Panic and Tinnitus Spikes

Hello all. I hope you are all doing better than I am at present.

Ive had t for a while now (about 2 years). its been a rocky habituation road. a few weeks ago, I was feeling as thought t didn't matter whatsoever, as I have been dealing with another health condition plus some additional emotional stresses. I was pleased back then to say I couldn't give a damn about t, and really mean it!

A weekend away for my birthday recently saw the t bothering me all over again. Initially, I didn't react with panic. I Just continued to enjoy my time and ignore it..but I noticed a definitely increase in volume which then caused my feelings of panic and annoyance to set in over the next few days. I am back to all the things I know I shouldn't be doing eg researching forums, looking for cures that don't currently exist, etc. Back when I thought I had habituated, I either didn't notice the noise or it didn't bother me when I did hear it. Now, as I write, I am having a spike on top of an already bothered state. I am beyond despair. I am concerned that the increase in my t volume (or annoyance) is related to my taking regular doses of panadol with codeine for severe pain. I have stopped this now, but as indicated above, the annoyance has persisted. I feel really low and I just came here hoping for some positive thoughts and prayers. I don't feel I have any control over these spikes, the t in general. It has its own mind and I think this is the part that I find the most frustrating. I also have found this to be a very lonely experience. Thankgod for all of you, for this forum, and for the friends that I have made along the way during this journey.

Each day I have drawn upon my friends with t, the hope of relief/cure, prayer, rest, meditation. But on bad days, even this doesn't stop me from thinking 'is this as good as it gets'. I hope to get back to habituating. I just feel like ive been knocked back down after doing so well. its really disappointing..and the loss of control scares me.

 

@DebInAustralia
Hi Deb,
At the moment I have not so many encouraging words. Struggle myself and other life issues (my wife has cancer and last night she felt she also goes into depression). I guess that other issues make things much harder if you have to handle something like T already.

You say that you habituated already once and even became unaware of T. This is a good sign and you probably need some time to adjust. T has its own mind, it does what it wants. So it can go down again.

I am also sure there are treatments in the pipeline which will help (AUT00063 and SF0034).
Take comfort in the fact you are not alone. We are here for each other going through this tough time.
I will take you in my prayers.

 

The road to habituation is often rocky. It sounds to me that you were shakily habituated. A prolonged spike, a permanent increase in volume, or other stress-generated health/life issues can cause an already full pot to overflow so that the habituation process is temporarily derailed. I was still like this after two years as well.

You may not have any control over tinnitus itself. But that's also true of many other aspects of life. But you do have control over how you respond to these fluctuations. As you have already discovered, when tinnitus has less emotional resonance for us, it slips into the background and often below the level of conscious awareness, even when it is loud or spiking. This is something that I still marvel at now that I really am reasonably well-habituated. On some days I can't believe that I have gone for so long (it can be hours at a time) without being aware of a phenomenon that seems to take up so much auditory space in my head.

For a long time I used to think that there was a causal connection between some medication I had taken or some noise exposure I had been subjected to and an increase in tinnitus. This is possible and actually was true for me in one instance. But over a period of about ten years (in my case), it has been false on every other occasion. So I could have saved myself a lot of trouble ruminating over these ultimately false trails of cause and effect.

I recommend two publications:

Vidyamala Burch Living Well With Pain and Illness - The Mindful Way to Free Yourself from Suffering
Darlene Cohen Turning Suffering Inside Out: a Zen Approach to Living With Physical and Emotional Pain

The way you are at present is not 'as good as it gets'. I found both these publications helpful in getting me further along the path to habituation, so you may too. They should also help if you are having additional issues with physical pain.

These days tinnitus still bothers me. But the overall quality of my life is good. It just took me a while longer than most people to get there, so I wouldn't get too frustrated if - at two years in - you are still finding things tough.

 

Deb, I've had a similar experience (sort of habituated and then going back to not habituated) twice.
These experiences have showed me that being normal again is a very plausible and realistic scenario.
I wouldn't worry too much. You already know that it can get a lot better.

 

Thankyou all,

I will respond in greater detail. I just wanted to acknowledge kindly that I have read all of your responses. thankyou