Need Help: Can't Forgive Myself for Being So Stupid (Failing to Take Steroids)

Discussion in 'Support' started by MJ Burton, Nov 25, 2018.

    1. MJ Burton

      MJ Burton Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      I had a serious acoustic trauma 6-7 weeks ago which has radically changed my life and even though I went to a clinic and requested steroids... I didn't take them. I was afraid of the drugs (6 day decreasing pack). Now I have severe tinnitus and hyperacusis in one ear and can't understand people. I am such an idiot and blew my chance for recovery by hoping it would just get better on its own.

      The tinnitus and hyperacusis are very limiting..as well as the hearing loss which I can't imagine can be improved by a hearing aid as my ear is now amplifying all high frequency sound twenty fold. I have been very depressed and forlorn and have been contemplating suicide due to this tremendous loss and the isolation which will ensue (I love to sing w/others..). I have seen zero improvement since day one, yet the one skimpy test I did showed no real difference in hearing between the ears...yet both quite affected by time loss. Now I just go to work..rush home and sit alone avoiding any social contact as I can't hear and everything so loud on that side.

      I want to end thingsand am so angry at myself for being SO stupid and not taking the steroids. What an idiot.

      Question. How do I get past emotionally that my fear/procrastination/avoidance and enshrined DENIAL had cost me my everything, my fun/enjoyment/social life/music and even potentially my life. How can I learn to live in a life that is all alone.

      Why am I such an idiot even though I have spent years protecting my hearing?! Really disgusted w/myself and feel I can't just forgive myself as the consequences of my own inaction were so grave. I don't blame myself for the incident.

      The occlusion and acoustic trauma were not my fault mostly...but I hate myself for not taking the steroids. And that avoidant/procrastinating decision seems to have sealed my fate..in this world of one...4--ever.
       
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    2. Wolfears

      Wolfears Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 20/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Most likely accoustic trauma
      If it makes you feel any better, there is no guarantee that the steroids would work anyway even if you did take them.
       
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    3. Red
      Crappy

      Red Member

      Location:
      Northeast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Exposure (Headphones)
      I'm afraid of prednisone too and have never taken it. Though when I first got T I didn't even know it was an option. I blame myself for every loss of my health in life so far. I don't have any advice. Just saying I have an intense hatred towards my own self.
      I caused my chronic pain by self treating my carpal tunnel.
      I caused my tinnitus and hyperacusis by using headphones to work around my chronic pain.
      I worsened my hyperacusis by watching a video of people dying.

      I often question myself why do I never learn. Well, I don't have any kids so at least my genes won't survive.
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
    4. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      I took the week long steroid pack within the first 2 days of my onset and they did nothing.

      And we may have several years but there might be hope for us.
      Lecture: Toward a True Cure for Hearing...
       
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    5. another sean
      Studious

      another sean Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Los Angeles
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Long duration of low audio
      You will most likely habituate to it and it won't bothered nearly as much. But it takes a few months. It's literally a physiological change that occurs in your brain. It's not some BS term that gets tossed around. You will feel better and your mind wont have such negative response, like getting frustrated or upset, at the sound. So just hang in there and give you brain time to adjust. It will get better. Read the Success Stories forum. Most of them are not full of cures, but people sharing their stories of how it gets better for most.

      And also dont forget it may actually fade. You are still in early days. Up 6 months is very possible for it to fade. But be sure to protect your hearing during that time.

      So take a deep breath, and remind yourself daily you have two good things that can happen. Either it will fade or you will habituate. Either way you will feel better. OK? Just keep dem ears safe :)
       
      • Like Like x 1
    6. EarHair

      EarHair Member

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2012 worsened Jan 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Concerts and TMJ and genetics (Mom, Grandpa have it)
      A lot of people that suffer a single event acoustic trauma recover a lot but it can take 2 years. Just live a healthy life and hopefully you body will heal. A lot of people like you have no improvement for months and then lots of improvement from 6 months to 2 years. For some reason ears, nerves, and brain take a long time to heal. Take it one day at a time and protect yourself. Ear plugs in pocket at all times going out.
       
    7. GregCA
      Jaded

      GregCA Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Otosclerosis
      Well, take a step back and realize that steroid treatments are not confirmed to be an effective treatment at all. They're a shot in the dark. Yes it's probably better to take that shot in the dark, but don't think that if you'd taken it you'd be in a better position for sure. You could instead have suffered from steroid side effects and be worse off. Or, quite commonly, have no difference at all.

      What I'm saying is that your mind thinks you made a mistake that took away a sure recovery, and that's far from the truth.
       
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    8. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      MJ Burton

      MJ Burton Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Thanks everyone. It took me weeks of hating myself over this to lay that out here. I was so angry with myself due to the devastating consequences I'm now in (loss of job..loss of enjoyment, loss of singing, etc). I just kept hoping it would simply go away..and was in so much resistant denial, that I couldn't face it directly and prioritize. Also my all consuming job and schedule provided a means to avoid all together. Now I'll likely lose it all.
       
    9. Jason37

      Jason37 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Gunshot
      You lost your job?
       
    10. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      not sure
      Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear your suffering with T. Regarding the steroids I am with others that it may not have helped. It is recommended to try this treatment but it is not a magic pill against T. So don't blame yourself too much for skippng it. Your struggle with the spiking T and the resultant hyperacusis (H) reminds me of my struggle some years back. I was in a mess, depressed, anxious and suicidal like you. My ultra high pitched T plus servere H caused me to question, like you are asking, how to live with such lonely life ahead. So I have true empathy for what you are going through. I understand your fear. I was so much in despair at one point that I thought I would never see good life again.

      But never say never. Today I live a normal, happy, productive and absolutely enjoyable life. In 10 days I will be visiting Disney World with the family and cruising the Bahamas. I enjoy my life to the fullness. Mr T has lost its tyranny over me and my life. I never in the slightest would think this kind of life would return when I was in total darkness back then. But today I am a living example that you can beat this T tyrant. I wrote my success story and share some helpful strategies. For brevity to explain the strategies here, I list the link below. Don't panic nor despair. Good life can be back. Take good care. God bless your recovery.

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

       
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    11. Contrast
      No Mood

      Contrast Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      in a better place
      Tinnitus Since:
      late 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise injury
      you are in a bad scenario, your best hope is to wait for regenerative medicine 5-10 years.

      Currently right now you should atleast try a steroid and take b-12 and magnesium.
       
    12. Marija

      Marija Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      17.12.2018.
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Virus
      Hello guys. Dont listen people who told you that T never go away. My T after month of begining and one shot intratypanic injection dexametasone is decreased. Nevertheless and know people who suffer one or two years and T spontanous disapered. Nerves and brain in some cases heals by they own.
       
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