Hello, Just Another Sufferer

Hey, I am Emanuel and I am 19 years old... I got tinnitus last year however it was very mild and easily masked by every sound.. It became much worse in a matter of months and now I am very depressed by it. I think this completely ruined my life, went to the audiology and the doctor said my hearing was in the normal range and said this is totally normal and it got worse because I am focusing on it, although i still think I have this because of being irresponsible and listening music through headphones for way too long, since I don't see any other explanation why I have it so severe. Along with it I also have hyperacusis...
The hyperacusis seemed to be getting better but now its horrible again and I have headaches and earache. Honestly I don't even know why I am writing this except that maybe to just try to express my mind, since this took all purpose and motivation from me...

Honestly I have no idea what to do next, probably going to try living it day by day until maybe i gain the courage to end my life, don't know how to keep going with this really. Would like some comments and feedback on how others reacted to their own because from what I see people either get habituated to it or get it better, for me it has only become worse, much worse and I don't feel not even near to being habituated.
Thank you for your time if you are viewing this

 

Dear Emanuel,

I am sorry to read that you are struggling very hard trying to live with this...

I understand you completely ! Because I am in the same situation where I really don't know how I could live my life like this... And furthermore I also have other things to cope with...

What I suggest right now is to keep coming here to express your pain and see that you are not alone with this shit !

And especially because there are a LOT of very good people on this website ! With very good advice and support !

Otherwise, do you have an activity like sport or anything else who may help you ???

Take care man !

Christophe

 

The people here seem amazing! And even with the sad part being that no one can take this away from you, its amazing the support you can get here... As I said I am really struggling and at this point I am trying everything just to remain sane hence me creating my profile and trying to create a thread where i can get some feedback. Well I do try to keep myself busy... music was one of my main things that I loved... and now it just annoys me mostly because tinnitus...
It is really depressing and I can't believe people live their entire lives with this. I ve had struggles in the past... but nothing even comes close to this, I can't enjoy things anymore, and hope that someday that changes, even though now I have no hopes anymore.

What about you? you have had it for longer than me, has it become worse or better for you over time? From what ive ready people get better over time and it becomes quieter... for me it has been the opposite

 

I think this is because it is really hard to live with, that people are so nice and comprehensive... Because they know what suffer it can bring !

For the music you can listen to it but you can start with the sound really low, at least for now...

Do you have familly or friends to who you can share that ?

From my side, I was not feeling very well mentally way before the Tinnitus started... But from the beginning I think it has increased... But everyone is different...

And yes me too, I really couldn't expect to have this one day in my life !!!

 

I literally didn't know this was a thing until I actually got it... and even though the most plausible reason is noise induced I have been a lot more cautious... still got a lot worse saddly...
And yes I still do listen to music not NEARLY as often, not nearly as good as it used cause now even some sounds and noises make my tinnitus go bat sh t crazy... To be honest I don't think I was very good mentally before this started either but after it became worse to the point that no sound masked it, since then its like every problem has been dulled to the point that they don't even matter... all my doubts, fears, hopes, dreams... all that been put on hold because of this. Don't know what to do with it at this point...
I have shared with my family... i live with my uncle and aunt, and they tried to care at first but now i just don't bother telling them, my mom I talk to her and she gives me some support but I try not to complain to her much because she has lots to worry on her own...

 

Hi Emanuel,
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I have T for almost 10 years. It's only mild and has stayed pretty much the same since it began. Have you tried any sound therapies for your T and H? Have you tried any medications or supplements? I found that Lexapro 10mg reduced it by maybe 30-50% but only took it for a year as it made my hearing loss worse. I don't have any idea if that might do anything for you or what effect it could have on your T or H. There are numerous drugs for other conditions which can reduce your T or change it a bit. You might want to get some feedback from more members here about what drugs or supplements they might have tried and if they had positive or negative effects. The effects can vary from individual to individual and can also make your condition even worse. You'll have to make the choice yourself. We all get very down here sometimes because these conditions completely suck. I hope you find something that helps your condition. You're young and deserve to be enjoying your life. I hope you can get back to doing that.

Best of luck.
Darren.

 

@DARREN R Thank you for your feedback.. yeah I know I am very young and I feel like I got stabbed in the back by life ahah but now I have not tried anything because, the audiologist did not recommend any type of medication.. they said I can make another appointment but they take at least 4 weeks... I hope this either goes down, or well what every suffer hopes that it goes away, but I have to say I don't believe it will because since I got it.. it has only worsened...

Another problem I have is sleeping, there are weeks where it is just awful... and its affecting my studying a bit... this week I have been sleeping well thankfully, it is the only rest from this I can have.. I used to hate sleeping, now its the best part of my day, which is quite depressing

Can you tell me how did it affect you over the years... for example, the start, recovery, and the state you are today, would you say you don't care about it anymore? do you hear it at all times?

 

@Emanuel Lourenco - we're all here for you, if your T was mild it would have been easier to adjust, if it has indeed got louder you will now have to adjust to louder T which takes a little longer.

Age is on your side, your brain is probably more plastic and you will be able to better tune out of it in time, give yourself a chance. There are many rewarding things in life other than music or bars etc. You'll find another way, plus research is increasing so hopefully you'll get to enjoy the benefits at some point.

Take care and keep on talking to people. See a GP or someone to help you with your negative emotions, it won't do any harm and it could give you more coping strategies.

 

@Candy Thank you! Well it used to be very mild... but from summer of 2016 till now it has become a lot worse, I don't know why as I ve tried to be a lot more careful with my sound exposure. I do hope I can still recover, Although at this point it feels impossible for me. I've had it for a year after all, most people would get used of it by now no?

I don't know how I am supposed to get used to it, even though studies say younger people can recover a lot better in general from it... I am very confused, depressed and lost at the moment...

Will try to make another appointment to the GP because I just feel like I need something at least for my mental health which is decaying very quickly... I don't remember the last day where I actually felt happy. I am aware there are others in the same situation as me, and wish them all the luck as well.. This really is a very bad thing to have, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy honestly...

 

I'm still getting used to mine and it is loud so I know where you are coming from, however let's keep on trying there is no time limit on habituation and am hopeful in your lifetime there will be more help.

Have you tried a wearable noise generator? They can help...

Yes your emotional state plays a big part in any physical condition so it is important to deal with that and challenge some of those thoughts that keep us stuck...CBT or talking therapies are helpful.

 

I would not recommend listening to a lot of music. I am a music lover myself but lost my appetite and don't really mind it. Don't use headphones. Put them in a drawer and label it "stay off" or something. Don't be tempted not even by sound therapy. I've read stories about people recovering from prologned noise exposure, I'm in the same boat as you. Sometimes I feel good, other times I don't. Take care of your ears and hope for the best.

 

I'll go with Candy on that. Inspite of me crying by being aware that such a young boy is struggling out there with this shit, I think you should bank on your age's healing abilities.

 

I know what you feel, I also ask myself : "What am I going to do in the future ???"

Everything seems very complicated now...

But the thing is, we have to live day by day, we don't really have the choice IMO...

By the way, do you study ? Or work ?

 

@Applejuice Yeah I kinda lost the appetite as well... I went from listening to music for hours every day to none at all, it is quite depressing but oh well, at the moment the only thing i don't want is for this to get worse

 

@Candy I am sad to learn that you are still trying to cope with yours as well...
I have not tried any sound masking because I feel that certain sounds make it worse and that even with sound I notice mine so there is no point... The only good place is in the shower, and even that is becoming easier to detect the T in there too.
I don't even know what is the point of living anymore... It is not worth it like this

 

@Christophe_85 I study currently which sometimes helps get me distracted and sometimes makes it worse because often I want to concentrate and I can't leaving me even more frustrated than I am.
What about you? I see you put living in Geneva... I have been there and I think it is amazing!

 

@vermillion so far I have not felt any recovery saddly, hope you are still right... I guess only time can tell...

 

Hi Emanuel,

My T didn't really bother me that much for years. I wasn't surprised when it started as I had a very bad acoustic trauma a year before it started in 2006. A DJ nearly blew his speakers about 10 feet away from me and I wasn't able to cover my ears. My right ear felt this very intense pain like a red hot poker being stuck in it for about 5-7 seconds as the speakers were to my right.

I believed for years I'd find some cure for my T with supplements or some sound therapy so I always remained hopeful. My T hasn't changed in volume at all since the start with only a few spikes usually for only a few minutes. I only hear it in quiet rooms and in bed but outside it is masked by most sounds. I noticed over the past 2 years that my right ear has developed some NIHL and mild H. My right ear feels sore deep inside all the time now. The right side of my head feels a bit lopsided too which is something else I've only noticed more recently. I've become very depressed about it over the past year. I deeply regret going into the bar where the acoustic trauma happened as it was the only time I went in there. I wish I'd have known to wear earplugs but I never saw anyone wearing them back then so I just didn't think of it. It's really getting me down lately that I've had T for 10 years and now NIHL and H all because of that irresponsible DJ and he got away with it scot-free. I just feel a lot of regret lately and it has me very depressed. I never felt this depressed about anything. I hope I can start to feel better about it all soon but like you I just look forward to sleeping lately. I'll just have to find some way to put it out of my mind I guess.

I hope you can find something that helps you get some relief.

 

@DARREN R Sorry to hear that man, hope you get better as well... This truly is a bitch... I don't know how people recover from this... For me it seems impossible it is too loud and intrusive for me to enjoy anything... Falling asleep is a pain, waking up to that awful screeches is a pain... I don't know what to do... just trying to keep myself alive, since I know it would really hurt my mother if I took my own life...

 

If I had one wish... If i had one thing I could change... I would take this away of us all, no one knows what it's like to want something this bad as we do... All the other problems in my life seem so meaningless now, I would be a super version of me if this went away... Sad thing is... it won't

 

Hello Emanuel,

And what about into your classes ? Is the sound not too loud ?

Yes I like Geneva but life is quite expensive here... And especially the rent !

 

I completely agree with you man !!!

 

It depends the air conditioning and computers in the room mask it a bit but sometimes the airflow makes my tinnitus react too so its kinda weird.. i just know that one day I had to get out of the classroom cause it was making me crazy...

Yeaaaah I know first hand how expensive it is but it is such a cool place to live in... Switzerland in special is just amazing... were you born there?

 

Hi man sorry for the late answer... I don't come here too often... Even if sometimes I should...

Yes I was born in Geneva...

Have you been in Switzerland ?

And most important, how are you nowadays with your T ???

All the Best

Christophe

 

Hi man sorry for the late answer... I don't come here too often... Even if sometimes I should...

Yes I was born in Geneva...

Have you been in Switzerland ?

And most important, how are you nowadays with your T ???

All the Best

Christophe

 

Oups 2 times the same message...

 

I have been to switzerland as a matter in fact i have been there just a few weeks ago now im in france right at the border with geneva.

Still struggling with my T and i think it got worse after I went to a festival even though i wore earplugs. I am feeling more and more let down by this with each day... idk what is the point anymore if i cant even do the thigns i love

 

what about you? how have you been dealing with it?