I'm Depressed and Thinking About Suicide but...

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by PeteJ, Feb 24, 2019.

    1. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Which musicians plugs? I think I have small ear canals or short. Probably sensitive ears or ear canals, too. The latter is a recent condition. My ear canals would get irritated from wearing foam plugs. Foam plugs started hurting and causing pain or I would coincidentally have pain after wearing them for longer than 10 minutes. That was a recent development, too.
       
    2. Tanni
      Heartbroken

      Tanni Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ???
      Have you considered why we all say it?

      Take the comment above re. the money tree -- that person took the time to try to help you, whilst probably struggling themselves. They don't know your financial situation, and it's unreasonable for you to expect them to. That's why you need a care provider who knows all about you, and not a lot of different people online who are saying well-intentioned things that make you angry because they don't know your background and so you have to keep explaining yourself.

      You say you're the only one with physical ear problems as well as Tinnitus, but that's not the case, even though it probably feels like it. For instance, my ears constantly pop - loudly and painfully - to the point where it is painful to eat because swallowing is agony. I also have Hyperacusis, ear zaps etc. The are plenty of others on here with similar.
      I have been where you are - I refused drugs because I thought they would make the Tinnitus worse, and I refused counselling because I thought it was a waste of time. If they couldn't cure me, I just wanted to be dead.

      It is still a struggle, so I am definitely not the right person to be able to help you in the way some can on here, but I eventually accepted drugs and counselling, and it is probably the reason I am still here today.

      If you don't want to try any coping strategies, all you can do is wait and see if it resolves by itself. That sounds harsh, but until there is a treatment or cure, that is the reality for all of us.
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    3. Manex

      Manex Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1995
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced 1995, Azithromycin 2018
      The light popping is probably Eustachian tube noise. It is not uncommon for people who get tinnitus to start to get a fullness in their ears and the clicking. I've had the little crackly popping sounds so long I truly don't think about them, I forgot when I did not. The fullness bothered me more, but I did not long ago find an ear surgeon who suggested that the reason for these could be from clenching the jaw. I looked up and there are some studies which indicated that this could be the case. The solution is simply relax the jaw. Do massage on it (self). Use a night guard might help - there are cheap non dentist ones you could try out at first. The massage did seem to help some.

      To answer your earlier question it was Azithromycin that damaged my ears the second time.

      The only real thing that has any impact that I can tell is lowering your attention on it. Which, of course, is really hard. Lowering anxiety, lowering your focus on it. Try giving yourself permission for a few hours to not think about it at least every day. Then later longer. Yes, if you do think about it, you'll hear it... but start training your brain to not be upset by it. For a few hours, just let it be what it is. Maybe you can only do 10 minutes on day one. Then do 10 minutes. But you need to work up to a point of increasing the time that while it sucks, you're not trying to solve it. You're not actively angry about it. Just do something else. Any activity and give yourself a little time everyday to not work on it.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    4. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I have a night guard. It's not any good.
      My left ear has fullness and doesn't feel normal.

      The t is too high pitched and loud. I don't know what happened for it to worsen. It happened mid April. Now, it's even harder to sleep.

      I just want to end my life. I know no one here can help me with that. It's up to me to figure that out. People are able to do it so I have to figure out mine.
       
    5. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      This is insane. I have to be insane to want to live with this. I just want to sleep and this spike is going haywire. What the fuck is wrong with me?!? Why is this happening? :( it's so loud it's over the damn fan.

      I want to try Remeron or Elavil or something now. I wish I could overdose on something. However, I don't even know if a sedative will knock me out. I tried melatonin and it made me tired and a bit drowsy but I still couldn't sleep. That is when my t fluctuated, too. :( I hate this. :(
       
    6. Strife_84
      Energetic

      Strife_84 Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Mixing music for long hours and too loud I guess.
      Melatonin is not sleeping pill. Go GET HELP.
       
    7. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Do not reply to me anymore.
       
    8. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I often go to the chat. I don't know where else to go. It's not because I want to. There's no treatments for this. I don't mean tinnitus in general although it's more or less true for that as well. I mean, for my particular condition.
      I will see a doctor when I can but after the onset, I visited multiple doctors and an ENT recently. No one did anything. People know that these medical professionals tell you to handle it on your own but some people keep saying 'get help.' When you explain things, they call it, "excuses."

      Because I am really struggling and not coping like everyone else, three regulars in the chat decided to insult and belittle me. One even made fun of me because I care about my dog.

      I was mad, originally, but I realized that is pointless. I don't feel sorry for them though. I just think it is very strange. Humans can be very odd. People here are struggling but they see everything from their own point of view and that's how they evaluate everything. For such a debilitating condition, many can be callous and pretend to care but their actions betray them.
      Anyway, I just don't know why people act this way but I guess the various personalities and psychological differences might be one explanation.
       
    9. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      This ringing is still the same. I call it severe but no one acknowledges that. :(

      The pitch and volume is so high, I don't feel like doing anything. The anxiety and stess it creates is worsening my overall health.

      Why is so high pitched? :( I have ear pain too but it's not severe right now but it has been in the past. This is why I have no hope. Some people who claim that they have severe tinnitus say they cope or even say they are "used to it." It's higher pitched like a kettle constantly boiling or whistling or worse. I don't even know how to describe it anymore.

      I wonder if something made it worse because it used to fluctuate. I hate this. I don't know how much longer I have.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    10. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I am certain I will kill myself. I know it. If nothing changes for the better. :( I don't want to die but with BOTH ear pain and this loud high pitched tinnitus, I think I will ultimately give up. It scares me. :(
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    11. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      Hey Pete, it’s me again. Been away on vacation so I haven’t checked on the site for a couple of weeks. I am back now.

      Looks like the situation on your end hasn’t changed. I know how it feels. Remember I said my volume decreased? Now it’s back to square one, in the last week or two, my bad days were really horrible once again. I guess it’s another one of those set backs again. Please know that even if your situation improves, set backs will happen still. But please don’t give up hope. There’s always a chance that the tinnitus can get back to the baseline. We just have to be patience. I hope you can too and not try to do something you will regret.
       
    12. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I think it's worse.
      How long am I supposed to wait for an improvement?

      What about my ear pain and discomfort? My jaw crackling?

      I wonder if I got a quiet computer, I could figure out how to successfully hang myself. I don't want to end my life but the suffering and torture is too much. It is the tinnitus and the severity plus the ear pain and discomfort.

      I shouldn't have to live like this.
       
    13. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      What's better? Jumping off a building or hanging?

      I struggle every day and I don't want to anymore.
       
    14. jay777

      jay777 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      benzo/ headphones
      • Agree Agree x 2
    15. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      I heard that it could take up to 2 years to see improvements and fading, So it could still happen for u. Please hang in there.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    16. TealD

      TealD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced
      Have you taken chelated magnesium? It helps me temporarily. I also take chelated zinc, and b12. Mine started around the same time as yours but I don't have the Pain but it does get dog whistle or tea pot loud. Hang in there man.
       
    17. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      Actually, I have taken all of those. :(
      I also take NAC, vitamin E, vitamin D3, and spirulina supplements.
       
    18. dayma
      Frustrated

      dayma Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      1/6/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      UNKNOWN
      Pete, don’t let anyone try to tell you the “grade” of your tinnitus. This is a very personal thing and nobody can judge how you feel. Does you you no good to worry about what someone on here thinks you tinnitus severity is.

      I don’t really have much to add except I understand your pain and suffering and hope you can find something to help you cope while new treatments arise.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    19. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I am sorry if I ever bothered you. I am frustrated that mine changed and it seems others here are 'coping' better and not as distressed about their condition. Notice I said "seems."

      It is irrelevant what we perceive of others' tinnitus and condition, I know, because we can only feel and hear our own.

      I apologize to you and anyone else for comparing but mine is so high pitched and piercing plus it's loud so it's severe according to me. I only got three hours sleep last night and I think it's taking a significant toll on my overall health (especially physically!).

      What good is Lenire etc. if my health deteriorates too much? :(
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    20. dayma
      Frustrated

      dayma Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      1/6/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      UNKNOWN
      No need to apologize. You are struggling and everyone should be cognizant of it.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    21. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      You don't want to die.
       
    22. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      The pitch is so high!!!!! What is going on? :( Why is it doing this?!?

      What can I do?!?

      It is stressing me out so much that I am physically shaking. I try to relax. I take deep breaths but any relaxation only lasts a short time.

      I got a migraine yesterday and I am really clenching in my sleep. This is unbearable torture and I don't know what to do. :(
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    23. Greg Sacramento

      Greg Sacramento Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      syringing and now somatic T dental work
      @PeteJ Just a friendly caring suggestion.

      A thicker mouth guard - several microwave brands should help such as a DenTek from Walmart, a drug store or Amazon for about 30 dollars. They won't cover all back teeth, but this should help until you can get a dentist to make one for you.
       
      • Informative Informative x 1

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