Really Depressed and Anxious Mom. Really Would Like Support.

Hi to all you out there,

I'm new with tinnitus and have a very hard time dealing with it. First a little presentation:

I'm a 26 year old woman who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in March. During the pregnancy I was pretty stressed about work, my baby's health and moving in to our now house, but it was all good. I was so happy becoming a mom, but I must admit: It was a hell more of a job than I expected. Breastfeeding at night, not being able to take a shower because my boy preferred sleeping on me and so on.

In the end of August I catched a rather nasty head cold and a few days later my son became ill too. Luckily my husband was a great support and stayed at home to take care of us. I've always had problems with my ears hurting when I got a cold because of my eustatic tubes, but I've never had a middle ear infection. I was recoving and so was my baby. Then hell started ;-( I remember that friday night. I was so tired so I went to bed. My ears started ringing and when it didn't stop within half a hour I thought to myself "Wow, what if this doesn't go away?" I went to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night. I listened if the sound was still there and yes, it was! I totally panicked, couldn't sleep the rest of the night. All I thought about was the ringing. Two days later I went to see a ENT who said my hearing was perfect, no hearing loss at all, so it couldn't be the virus infection causing it, tinnitus is often stress related and that it would probably go away it I tried to continue my life and "forget" about it. However, I couldn't. I was so anxious, lost my appetite, couldn't really sleep for two weeks and was EXHAUSTED. I couldn't concentrate wathing television, playing with my baby etc. Physically I was there, but not mentally. At that point, even though I have so much to live for, I cried and told my husband and parents: "I don't know if I can live with this, I'm in so much pain. I just want to die." They were so concerned with me so they took me to the hospital. They decided to keep me for a couple of days I helped me sleep. The psychiatrist put me on SSRI (Fluoxetine), Ozabenz (pn. and max 3 pr. day) and Zolpidem.

It's been 7 weeks now and even though I'm better, I still fear I will never be myself again and have my life back. It feels so surrealistic, like a nightmare. I still cry every day and have panic attacks. Before my life was "easy" and uncomplicated, now I have to struggle every hour. I could do things without thinking, now my mind is constantly activated. I still can't sleep without sleeping meds. I try to do some of my normal activities (playing with my son, cleaning, watching television, grocery shopping), but T is "always" on my mind. However, sometimes when I really get focused (like typing here), I don't hear the ringing at all, but my mind quickly snaps back to it.

I just wanted to write my story and maybe get a little support and hope. That it will get better, That I will be happy again and have lots of wonderful moments with my baby and husband waiting for me. I have so much to live for, but feel like T is stealing my life. I know I have to "take it back" and not give it power and go on, but it's so hard. I guess time is my friend I just need to keep on fighting.

Hope to get some support.

Thanks and lots of thought
Ida

 

What you are saying is what a lot of us went through. It does not matter if your T is loud or not it's the way it effects you. You just got it so you have a big chance that it will get lower in volume. The more you stress about it the worse it gets. Problem is that the sound itself can give you stress. I also thought of suicide in the beginning and a lot of us did or went in 100% panic mode. Thing is that you will adjust and when it gets less important it will slowly faint.
At least think positive about it that it will go away sometime...negative thoughts are not going to help you.
Why me?????????? thoughts also don't help....it's not only you , there is a whole world with people who have T.
Just let your feelings go if you want to cry, but after that pick yourself up..you got a kid to look after for. It's sounds a bit hard , but I also have a kid, mine is just 2 years old and he means the world to me. My T was very very veryyyy loud in the beginning I could not hear a word somebody else said because of the ringing...now after 1 year en 3 months it's hardly noticable if I DO NOT look for it. The moment I look for it , it sticks with me the whole day.

Read through this forum you find a lot of stories that look the same as yours and believe me it helps to read other people their experience. Try to mask it with a fan of natursounds but do not sit in a room feel sorry for yourself and listen for it and do not stick your fingers in your ears to hear if it's louder or softer..... Stay active...And believe me for more that a year I was only busy with T in my head....24/7 no matter what I did. I still did a lot of stuff but in the back of my mind I was always busy with it. You cannot stop that, it's a proces to go through.

If you not try to think about it you are thinking about it. I can now come on this forum and write something but the moment I go of this forum T is a non issue and i'm going on with my day. Perhaps tomorrow is different, but now is now...so I enjoy the now....
It takes time to get you brain to adjust so give it time.....
Take care.....and I hope you will be ok soon

 

Welcome to the forum, Ida. Don't panic. Like Rico & Karen say, there are many here who had been where you are and many have gotten better. Read up the success stories and you will know the pattern. You are at the initial stage of quite intense suffering. It is very common and normal reaction for newer tinnitus sufferer. I remember losing 10 lbs over my ultra high pitch tinnitus, like a dog whistle packed with so much energy like a laser beam in the night sky. Worse still, hyperacusis soon attacked me too, turning all normal sounds into glassy piercingly hurtful sensation, as if my ears got drilled by every normal sounds. Being a victim of anxiety and panic disorder for decades before T & H, these two alien beasts just triggered and opened the flood gate of hell of relentless anxiety and panic attacks on auto mode daily, often hourly. Like you I suffered much to the point of wanting to die. I never thought I could recover from this. But today I am back to normal living an absolutely happy and enjoyable life. Yet I am not the only one. Many members get better over time, after receiving some treatments such as CBT, TRT, etc. You may want to consider masking your T for the time being so you don't get too nervous. Masking helped me a lot initially to cut down on the need of drugs. Then I just let time plus a positive attitude do the healing. So relax & be patient. Don't stress out because stress aggravates T. Things take time to heal but you will get there. Take care & God bless your recovery.

 

It's like that for almost all of us here.
When my Noise Induced Tinnitus started I was depressed, suicidal, angry, basically every negative emotion you can find i had it.
Yours is stress induced but the best thing about it is that it has a really really good chance of going away if you just keep calm.
I know it seems hard, when mine started anyone who told me just be calm I thought yeah easy for you to say, but as soon as I stopped obsessing about it it reduced A LOT.
I've never seen anyone get permanent Tinnitus from stress so I wouldn't worry, it'll probably clear up once you relax and get back to your life.
Also don't think it like that, is your life over how will you live and such.
It's probably from your hormones going crazy plus stress.
As soon as you begin to calm down a bit, you will see it reduce greatly.
After a while it'll fade away as you get back to normal.

 

hi ida,
from canada,i got tinnitus a year and a half ago and never discovered tinnitus talk until 7 months later,in that time i thought it was just me and what a panic that was,i was told others get it but thats it,now i have habituated with it ,now that i am on this forum i now know we are not alone with it by no means,in my time with it i find it is there and sometimes it is more there,i have learned to be good to myself and others around me,it works to stay positive,believe me,i know its hard,everybodys case is different,because of my acceptance things have improved,mine could have been my fault,years of playing in rock bands,but i must accept those facts,as well, my childhood best friend died of cystic fibrosis,a life he wanted to live,for me,there are lots of joys out there, i love life,sometimes we are dealt with problems and have to deal with them, so this is for my childhood friend,he didnt get to live his life but i am living my life and to the fullest,remember what i said ,be good to yourself and those that surround you,it starts the healing and dealing process much faster,i took medications for sleep and anxiety but now no longer need to ,we are in it together ,please take care ! kevin

 

"I''m a 26 year old woman who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in March."

You are young and you have a beautiful new son. What's not to be happy about???

I got T in March 2013. Took me about six weeks to accept I would likely have it the rest of my life. Now I'm 99.5% back where I was. The 0.5% delta is due taking a few extra steps to protect my hearing (like wearing half-ear plugs on a treadmill). That's it.

"It's been 7 weeks now and even though I'm better..."
You are better now, so you will continue to improve. Hey, I've been there, done that.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/one-year-tinnitus-anniversary-life-is-normal.3975/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/it-got-better-for-me.3150/

You'll get there. There will be times when it still annoys you, but just remember, life happens. In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor setback for you.

 

@asronomer Howdy,

Like Ida N above, I'm 'new' to the forum also. What meds did you use [ and try] for T anxiety and sleep? If possible, please specify dosages, frequency, and duration. Did you eventully have to taper off from meds? I'm considering using remeron and I carefully adhere nightly to traditional sleep hygiene / protocols, including bedside sound machine. Hope this is the 'correct' thread to post this question. If not, please direct to a "tinnitus sleep" threat.

Thanks.

MCK Trader

 

You seem really stressed about it. I know it's hard but try your best to calm yourself. Stress can cause tinnitus and it can also make it worse. I think you got your tinnitus from a cold, cause some colds can affect your ears leaving you with tinnitus. From reading your post it seems that your tinnitus isn't that loud since you can take your mind off it when you're focused on something. That's a good thing cause the lower it is, the more chance it has of going, but it can take along time so be patient. Take some magnesium tablets once a day to speed up its recovery process.

 

hi mck trader,
i do use an air purifier now which has a fan and so its not so quiet in the room,in the beginning i used a mild dosage of anti depressant amitriptyline to help my nerves and to sleep, and some sleeping pills the doctor gave me,i got off all that stuff and i seem to be able to take it naturally,that is to accept/ adapt and just try to be as normal as possible,there are times i wake up and think about it but now i seem to fall back to sleep in a reasonable time,there are some who use other methods for sleep,over the counter products,take care !

 

If it was really from a cold you have a much better chance of getting better then most om here. Are you sure you were not exposed to any loud noise? Mine was from being exposed to an alarm going off.

 

Ricos. Great advice and help. Ty

 

Hi everybody,

Just wanted to come back and write a HAPPY "ending". Yes, it does happen!

I don't know if I can say I don't have tinnitus anymore. If I really, really, REALLY listen hard for it then yes, it's still still there sometimes. However, I don't give it any thoughts anymore. I couldn't care less! And if I don't notice it, well it's like it's not there! I never talk about it, don't read about it and I only went in here to tell you that it really does get better and give hope to others. It's possible to be happy and live the way you did (even better!) before tinnitus.

It all changed when I started living my life again, began taking Mirtazapin and had my Mirena removed. However, I think my new attitude is the reason I am where I am today. I simply couldn't keep feeling sorry for myself. I realized I had to take care of my baby. He needs his mom more than anything and the love only I can give him. Nobody could do it for me.

In the beginning it was extremely difficult and I still needed sleeping meds to fall asleep. In the daytime I experienced that "Hey, I can forget about tinnitus for 5 minutes, then it must be possible to forget about it for longer periods of time!" And from that moment my life changed. In less than a week I went from constantly thinking about my tinnitus and having severe anxiety to not thinking about it at all and feeling like my old self without fear. I stopped my sleeping meds and can fall asleep without any maskers. I can play with my son and enjoy the moment, feel love and hug and kiss him and my husband and live in the present.

So it really does get better. I remember I used to think "No, I will never be able to be happy, I'm going to eat sleeping meds for the rest of my life and I will never be able to not think about T for longer periods of time!" when I read one success story after another in here. But guess what: It does! It just takes time. It's a process you have to go through. But you will get there. If I can you can do it to.

Take care and lots of hugs and positive thoughts,

Ida

 

Ida take a deep breath me too end of August we are here together you are not the only one keep that in mind you have support I too can't believe this is happining feel like in a dream state .Remember it"s something that happens to alot of people we we beat it and from what I hear it will get better.Go online google Kevin Hogan he gives alot of advice on T I relate to him better than anyone one offering instant cure or treatment ect. but he does list things that will help till the stupid noise does not bother you anymore.It it just a ticking clock on the wall you were gonna take it down cause you cant watch TV in that room tic toc tic toc months go by .HEY I don't notice the clock anymore look at it it is still there when we reach this point just dont look at the clock again.Habituate... mike(uncli vikin)