I Actually Don't Give a S*it...

Prayers for you Blackbird

 

I have also found helping others and developing a heart opening mindset helps. I am really fantisizing about getting some kind of job that allows for that fulltime...

 

Thank you Eric Peterson. I was getting a little tired of masking all the time so that is good to hear.

When I hit my 4 week mark on Wednesday, I became depressed again but got busy doing things to get my mind off of it.

I have 2 neighbors (my age) fighting cancer so I also remind myself that T is a small battle when compared to that.

I look forward to the day that mine isn't noticeable anymore and I can help newbies on this forum like you are.

 

@John Meyers

Sounds like we are very similar... I have masking and I get tired of hearing it also. Mine is high pitched and difficult to mask so it's more like mixing; different sounds become annoying at times and I'm picking up a bit of H in the mornings for the human voice it seems sometimes... it goes away so I know it is probably psychological or my brain is getting used to the mixing of the sounds. I even bought the expensive aids for masking but I'm afraid they will make my sleep masking annoying so I am trying to use them sparingly. I don't want to wear the aids full time which is what my audiologist would like... I have only minor hearing loss at least to 10k so there is not much amplification going at all. I am on nasal steroids for sinus right now and I believe that is making it a bit louder and was also a partial cause.. I know this is not supposed to happen but... I was on them when it started as well and I highly suspect them along with anti-histamine spray as a cause. Who can know though... I am just continuing spraying and hoping it's just my nerves and Fridays seem kinda rough for me anyway.

I am freaking out and having issues as I slowly accept this condition... but I'm still working, still trying to live a normal life and really I hope hope hope I can come back in however long to encourage some people later on. I want to get to the other side of this as a better person on top which is already happening. This condition strips you bare to your true self. I find all I want to do is tell people how much I love them now. Shatner was right... one of the scary things about this at first (and for me currently) is that it reminds you of your mortality because you're likely going to hear it until you croak (unless there is a cure or something). I believe the brain can learn to tune this out and that i can eventually not give a crap about it. Sometimes during the day I don't... be careful staying busy. I'm a few weeks ahead of you.. I wore my body down and actually stressed more I think. Stay busy but not crazy busy. I was doing too much at first. Watch your jaw if you are clenching dealing with it. That's one of my main problems now...

 

Hello Daniel Nichols,

This will make you feel better: I did a lot of research in Week 2 and learned that 80 to 90% of first time sufferers get rid of T within 12 months. -- You can pop all the vitamins you want but 'TIME' is the biggest remedy.

Meditation has been helping me cope lately as well (especially when I was bummed out on Wednesday)

If you can, I would get off the nasal steroids. -- Personally, I would rather have a stuffed up nose that T.

In the first week, I was only at about a level 3 which was tolerable. -- In week 2, it got twice as loud (6) and has stayed their since. -- I was like wtf!

I have eating very healthy and working out a lot to "beat it out of my head". -- My T gets intense when I am hungry so I have been snacking every couple of hours. -- I never thought I would be eating Spinach salads!!

I turns into a higher pitch when I have a few beers but there are a few 'weekly routines' that I refuse to give up!

There are a lot of 'smiley faces' in my posts, however, I struggle with this big time as well. -- Just keep reminding yourself that you are going to get this monkey off your back sooner than later and stay positive (It's hard but you can do it).

 

@DanielN and @John Meyers how are you guys doing? Looks like we started our Trouble nearly the same weeks... John you are right TIME will be a support for us, but how do we get there while struggeling?!

 

One day at a time. Roller coaster is common in the beginning. Get a good audiologist (or two). Try to find your stress triggers (which can be hard, what I'm doing under guidance), being around people, being a little busy. Give yourself little things to look forward to every day and week. Avoid bad things that affect your mind... violent entertainment etc (hard to do!). Find something NEW that compels your interest... for me it's Dr Who lately (I've never watched the new ones) and gardening so far. I also got back to my faith which helps as well. Find a place that your T doesn't seem to bother you as bad and hang there. I think I am making progress in some areas and some I'm not sure about. Not sure about anything with it really! I can sleep at night with no masking now (although I still only get 4 - 6 hours)... I might be calming down a little with it but it is taking time... but I still have some bad moments. People say I'm doing better though! I guess I am! The other day I freaked out about it and started a loudness runaway and even got light-headed... an hour or so later I was in an appointment (relaxed, with my audiologist) I could not hear it at all. So yes, the mind can do this and it's not all in the ears either. Give yourself advice! Outloud even. You have to retrain your brain. Use meds if you need them. The sound is not only in your ears it's in your neurons. It's trapped there and amplified by the emotional centers of your brain because you hate it. I am in TRT and listening to either music or some noise piped into my hearing aids all the time to help convert the signal into something neutral. Listening to something all the time is also annoying lol... but I am also grateful for it. It will help in time. At first I didn't like wearing the aids but now I do like them. I have a little hearing boost program too just for fun. I have minor hearing loss that wouldn't normally warrant an aid but I am getting used to amplified hearing etc... They aids are feeling less foreign. I am becoming extremely fascinated by hearing technology. Let yourself be fascinated.... You will never be the same even if you completely get over this because it's changed your perspective on life- or maybe just brought you back to the real you; let yourself be renewed. Keep thinking of it this way. Drag yourself up every day. I still have bad moments with it, but I've had moments lately where I don't feel like it is the end of the world anymore and that I can get used to it. The T is the secondary enemy; the primary is anxiety/depression. You can live with the T, your mind CAN learn to ignore it. The fight is the depression/anxiety because it gives T the ability to break you down. For me the work day is the worst time... when I am around people and having fun I don't notice it as much or at all and even if I do I don't care because I feel included in the fun... and because I am happy to see their happiness. I think after writing this maybe just maybe I am turning a corner with it...

I have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm still learning also... I WILL GET OVER THIS AND SO WILL YOU! Time, meds, whatever... get yourself feeling as good as you can right now.

@John Meyers Can't get off of them unfortunately (I wish that I could, and I'm not sure they are causing it or not... I suspect they are making it worse a lot) , sinus surgery coming up >_< I'll get off of them as soon as I can.


***Trying to limit my net exposure for things like this! Remember it's your journey, not someone elses.

 

Hello Tim, To get there, I stay busy and eat healthy.

Lately, I have been beating myself up since I would be fine if I didn't do something very stupid while at that loud concert. -- I know that dwelling on the past is bad when trying to recover.

To compensate, I started meditating (while saying "I will recover from T soon") and helping others more which helps me keep a positive mindset.

It's a struggle for sure and Winter will suck without being able to open windows and be outside (natural masking) but I do believe that we are going to be in a much better place in about 5 months. -- Keep telling yourself that. Your mind will listen to you and calm things down if you say it out loud a few times every few hours.

Have you found anything else to help you cope? Sincerely, John

 

Glad to hear that you are making progress Daniel. -- I was worried about ya.

Keep in touch and stay positive. -- You got this!

 

@DanielN I had the sinus surgery about 3 months ago. was life changing for me. Made my ETD much better, cleared my sinuses, etc. T is still there. But now I only have that to deal with, which makes everything else easier.

 

@John Meyers Yes....hard times for us. Had an apt with my Dentist yesterday, right now everything is fine, I did not wear plugs like many People recommend on here, one crown had to be done. I am functioning right now, sleeping without meds is ok, but just around 6/7 hours. I am not masking the whole day, just some Music...... I a can hear it but I try to Keep neutral. What about you? Do you often use plugs?

 

I am sorry this my post seemed to have somewhat divided opinion. Perhaps I came across too much like it's not a big deal, when clearly it is.

I was simply making the point that for me, the anxiety and panic and emotional response (negative) was far worse than the T itself. I can hear my T now, sitting at my desk in work but it does not bring out an emotional response. I just don't care about it. That was my only point I was trying to make.... That and the fact I have been a long sufferer of anxiety and panic so if I can over come this anyone else can. I was hoping to be helpful.

I in no way was trying to trivialise this awful condition. Definetly not. There are times when it does annoy me for sure and in the beginning it was probably the worst period of my life, ever.

I hope that everyone comes to terms with this condition and has a fulfilling, stress free life from this terrible condition!

Chris

 

@eric peterson

Totally agree that full masking is not advisable. The only way you will get used to this condition is to gradually expose yourself to it to the point where it no longer stimulates a negative response.

 

@Blackbird26

Good luck mate. Chin up

 

Hello Tim. I keep plugs nearby and only use with our blender or if I take the kids to a movie. -- When I am near any sirens, I simply plug my ears with my fingers (like many people do).

I'm going to a bar next week to watch a hockey game and I really don't want to use them but may need to at least put a plug in my right ear (where most of my T is)..

 

I would imagine that the louder your T is at the beginning, the more anxiety and emotion that it causes the sufferer. But I don't know of any evidence to suggest that loudness of T has any correlation in the long term with people's ability to habituate to T. People with very loud T (like yours seems to be, and I believe mine to be), still go on to habituate at a very high rate, the same high rate of everyone else who has lesser T. You're doing everyone a favor here trying to help people lessen their anxiety and soften their attitude toward their T. It is truly the way to begin the habituation process. We're going to have to live with this for a loooooooong time, might as well try and make friends with it. Smashing your head against the wall never got anyone anywhere. Keep up the positive message. I needed so much help early on in my T from friends, family and @Dr. Hubbard , who was a god send. I feel like I need to pay it fwd at this point. Passing on this message of positive thinking and living life to the fullest with T is definitely the way to do it. Mine's never going away. And frankly, I don't care at this point.

Good luck,

Eric

 

Here is my take on loudness , when its super loud it matters ...a lot. When its low it it doent matter and becomes just as annoying as when its loud . hope that makes sense.

 

@eric peterson

Hey Eric, thanks for your post. I hope I am of some help. I am glad to return the help I received when I came her shutting myself and wishing I could drill my ears out!

@RaZaH

Hey man, totally. If that is your perception then that is totally fine. We are allowed to have different points of view

While mine is no where near as bad as some people's ( my friends mum has the highest pitch possible in one ear 24/7 ), I can lie in bed on either side and hear it really loudly in my ear. Regardless of this I am able to just ignore it and watch tv or whatever and in unaware of it for hours. When I am made aware of it again it is so loud!!!

I believe that I am able to do this because I have developed a ' fuck it, it won't kill me. At least I don't have..... ' and then proceed to list horrible diseases that kill people.

That's just how I've decided to accept it. I will never allow this illness to dictate my life. Never!

Good luck mate.

I am always available to chat!
Chris

 

...time ..29 years is time enough and louder than ever......



That is all