My 3 Month Introduction to Hell

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by punkaddict, Jun 4, 2019.

    1. punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Hey there, kinda been putting off joining here, hoping it would pass but screw it, I'm here for the long run it seems.

      The name's Louis, I'm 18 from London, UK and 3 months ago one use of a simple looking device opened the gateway to hell on earth.

      This year, late February I noticed a moderate humming out of nowhere when I was up late getting high and trying to doze off. Naturally worried, I raced to the GP who said I had ear wax impaction and irrigation was booked for 8 days later, "Great. 8 days of torture is a bit much but I'll wait"

      Skip ahead 4 days, insomnia and anxiety ensues as I try ear drops, cotton buds, shower blasting, anything to quicken this process and help me focus for uni. It was then my erratic mother, tired of listening to my anxious pacing and bouts of crying, decides to buy an ear wax removal syringe from Amazon.

      As I return home, tired and afraid, I see it on the counter, and I had the strangest reaction to it, a mix of anger for my mother's hasty attempts, instant distrust for the foreign object, but also a hint of curiosity of it actually working. Considering I still had to put up with this for 4 days in which i had important uni work to attend and write, I rush to my computer to absolve or prove my skepticism.

      Page loads. Boom. 5 stars, 5 stars, 4 stars, 5 stars. "Safe, Easy, Comfortable" "Saved me a trip to the GP" "Very hard to damage anything" "Highly recommended"
      I was stunned to say the least, "this little syringe allows me to solve all my problems right now, I dont need to wait!" A tinge of scepticism creeps up again. So I look up lowest rated reviews. Very few came up. "This gave me an ear infection" "Tip came off and burst my eardrum" "Could bruise eardrum if not careful" I pondered for a while, having a courtroom debate in my head before agreeing "This product has relatively low risk, high rewards and the risks are likely only temporary if do it completely wrong" Let's give it a shot

      So I go to the bathroom, fill it up, and just before I put it in my ear, a thought (likely a message from God) of the worst case scenario pops up in my head, not sure what it was but I just thought "What if something terrible happens, something I'll regret for a long time". I stop, hear the humming again, think about the overwhelming support for this product I had, and then discarded it as my extreme anxiety stopping me from my answer.

      So I read the instructions carefully: Fill it and fully insert into the ear, and slowly press down, easy right?
      There was an illustration showing a man holding it, like thumb on the plunger, fingers around the 'handle', but it also suggested holding the pinna open and leaning downwards. This all proved to be very awkward with my sink obstructing a proper grip on the syringe. "Should I ask for help?" I thought, which was then followed by remembering the same question asked on the Amazon page with a resounding 'No you can do it yourself' So in my attempt to do that, I opted for a more comfortable method of pressing the plunger only into my ear, considering this product was 'safe'.

      Lo and behold, a few attempts of that later, a bunch of wax came out followed a dizzy episode and a bit of pain. At first I was ecstatic, it worked. But then I came back to my quiet room and something was different, amongst the humming, a creeping ringing arrived in that ear. I thought oh that's probably just a temporary side effect, I'll hear silence after my appointment. Well here I am 3 months later, ears clean and constant mild ringing in the ear I syringed and occasional central humming (not sure if the same as in Feb, maybe that was always gonna be there, who tf knows) hearing loss yet tbc by ENT (private audiologist confirmed SNHL, hoping its wrong) Fuck. My. Life.

      Sorry for the long rambling of my journey to probably permanent T, I find it almost darkly comical how fucked my situation is. If something is labelled safe with NO stated risk and NO precaution on usage, how could this have happened. Fucking how. This whole story explains why I dont think I'll ever reach full acceptance or 'habituation' to this, I was so manipulated, it shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't be on this goddamn sub. How long this lasts directly correlates to how fucked this world is to allow this to happen. :banghead:

      Anyway, hope maybe a few could relate to some parts of this, as for now I'm trying HBOT as a last ditch effort before submitting to the screech. Trying ACV, tapering off smoking, wearing earplugs. Any treatments for trauma induced tinnitus are more than welcome.

      And the future, well, if it just goes my faith in humanity is restored. If not, I'll endure the next 5-6 years pending for Frequency's, Decibel's, Neuromod's and many other potential cures. If they work, faith in humanity restored. If they reduce it significantly, life could be more bearable to wait for a full fledged cure where I'll appreciate their efforts. If all of these do jack shit or very little, I'll probably jump off a building. Maybe I'll track down the manufacturer of the syringe and shove his implement into his ear filled with hydrochloric acid at maximum pressure til he becomes a new member here, and I'll be dead.
       
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    2. MBH

      MBH Member

      Location:
      Upstate NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Overloaded stress
      I hope you get relief from HBOT. But really I hope you get relief from this whole situation. Don't let it beat you. If you need help, read a boatload of useful tips and experiences on Tinnitus Talk.
       
    3. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      Diagnosed with SNHL in your ear wax impacted ear? Oh.

      I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. I don't know if there's any treatment for trauma induced tinnitus, but people here take magnesium and NAC - along with a variety of other supplements.
       
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    4. DanielJ

      DanielJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Trauma
      How loud is the ringing at the moment out of 10? Can you only hear it in a silent room?
       
    5. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      Hi Louis,

      Welcome to the forum. I share the same experience as you. I too syringed my ears at home and started my journey in battling this beast called tinnitus. I have had tinnitus all my life, the very mild kind where I never paid much attention to, but it was amped up by at least 10 times after syringing. I wasn’t able to cope with it in the first 3 months and wanted to kill myself when I realized that it wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.

      After dealing with it for a year and a half, it has gotten a lot better as I now have days where I don’t pay attention to it because the volume is low. I do get bad days still but those days are a lot more bearable than when I first got it. I notice that my good days are quieter than before too so I hope for a gradual improvement over time. I am slowly getting back to a normal life.

      I don’t see why you can’t get better like me too, seeing that me and you got it the same way. You are still young and your body should heal better than us old folks. Just make sure you protect your ears from now on and don’t over stress them too much. Stay away from loud concerts, movies and refrain from using headphones at least for the first 6 months to a year. This is so that your ears can take its time to heal.

      Take care!
       
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    6. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Yah, just in quiet rooms, thank bejesus it's not severe. Still, I loved silence. Many take it for granted but I didn't, I moved to 5 different uni accommodations because every one had some kinda irritant noise which made me depressed and insomnious, I yearned for a quiet room. Now I yearn nothing other than a cure, or death if my entire life has to fucked by stupid piece of 'safe' plastic
       
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    7. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Yeah, been trying to limit noise, Idk about headphones though, music is my life and I can't go many places without a pair of earphones. I keep the volume down obviously but struggle to keep them off, there's so little to live for otherwise.
      Opinions on smoking and t recovery? (been trying to quit but it's another thing that makes the world seem so dull and depressing without)
       
    8. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      Headphones tend to be a controversial topic on here, and earphones are said to be worse than headphones. Many people give up the use of headphones, which I have, and some others continue to listen through them. I think it's a matter of luck honestly. A gamble, if you decide it's worth it or not. But, people want to try everything to have some form of fading - which is why they give up headphones, instead of thinking damn, if I just did x, then maybe x would've x.

      Also, no idea on the smoking, but I know it slows healing.
       
    9. Candy

      Candy Member Benefactor Advocate

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unidentified
      In which case it sounds mild, I could hear mine quite clearly when it started, not just in quiet rooms, which is a positive... please be careful now and don’t stay on forums etc. once you’ve accepted this. You’ll tune out of it in time or it could fade. Your thoughts are also getting you stuck. How were you to know about this causing tinnitus? x
       
    10. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      1
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      really, really sorry to hear this. Also slightly scary, since I use those same earwax bulb kits on a somewhat regular basis.
       
    11. winstona
      Balanced

      winstona Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise exposure and excessive ear irrigation
      It’s up to you regarding headphones. I guess if you keep it at low volume it may be ok.

      From the way you described the T you have, it’s the mild - moderate kind. That’s what I have got for most of my life. But take me as an example, manageable T can become debilitating if you don’t start a good regime of protecting your ears.

      Sorry I don’t smoke so I don’t know what it will do to T.
       
    12. JohnFox

      JohnFox Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Sudden loss of 100% hearing R ear with Tinnitus
      After reading your posts I do think (with all respect) that your needs are deeper than just a relief from the onset of what I would call mild tinnitus, (compared to others in here). My T has changed/challenged every aspect of my life. Anyway, at your young age it is concerning that you feel there is not much to live for without getting high and/or listening constantly to music. I suspect that there are many young ones out there who might state the same thing. Very sad. Stick around bro,..there's a lot going on in the deeper corners of this forum. I have more to say on that at a later time, but for now I will just say this much, ...use this "crisis" you are facing, and take a look at the big picture of your life and the purpose of your life. Often it takes just that,...a crisis, for us to stop ourselves and ask ourselves the kind of questions that can be life changing. Your only 18 so I'll give you a pass if you can't receive this advice, but...If, you can do that, to look within, ask yourself about YOU, and to use this time as a stepping stone towards the path of positivity (more later), you may just look back on this time of suffering and realize that it was a catalyst that opened a door for moving in another direction. A better direction. Pulling for you, and hope you stick around. Cheers...
       
    13. Digital Doc

      Digital Doc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise induced
      "Smoking can make tinnitus worse in two ways. It harms blood flow to the sensitive nerve cells that control your hearing. It also acts as a stimulant in your body. This can make the ringing in your ears sound louder."

      https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/qa/how-does-smoking-affect-tinnitus

      I would completely stop the cigarettes... yesterday. Use the savings to buy plenty of earplugs!
       
    14. Allan Mcmillan

      Allan Mcmillan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 30 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic shock from playing guitar with headphones
      Not only that, cigarettes are ototoxic to the ear. I recommend cutting that out completely.
       
    15. DanielJ

      DanielJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Trauma
      No doubt that it will continue to fade, it may go away or it may stay like that. I've had low level tinnitus for 8-10 years now, its never gotten worse even after going to concerts and loud clubs regularly since, its just a baseline noise which I can only hear when my head is against the pillow at night.

      The good news is that becomes your new normal eventually, that's what they mean by habituation, trust me you do get used to it if its only low level and your life is far from over.
       
    16. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Thanks for the advice, I do think cigarettes aren't doing me any good, I guess I just don't wanna cut them out if the T will just stay the same. It never makes it louder, sometimes it's even quieter after a smoke.
      I just suspect I don't have many years left in me waking up every day morbidly depressed by a blaring head. I'd try anything to get my life back but if dieting, fasting, quitting smoking, ceasing to use headphones doesn't do anything except maybe make it a bit quieter given I adhere to that lifestyle, then there's no point. I'm just allowing this ringing to make my life more boring and shitty. It's already taken interest out of so many things, video games, weed, movies... If living like a hermit would 100% get rid of this of course I would, but nothing's really proven other than slight reductions. I'd rather go out knowing I tried my best to enjoy this shitty life than just bore myself (literally) to death
       
    17. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      I guess we'll see, as I mentioned I have ASD and am very sensitive to noise so may brain may be hard-wired to not accept anything other than silence, especially when it was taken through such a moronic manipulative manner. I can still sleep ok, I don't hear it loudly except in the morning and at night when it's quietest, but that's still enough to make me unbelievably depressed. You know the saying 'waking up on the wrong side of the bed', that's me every goddamn day.
      A slight reduction wouldn't really do much (guess I wouldn't know until it happens) as it mainly affects my mood rather than sleep or hearing ability, it's mere presence ruins me every day. A significant reduction or complete remission is all I can pray for
       
    18. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Hmm, props to you for being able to stop, I'm just way too much of a music lover that I can't commit to taking it out of my life, can make it quieter, but not stop completely. If I was to choose between tinnitus and never using headphones, the I'd regrettably choose the former even though it makes me suicidal, music keeps my hope alive. But given that we have similar causes, have you noticed any reduction since not using headphones?
       
    19. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      I don't know if I experienced reduction specifically because of not using headphones, but in my case, early on, headphones kept my T at the same level I had at onset and when I dropped them is when I healed. At that time though also, I also became informed of how vigilant I need to be with avoiding loud noises and some moderate noises of the like. Overall though, I have experienced a lot of reduction.
       
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    20. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Do you have any idea of timestamps between headphone cessation and T reduction? Like how long did it take you to stop using headphones and how long it took for you to notice reduction after?
      Just trying to decipher if stopping headphone use was key in your case or if it was just coincidence.
      And have you tried them at least once since and noticed an increase?
       
    21. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      A week. But I also stopped using headphones early on within my T onset. So, I don't know if it was a natural reduction, or something else.
       
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    22. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      So one week after stopping headphones you noticed the reduction? Was this right after it started or a few months in?
       
    23. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      This was maybe two weeks into my T onset. Maybe less than.
       
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    24. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Ok, cheers for the help. Still don't know if I can make that commitment. I'm a drummer so I need to listen to headphones anyway when I'm practicing so me stopping wouldn't really be stopping, just using them less
      I ain't letting T ruin my drumming career, but it may ruin every other part of my life :(
       
    25. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      I think wearing headphones could potentially maybe not spike people's tinnitus, but have people's fading go stagnant and stay at that level. I'm not sure though - wish there was a handy dandy tinnitus guideline or something, so we wouldn't have to theorize. :dunno:
       
    26. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Yeah, wouldn't that be swell. All we really know is to keep away from loud to very loud noises, moderate noises are still murky waters, but who can really avoid those completely? I'm playing my first punk gig tomorrow since tinnitus onset, I pray I won't be back here regretting my choices :nailbiting: keeping my earbuds handy
       
    27. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      Oooooooof. I would advise not do that at all, but I know you're going to regardless of what I say. Consider wearing muffs too, and if there's speakers, have the sound dbl under control. Ask the sound booth to not pump it out that loud, but take some magnesium and nac, before and after.......... Give your ears breaks too, like walking out to somewhere quieter...
       
    28. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      punkaddict
      Cynical

      punkaddict Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Self-syringing (I think?)
      Yeah, I know it's kinda risky, but I can't miss out on gigs that are so important to me. It's good that I mentioned it otherwise I would have just gone with earplugs. In terms of protection, I have earplugs, NAC, magnesium oxide and big ear defenders/muffs. I'll take the NAC and mg before and after like you say, should I trust earplugs alone or are defenders really necessary? It'll probably get quite loud for our 30 min set, I just don't wanna hear very little and look like a doofus with big defenders on
       
    29. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      It depends on the db level honestly. If your ears feel weird or uncomfortable then you know the plugs aren't cutting it and you should slip the muffs on. If you have to absolutely go, then maybe test out a little drumming by yourself at first, with muffs and ear plugs on to see if it the change is drastic. Chelated magnesium is the best for ear health I believe - aka magnesium glycinate. I think? Maybe ask others here, or check out the magnesium thread in the search bar.
       
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    30. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      I think Nicotinamide Riboside might be worth looking into too.
       

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