I've Had Tinnitus Since I Was 18, I'm 25 and I Feel Like Giving Up...

I've tried to live a normal life. I don't have family, just my mom, she really cant do much to help, and keeping up with freinds is hard now that I cant go out anymore. I feel so alone and just wish God would take my life soon. I've felt suicidal for so long, I feel I died on the inside when I was first diagnosed at 18, the person I would have been, happy, hard working, and successful died right at that moment. Ever since I've felt like a ghost of my former self. Im so afraid for my future, Im scared of suicide, I want to live, but not like this. Im sscared of where my soul will rest in eternity if I were to end my life. I know Jesus walked the earth, and that God does exist. Im trying to repent and put my faith in the Lord, it is the hardest test I have had to endure. Life itself is so hard to endure everyday now. I wanted a house of my own, a wife, kids, a dog, love, and now I just know that this will never allow me to be mentally stable or able to function properly, ever. I wont be able to or deserve to have a family, as broken as I am. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel imprisioned in my own body. I regret my life and Im in a really dark place I cant get out of. I am being tested like never before and I no longer have the energy to continue. I cant focus on anything but the noise, I need help and dont know where to go.

 

Hi Carlos and welcome to TT... I'm so sorry you are going through this .. But do not give up... God will come to your rescue just in time... Stay strong and try to keep a positive attitude.. Do not withdraw from the life you used to have before tinnitus and certainly do not give up on your dreams and goals... This path in life is full of challenges and tinnitus is one you have come across... But is not the end ... There are a lot of lovely people in thei forum as well as very supportive and knowledgable people who will be happy to help... I hope you feel better soon and I pray that the Lord gives you relief soon!

 

Hi Carlos, The cure will be available in 5-15 years. Dont give up. The scientific progress is exponencial. We are closer.

 

DO NOT GIVE UP WHEN YOU HAVE COME THIS FAR

 

Welcome Carlos to the forum. You are welcome to rant and to ask questions. Members here understand your fear and suffering as many of us have been where you are now. Know this, tinnitus is not an end game. I used to think that it must be an end game. How can anyone bear with such an ultra high pitch dog whistle plus severe hyperacusis for life? I suffered relentless anxiety and panic attacks and had suicidal dark thoughts like you. I thought my good life was over forever and I might not survive long. But never say never, I am back to living a normal and absolutely enjoyable life, free from the tyranny of T and H. I wrote my success story and list many important points to help me turn around. For brevity, please read it up if you have time. I am more than happy to answer your questions should you have any. Take care & God bless your recovery.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

By the way, don't panic. New drugs are being tested, like AM-101 and OTO-311
So don't treat it like there is no soluton for T in your life time. Also, have your tried any meds to help your anxiety and depression? Do you have sleep trouble? If you have trouble listening to the ringing, try masking asap. You can get a sound machine or sound pillow for bed time masking, an ipod or smart phone for masking on the go. I had to do full day masking just to survive even with meds. So masking can help you not getting too anxious upon hearing the ringing. If you need masking, there are some nice masking sounds here:

TT’s own excellent masking sounds:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/audioplayer/

If you need more masking sounds, here is free ‘aire freshener’:
http://www.peterhirschberg.com/mysoftware.html

Rain sounds are soothing indeed. You can mix your own rain sounds with this rain generator:
http://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/rainNoiseGenerator.php

Search youtube with ‘masking sounds’ and you will also get lots of different nature sounds, such as rain, waves, waterfalls, running brooks, insect sounds, even shower & faucet etc.

 

Thank you for the encouragement everyone, it truly makes a difference. This is the first time I have contact with others that understand the journey, I am delighted to meet you all.

What helps me is reading the Bible and praying, hanging out with my friends that have accepted Christ in their hearts because they are loving and compassionate. I also seek the answers to some of lifes hardest questions. Why am I here on this earth? Who created this earth? Why is the world full of suffering? Who are the rulers of this earth? Who is the Ruler of life itself after death? When I was a teenager with full hearing, I was stubborn, prideful, rebellious, and wouldn't listen, now that Im losing my hearing, I am the exact opposite, its made me more compassionate, open minded, and more loving although I am still imperfect. This has given me the strength so far to continue and will hopefully continue to give me the courage to live life, even when I dont want to continue it any further. I have suicidal thoughts everyday, but refuse to act on them out of fear of a worse suffering after death. My tinnitus started out on my left ear, I felt I could live with it, but after 7 years, it is now louder then I ever imagined it could be, and I just started to hear noise in my right ear 3 months ago that is getting louder, and its pushing me over the edge, pushing really hard. I thought I could continue living with this but it takes away so much from my peace of mind and well-being as it gets worse month after month, year after year. I would give up all my material posessions, money, shelter, even the clothes off my back to live without this torment, but instead it feels like a one way street into the unknown, and that terrifies me.

 

Describe your psychological profile before you developed symptoms at age 18. Were you calm and free from anxiety then? I don't mean compared to now; did you have anxiety problems at all?
-"I believe in the resurrection of the body" --Apostle's Creed

 

Carlos, I understand how suffering tests your faith. I know this battle. Having tinnitus doesnt mean you will never marry or have a normal life. Life is a lot harder with tinnitus but living a normal life is possible.
I think we all get times of low and suicidal feelings. I still get them. I feel like it at the moment as my tinnitus worsens with time. Its so bad right now and my job is stressing me out big time but I just try to take one day at a time. That's all we can do. Get through one day at a time.

 

@Tweaker Thank you for reaching out, your words are very helpful. I know how tinnitus can disrupt work, I started my own part time buisness online because working in unpredictable environments, or loud places, is dangerous. I worked as a merchant/teller at a bank, and couldnt continue because the bullet proof glass was too thick, I couldn't hear my customers clearly. I never told the bank, I quit, and started my journey as an entrepreneur, which heleped. Now, I feel so inflicted by tinnitus that I am starting to lose the passion in my business. I have thought about getting a helper dog, someone to call family, be active with, and love to try to battle my depression and isolation. One of the hardest things for me is asking for help.

 

Hello there. I'm wondering how did you get tinnitus and what have you tried so far to treat it?
Hearings tests, ENTs etc.

 

I got tinnitus from loud noise. I went to a regular doctor and was referred to an ENT. All the ENT did was tell me the degree of hearing loss I have, told me that there is no cure, to use white noise to mask the tinnitus or buy a hearing aid (which is not a solution). I never went back to another doctor to look for treatment as I lost all hope and trust in doctors and the medical field. Doctors to me are just sales reps like any other who sells products and services of this economy, they treat patients like customers and hospitals like businesses. There is no consideration whatsoever about the mental state of a patient, just by what they physically see. And all they want to do is get a comission out of referring you to drugs, vaccines, other doctors, or refer you to endless follow up appointments for insurance money. Im going to an ENT on Thursday again after 6 years, this ENT is going to be no differet, I met him once before and he has no clue about the mental state of suffering a person has with hearing loss and tinnitus, based on his demeaner and answers. Ive lost hope in all aspects of this illness/disability/symptom. I dont even know what to call it anymore.

 

What have you tried thus far to try and treat it?
Have you had your tinnitus volume measured, and have you had other hearing tests done to see if your hearing has gotten worse?

If you've never tried any treatments I wouldn't yet despair.. There are a lot of things available now to try.

 

The answer is no, I looked for treatments online but there is nothing concrete, just speculation of potential cures that will come in the future, but it doesnt make a difference to know that future generations will be saved, as it doesnt apply to this most current one. I stopped giving myself false hope, as it was more damaging to my overall mental state and added to my depression. I was offered sleeping pills once, and refused to continue because I preferred to sleep all day and night then to face tinnitus and the world.

 

ENTs check your ears (well, as far as they can see inside them - therefore, not that much), your nose and your throat.
Checking your mental state is not their job. The issues you are dealing with require the help of a psychiatrist.
Also, there is no cure or effective treatment for hearing loss or tinnitus, therefore going to ENTs is a waste of time. money and energy.

 

Well, its my opinion then that you haven't yet at all tried to treat yourself. There are a lot of things you can try. The possibility of being deficient in Zinc and B12 is a possibility and could help you. Acoustic neuromodulation and notched music/sound therapy is a possibility for you as well, and you can try those for free to see if it helps.
Magnesium, Vinpocetine, Taurine, Wobenzym N are supplements to try and see if one softens your T.
I've also read that some people have had good success with taking a hot bath and drinking a stout or porter type beer, which is high in anti-oxidants (some report decrease of T intensity of 50% in order to help sleep).
One member here in the group had great success with meditation and the ketone diet.

 

Carlos, if we use the Bible to help us cope with the sufferings from T, Christians like us can find some spiritual support from some of the best scriptures out there that are related to the crucifixion and atonement of Jesus Christ. He had to suffer so much that he sweated blood in the garden of Gesamane (Luke 22:44). Also those scripture related to Job and his trials in the Old Testament when he lost his family and fortune, and he himself was afflicted with all sorts of ailments. So as Christians we are not exempted from sufferings. Nevertheless, we can find some comfort in scriptures which help to explain how to handle sufferings, like Romans 5:3-4 where sufferings can be used to develop some positive attributes in the character. You actually mentioned that yourself in your first post which I quote below. I find the same thing that since T, I feel more compassionate to the sufferings of others and more willing to help. So hang in there and don't lose heart. It is not all lost cause. Good days will return.

 

@Ecip I agree with you. I am now seeking treatment because its gotten so bad to the point where I am on constant alert which takes so much energy from me that it leaves me fatigued all the time. I am having a hard time writing research papers for my classes to get my degree or continuing my jobs. Up until maybe 9 months ago, my tinnitus started to become unbearable, before that I was able to overcome and surpass. Today its become too much. Thank you for the information, Im going to make a lot of lifestyle changes, adjusting is hard. Im searching, I have an appointment this Thursday. But my insurance isnt the best either, I have limited access to doctors and these doctors have high volumes of patients. I live in Los Angeles, CA where hospitals and clinics are always full.

 

Don't give up Carlos, the world is a better place with you in it.

Part of the problem is the isolation that you are going through. We have all gone through it and/or are going through it at this moment. By isolating ourselves we lose our perspective and often focus too much on the negative. Hard as it is to do we have to make ourselves participate in the life going on around us. Yes, it's painful and awkward and tiring -- but it's by doing this that we move forward and maintain a level of mental health.

I'm sure there are tinnitus support groups in Los Angeles. Just google them. You really need to find others locally who can relate to what you're going through. This will help give you strength.

Don't give up because there is always the chance that you can find happiness in this life. And like I said, the world is a better place with you in it, Carlos.

You have friends here, friends who understand. Hang in there!

 

Funny how some people deal with it. Read this guys story:
https://www.reddit.com/r/tinnitus/comments/41qg5l/recently_found_out_about_tinnitus/

 

@Zorro! Your words are very humbling, thank you for being a friend and suporter, for the first time in a long time, I didnt cry today. I am extremely thankful for the advice and conern. I am very humbled by everyone. I wish I could meet you all in person.

 

Hi Carlos, I'm writing to you from your neighbor down south in San Diego. I've never been to it but heard good things about House Clinic. They have multiple locations in and around Los Angeles. I have a friend who drives up there just to see them. This is their website:
www.houseclinic.com
I'm like you; I have really bad T and it drives me mad, especially at night or when I'm indoors all day. When I can't deal with it any longer, I use my hearing aid for its Bluetooth function and listen to sounds that help mask it. Birds chirping or crickets help do it for me. I say this because you did mention hearing loss yourself. Some insurance companies do pay for it.