I'm sorry I post so much on TT but this is literally the only place I can go and ask questions or say how I'm feel or come for support/comfort/advice/etc. because I don't want to be a burden on anyone outside of here though I'm pretty sure I'm a burden on you guys anyway and I'm sure you're all annoyed with seeing me on this board. I'm going on my second month with the T and I have a feeling that it is permanent. In fact, I know it's permanent. And that thought just makes me really really sad. Overwhelmingly sad. And it's the kind of sadness that runs really really deep inside me so that I can't escape it. And it breaks my heart. I honestly feel like such a broken person. I've been broken since the day I was born and over time I just get even more broken and it has cost my family so much. This T feels like the last straw for me. There's too many health problems for me to live with. I know there are other people out there with 'worse' conditions who live life to the fullest and never give up hope but they are not me and I am not them. I physically, mentally, and emotionally cannot do this anymore. I'm not suicidal but I honestly sometimes lay in bed at night and pray that God will just take me now so that all of this pain will go away. My music career will never be what I want it to be now and my health in general will never improve since the doctors that I have either wont do much to help me or can't do much to help me. I feel completely abandoned and any hope that I may have had when this first started is gone now. My hope for a better day, my hope for a cure (I don't think we'll ever really get one), my hope that one day I'll be happy. All I've ever wanted in life is to be happy like 'normal' people. And now it seems like that no matter how close to happy I get, it will never ever happen. And there's no one around that can help me. I have absolutely no one. It sucks to be in a place where you want to give up but your brain and body wont let you.