I Find This Unbearable

Hi
first of all its not my first language so be easy with me as I do my best

Ive been reading a lot of posts from this forum recently and I found that it help me realise that im not the only one suffering with this condition and it wasnt just me that making this a big thing. Ive been telling by doctors things like oh yeah its not a big deal people that develop tinnitus usually dont notice it but just when they get stressed out. Ive been gaving the usual sentence : learn to live with it. I searched a cure on internet and just found a lot of scams that makes me hate humanity a little more.
So i think its time that I introduce me and explain my situation. Im a 23 years old french male from Quebec and have a passion with debate stuff, media and propaganda. I also suffer from Ocd and obsessive/intrusive idea pretty much my whole life and suffer at some times from depression by the cause of it being exhausted from trying to cope with it. Recently (about one year) I was recovering and started being enough stable to restart having a job and so on.
Ive started working in an environnement with some loud noises but at my stable post it was much more quiet (I could talk with my teamates with no problems). But still when some materials was dropping (stacking plates) it makes a big noise. Nobody was wearing earplugs at my post so I assumed it was okay to do so
Just after five days I started hearing a ringing and I just panic..
It doesnt leave me since (2 months)
I started wearing my earplugs every other days but I had to quit because of my situation, my Ocd have relapse and with the combination with tinnitus I feel so depressed.. even suicidal. I feel like I return to phase 1, even worst because of T. I feel like all my efforts are being crush and the mountain is just to big this time, Im exhausted mentally
I can ear my T over most of things if I search it except in the shower and its unbearable when I lay down to sleep and woke up. Its a high frequency like the feedback of a TV and I have it in both ears with a slice difference in frequency.
I dont know if this was a factor of aggravation since Ive read some bad things about it but I was on Prozac for my OCD a long time but had stop 4 month before the onset of T (not cold turkey) because I was feeling like a robot.
I am now with the ringing and OCD there for stopping me doing things to stop focussing on it. Im in so much pain right now that I want to stop being there but I dont do it because I love my friends and family and I dont want them to suffer.. and the fact that I fear to just give me big injuries and miss my attempt as Ive learn that it happened to many peoples.
I want to ear if some people found ways to cope with the combination of OCD/anxiety and tinnitus or have the same shitty setting as me. I feel so trap in my own body and suffering. Im about to maybe restart taking Prozac but Im so scare that it worsen my T. Its a big chance to take but my stress level right now is unbearable I want to take the edge off. And is it me or its realist that theres not much hope for a cure with the complexity of this condition? And the fact that theyre not taking this condition seriously? Researches saying the impact of T lessen with time. I hope so people dont have a choice god damnit.
Sorry for being so pessimist I cant find relief at the moment and Im a little hopeless with my situation returning once again to baseline even with a new problem that I have no control on.

 

First of all let me tell you that it will get better!! We all know what you're going through because we've been there! My T was also loud and high in frequency, and I also have hyperacusis. When I first got it my anxiety went through the roof!! Both my T and H have diminished with time as most others will tell you. Whether it's habituation or your own body healing we'll never know but, for most, it does happen. I took an antihistamine to help me sleep and relax and began an SSRI (Zoloft). I still have bad days but more good than bad. I know it's hard, but try to stay positive and get your mind off the "I can't live with this" train. You can and you will like many others have. M sure you've read on using masking to help you sleep. Whether white, pink, or nature sounds find something that will help and use it, even at work if you can. I don't have OCD so can't help you there, sorry. Have you been to a doctor yet?

 

Yes i went to a GP and after an ENT and they pretty much said to me that theres nothing they can do and that I will have to learn to live with it. My GP even was like "its no big deal" but i never like him very much with his approach. I also returned to see my psychiatrist and when I mention the possible ototoxicity of antidepressant she said that she never heard of such thing but she looked for articles on web and was surprised to found some.

 

Thanks for the positives thoughts I hope that it will get better but find it hard to consider that I will be bless with habituation since my OCD obsess with the ringing

 

Welcome to the forum. I have empathy of your suffering. Yes, there are lots of members with the condition you list above. Just search OCD and you will get lots of threads. Many, including myself have PTSD, anxiety and panic disorder, even hyperacusis or pulsatile T or morse code T. So your situation, though difficult for you, is actually quite common, including the typical reaction of anxiety, panic, depression, sleeplessness and even suicidal thoughts.

At this early stage of T a new sufferer will usually be very scared and anxious about the future. T is undesirable but livable, even long termed. But at the new stage, a sufferer usually falls trap into thinking life with T is not acceptable nor livable, therefore giving rise to so much anxiety and stress, even suicidal thoughts. That will change gradually over time. You are now functioning with the limbic nervous system which functions in fight or flight mode, and everything about T feels so much worse than it is. Over time you normal parasympathetic nervous system will take over and things will be easier to handle.

If you read the success stories, you will find most people take some time to get better. If they have a good positive attitude as well as some effective strategies or treatments, they will recover even faster. So don't panic. Give it time. Learn from others what work for them and apply what you learn. Things will definitely get better. Yes, definitely we can have a good life even after T. It may not be reversible but it is definitely livable. Your perception about T will likely change over time like most of the recovered member do. I suffered and feared my ultra high pitch T (and severe hyperacusis too) a few years back and I was in a mess initially, living on meds like Prozac & Ativan. But now I don't give a dime about T high or low. My body is hardened to this ringing and its tyranny over me is truly over. I live a normal and absolutely enjoyable life. So good life can be back. Don't panic and don't lose hope. I provide the link to my success story which list some helpful strategies for me. Check it out if you have time. Take care & God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

By the way, try masking your T if you haven't done so. I can give some suggestions if you are going to try masking.

 

Thanks for your positive response @billie48

I have read your thread and find you very brave for being able to overcome your T and H in combination with anxiety problems

May I ask you how taking Prozac had affected your T in term of loudness and/or perception of it?

 

Thanks @Oli for the kind words. I am not that brave actually, else I wouldn't have suffered decades of anxiety and panic disorder prior to T & H. What did help me was following some positive strategies and learning from others and duplicating their success. The most important factor of recovery is time. During the initial struggle, nothing I had learned seemed to help. But I was aware from the success stories that no one was a super human. They all suffered badly initially. But time and patience plus following some helpful strategies consistently eventually help out most people. The body needs time to absorb in these alien sensations from T & H. So hang in there. Prozac had no effect on my T loudness. But drug side effect is a highly personal thing. So if you want to try it, make sure consult with your doctor.