Not Sure I’m Going to Make It — Tinnitus & Hyperacusis Have Robbed My Life

Discussion in 'Support' started by mrbrightside614, Feb 7, 2020.

    1. mrbrightside614

      mrbrightside614 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      NE Ohio, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      I hate to say this, but I don’t see a way out. I’m not seeing the path at all. I’m doing everything I can to protect myself, spread awareness and help my fellow man and yet I’m continuously being subjected to punishment and eradication of all progress—things that have taken MONTHS to achieve erased in the blink of an eye, just like that.

      For no reason I could not get to sleep on my sleep meds last night, which hasn’t happened since late October 2019. Had to take 10mg Ambien on top of 225mg Quetiapine and 15mg Mirtazapine at 2:30 last night to get to sleep. When I went to the gym in the morning, equipped with 32NRR foam plugs, I helped critique this girl’s form. She is well aware of my situation and how it’s exacerbated by loud noises and yet still she drops 225lbs from a distance of 4 feet in height, 7 feet away from me.

      I’m panicking hard. I know this is going to cause at best a delayed spike that takes a month to recover from. I’m doing everything I can to inform those around me of my issues and in spite of all the protective measures I take, I am repeatedly tortured. Does God really want me to stay in my room smoking 2 JUUL pods a day to cope? Is that what it takes to get better? There is no meaning to any of this and I don’t know how many more setbacks I can take before I completely lose it.

      Tinnitus and hyperacusis have robbed me of almost every aspect of my lifestyle and career path/vocation.
       
      • Hug Hug x 11
    2. LukeYoung
      Mooooody

      LukeYoung Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A loud Concert - Noise Exposure
      Find a quiet gym or maybe do exercise at home, you're putting your tinnitus in the hands of others.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    3. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      mrbrightside614

      mrbrightside614 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      NE Ohio, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      How feasible is it really to not be subject to ANY acoustic insults? With or without hearing protection, they are present nonetheless in everyday life... I admit this was a pre-emptive panic post, but seriously how fucking hard is it to control your weight when you have a spotter with known auditory damage? The lack of awareness is painfully baffling.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
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    4. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      This. I am totally with you. What’s a life if you’re confined to your own room. That’s not a life

      This is why I have a hard time with success stories. How are people able to habituate and not fear that it can get worse at any moment
       
      • Agree Agree x 4
    5. MichaelSF

      MichaelSF Member

      Location:
      San Francisco Bay Area
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress, Anxiety,
      I am sorry you’re going through this, you’re not alone. PM if you want to talk or chat.
       
      • Helpful Helpful x 1
    6. LukeYoung
      Mooooody

      LukeYoung Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A loud Concert - Noise Exposure
      People don't care until its them bro.. unfortunately.
       
      • Agree Agree x 8
    7. LukeYoung
      Mooooody

      LukeYoung Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A loud Concert - Noise Exposure
      I guess some are better at living in the moment rather than fearing the future
       
    8. Earing
      No Mood

      Earing Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise
      Part of getting in months of no injury is to avoid places that put you at risk. Keep up with the plugs and stay away from the gym.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    9. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      mrbrightside614

      mrbrightside614 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      NE Ohio, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      I’ve made this point here

      It’s one thing to be cured of whatever was the provoking condition and rejoining your old activities, that makes sense—for example, if FX-322 ends up being my saving grace, I’ll sensibly protect at gyms and stadiums (I don’t go to concerts/bars anyways), but I’m going to mostly go back to my old life.

      If by chance your tinnitus goes away or substantially diminishes over time, I’d still be highly paranoid about it ever coming back and would still impose significant lifestyle restraints. Just not worth risking a second chance at peace.
       
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    10. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Location:
      Toronto, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      YES its feasible. 225 lb dumbbels do not get dropped while walking in the street, only get dropped in a gym weight room - easy to avoid a weight room.
      This condition requires a LOT of sacrifices, there is no doubt about that.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    11. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      There’s a difference about fearing the future in an irrational vs. rational way

      I could get hit by a car tomorrow, or find out I have terminal cancer. There are realistic things that could happen to anyone but people don’t fear these things because they’re not really in our control

      If I “live in the moment” and go to a bar for a friend’s birthday and get a terrible permanent spike even with ear plugs, this will be a direct cause of my actions and is highly more likely and realistic than getting hit by a car, which is what makes it so scary

      Tinnitus is a very present thing, it’s not really something that’s “in the future”
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    12. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      It may not be such a bad idea to actually spend some time isolated to give your ears a chance to recover.

      It’s impossible to avoid acoustic incidents even when we are confined to living inside only let alone outside, don’t rely on others to be considerate. People don’t think twice about it.

      Believe me you are not alone in living like this, I feel your pain, this is the worst thing anyone can endure but we MUST do what we CAN do. This is not the time to push yourself or to test limits!
      This is the time to be selfish and look after yourself!
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    13. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      Imagine if a village/community existed where people with tinnitus could comfortably live and not worry.

      I mean, accidents can happen at any moment yes.

      But what I mean is quiet coffee shops and restaurants. Gyms where everyone is mindful of the equipment. Apartments with AC systems loud enough to mask tinnitus. Not having to feel left out from not being able to go to loud places. Preferably somewhere warm by the beach :) completely unrealistic, but one can dream.
       
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    14. Earing
      No Mood

      Earing Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise
      An endless library.
       
    15. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      mrbrightside614

      mrbrightside614 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      NE Ohio, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      The problem is that it just compounds my depression and anxiety to be deprived of literally every joy, and causes increased bad habits (e.g. juul). I took a 16 day break after the last incident like this happened and I just felt like I was wasting away, completely worthless and hopeless. Consuming and not contributing to anything. Lifeless. I totally understand where you are coming from, though. Thank you.
      Man we are on the same mental plane 100%. Once my settlement clears I’m seriously considering opening a tinnitus- and hyperacusis-friendly gym. If only we could get all of the sufferers together in solidarity, we could not only live more comfortably but affect far more meaningful change.
       
    16. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      I know, believe me, since I lost my job nearly 3 years ago and my ears went permanently worse, making me almost house bound, I question my purpose a looooot, every day...
      I’m in my late 40’s, best years wasted, gone, unable to work, participate in family events, socialise...

      I can only imagine how much worse a younger person would feel with so much in life yet to be achieved!

      This is not life, not even a resemblance... but as I said, do what you can!
      I hope it gets better for you!
       
      • Hug Hug x 4
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    17. Tweedleman

      Tweedleman Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/Noise
      This. So much. You're not alone brother.

      My Dr. was kind enough to write me 4 weeks off on shortterm disability. While I'm glad I'm away from work and the noise under the circumstances, I miss taking part and contributing as well. I used to be the life of the party. Now, I'm rotting away by myself, resentfully watching everybody else go about their lives carefree, like I used to. I feel like my wings have been clipped. I was on the cusp of promotion to management, moving out of my parents, and had finally met a girl worth starting a life with. And I fucked it all up by foolishly going to a concert, trying to enjoy myself on my one night off. I worked my ass off for 2 bloody years without calling in sick once. On the fucking graveyard shift nonetheless. And this is my reward!! Life is absurd.

      I pretty much had to join Tinnitus Talk. Not just for guidance and comfort in having fellow cell-mates, but to feel like I could contribute something, anything. Even in a small way, like welcoming new members. I seriously don't know what kind of state I'd be in without you guys. I live for @FGG's optimistic posts in the research thread.

      Hang in there dude, we all need each other!
       
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    18. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      mrbrightside614

      mrbrightside614 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      NE Ohio, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      @FGG is the real deal. @HootOwl is too. It’s early for you homie, even though it’s hard to write off any portion of your life when you’re as young as we are, what’s done is done. We’ll have our time in the sun again. Hopefully we’ll not have grown too old and bitter by then.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    19. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      This just made me tear up. I thought I had so much time to be happy. I keep on thinking about how health problems just rack up as you get older

      I honestly don’t think I’ll make it that far in life. You’re not supposed to suffer this much at a young age without ANY sort of help available. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel
       
      • Hug Hug x 4
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    20. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      mrbrightside614

      mrbrightside614 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Advocate

      Location:
      NE Ohio, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      Me too dude. 24 credits away from finishing my Master's program and boom, 72 year old driver upends my life. People do get better from this, it’s not complete bullshit, but it’s not for Type A, silence-is-golden people like me. Burning time sucks but I really think FX-322 will help a great deal of us. Some of us forum members are going to press the FDA on granting its (and others’) conditional approval. It’s still early. But yeah, it burns.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    21. Tweedleman

      Tweedleman Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/Noise
      Patience was never one of my virtues. And I guess I played too many forgiving video games where you start over from a checkpoint when you die. And all of my major conflicts and issues in life I was able to negotiate my way through. Giving up control over this situation is the hardest part. Especially with anxiety being the beast within me.
      A wise man once told me, "it all goes downhill after 25. Fast."
       
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    22. LukeYoung
      Mooooody

      LukeYoung Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A loud Concert - Noise Exposure
      Live in the moment but still protect yourself.. not live in the moment and do whatever the hell you want..

      you obviously didn’t understand point whatsoever
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    23. bobvann
      Cheeky

      bobvann Member

      Location:
      Inside the vortex
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      E drums headphones
      LOL 57.5 here. One thing I realize is how we age ourselves all the time. I am working with a 30 year old Audiologist. I'm old enough to almost be her grandfather, spooooky... :greedy:
       
    24. Grand05

      Grand05 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ear infection
      I'm also thinking about suicide a lot lately.. Parents and other family members don't understand at all. I'm almost on the edge of taking my life. :(
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
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    25. Björn

      Björn Member

      Location:
      Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music and meds
      A balloon pop in the library I worked in was the incident that started my severe tinnitus and depression journey five years ago. A career path I took because of my sensitivity to noise. It's quite ironic, I must say, but mostly sad I guess. Sometimes it feels like the harder you try, the worse it gets. At least that's my story the last five years. Hopefully this is not the case with the Tinnitus city, we really need a quiet utopia!
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
    26. Tweedleman

      Tweedleman Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/Noise
      I hear you. People run out of empathy pretty fast. They seem to each have this expectation for you to just "get over it" and when you fail to do so their empathy turns into frustration making you feel even worse. But it's impossible to put a good face on over true torment.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    27. keka
      Dreaming

      keka Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      cold
      Not sure I'm gonna make it either.

      It wasn't supposed to be like this.
       
      • Hug Hug x 7
    28. Orions Pain
      Surrender

      Orions Pain Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise damage
      I wish we all lived near each other so we could all hang out and play cards or something and share our stories, maybe cry together lol. Yeah we'd have this stupid noise in our head, but at least we wouldn't be alone
       
      • Like Like x 3
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    29. Tweedleman

      Tweedleman Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2001
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/Noise
      Couldn't have said it any better.
      Tinnitus island needs to be a thing. We'll go back to civilization when they come up with the cures.
       
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    30. LukeYoung
      Mooooody

      LukeYoung Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      A loud Concert - Noise Exposure
      I think if my tinnitus got worse I’d probably want to kill myself.

      I fear extra/new sounds. I can deal with the one I have. But if I get new ones that might be game over.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1

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