some meds to calm down bit. It's early days... stay strong, stay calm, and don't lose hope.

 

No. Mine was caused by meds, but then made worse by an MRi scan. Since then it hasn't changed at all. And I'm full on stressed about it.

 

Early days......hang tight.

 

I was the happiest person in the world until my demon tinnitus spiked like never before, a few months ago. I have been suffering from it for 30 years but it always faded into the background. I had so much anxiety I thought I was losing my mind. I became suicidal for about 2 weeks. I searched for the easiest and most foolproof way to do it, each night being sure to delete my browser history just in case my husband found it and panicked. It was the darkest time in my life, and I'm 66 years old. Luckily, I found that there is no foolproof way to do it, and usually you end up in a worse situation. I was scared of that happening but I will tell you, I fantasized about it for a solid 2 weeks. I did not want to live with this the rest of my life. I thought about what it would do to my husband, dogs and friends, but still did not want to live. I think this is common for everyone.

BTW I wrote an article about myself for Tinnitus Today, the ATA's magazine. It will be published in the spring issue. It is brutally honest. The editor wrote the title, it is: From Perfect Health to Thoughts of Suicide. That says it all about the tinnitus, doesn't it. I hate the tinnitus more than I have ever hated anything in my life, and would do anything to get rid of it.

Trying to habituate... I do have hearing aids with maskers and phone apps, they help but some days that is not even enough.

Stay strong, friends. When people say they cannot live with this for the rest of their lives, I hear ya.

 

First of all thank you for your integrity in explaining just how severe this thing can get.
Many light sufferers do not believe it.
I am pretty sure you will have tried just about everything Trudy.
I wonder if you’ve tried deep relaxation and meditation in order to acclimatise yourself to the sounds while feeling quite calm?
It does help me.
Forgive me if it’s not a helpful suggestion.
Dave x
Jazzer

 

Hi Jazzer, thank you so very much for your post! Yes I do find that deep relaxation does help!
I am also frustrated when people who have "light" or "low" tinnitus don't understand. They say "just ignore it." Right...how many of us have been to doctors who have said the same thing: there's no cure for it, turn on the radio.
Ah if it were only that easy.
I do have to tell you, in addition to my hearing aid maskers, I have a 2nd Resound app that you can program with more flexibility than just the "whoosh" maskers, it has rain, crickets, dishwasher, traffic, etc. It's very helpful when it gets bad. Sometimes the T does not bother me much but I've got a week-long mild cold and congestion that is sort of staying where it is, no "virus shedding" yet (the drippy nose etc), but ear clogging and congestion. So it's been louder this week than usual. I go to the dog park with the angel dog in the picture every morning, I never hear it there, due to being outside and the relaxation and fun that comes from playing with all the dogs. Your suggestion is wonderful, thank you so much! I tend to go to this forum every day, as it is very comforting to me.

 

I feel the same as you. I’m 26 I have no idea how to deal with this anymore. It’s the same high pitched sound

 

Hi Stph000
I too just got my tinnitus, and for the last few months I have felt as you do. However all that is begining to change as I am hearing more and more positive stories of recovery. From everything I've read it is not necessarily an EAR issue. It's a brain issue which actually is good news. Please dont be scared or feel you are alone in this, you are not. Its frightening at first to say the very least and as I'm new to this as well I can say I've had many bad days but only 3 months into this and my mental outlook has improved and my days are getting better and yours will too. Be patient , distract yourself with calming sounds, of course make sure there is nothing medical going on and then try reading other people's journeys. There are lots of good resources out there. If you ever need to talk or feel alone I'd be delighted to speak with you privately just as one sufferer to another. But truthfully a good support system is key but that is hard because if you've never had tinnitus, its impossible to relate to how debilitating and terrifying it can be .

 

Hi @Trudy in Tucson



We are close in age. I am new to tinnitus and hyperacusis so currently still struggling with it. I related to some of the things you said. I noticed you haven't been around since March….was just wondering how you were doing.

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Hi @Trudy in Tucson ! I read your article in ATA. So sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Thinking of you!