Is 2016 for Anyone Else a Very Difficult Year?

Hello it surely is for me. I havent been able to go to school one day without feeling bad or some kind of disease. First my chronic heart issue then several flus and colds then tough situation at home then depression and now Tinnitus.

I don't know but I must be making immense amount of mistakes. And unnoticeably having a horrible life style. I feel like dropping out of school with all these health challenges coming one after the other.

When I look at my classmates I see them as healthy happy people.

Whilst I can't even do sports anymore because of my health issues and just feel so crippled. I also had a burn out this year and everything is getting on top of each other onto me.

So many issues.

 

Lol 2016 the worst year of my life, I ruined my hearing, wrecked my car and destroyed my life.

 

Very tough....

 

Worst year of my life, but at this point I am feeling like every year has been worse than the last for me since my birth mostly.

 

Worst year also. Turning 30 should have been a year-long celebration, it was a nightmare instead.

 

Honestly, I would give anything too start the year over again. It was an important year, how the hell did it go so wrong. All my own doing and I actually had too put a lot of effort in too make things go so horribly wrong . The year would have been better if I had stayed in bed fs.

 

I spent most of 2015 in bed, and made a resolution to try to be social in 2016. March 2016 get tinnitus and h. Game over.

 

Mine was 29th May, a date that I simply lost my mind!

Anyway these threads are not good for everyone else coming here for some positivity, it easy too be negative about this, just look at my previous posts.

 

Yeah, I hear you, 2016 is very bad for me as well. 2015 was already pretty bad and I had high hopes for 2016 to be better. It started out pretty well, but towards the end it really spiraled downhill. Not much seems to have been going my way, and now I acquired T 3 weeks ago and learning to deal with it, while still waiting for an MRI to get done for possible acoustic neuroma.

Funny thing is that 2014 was a great year in my life, and during that year I made lots of changes trying to set myself up on a path of long-term health: lost 60 pounds and kept it off, stopped drinking alcohol, stopped drinking sodas, really watch what I eat now and make healthy choices, exercise regularly and vigorously 3 times per week. But for some reason I feel like I aged 30 years in the last two years. Funny how life always seems to throw you a curveball when you least expect it.

 

2017 is going to be the best year of my life or I am going to end it.
2017 will be the best year of my life either way.
kidding right...

 

Having a condition strike you is one thing, like having an illness or suffering an accident etc I could deal with, I would be annoyed and ask myself why me but I could accept that these things happen.
For me I literally created all my problems when no real problem actually existed. These things are totally avoidable.
I went too the alarm that wrecked my hearing. I did it, I didnt need to do so, I even tried too talk myself out of doing it, I had told myself these alarms are loud enough too ruin your life and yet I still went too it. I have no idea why I did that. I have no words for it and no reasoning has come after 6 months of thinking about it every day asking myself why I did it. I was under a lot of stress at the time, the Friday 27th may before it happened I also had a road rage incident that left me boiling with rage over the weekend that this happened so I can only believe that this incident changed my way of thinking. The sequence of events that lead too this really are amazing. From February 2016 - 29 may 2016 all the events are connected with pin point precision that would lead me too believe that this was all planned out by some higher being, I am not religious at all but this has made me think. Even my holiday this year was connected too events.

1 - If I had decided not too resolve a problem with
My car

2 - If I had chosen not too go to Thailand or more importantly not too get the advice on inoculations from the boots travel clinic. (Not that their advise caused this at all but I went for the advice and the doctor was 30 mins late and on the way home I got involved in the road rage incident)

If I change either of these 2 events then I believe that I would not have gone near the alarm on the 29th May that has completely destroyed my life.

 

The problem is... how can 2017 be a good year, we cannot socialise or have a normal life, Guns n roses are playing slane castle in Dublin 2017 and I would have been there if not for this.
I am also now an alcoholic in order too deal with these problems.
Dealing with this as a disability that will last the rest of my life is so hard too deal with.

Every day I struggle with feelings of ending it all and I have the means too do so.

 

I actually quit drinking after this happened in order to give it a better chance to heal. Might want to consider that, as drinking also can cause depression. Nobody should ever kill themselves, but what means would you do? My best option is hanging, which I really don't want to do, since I was strangled growing up.

Well when I say I don't want to I mean I want to figure out a better way.

 

What kind of alarm was it?

 

Well you can't fix your inner ear hair cells, once they are gone they are gone, no amount of money will bring back my hearing too what it was on the morning of the 29th May. Drinking actually makes me feel better. If it wasn't for wine vodka and brandy I would probably be dead already. My daughter also keeps me going.
Despite living in the uk I do have a gun license, I have a shot gun and a hand gun, I think it would be my M9 hand gun if I was going to end it. I have actually put it in my mouth and pulled the trigger although obviously not loaded yet. I don't know if I could actually do it but if I was crazy enough too go to an alarm that I knew would wreck my hearing then I guess I could pull the trigger of a loaded gun in my mouth. The fact that I went too the alarm scares me. Like I can't control my own mind or something.

 

The way I see it is,this might or might not last the rest of our lives and what I mean by that is all the research that's being carried out as we speak i.e Stemcells etc.

Now not to bash religion or anything but in my opinion there is simply no God or afterlife so why kill yourself?If anything you'll just be left with absolutely nothing in unimaginable nothingness for all eternity.I know it's probably better than being tortured every single day of your life but would it be worthwhile if they do indeed come up with effective treatments?I don't think so,to me this life is all we get so no matter how bad it's is we have to fight for every last second of it.

And no,this isn't coming from someone whose habituated,I have T and super severe H,beyond your wildest dreams of pain and sorrow.I got myself into this mess and it's up to me to get myself out of it,how?Well I guess time will tell.

 

Fuck, you shouldn't do it if you have a daughter dude, that will traumatize her. I've never been in a relationship and have no family or friends besides my mom, so different for me.

 

Guys, stop living in the past and feeling sorry for yourselves!

 

@Jason C
What kind of alarm was it and how bad is your hearing loss if that's ok to ask.

 

I have thought of that of course but living in misery just for the sake of other people is not a life worth living.
I dont know if I could do it, I think if I was too do so it would be very much a spare of the moment thing just like the 29th May when I went too the alarm.
I had set myself a date of 1st December too end it and I'm still here so... I'll just see how it goes. I hate feeling like this and I hate talking about this on here as it brings everyone else down who reads it.

 

I wish I could, I have tried and I am trying but the ringing, balance issues and hearing loss are a constant reminder. It's not like getting a scare on your face from a bar fight that you regret, it's a constant audiable reminder of complete insanity that was totally outside of my character.

 

Easier said than done, I had a difficult past and attempted suicide twice before I was 20. Music was the only thing I ever found solace in

You should probably stop/cut back on drinking and take care of your daughter, if you feel you have a self destructive side, I doubt drinking will help that. Tough it out until your daughter is an adult, and check in and see how you feel then. Sorry if I sound harsh but trust me, what you do can really affect your daughter man, my parents messed me up, I attempted suicide twice before I was 20, and that was long before the T. Don't let the side of you that you feel caused you to get T be the side of you that your daughter sees last, or atleast until she's old enough to understand. That being said, I don't know HOW BAD your T is, but if its BAD BAD BAD doesn't the UK have euthanasia? I thought the woman who got euthanasia for it was in the UK.

 

How do you know about my cosy little room?? Lol
I'm trying Michael I really am. You know how hard it is and I am sure you have thought about ending it.

My real problem is I really cannot believe how I let this happen.
If it was from headphones or a concert I could deal with it, but this is a whole different thing especially the connected events and I am not joking, these events could not have been timed better. It's like it was all planned out. I know that sounds crazy but seriously......

 

It has been the most difficult year of my life. I was suicidal half of it

 

Yea me too.

 

It's been the most difficult year of my life.
A huge plus is that I landed my dream job.
But I had to move across the world for it, leaving behind much loved ones. Adjusting to a new country is difficult enough as it is..
My father passed away a couple of months ago, and now this Tinnitus. I really cannot believe this year, it's been traumatic.

 

We all have regrets Jason,as someone once said to me"you can't regret what felt right at the time"

It's true in so many ways,like people who to a concert that they're looking forward to,it feels right,they don't see nor know what's coming and when they develop T after all they do is sit there in a pool of regret and tell themselves how stupid they are.The fact of the matter is,they aren't,it simply wasn't their fault as they didn't know of the outcome.
It's like somebody looking at a bright to screen all day everyday only to develop some form of rare eyesight problem as a result that barely anyone has heard of.The can't blame themselves for that,it's not their fault that they didn't predict every single outcome of watching tv that day.

Then there's me,someone who constantly lives in utter regret and anger every single day!I done this to myself,a lot of it was something I didn't or couldn't possibly predict.

-Developed T in January 2011
The exact cause was unknown but I have my suspicions as to what caused it.
I was told I hadn't damaged my hearing at all and that it was most likely from an infection and sent home.
A year later and my T was 99.9% gone so for intensive purposes I was cured.

-February 2012
I was tired of not getting out with my mates and seeing as it was Saint Patrick's day I went down to the pub for a few pints.Pubs weren't a problem for me and I enjoyed the entire day.Then my mates were leaving and going to a night club and I was extremely resistant to go.I didn't know if it would be ok or not so I rang two of my mates who also had T and also my uncle.They all told me I would be absolutely fine as they had attended Milano clubs and concerts since onset.
This convinced me it would be ok but I still wore earplugs regardless.
Half way through the night my plugs fell out after a friend of mine who hugged me knocked them out without me realising at all!I spent another hour in there before I realised and froze in the middle of the dance floor.I didn't know what to do,I danced a little longer before leaving as I didn't want to push things too far.
The next day I woke up with a loud blaring tone inside my head and I instantly went into blind panic mode,this gamble had not payed off for me,a gamble I would have never taken if not for the encouragement of my uncle and friends.I was the kind of guy that always took what people said as a truth especially those very close to me.
Anyway I rushed to an ear specialist and got all the hearing tests done yet again and she told me that I hadn't damaged my hearing whatsoever,as she was a professional and I was young I believed and trusted everything she told me including her advice.She told me to get out and about and if I ever found myself in noisy places to give myself regular breaks and not to over do it.I was also to wear proper earplugs in loud places but this wasn't a problem as I simply was never setting foot in such a place ever again!
Anyway the T backed off after a few months,back down to just a soft hiss and I could manage just fine.
I was back working,back socialising although I was careful about louder environments,if it was too loud for me I would simply stay and chat before abruptly leaving.I protected my hearing with tools etc and for the best part I was doing great!Then....

-January 2014

I went to my mates 21st birthday party,when I walked inside it was extremely loud and I made the decision that staying here wouldn't be a good idea but as I went to leave I was greeted by a locked door.Surprise surprise they had organised a stripper for him and I was now locked inside for way longer than I was comfortable with.Upon leaving I had a temporary threshold shift and a bit panicked I went home to bed.Luckily the next day everything was fine so I went to dinner with a few friends and it was at dinner I noticed something weird with my ears.I couldn't really tolerate the sound of the place and when I left my ears felt raw.A few days later my T suddenly jumped up and so began the panic yet again.I sat in my room watching YouTube videos when suddenly a high pitched squeel burst out of my TV and that was it,straight into the pits of hell!
Everything got ten times louder and my T went through the roof,higher than I ever thought possible.I was so confused as to what was happening to me,I was just so scared and worried that I completely collapsed in front of my family.I woke up in the back of my fathers jeep on route to the doctors office.After we arrived there I told him I had T and what looked like severe Hyperacusis from what I goggled on my phone on the way over.Of course he had never heard of it and I was sent to a Tinnitus and Hyperacusis specialist near my home.Upon getting to his office yet another full hearing evaluation was conducted and slyet again they came back absolutely perfect.I sat there confused and scared and that's when he fed me the Jastrebroff"nervous system shock"theory.He then showed my countless success stories of people who underwent said treatment and that I would be absolutely fine.I believed every word of it and committed to it with all my heart and to cut an already long story short two years later my T had dropped to a stable low hiss yet again and my H had improved by about 80-85% mainly just having problems with sharp noises and very loud noises.
I met a girl and we started getting out a lot more,never anything too wild but I began pushing myself harder and harder in the last two months of 2015.We went for a trip to England,to a comedy show and a few dinners and such with family.

-January 2016

I had began to experience weird symptoms leading up to Janusry but doctors had confirmed that I had a sprained neck and of course I believed them.It was like a stingy burning pain all over my neck and down my back but in January it became unbearable!I made an appointment with my audiologist and my neurologist.My T suddenly got much louder and yet again the state of panic started all over again.
Surprise surprise yet again no hearing damage found and I was told to do sound therapy by both of them.I was angry and now a huge sceptic of sound therapy but regardless it was all I could do to try and improve or so I thought.I began doing it everyday when one day my volume randomly jumped to full for no reason whatsoever and that was the final straw.Since then I've been in utter hell that seems to be worsening by the day,no matter what I do every noise seems to be way too much for me and only worsens me everytime.As a result I'm now a complete hermit living my days out in pure isolation and fear.Its not easy and I often just think about ending it all but as of yet I don't see that as the best option.

Didn't mean to write an essay but I just thought I'd tell my story for what it's worth.

 

I feel you,my father died last October and then two months later my condition worsened seven fold.Its tough,really tough.

 

It was a 120db external sounder, the kind of alarm box on the front of a house or building.
My hearing loss isn't that bad actually, small
Dip at 4K but music sounds rubbish, I am aware of the hearing loss, tinnitus and balance issues along with it.

These alarms are crazy loud, they should not be on a residential house, they are designed for warehouses so the alarm can be heard across an industrial estate and I was literally one foot in front of it!

 

I don't believe in a god either but the way this year planned out for me with literally millimetre precision and tied the events together would make you think WTF?!