My Silent Conquest

Discussion in 'Support' started by Rocknrory, Dec 31, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. Rocknrory
      Inspired

      Rocknrory Member

      Location:
      Los Angeles, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise-Exposure
      Hey everyone! I decided that since I developed T back in July of this year, that it would be good to start a thread for myself, and others, to keep track of how I'm progressing and what life is like. Here's a little backstory of how it started, how I've progressed, and how I'm currently feeling.

      So as many of you know, T is incredibly lame, especially during the initial onset. I'm 21 years old, a musician. Since the age of 16, I've been blasting my huge guitar amp at high volumes, along with my car stereo, and worst of all, headphones at high volumes. I never expected what I would later get to know as tinnitus, to come about. I just kept ignorant and assumed I'd just lose frequencies a bit faster than others. Even that I didn't pay much attention to, because I was / am young.

      Anyway, like I said, it started at the end of July, while I was at my families summer house in Maine. I loved the natural beauty all around, especially the quiet. On one of the few remaining days I was there, I went on a little rowboat adventure while intoxicated, and brought my headphones as usual. The problem this time is that I turned them up far louder than I've ever turned them up before. I have a mini-amp, so it went louder than max volume with just an iPod plugged in. Normally I look at the volume number on the amp to gauge the level, but this time I stupidly just used my ears. I was "feelin" the music so I cranked it. The next morning I woke up, and I heard a static kind of hiss in my left ear.

      At first I wasn't alarmed, but after a day, or two, followed by three, I was really worried. I googled what it was, and that's when I was introduced to Tinnitus. After a few weeks, I was emotionally and mentally wrecked. I started having panic attacks, depression, anxiety, all the "good" stuff which I've never experienced in my life before. I'm already a pretty emotional person compared to others, so this period was brutal. To top it off, I lost my apartment over the summer so I had to move into my dads place he is renovating. It's where I originally grew up from birth to 6 years old. I also had to replace my stolen car, thankfully with insurance money I was awarded. Commuting an hour and a half to school, each way, on top of everything else, made it all worse.

      As time went on I got more used to the sound, and I've been emotionally reacting less, although still bothered by it. The original left ear hiss has become unilateral a while back, with the addition of a following tonal ringing sound in my left ear. Originally I could only hear it if I plugged my left ear in the morning after waking up (it's more apparent when I lay down.. blood flow?) but now it's becoming more and more apparent without me covering my ear. I hear it now. My right ear is slowly starting to develop the same tonal style of ringing also, which is lame. I've acquired a pair of custom fitted earplugs since I developed T, I wear them at loud events / shows, which I go to dramatically less since developing my inner sounds. It seems my sounds are getting worse as time goes on, but emotionally I'm far more stable than I was before. On Halloween I spend the entire day crying, in a negative downward spiral, beating myself up mentally & emotionally.

      Tinnitus has caused me to start exploring topics that I've either never touched before or have only dabbled in. Spiritual / ancient healing, and spirituality as a whole. I understood the physical cause of tinnitus, but as a musician and emotional person, I look deeper into almost everything. I've gone in circles a bit, making some discoveries along the way. I do value western medicine to an extent, but I'm also aware of the perpetual money-making machine known as the pharmaceutical industry, as well as people who are into something for greed rather than to help others or humanity as a whole.

      I honestly believe that we will see either a cure, or suppressant for T within the next 10 years, perhaps sooner (according to certain experts, less likely, but nothing is impossible). I've been looking into alternative medicine like many probably have, and can't help but believe there exists something in our natural world that combats T. The world has so many possibilities, but unfortunately I don't know the answer.

      On the positive side, I just got back from a short trip to visit my mother in Washington DC, I'm about to celebrate New Years out in the california desert at a desert party in which I get to play guitar along with a DJ friend of mine, and then I get to move into my new apartment that I found with two really solid roommates. The perfect fit I can tell. Oh, and then I'm flying to Hawai'i (where I grew up) for 3 weeks before classes start to visit friends, relax, and go on many outdoor explorations!

      Life isn't bad, I know I have so much to be happy and grateful for. That isn't to deny that these sounds in my head aren't bothersome. I would love to hear perminent silence again, as we all do. When it happens, I'm gonna party like its 1999! 3 days nonstop, with drinks, music (with earplugs!), and so much more craziness.

      I'll post more on this thread with whatever thoughts I'm having, in regards to interesting information I've found, and also just general updates.

      Thank you so much to everyone apart of Tinnitus Talk. I appreciate this community so much that words cannot even describe how I feel. Much love to everyone here.
       
      • Like Like x 3
    2. Rocknrory
      Inspired

      Rocknrory Member

      Location:
      Los Angeles, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise-Exposure
      Happy New Year everyone :) I had a wonderful time out in the desert with friends, ringing in 2015. Playing guitar was great, everyone enjoyed it. By the next time I do it again, I'm gonna be twice as good due to the practice regime I must start.

      Yesterday I was feeling a bit sad / depressed due to my ears. I cried a bit as I reminisced about how much more joyful I was as 2013 turned to 2014 last year, before I had T. It seems that even when I'm happiest, which doesn't happen often like it used to, it feels like I'm not FULLY blissed. On top of that, as much as I still enjoy music, I feel like since music reminds me of the condition of my ears, it sucks out some of the energy it used to give me. It's really not the same. I don't want to listen to music as much, since it reminds me of T and I fear that'll just get worse over time, as it has been. Like many people here, I'd give so much just to have quiet again. Some days I feel like I'm alright, other days it hits me. I know ill habituated as time passes, I notice it happening outdoors when there is background sounds, but I want to truly be free of it. I pray that one day I'll be fully healthy again, along with everyone else. I'm about to move into my new place today / tomorrow, which is good because I need a new environment as my fathers place he's renovating is a bit dark and cold. My new place + roommates will change my mood for the positive, I do not doubt.

      P.S if anyone could give me some tips on how to get the joy I used to have back, please let me know! I just want to be my happy self again, except not like before, new and improved! I'm going to start working out regularly again to strengthen my body and mind. I think that'll help with my emotional state.
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Hug Hug x 1
    3. I who love music
      Cheerful

      I who love music Member

      Location:
      Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      mid seventies
      You're young, you'll see good treatment in the years ahead I bet.
      I got my T in '74 - loud music. REAL loud. I changed my own music from loud and electric to acoustic and semi-electric. No drums, mikes instead of pickups. Bass is the killer.
      When I tampered with loud music through recent years, I paid the price.
      One thing I've learned about my T, it picks up where it left off. So the best thing I can do is be careful and stay away from the super loud stuff. Even low monitors are too much sometime. But I'm VERY grateful to have my hearing and T that I can live with after some of the evil spikes I've had.
      You're right about exercise. Do it.
      And I agree that some things can never be the same once you get tinnitus. But for me, I just shifted my music volume and styles. Life's been good. And after many years of sweating about T, I learned how to get 'around' it.
      Pills and supplements never really helped me, but this did... https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/
       
      • Informative Informative x 1
    4. Rocknrory
      Inspired

      Rocknrory Member

      Location:
      Los Angeles, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise-Exposure
      IWLM, I see you're spreading your technique which has helped you significantly. I deeply respect that, and am implementing it when I notice T. I know it works regardless of T volume when you give it a go and stay dedicated. I've been doing very well as of recent, since I moved into my new apartment. My roommate are very positive and a great influence to be around. This year will be good, I'm motivated. The problem is that in quiet places (indoors), my T is slowly getting worse. At first I had a low-decent volume static (like from an old tube TV on mute), which initially caused me great depression / anxiety, but since I've come to accept it, new tones have been introduced. First my left ear, which has a faint G note when in a quiet environment (much more prominent when I close my ear flap to listen), and most recently, a slightly different pitch has begun even more faintly in my right ear. I'm on 21, almost 22! This is so lame that it's getting progressively worse. At least I am largely unaware of it when I'm out and about. I'm thankful as it could be quite loud like it is for others. Man, I don't want the tones to get louder. I am going to start taking Magnesium supplements regularly, along with anything else that supposedly beefs up the ear for protection.

      Thank you.
       
    5. I who love music
      Cheerful

      I who love music Member

      Location:
      Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      mid seventies
      Hey Rock,
      When I was 22 I was playing music in bars and making lots of noise but not loud rock. Since the late 70's I tried to stay away from real loud music and I think it paid off.
      Ya... Keep doing the BTS Method thing. I've got about 2 little hair cells left and it worked for me!!
       

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