London Underground Has Me Suicidal

[Elfin]

Hi all,

On Friday, I took the underground two stops for work. It should have been more, but I couldn't stand the noise and had to run off.

I travelled from Kentish Town to Euston. At one point, we hit a section of track with loud, high pitched metallic roar which registered 106 dB on my phone app, split my head in two and had me in such a panic I threw up outside the station.

Researching, I found this article with my journey mentioned as the second loudest:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-42791299

The spike I have now is awful and has thrown me into that sleepless, anxious zombie state, full of regret and remorse and self loathing. I am suicidal and can't hear this raised noise anymore.

I had earplugs in (ACS 26), but they don't seem to have prevented spike.

I don't know what to do or where to turn. Please help. Each time I think of it, I just panic.

 

[glynis]

@Elfin,
Please don't take the article as gospel as everyone would have got tinnitus .

We are more prone to flairups as our ears are extra sensitive especially if have Hyperacusis or tinnitus due to acoustic shock.

You could easily have got a cold virus and got a spike as their are lots of causes.
It is finding what helps you cope better and if not sleeping medication like a sleeping tablet can help just for a few days.
You will be fine so try let the situation be a part of your past as through life we will at times get loud freak accidents of sound and we need to find ways to deal with them.
We hear you and understand how you feel so please see your doctor and ring Mental Health or the Samaritans or the BTA for extra support.

I find trains not to bad but ears pop if in a tunnel.
Keep posting for support and see your doctor if getting suicidal thoughts for help.

love glynis x

 

[Ed209]

Elfin, as I said in my email to you, you are neglecting to remember that you had double protection at the time of the noise. One exposure to a noise like that, even without protection, is highly unlikely to cause permanent damage. The article clearly states the risk is to people who use the underground everyday - whilst commuting to work.

It's easy to get swept up in our emotions when something like this happens, but you must try and step outside of yourself and view this incident objectively. You are especially at risk of catastrophic thoughts (relating to sound) because you have severe phonophobia as diagnosed by a hearing specialist. By wearing earplugs and muffs, on a daily basis, you are unnecessarily sensitising your ears. Whenever the slightest noise happens during the day it is freaking you out, and this is happening more and more, even though you are wearing hearing protection. You WILL come through this just like all the other times you have. However, I'm really concerned about you as we have been talking for a long time and you need more reallife support and help. You cannot live your life like this buddy. Your relationship with sound is so toxic now that it's making you ill. The spike you are experiencing is a direct result of this, I promise you.

Remember how many times you've been at your wits' end over a sound you've heard? Remember what I told you? All those old sounds have been replaced by this one haven't they; the latest threat? Yet if you wrote down how many of these incidents you've had it would easily be over a hundred. I can rationally see what's happening to you and it's soul destroying to see. This incident will be all but forgotten in a few weeks but there will be something else to worry about in its place. This cycle won't stop until you break it.

I really want you to seek further professional help. Did you have any follow ups with the last person you saw?

Lean on me and don't do anything stupid. You are going to be ok.

 

[Elfin]

thanks @Ed209 and @glynis for your warm, supportive and helpful replies.

@Ed209 looking back at the list of previous exposures, I can see now how my reaction was excessive. Looking at them though, none of them had the objective power and noise I felt for those 10-15 seconds on that underground train. I was literally clutching muffs to my head and praying it would stop.

The other noises also gave a spike which seemed to subside over a couple of hours. This one I have now has been with me since Friday and it is so loud. It is like a wasp constantly buzzing in my head, combined with a high-pitched ringing tone, which is awful. It's in my head, like when a bomb goes off in tv shows and they show the tinnitus after.

I am waking in the night, can barely eat. The thought of going to the gym is too much. Everything seems off and my vision is blurred and distant (probably an after effect of the anxiety).

I do not want to do anything stupid; I do not want to leave my family etc. I just do not see how this can possible be overcome.

Even thinking about that noise makes me feel sick to my stomach!

 

[Elfin]

even this mentions it:



jesus wept

 

[Ed209]

I am waking in the night, can barely eat. The thought of going to the gym is too much. Everything seems off and my vision is blurred and distant (probably an after effect of the anxiety)

You have had such a strong reaction to that sound that your body has had a physiological response. The lack of sleep, throwing up after the incident, loss of appetite, etc, are all signs of extreme anxiety. Your tinnitus will be objectively worse because of this, and I do not believe for a second that it's because of damage to your inner ear. 10 seconds of that noise (whilst double protected) is not going to do anything to your auditory system. Your reaction is the issue here.

Try not to let this eat away at you because I know you will obsessively ruminate over this, but behaving this way only fuels the spike. You have to try and calm your thoughts and CNS down.

 

[Emperor-Drax]

Sydney trains aren't that loud. What's going on over there in the Mother Country?

 

[Julien87]

even this mentions it:



jesus wept

Interesting video!
Pay close attention to the very last line by the way, it should reassure you

 

[Elfin]

I'd even gotten to a position where I was going out more, to the gym, for runs, to 5-a-side football on a Monday night, now I cant even move to get out of bed.

This is breaking me slowly, but unyieldingly.

Oddly, sounds that I used to consider loud aren't even that loud anymore, such was the force and power of this noise

 

[Greg Sacramento]

@Elfin Magnesium chelate
https://corpina.com/chelated-magnesium/

 

[Candy]

You are most likely analysing the sound too much...I've had so many of those situations where I've been cought out without hearing protection (which is not your case).

Give it a couple of weeks for your "senses"'to calm down if it is a spike or for your awareness to back off from the sound if it is you over monitoring. Keep busy, sleep plenty and don't sit listening to it...x

 

[Bill Bauer]

You will most likely not get a permanent spike. You will know whether or not this is the case if you still have this spike more than three months from now. Right now there is no reason for you to panic. Try to ride it out.

Having said the above, it sounds like you will want to avoid taking the subway in the future.

 

[coffee_girl]

Yikes, I've lived in cities all my life and I cant stand loud transportation. Hope your spike goes down

 

[Tinker Bell]

The day before you were on the underground you posted that your tinnitus was louder possibly from a cold virus. Did that spike subside before you even took the train?