Really struggling....any help welcome!

Discussion in 'Support' started by Beth, Oct 23, 2013.

tinnitus forum
    1. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      Hi Folks, I'm having a real downer today. I have to stay in because I'm at my daughter's house waiting for a parcel to be delivered and when I don't have enough to occupy my mind it can really get to me. I tell myself all the sensible things about not reacting to it, it's only music of the brain, sounds cannot hurt you, if you ignore it your brain will perceive it as non threatening and will therefore tune it out.......yes it all makes sense but the fact is that it is making me feel terrified. I have adrenaline pumping in my stomch every time I think about how I'll live with this sound and at the moment not living with it seems the best option. I phoned a helpline and was told to have a relaxing bath with nice music or take some deep slow breaths. I've had this since the end of 2007 and have tried just about everything and have spent thousands of pounds on all sorts of therapies so I'm past the relaxing bath stage. When I'm nearly at the suicidal stage a warm bath will not help. Please; if you've been at this stage and are now managing to cope better do let me know what worked for you. Any reassurance that life can improve would be very welcome because just now I'm struggling to see how anyone can function normally with this level of fear.
      Thank you so much, Beth.
       
    2. Carlo
      Balanced

      Carlo Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Italy
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2013
      Hi Beth, I feel very sorry for you. Are you following any treatment now? After the onset, I felt getting crazy and lost almost totally sleep. I had much relief getting a anti-depressant treatment and a light drug, they made me sleep much better, and that's so important. Here around you'll find a lot of good people that can give you good advices, making you not feel alone.
      Hang in there!
       
      • Like Like x 1
    3. Lulubug69
      Artistic

      Lulubug69 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      9/2013
      Beth,
      I am new to T and I am with you. I is very overwhelming. I never allow myself to sit in quiet space. No matter where I am tv or music is always in the background. It can be harder when your not in your own space, but always try to find something to turn on. I've stood in the kitchen with the water running for a break from the ringing. I don't know how loud your T is, but there hopefully is something that can distract you if even for a moment. Hang in there, tinnitus talk has been a great sense of peace/hope for me so far. HOPE it can be for you too.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    4. Sybs
      Inspired

      Sybs Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2013
      Hi Beth, so sorry that you are struggling. Mine only started back in March 2013 and I had overwhelming anxiety with it and wondered if I would ever be able to be happy with life again. After a couple of months I just seemed to relax about it and didn't notice it an awful lot, but then in August it seemed to return with a vengeance (just after I'd seen the ENT consultant, funnily enough). He said mine is caused by stress, and I can certainly vouch for having gone through an incredibly stressful time over the last couple of months. I was quite taken aback when I read that yours started back in 2007. I had always assumed that after having it that long one would have grown accustomed to it and certainly not be at the "fear" stage any more. Obviously I don't know how loud yours is, and it's rather a subjective thing to measure. When I am at my most happy, the tinnitus doesn't seem to bother me too much but obviously it's a chicken and egg thing as the tinnitus is the thing that is making you unhappy right now. Also, I have found that drinking decaff tea and coffee has seemed to lessen it's effects. The minute I drink anything with caffeine it gets louder. I had run out of my decaff tea at work and just had a caff one and sure enough the hissing and whistling is pretty loud right now. I am sorry I cannot offer you a "fix" just a bit of empathy. Has yours been constantly bad since 2007 or does it come and go?
       
      • Like Like x 1
    5. Sybs
      Inspired

      Sybs Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2013
      Hi. You and quite a few other people state that running water lessens the T's effects. Oddly enough mine is the exact opposite. Other sounds such as the shower, flushing the loo and applause on TV seem to make it louder (just for the time those noises are happening). I would be interested to know if other people have the same experience as me.
       
    6. vickilynn
      Bookworm

      vickilynn Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Can't remember
      I can empathize with you. Recently the volume of my T seems to have increased and that sure has me scared. I'm not sure what or if I can do anything about it. Hang in there, you're not alone. That's what I try to tell myself.
       
    7. vickilynn
      Bookworm

      vickilynn Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Can't remember
      Hmm, I drink a lot of that International Delight mocha cold coffee drink. Someone here gave me a link to an article that seemed to say that studies showed caffeine wasn't a big factor. I really love this stuff but I need to try and make myself cut down on it. I'm drinking at least 3 glasses a day of it. It's hard when you really like something.
       
    8. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      Thank you Carlo, I am having tratment now. At first I tought I'd 'just got ' tinnitus for no reason but over the years I've come to understand that rarely does anyone just get it for no reason but it is nearly always stress or anxiety induced or a symptom of past trauma. So I now know that it is 99% to do with my traumatic childhood which I am getting help with. Thank you for your kind words.
       
    9. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      Everyone has been so kind in replying so thank you. I hear my tinitus 24/7 over absolutely everything. It isn't loud enough to prevent me from hearing things but it gets my attention all the time. When I first got it I was a complete wreck yet I hardly heard it unless in a quiet room and I could go for days without hearing it so I assume it was my phobic reaction that made me hear it more frequently and louder. I go so long not reacting to it and feel I'm doing quite well then I get overwhelmed by it again and go into, 'I'll never live with this' mode. Like you I always have background sound on. I wish you peace.
       
    10. James
      No Mood

      James Member Benefactor

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      Pulsing 03/2013
      I was despondent at work, after my onset of T. One guy could tell. Another guy I work with, looked at me and said, “What’s changed”? What’s changed in your life Beth? You’re helping your daughter, that’s nice.

      I never even thought I could sit down and read again, with my ears screaming. But I finally have. A book, about courage, heart, and a will to live. To move forward in life like Lewis and Clark in America. I believe were all stronger than we think we are. How about sleeping on the ground in the woods for months on end. They had to kill dogs and horses to eat. Walk over the Rocky Mountains. Do you realize what Indian woman had to do to live; they had to do all the work. The warriors didn’t do anything; maybe kill a buffalo, bareback on a horse at full gallop, with a bow and arrow. They were just people too and practically starved to death. Remember the people that have fought and died in wars to have great counties, like I hope, we each all live in.

      Reach in your heart and know your human will and spirit can overcome physical issues, no matter what religion. The fact that you have a daughter in life, you have bared the pain of child birth. Of course I know nothing about that. Forget that hot bath stuff, that’s ridiculous. Go have a Martini tonight and live like it’s the Roaring 20’s. If you don’t drink, have a glass of wine. The bond of family, love, our human resolve and spirit alone will push us forward to a new day. Grab some of your untouched courage, Oh, and you do have it, and try something you enjoy, just something You enjoy in life, and do it slowly. I’m not going to feel sorry for you; because I know you can overcome this, you’ve proved it in the past. Are lives are waiting for all of us. I hope these thoughts can help a little, and don’t sound too silly. I'm probaly half crazy, I can hear my ears ringing now.

      Beth, you have had this a lot longer than I have. I could learn something from you. Maybe it’s just a bad day, it happens. It’s not getting any better for me, I just want to live my life.
       
    11. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      Hi Sybs, thanks for your reply. Mine hasn't been constant since it started but even though the sound was low and not heard very often, I went into complete panic. I lost loads of weight and took antidepressents for a time which really helped but when I contacted Jonathan Hazel (TRT tinnitus retrainig) he said taking drugs often sweeps a lifetime of problems under the carpet and tinnitus is a symptom not a disease so the skeletons need sorting. I'm sure he was right. I didn't think there was anything wrong with my life apart from the fact that I'd had lot of stress with my brother dying and a couple of other things but when I saw a good therapist it all came out! So for me, the tinnitus has got gradually louder and more persistant and I never have a second without it now BUT a lot of the time I cope OK which I thought I'd never be able to do but just now and again it really gets to me and I resent that I am 'missing' so many years of my life. I have had times where I'm not aware of it but a second's though will immediately bring it to my attention again. I hope you continue to improve with yours.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    12. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      Thank you, it is comforting to know we're not alone. Do you know what made the volume increase for you? Mine is always worse when I am anxious or stressed. Coffee doesn't seem to make it worse though I only have a couple of cups a day at the most. I have nature sounds on all the time so that helps. I try not to react (certainly couldn't do it today!) as I know it's giving my brain the message that there's something to be scared of so it will increase the volume. I have been told that everyone can habituate to it however loud it is and however long a person has had it so I hang on to that. Hope yours settles down soon.
       
    13. vickilynn
      Bookworm

      vickilynn Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Can't remember
      No, I don't know what has made it increase. That has me puzzled. I drink a lot of that iced coffee but I've been doing that for quite awhile. That's what's scary, it gets louder and you don't know why. It goes up sometimes for several seconds and then goes back down but his seems to be a steady thing.
       
    14. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      Hi James, I'm sure if I lived in a cave and had 12 children and had to hunt for food I wouldn't find tinnitus a problem!
      After 6 years of seeing countless therapists (most a waste of money) and spending thousands of pounds on things that did not work I am now sure that I have been given tinnitus for a reason. I know this could be a contraversial subject but I do believe that everything happens for a reason and I ignored other minor ailments so my subconcious/soul/inner being call it what you will, gave me what I had always dreaded so that I would sit up and listen. (Read 'Concious Medicine') I now meditate and am much more aware of my body and what it is telling me. Most people with tinnitus spend all day 'in their heads' not paying attntion to what their body is trying to tell them. They also live in the past or worry about the future instead of being in the present moment. (Read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle) I never thought I would ever be able to say this but I know that my life has changed for the better in many ways and I am a much better person but even better people have off days! My very good craniosacral therapist talked to me on the phone for quite a while so that helped. There are some good therapists out there. We can all learn from each other. I am always very happy to answer questions and help anyone in any way I can.
       
    15. Ozzy
      Wishful

      Ozzy Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Istanbul / Turkey
      Tinnitus Since:
      12.2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      * Ear infection * 20 years later huge sound increase due to stress
      @Beth I'm terribly sorry that you are suffering, too. Please remember, you are not alone. We all have tinnitus. I have it, too. Unfortunately, a severe one. And in the first three months I went through depression. My T. was so loud that I could not sleep. After three months I went to a psychiatrist and I finally got some mental relief from some psychiatric drugs (Lustral and Remeron). Maybe you should go to a psychiatrist, too.
      My tinnitus did not change, but my MIND is better now.

      You wrote that "I have adrenaline pumping in my stomch every time I think about how I'll live with this sound". I had the EXACTLY the same feeling and so many times!

      First 3 months was catastrophic. I'm still suffering; but I'm trying not to depress. And sometimes, when I'm down due to T, I open Youtube and watch a funny comedian show. It really changes my mood. I hope it helps you too.
      Sometimes I take long showers, as I don't hear it in the shower. And sometimes I jump to my car, put some good music and drive near beautiful places. Maybe you can not stop your T right now, but you can change the way your mind reacts to it. I can not do it 100 %, but I'm trying and I feel better. Please try and you will feel BETTER, too.

      Tell your mind and convince that there is going to be a cure in the near future. Think about this thought and your mind will feel better. Remember: "HOPE is a good antidote to depression."

      We are your friends, suffering like you. Please don't feel lonely.
      We are with you.

      Stay strong
       
      • Like Like x 4
    16. Riikka

      Riikka Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2007
      I understand quite well how you're feeling at the moment. I have had tinnitus already for some years, but about two months ago the tinnitus increased. Two weeks after that I felt like I had lost all the habituation and it felt like having gotten tinnitus for the first time.

      I think a big problem is actually our reaction towards the (increased) sound. I have felt really stressed the past weeks and I often wake up at night and feel my heart pounding very fast. I actually think my anxiety is waking me up and not the T itself.

      I know we should learn to tune out the sound, but unfortunately it's not possible to actively not listen to the sound. Every time I think I shouldn't listen to the T, I am actually listening. So I think there was some point in what the Helpline told you in that we should do anything that makes us feel more relaxed and less anxious. You mentioned you already use to meditate, I think meditation is really helpful. Just in the beginning and with the T it doesn't feel very easy. Do you feel the meditation has helped you cope with T and sleeping?

      I also think we should try to think in a more positive way. If we keep thinking "I can't get used to this loud sound", that's probably what will happen.
       
    17. Leah

      Leah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chardon, Ohio USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      Everyone here shared my thoughts too. Some days are harder than others, hope it changes for you soon.
      We are always here. Take care.
       
    18. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      Hi Ozzy, Thanks for your reply. I did take antidepressants for about a year and after the first 6 weeks or so the tinnitus was absolutely no problem whatsoever. After a few months life was wonderful so with the help of an excellent kinesiologist I gradually came off the drugs. First few weeks were fine then I gradually started to get anxious about the noise again and went right back to where I'd been before. The kinesiologist and an excellent therapist that I was seeing at the time said that the antidepressant I was taking had an anti anxiety effect (Zoloft) and it was that that helped so I could either stay on them for life (!) or deal with the anxiety and its causes and eventually live a life without anxiety or tinnitus. I have heard from so many therapists and tinnitus experts that taking drugs helps in the short term, and I fully understand they are necessary for some people, but it is just sweeping the problem under the carpet. Tinnitus is not a disease it is a symptom of an imbalance in the central nervous system, created by stress, anxiety, trauma, accidents, bereavements etc and the cause needs dealing with so that the body can get out of the 'fight or flight' mode and not be tuning in to the perfectly normal sounds in our heads. Today is a much better day than yesterday and I know that progress is never linear, we will all have bad days, but eventually fewer of them.

      Thanks for your kind message, I wish you peace. Beth.
       
    19. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      I hope you're having a good day today. It's reassuring to know there are so many kind people out there. Take care, Beth.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    20. Ozzy
      Wishful

      Ozzy Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Istanbul / Turkey
      Tinnitus Since:
      12.2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      * Ear infection * 20 years later huge sound increase due to stress
      @Beth You are welcome! I'm happy that you are better. We are going to overcome this. And do you know what?
      Now that we went through all that suffering, we are WISER and we know how valuable life is.
      Most of tinnitus-free people don't know that.

      As the famous latin saying goes: "quod non necat fortiorem efficit" (whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger")

      We are stronger because we are WISER now.
      This wisdom is going to help us throughout our lives. This pain taught us a lot of things.
      And remember, too. We are gonna find a way to cure this!

      Currently many pharmaceutical companies are working hard for a solution, as literally "millions" of people have it. I'm sure, very soon, a treatment, a “complete cure" will be found. Never ever give up hope. Tinnitus is not going to last forever in your ears. But, what do we have to do until that time comes? Until that time, let's think about beautiful things in life.

      As Michael J. Fox, who is suffering from Parkinson's disease puts it:
      "Life is great. Sometimes, though, you just have to put up with a little more crap."
       
    21. Beth
      Inspired

      Beth Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      quite a while...
      Hi, I agree with your last comment. The power of the mind is incredible and I believe strongly in the law of attraction, so we get what we think about, whether good or bad. I do try to focus on the good things in life but it is difficult to do that all the time. Meditation is great for everyone, not just people with tinnitus and it has certainly helped me. Have you read, 'Ask and it is given' by Esther and Jerry Hicks? Brilliant book and explains the power of thoughts; it really helped me to think in a much more positive way. I wish you well.
       
    22. Leah

      Leah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chardon, Ohio USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2007
      Thanks for the reminder, I am not the only one suffering with a health problem.
       

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