In Serious Need of Comfort

My husband has had to take a few days off to comfort me from work ( he's in the military so it was really hard for him to even get days off) he's back at work today. I'm not coping well with this sudden T.

I honestly want to die..I want to die..
8 days ago I was the happiest girl alive how could this even happen to me? I'm so healthy and have never had ear issues ever..

I want to cry and run out if my skin. I would rather have anything else besides this. Heck I would rather have myleg amputated ( I know seems a bit much maybe in being a drama queen) I'm 20 and have a beautiful daughter that I haven't been able to even care for her the right way..because I'm so busy crying and wanting to die. When my daughter cries it hurts my ears and makes me cry...I'm not strong. I was so strong...8days ago...

 

You need to step back and take a deep breath. Focus on your daughter turn the radio on a TV some kind of noise to get your mind off of it.I know it hard every single one of us want though the same feeling that you are at the beginning of our T. You need to go to the doctor and get something for the panic attacks it will get better

 

Hang in there I know it's tough I'm at about week 6 of this and you will get better slowly. Another thing is I have suffered from depression all my life and have had three incredibly hard experiences with depression and I have come out of the first two. Slowly starting to feel better. You need to contact your doctor asap and seek counseling. Your need to make the first step. And who knows maybe your t will go away. Stay positive.

 

You need to get help for your anxiety first, whether you believe in medication or not,right now u need it. Ask for klonopin, it is long lasting and will not knock you out, it even lowers the volume in a lot of people who take it. Right now you need a band aid and this will allow you to take the next step. Trust me when u calm down you will realize you still have your health , there are a lot more worse things

 

Thanks for the support guys..
This has been so hard because my T came on randomly..and that really scares me..
Screw this T for everyone I can't believe such a hell exist. Probably not the attitude I should have I just feel like I'm dying each day. Question I've been having horrible headaches the last few days is that normal along with T? @kevin b @cullenbohannon @George Brady

 

Hello Maithe,
I got my tinnitus 8 weeks after my baby boy was born and I also had a two year old at the time. I know the feeling of feeling guilty and thinking that your not spending enough tine with your children. I had a very hard time with this feeling, let alone the agony of tinnitus as well. I thought that I would not get through this hell. I was so stressed and felt lonely and helpless, even though my husband is a great man. But let's face it, nobody understands tinnitus like the tinnitus sufferer.
But guess what? I have come out the other side. It takes a fair bit of time for the brain to adjust to this foreign noise. But believe me it just does, you will come out so much stronger at the end. Keep really busy if possible and if you are really desperate, go to your doctor and get some meds to help with the anxiety. Once your anxiety is under control, you will start to see how much better you will feel.
Keep strong you will make it!

 

I can't imagine anyone would put a "funny" vote on such a post... I am assuming someone clicked on it by mistake. There is nothing funny about what Maithe is feeling.

Maithe, sounds to me like you are having a classic anxiety/panic response to sudden onset tinnitus. It sometimes happens; it did to me, when I suddenly developed tinnitus following a plane flight last May. Basically, your brain is channeling its reaction to the sound of your tinnitus (ironically, its the sound that your brain itself is making) into your automatic and limbic nervous systems. This is connected to what we call the "fight or flight" reaction which, eons ago, protecting our ancestors from predators like saber tooth tigers. So your brain is preparing you to fight or flee from the "tiger" that doesn't exist. Anxiety can make you feel absolutely miserable physically -- one of the toughest things I ever went through.

The first thing you need to do is get your panic/anxiety under control, before you deal with the tinnitus itself... which, by the way, very well may completely go away, given its only been a eight days ago since you developed it. I think others here at TT have talked to you about going to an ENT, ruling out things like ear infections, etc. I will speak only to the anxiety.

And rather than repeat myself: Here is a good thread from awhile ago involving a young woman named McGee... she is only 17 and, like you, very scared by the onset of tinnitus. Look down through the posts and you will find two by me, as well as a lot of other good advice from other TT members.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/please-help-very-scared.1976/#post-17128

As I have said here on the board before: When you have extreme anxiety or panic, your house is on fire. You need to concentrate on putting out the fire. Stop worrying about the future, the fact that you don't know what caused your tinnitus (many people never do), that you're not strong -- just concentrate on putting out the fire. You can do it. Then you will be able to move forward in a calm fashion that will help you.

 

Probably because you are stressing out so bad .

 

Thank you so much @LadyDi I have actually been to the ENT twice who said he has no idea why this is and he said "it'll go away" and I took a hearing test and had perfect hearing. He thinks I may have ETD ( Eustachian tube dysfunction) I'm not even sure...
All of my ear issues happened after flying but the T didn't happen until 6 days later..

 

I'm scared because I have to fly again in a day, my husband is actually sending me to stay with my parents until we figure out what the heck happened to me..
He is scared that I'm going to hurt myself and wants our daughter to be cared for the right way, my mom is big help with my daughter..( sounds horrible but I'm not coping well what so ever) possibly staying with my parents will honestly help me..being close to my friends for a bit.. @LadyDi

 

Yep, that funny vote was a mistake.. figured so!

Oh, and Maithe: If you end up needing medication, and you very well may if you have extreme anxiety, you should get it through a psychiatrist, not a primary doctor. Medications that work on your brain chemistry are very tricky, and need the management of a mental health professional. But don't be afraid to take these meds if you must; they can be lifesavers. They also are best when coupled with talk therapy through a psychotherapist. And follow your psychiatrist's instructions on the medications to the letter.

 

I've had some bad headache days as well. Def could be the stress hard to know for sure I think that's what did it for me. Make sure when your at thedoctor to tell him about the flight. Stay positive

 

Thank you @LadyDi do you know any good medications?
Also should I be afraid to fly Wednesday? My husband is giving me his pressure ear plugs that the pilots use at the military base were at and say they work good.

 

Two suggestions:

One try to get sedated take benadryl and see the doctor for something stronger
Second do not stay alone stay with friends or family if you are feeling overwhelmed.

 

Sorry, but you really should think twice about flying right now if you have ETD. Is there another way to get to where you need to go?

I got my tinnitus through a plane flight and a blocked eustachian tube.
If you must fly right now (I am not suggesting you will be grounded forever), here are some suggestions I posted recently that worked for me. I flew at the holidays, almost six months after I developed T, and really prepared for it.

Below is my previous post, which referenced yet another post before that...

If you are worried about eustachian tube dysfunction, have what is called a tympanic test from an ENT within a week before you leave. Will show if your tubes are working properly.

And you can buy Earplanes at any drug store, or even at airports (although I would get them before I went to the airport). READ THE BOX first. There are very specific instructions on when to put them in and take them out. I used mine on the both the ascent and descent.

There is an extensive thread already here at TT on flying:

Flying: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/flying-tinnitus.1001/page-2#post-21420

FYI: I flew recently and was scared witless, given I got tinnitus through barotrauma on a long flight. Robert Fahey, on this thread, gives a great piece of advice that I followed: Keep your mouth WIDE open during the descent, as it forces open your eustachian tubes. Yeah, you look pretty silly. You can explain what is happening to the person sitting next to you or not.

Also: I went to the ENT a week before my flight and had both my E.tube function and my sinuses checked, to make sure I didn't have a hidden infection. I then dried my head out completely with Sudafed (decongestant) beginning 36 hours in advance. Dose yourself per directions on the package (I took one pill every 12 hours). Then, I used Afrin nasal spray about 30 minutes before take off and again as descent began.

And: I used Earplanes plugs, as someone else here suggested. Follow the directions on the box; read them in advance. You take the Earplanes out when you reach cruising altitude and then can pop in foam plugs or use noise cancelling headphones to cut the noise from the plane. Put the plugs back in about 30 minutes/one hour before descent. Again, follow directions on the box. However, I think it did say to put them in an hour before descent, which doesn't make sense on a short flight. My flight was two hours and I put them in about 30-40 minutes before descent. Do not take the Earplanes out until the plane lands, is at the gate and the cabin door is opened, which is when the plane will completely equalize. Don't freak out if your ears hurt while the Earplanes are in... they are just a little uncomfortable. If you have small ear canals, like I do, buy the ones for kids.

Finally, if you really are freaked out about flying, consider asking your doctor for just a couple anti-anxiety meds to calm you down. A .25 mg Xanax did it for me; it's not enough to knock you out and asking for only two pills, one for the flight over and one back, should not cause the physician any worries. Or you, for that matter. Or if you are a natural meds person, find a natural relaxing supplement.

By the way: The above routine might be a little more than you need if you are not pressure sensitive, as I am. But I will tell you it worked for me.

 

We all know what you are going through, when I got my T, I sat up on a couch trying to decide which way it would be best to spray the contents of my brain on which wall. I never ever even thought of suicide in my life, but couldn't bear the thought of living with T either. What stopped me is all the people who would have been injured by my actions, they would have wondered why I didn't try to get help. I remembered William Shatner speak on how he over came it, so I was determined to try (A FAN ). Mind you I was going through a divorce (she filed) after 20 years of marriage, and when I told my soon to be ex spouse about my condition, she was heartless and said pretty much I deserve it. I was alone in a state I was not from, had no friends, except from work, and was a year from retirement, living in a two room apartment. All I had was what was in a storage garage, and a small dog Piper....... I started seeing a lady at work, who has a sever pain disorder of her arms, called RSD, we talked about our pains so one day I decided if I couldn't live for myself, I would live for her. Sounds funny now, but I need a reason to try. So I went to a psychologist, hoping to get treatment and meds for anxiety, and we talked for an hour. She had no idea about the T, never heard of it, but she started with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is TRT, and she ask if I would trade the ability to walk to get rid of the T and I was like hell yes..... well in the end I was out 100 dollars no meds, and had to self habituate. I did Neuromonics, and it broke myself from staring at the T, and I find time now where it barely bothers me some days, but you can not feel sorry for your self, or stay depressed, easy said, but I think the T feeds off that. You have to get meds to sleep, and get through the next 6 months, and you need to LIVE for your daughter.... and your husband if you can't for yourself..... the T will diminish, but it takes time and determination. I hope this extremely long post helps..

 

I thought barotrauma could heal? @LadyDi or can it not?

Thank you I will have to make an appointment with my ent, though were stationed at a horrible little town with one ENT..who hasn't been help, all the other ents are 2-4 hours away:/

 

Thank you @LadyDi do you know any good medications?

I am assuming you mean for anxiety? It's hard to say. Everyone is very different; a good psychiatrist can decide what will work best for you.

Benzodiazepines tend to be the medications of choice for anxiety, although some docs also will use anti-depressants. Again, depends on the person. Both of these classes of meds, especially the benzos, can build dependency so they must be used with caution. Klonopin, mentioned by KevinB, is a common one. But it can take some time to act. So depending on how much panic is mixed in with your anxiety, a doctor might opt for alprazolam (Xanax). It acts very quickly, so it is good for a panic situation, and then also exits the body quickly. That was what I took. But it is NOT meant for long-term use.

With any of these drugs, it is important to remember: Don't just stop taking them. The withdrawal symptoms could be bad. You will taper off them, with a doctor's help.
You sound like a very good candidate for therapy coupled with medications, as I said earlier. Ask your psychiatrist for a referral. Therapy will give you coping skills that you can use when you get better and no longer need medications.

Also, as Denny said: Don't isolate yourself. Spend your time with friends and family who will support you.

 

@Piper the great thank you so much for that long post..
It is nice knowing I'm not alone.

 

Thank you @Denny for the advice, I realize when I'm home alone that's when it's the worst. I will be seeing lots if friends and family back in Virginia.

Thank you again @LadyDi your advice has been helpful and I think I will seek treatment soon for anxiety. Just going to see how long this will last and see if it's Permeant.

 

I thought barotrauma could heal? @LadyDi or can it not?

Yes, it most certainly can. And it is unusual to get tinnitus through barotrauma -- although as I and some others are proof, not impossible. Punctured ear drums are more common. In my case, the barotrauma and blocked e.tube caused not just swelling but fluid build-up inside my middle/inner ear, which lead to inner ear hair damage. But for most people, tinnitus from barotrauma can subside as the ear heals.

 

I had horrible headaches and was told it was from my brain locked on to the T, as you unlock the headaches will subside... I use to sleep with a radio on, now just my standard fan... your brain will unlock, but thinking about it, reading about it, and it will stay in front, get out and try to push your limits every day until one year passes then two and 3, and it does and will get better.

 

By the way: Are you a relatively new mom? I know several women who developed anxiety symptoms shortly after having a child.

 

Klonopin helps extremely for anixety and its long lasting effects through out the day!

 

When my t fisrt started I was wreck I had terrible anxiety, insomnia
And ear pain and sensitivity, my blood pressure was uncontrolled for a
Month i changed medications atleast 4 times I. Kept going to or calling
My doctor almost daily until I went to the ent. The ent told me
To get use to it and gave me steroids. I was really doing. Bad until a doctor
Gave me elavil to sleep. Increasing the dose because my insomnia
Was so bad. I masked for 2-4 hours in the evening and medicated myself
To get about 4 hours of sleep. Things will improve I had to stop elavil
Because of loud spikes at night and I only mask a few times a week and
Sleep has improved to 6 hours on good days.

 

Maithe
Good to hear you are taking positive steps to control your situation and take care of those you love (that says a lot about you! -- strong girl). Also good to hear you are surrounded by people that care for you (that also says a lot about you). I know, you don't feel strong right now; but you are taking good-sense steps (that take strength)

I can still feel a knot inside me when I think of the onset of my T; I know what you are going through (dark, very dark). I found the best 'weapon' in the arsenal was to simply accept my situation (and I don't mean for you to accept it as permanent; yours may very well not be permanent); I just found it best to acquiesce to what was currently happening (the present situation). It was against my nature (cause I fight things, you likely do too) but it helped a lot; my anxiety went down dramatically -- and that is always a good thing.

In a strange way, I felt very sad but 'ok' at the same time. I reason it was because my T didn't have such a big control over my emotions/mood (I started to feel a sense of control). That, too, is always a good thing.

Hang tight; all the experienced "Tr's" on this site have weathered the first stage and have also found it gets better -- I can attest to that (and I am truly a big baby when it comes to suffering ).

BTW: for what it's worth, I took Ibuprofen PM to get sleep at night (though I don't need it anymore)

Prayers for you (picture an emoticon praying)

Mark

 

Excellent advice from board members. Maithe, just remember you are very new to T. During this early phase of T suffering, the brain is still in trauma and is under the control of the limbic system. It will have traumatic reaction to this alien ringing sound, and it will give you many distorted thoughts called cognitive distortions in CBT, such as catastrophic thinking about your life and the future, leading one to think life isn't worth living despite all the beauty of life other than T. This is typical of another cognitive distortion called 'All of Nothing Thinking'. Don't buy into any of these distorted thoughts. They will all pass. You won't always think this way.

How do we know? Because most of us had lived through this phase. It was pure nightmare for most members here too during the start of T. So your reaction to T, the fear, the dread, the 'don't want to live' thinking, depression, sleeplessness & what-have-u, they are all very normal reactions of newer T sufferers. But guess what, given time, after listening and acting on the collective wisdom of kind members here, most people get better. Many actually come back to write success stories. You can find mine and many other success stories here in this forum. You will find the hope and comfort that given time, following the great advice, staying positive and going back to living your life, and you will be feeling much better.

Being so new to T, your T may just go away or fade, Even if it doesn't, like in my case, many members still live an enjoyable and productive life. A few years back I thought I would never recover from the horror of T. But nowadays, I don't give a dime to it. I have suffered on-and-off anxiety/panic disorder for decades before T. After T I suffered relentless panic attacks for months. If I can recover and live a happy enjoyable life, have confidence that you can too. Just need to calm down, relax, be patient and give it time. In the mean time, get some masking going to cut down the anxiety. In those early days, I used a CD playing nature sounds by my bedroom. I also used an ipod loaded with music & nature sounds to help masking when I was on the move. At work I download a free sound generator called 'aire freshener' to my work PC. It has many nice sounds to choose from. Masking helped me big time initially.

You should also get some meds from the doctor. I depended on Ativan & Prozac plus sleeping pills for at least 6 months just to survive. But now I am totally drug free. So never say never. Stay positive with hope and may God bless your recovery.

 

Your headaches are probably tension headaches. The area to feel this is like band across your forehead and you might feel pressure on the side of your head. You might also develop neck tension because of the anxiety and perhaps jaw issues if you clench or grind your teeth at night. The good news is that this will go away when your anxiety diminishes.

Here's a tip always have sound going in the background when you can.

Your daughter's cries hurting your ears could be misophonia, essentially anxiety about sound, or hyperacusis. However, if you haven't noticed any other sensitivity I wouldn't worry about it.

It's best to try to get back to your normal life as soon as you can or if you don't think you can at least do some hobbies or exercise or something to keep you active. It will help distract you from tinnitus. The worst thing you can do is just sit around waiting for it to go away, that's like a cycle that keeps feeding it.

Oh, and if you are struggling after a while there are treatments available.

 

Billie
That is some great info; wow, I wished I'd found this site when my T hit (I was all alone). I had never thought of it the way you had just articulated (so well); I think I can consider myself smarter for reading you post (seriously!).

Thanx!!

Mark

 

Guys thank you so much..I thank God that I found this forum..
You have all helped me so much.

I just left the urgent care earlier today ( 4 hour wait ) and found out I have ear infection bad:/ in BOTH ears not sure if that's what is causing this T. Left ear is a bit more better than the right ear and the dr I saw couldn't believe that in my hospital visits...they never prescribed me an antibiotic ( well they did and canceled it) I guess that kind of helps as to why my ears have both hurt and the vibrating feeling and possibly the T.

Opinions? I'm on a antibiotic another round of steroids ( not sure if I should take that?) and some ear drops to ease the pain.

Even if my T does go away..I think I'll always be coming in here, in this short amount of time ( literally 2 days) you guys have helped me so much..and because of you guys I really want to stick around if my T goes away. If it doesn't then heck I'll need all of you more than ever..

I am also going to begin a small tinnitus awareness on the military base I'm at right now. I feel like it's something very important for everyone to know. I had no idea what "tinnitus" was until I looked up "ringing of the ears" and fell apart.

@NeoM @Denny @LadyDi @Mark McDill @billie48 @Piper the great @Grace