I Miss So Much the Clarity of Music (Piano Sounds Distorted...)

Last evening I was sitting and looking at my piano, while pondering upon my life and how I got in this situation. Who would imagine. When tinnitus hit me it was ironically at the time that I decided to resume my piano studies, so I invested some money to get my piano transferred and I also got a tutor. It was like taking the candy from a little child. As my tinnitus progressed I noticed that the piano sounded more and more distorted which is devastating for me, as I cannot listen anymore to something that used to have a huge impact on my psychology and my emotions. As a former dancer I recall so many moments when I literally burst into tears, just from listening to this instrument, during the class.

The last couple of days I got so much this urge and attempted to play for very short sessions. I put my Peltor X5A muffs on, since my reactive tinnitus gets irritated. Unfortunately like tinnitus the distortions (it's like hearing the notes with a microphonic feedback) are more audible with hearing protection. Playing isn't that joyful. However I tried to enjoy what is left to hear among this noise that pollutes the perfection of music. It was like trying to see and figure out how the perfect landscape looked if the glass of the window that I was seeing through wasn't full of stains.

I wish I could find a way to improve my condition, or at least the distorted hearing, which seems that nobody have any clue about it. If I could be sure that it's not harmful, maybe I could do very short study sessions (with a digital piano in low volume) and try to trick myself?

@Jazzer do you still play a bit? Do you also have distorted hearing?

 

I have the same problem with my T and HL. And same that music was my entire emotional life, and that I'd just begun piano.
Unfortunately I have no constructive advice. Sorry.
@Ed209 I think you mentioned that you still play? But not sure if you have HL / distortion.

 

I still play guitar, just not electric. fortunately I can play and sing and its not distorted but I certainly don't listen to any music for enjoyment anymore at all.

 

I agree with you, i still have my violin in hand...wishing some day i can play it again. I've been playing the violin since i was 5 years old, I knew zero English at that age...my parents were refugees and the only friend i had in the world was a violin and my collection of antique books. Since i couldn't speak to anyone at my school I just played violin in a meadow behind the lunchroom, I never felt alone...i was always happy as long as i could play or read. It used to be when i traveled I would carry my violin with me, whether it was up on a mountain or on the Eiffel Tower, i would just whip it out and play it to my heart's content. Now I can't even fathom putting my ear against the string. Sad and disappointed.

 

I can still play my digital piano, not sure for how much longer with the way things are going. I keep it at low volume, I have been playing for 20 years, it unfortunate though I wont be able to play on a real one it is too loud indeed.

 

is hyperacusis what is preventing you or tinnitus spikes?

 

I barely listen to music anymore. I can't immerse myself in it anymore because the music no longer sounds rich, and I also have to put it at a low volume.

This condition has stolen so much from my life, I don't care if anyone says otherwise.

 

I think a lot of it has to do with frequency. I can't play the guitar with a pick, but I can with my fingers for about one to two song, If I palm mute the strings, I can play even longer because the frequency is lower. I used a Spectogram app on my iPhone to verify that I was in face reducing some of the higher frequency loudness in each string and would explain why I can tolerate it longer since I was getting further away from my 11khz T. So since a piano is also a from of string instrument, you might want to try muting your keys if you have the pedal and see if it helps.

 

I still play the piano but I use the rubber roll up one that connects to the computer lol... That way I can control the volume.

 

Maybe we should put this in context. Yes music is lost to a more or less degree for most of us. But I saw a news article yesterday where a 2 year old caught a virus and caused an infection and necrosis of its hand and feet which were amputated. The image in the article showed them holding it with with its limbs missing and a shear look of terror and bewilderment on its face and that shook me to the core. I have a 2 year old as well and it made me so sad that I stopped caring about my tinnitus, my hearing loss, all of my past troubles ans everything. I prayed to God that if I could somehow trade my life for this child to have his limbs back I would gladly die. We are even lucky because we might be on the edge of a scientific miracle that could maybe heal some of us. Yeah, I miss music too. But damn this life is much much harder for many other people. Even some of us here are prisoners in their own houses and refrigerator sounds ut the really bad. There are wounded vets with T, amputations, and burns and brain damage that were strong before. We just need to keep things in perspective.

 

It only can also mean things can get worse for you. If other people have it so bad, what makes you think you won't have it so bad too? Maybe not now, but if you live long enough, life will find a way to fuck you up even more. Also, even though I have bad hyperacusis, I don't go around saying to my family and friends that they shouldn't worry about their problems with money, relationships, and jobs because I have it worse. I don't belittle other people's problems . That's not how empathy works.

Don't lose perspective. We are among the people others look at to feel better about themselves. If someone who got just got laid off their job comes across this post and sees @vermillion's comment about not being able to enjoy music and your comment about being prisoners of our own house, they're likely to feel at least a twinge of relief for dealing with a job loss and not a permanent health issue. There's a reason why the saying "health is wealth" exists.

And if it is indeed true that we shouldn't worry about our problems because others have it worse, then technically only a few people in the world are allowed to complain, and those people are the ones with the worst problems compared to all of us, even worse than being a two-year-old amputee.

 

I understand completely. I used to play three instruments. I can’t even look at them anymore.

 

I have a friend that is nearly deaf, he can’t hear you speak unless he has his hearing aids in. Let’s just say that I could listen to him play guitar all day, hes very good. My hearing is ruined and I still attempt to listen to music, it’s better than not having it at all, isn’t it?

And I would take the ear muffs off, get some musician plugs (9 dB attenuation). Muffs are overkill, you aren’t attending a slayer concert.

Having said that, I do get it though, my hearing is totally messed, I don’t play any instruments but I'm a huge music fan. I have a tough time even listening to the TV, I’m not really quite sure what I’m hearing, background sounds sound like my dogs collar rattling in my head.

Maybe if you play pieces that you can remember well, I listen to music that is very familiar, this way my brain kind of fills the missing gaps.

 

what kind of music do you play?

 

A lot of classic music, fur elise, lots of brian craine =]

 

Nice you like the relaxing stuff, My favorite musician has been Yanni, I have been doing cover videos of his pieces over the years. His music seems similar to Brian Crain maybe you will like it.

Ever tried Chopin? I have been working on Chopin - Ballade No. 1 for a while, it's tough stuff I kind got half way through it after a few months.

 

Oh yeah Yanni, my parents made me take piano because of that guy lol...not a bad thing,i love the piano. they are obsessed with collecting his concert videos, He kinda reminds me those 90s romance novel caricatures

Right now i do mostly Mozart ever since i watched Amadeus (not that I'm very good at it).

 

Your parents are wise people

 

My mom listened to lots of Yanni when I was growing up too. Still watch that DVD of him playing in Greece sometimes

 

OMG I actually know that one...i love how they really focus on his hair as it flutters in the wind...i thought it was super cool and magical when i was a kid too haha

 

That's cause he is cool and magical!

 

Sorry I know it’s been a while but do you have any hearing loss?