Discussion in 'Support' started by Danny Boy, Apr 13, 2015.
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Just wondering, does tinnitus make finding love harder? Does it impact your relationship?
My wife has been incredibly sympathetic and supportive, and it may be "helpful" that she herself has a degree of misophonia which makes it somewhat easier for her to relate to my condition.
It's definitely impacted my relationship, but I feel pretty blessed to be married to such a wonderful person, and often times when I am with her I am able to forget about my T entirely. Even when I have a rough day with it like I did yesterday, it's incredibly beneficial to have someone who wants to spend time with me, encouraging me to get out of the house and go get involved in doing things.
Ive lost my relationships
I'm glad she's helping you! My girlfriend really supports me...She tried to get tinnitus to be on the same level, but I stopped her and said don't be crazed and said you don't want this and to never do this again, she promised she wouldn't.
Sorry man! I do hope you find love!
I really believe love helps it offers relief. I always had love when I was well.
You'll find love! Don't let tinnitus discourage you!
That is so true @linearb .
Have a relation for over four years and she is really supporting. Actually this whole situation made our relationship even stronger. I can't sleep without her now, that's the downside.
@ruben ruiz you will bro! Everyone will I didn't had a girlfriend before my 19th and felt terrible about it, though no girl in the world liked me.
No and no.
I met someone about 6 months ago. We are very happy and for sure it helps in forgetting the T
Proper happy for you!
I've never been blessed with such a relationship. However I never wanted one until recently. First I got physically injured, now I have this evil tinnitus. I don't know if I can ever have a man. I am so angry at myself for not asking this one man out when I should of! That was before I got this evil tinnitus. He probably would of left me after I got it. So it's probably better I didn't ask him out. But if I would of asked him out, I wonder If I would of taken him on a date or talked with him on the phone that night rather than blowing up my ears?! Argh! I don't know? But I still think about him everyday and I miss him! I miss that beautiful, sweet, strong, cute, respectful, nice Man! I'm a dummy for not asking him out or getting his number back when I should of! I don't know if I'd have the courage to if I ever saw him again. He was so beautiful inside and outside. He was the second man I that I let go that I felt real love for! I just need to habituate and move forward from here.
After I got T, my boyfriend mentioned he has T too. Since many years. Never told me since it wasn't an issue for him. Sometimes I get angry at him for not warning me at the on concert we attended but it was still my responsibilty to protect myself. It helps to have a partner with T, although he seems very suprised at my anxiety since he never felt bad about his. So it feels like he might as well not have T and understand at all. But sometimes he understands and can reassure me with his own stories about how it has changed or not for him.
Whew thanks Fangen. So I just have to find a man in my same situation then I think. That sounds like a great idea to me no pun intended. I would like to have a man before I die. I am strictly monogamous and believe in mating for life. So I need to make sure I find the right man for me. I need to be the right woman for him. Equal respect and love on both our parts. Together forever. I would love that. So would he. If I ever see him again I'll just ask him and not wimp out. I was too shy then. I was all sweaty and shaky. I was stuttering, and blushing. I couldn't even continue making normal eye to eye contact with him. I really hope he didn't think I was too immature, weak, or dumb?! I don't know? I need more confidence next time I am with a man. I won't make the same mistake three times! Hopefully. Damn he was so BEAUTIFUL! So was the first man I felt that way about! Oh well I'll look until I find one.
@notquiet! personally I don't think you necessarily need to find someone with tinnitus; if my wife had the same exact problems I do I think we'd both go bonkers. Almost everyone has some problem or another, all you need is someone who can relate to you with empathy and compassion.
I don't mean to challenge your beliefs; I think long-term monogamy is an aimable goal (I've been married for 5 years and in the same relationship for more than a decade). However, you do seem to be putting it on a bit of a pedestal, which may not be really practical in today's world. Outside of very specific communities, I think it's a lot easier to approach things from a meeting-people-and-dating point of view, than an eternal commitment one -- in fact, the latter is probably going to scare a lot of guys off if it comes out too quickly! And, "the rest of your life" is a long time -- my wife and I have been through a lot together and it's unlikely to get any easier as we age; making that kind of commitment is something that should be very carefully considered, and, in my opinion, only undertaken with someone you know really, really well and love and trust.
If you don't want to have sex until you're married, that's your own prerogative, and even though I personally wouldn't have chosen that path, it's a big world and I'm sure there are plenty (or at least some? lol) guys that share that view. So, I'm not saying you need to go out and sleep around a bunch (nor did I, really, I was a bit of a serial monogamist until I got committed to the woman I'm married to, but that's all a long way in the past now). But, I think if you sort of recalibrate and get into a dating mindset and just go out and meet people, have fun, be yourself, enjoy nice dinners and long walks on the beach and that sort of thing -- you might find this all less overwhelming.
I didn't mean just the tinnitus part. I meant in the same overall basic situation as I am. I don't want to have sex until I am with the right man because I want it to be special. I don't want to run the risk of catching any sexually transmitted diseases. I wouldn't want to get with a promiscuous man either because he would most likely have an S.T.D. I don't want to get 'married' either. I don't need a dumb wedding ring or legal papers to show my love to him. I am also not a diamond digger either. I need the man not his money. I would happily pay for half our dates and living expenses. Yes a monogamous relationship would be rather difficult for most anyone to pull off, especially is this sexually depraved world. People got to have their S.T.Ds. and hurt their partners feelings! Polygamy I think is overrated. Nothing macho or cool about multiple sex partners to me. I am 29 so it is probably to late for me to get with a man by now. Oh well I'll stay single then still. After all it's not like I really know what I'm missing. If it would just be temporary then it's not worth it to me anyway. Seems like too much of a pain to keep up with multiple partners.
If it wasn't for my wife I don't think I would have made it through these dark times.
Before I married my wife I had T. It went away in about 7 months. I got it again and I am still married with a son and my marriage is strong
I wouldn't say it depends on whether your partner have T or not. Like I mentioned, my boyfriend is usually completely unable to understand my anxiety. He never seem bothered or hindered in his life from T, so for me it is more frustrated that he has T AND cannot understand me. It sometimes feels better if he didn't have T and wasn't able to understand, at least he would have an excuse for being oblivious. But in the end it boils down to how well your partner match you. I am rather prone to worry about things that haven't happen yet and my partner is more of a "one day at the time"-guy, which sometimes can take my worries down. So just because a person have T, doesn't mean they are more suited for you. I hope I have found the right man for me, but we always take chances when we enter a relationship.
If you are still thinking about him, and you are able to bump into him, I do think you should ask him out. If it was someone that you met somewhere and have no idea how to contact, trust me, there will be more guys coming your way
@Fangen I sure do hope so! It's not too late for me now being 29 is it? I fear that bad sometimes. The strange thing about my situation is that I never wanted a relationship before, ever. Now all the sudden I'm dying for one?! I don't like the way that feels. It totally does not feel like something the real me could ever want. It makes me feel like I am not really me. I don't like how it makes me feel weak. But there are plenty of strong people who are in intimate relationships with beloved mates. I guess I need to quit associating such relationships as weakness. Weird!
Why would it be too late? 29 is not old. I'm 27 soon, I'd rather wait until i'm 45 if I have to find the right man. There is nothing worse, not even T, than spending your time on someone that is not worth it. So don't stress. It will come to you when it it does.
You're seeking someone that can support you in your times of need, and that is the bright side of a relationship. Someone that can help you carry your fear and anxiety. But you're strong, you'll do fine with or without a partner dont forget family and friends are great too!
@notquiet! it is admirable you are waiting for the right one, most women sleep with too many men.
Uh there's nothing admirable about it. Thanks anyway for useless compliment I guess. It has nothing to do with virtue. I just don't want an S.T.D. What's so admirable about not wanting to get sick? Too many men sleep with too many women also. Shouldn't that be considered inappropriate for men to sleep with too many women? Shouldn't men be considered admirable for being celibate like women if that's the case? I think so. To keep in fair and unbiased. Men should wait for the right woman in my opinion then and same for women. If a man sleeps around he isn't some macho man or a stud. I have equally less respect for both men and women alike for sleeping around. I have no double standards.
Thank you Fangen. I totally agree. I can't wait to make some good friends. My best friend in the world is my awesome sweet little sister. I love her so much. That is why we aren't just sisters we are best friends forever.
Condoms work wonders.
I believe women should do whatever they want. If that is what some women want to do, how does that affect you?
I think tinnitus can put a huge strain on relationships, not least because I think it is very difficult for those not afflicted to understand how much tinnitus can affect the person - most notably for me was how much it disturbs my sleep. For months I was barely sleeping and despite ones best efforts, this naturally affects everyone in the household.
no, and not at all.