Need a Little Virtual Hug Please! Boyfriend Got Me Tickets for Foo Fighters — And I Can't Go...

Hey guys,

I've been seeing a guy for 6 months, have known him longer though including when tinnitus onset occurred for me (around this time last year), so he knows the story with my tinnitus. He's helped me do a lot this year, initially I was afraid to even have one drink, but now I can enjoy a few drinks, enjoy the local plug with earplugs and plenty breaks, managed to make it to the staff Christmas party this year, and we took a holiday together with a 4 hour flight! So I've accomplished loads, lots of that with his help.

We exchanged Christmas gifts last night and he got me really thoughtful gifts, but my main gift was tickets to see Foo Fighters (one of my faves, have a tattoo and everything). Now, he thought this would be the "next step" in me overcoming tinnitus and doing things I want. But I know how loud Foos play, I've seen them twice before, and honestly since tinnitus I've sworn off any gigs and clubs, it's not worth the risk to me and I'm fully sure that the anxiety I'd have during an event like that would up my chances of spikes or permanent increase.

So I told him I couldn't go, it was devastating. I had to watch his face fall and we both feel like failures, I feel like I've let him down and he hates that he upset me when he just thought it was another challenge we could tackle together. I understand his thinking behind it totally, and it was thoughtful, just not for me.

I'm angry and upset that when I was becoming accustomed to tinnitus after a hard year of it, there was another blow, another reminder of what I can't do, especially with this fabulous person who I want to do everything with.

So yeah, I just kinda needed a bit of a rant and maybe a virtual hug sent my way.

*breathes deep*

Ok! Back to festivities. Happy Christmas everyone

 

@caliazi

It sounds like you've got a wonderful guy there. I know how disappointed he must have been but you're doing absolutely the right thing protecting yourself. It sounds like you've got a strong relationship and this is an example of how strong it is. He's disappointed but the relationship will continue.

I have seen more posts than I care to remember about boyfriends and girlfriends yelling at and being impatient with new t sufferers. It sounds like you've got a keeper there.

Sending you a virtual hug.

 

@New Guy

I so appreciate your kind words! He is pretty wonderful. It is only a small thing in the grand scheme of things and I'm sure we'll still do plenty of great things, I'll shake of these blues soon. Thanks for the hug!

 

I am glad that you did what in my opinion is the right thing and didn't go to a concert. It is good that your partner learned to discuss these things with you, before doing something he might regret.

 

Hey, just my opinion and not what you or your sweetie want to hear, but I think concerts should be off the table for the forseeable future unless we find a cure.
It's not to be anti-fun. Most people without debilitating T and H should still be able to enjoy sound. But concerts play at a level that is just not seen in nature. In my opinion, rule of thumb is, if it's too loud to be comparable to what can be heard in nature, then its too loud.

Concerts are an event and not an everyday part of life. Therefore I find it easier to give up if it keeps me able to continue doing everyday things. Going to a concert can never be the 'next step' in tinnitus healing. It just doesn't work that way. Perhaps you already know that, though.

It might be better to focus on what you can still do. I hope you guys can get good money for your tickets and use it to do something fun and wonderful that will be even more special.

 

{{{Caliazi}}} It does sound like you have a great guy! Very thoughtful and understanding. Good for you doing the right thing. I've had tinnitus since the early 90s and wish what I know now back then! You have the rest of your life to think about, so take care of your ears!! Merry Christmas sweetie!

 

Sound falls off a lot with distance. If you go to an open-air show and sit in the back with earplugs it should be OK. Of course, at that point you're so far away from the stage that you might as well be watching TV. Same deal with the earplugs. They change the color of the sound, especially rolling off the highs, that it just sounds all muddy. I always feel let down by the listening experience of the show but it's good to physically see the performers.

I don't know if any of the concerts I saw after getting T made it worse but I have been highly selective about them and always wore earplugs. When you already have T it's really hard to tell if (and how) you've made it worse. There is a ton of guilt wrapped up in the T in the first place, blaming yourself for being stupid, so there's a lot of anxiety/guilt wrapped up in every single decision you make going forward as far as exposing yourself to noise.

 

@caliazi ,
I think you made the right decision for yourself so don't be to disheartened.
Have a lovely Christmas,
sending hugs your way,
love glynis

 

@GlennS & @Red Hey guys, maybe I wasn't clear enough in my original post but don't worry I'm definitely not going, agree with it being totally off the table, No decision to be made I was just having a bit of a moan cause it was a really sweet gesture that I can't get the benefit of. I'm sure he can sell on the tickets as GlennS said. Just a bit of a bummer is all. Thanks both for your input

@ShariK & @glynis Thank you both so much! I already feel a bit better from all the love and support on here <3

 

What a sweet guy! Glad to see that you decided not to go to the concert, have a great christmas =]

 

That's what the people I quoted in the first post of
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/learn-from-others-mistakes.29437/
thought. They lived to regret it.

 

Well done saying no to going to the concert.

 

Awh! Virtual hug coming your way! I totally understand your frustration, it’s VERY upsetting! I think you’ve definitely made the right decision though! Sell the tickets and go for a lovely overnight away! We need to try and focus on the things we still can do, as hard as it is xx

 

It's not the end of the world. Put it in perspective....You could go but chose not to. Now imagine yourself as being paralysed from the neck down, riddled with cancer and being unable to go even if you wanted to. Put it in perspective- go or flog your ticket then watch them on You Tube.

I've just spent £10,000 on a piano I now can't play because of the spike/new baseline tinnitus it's caused...So imagine how pissed off I am. I've now got a 10k ornament sitting in my living room that I'm still paying for.