Severe Depression

[Nick Pyzik]

As I've tried the best of my ability to maintain a normal healthy lifestyle with my hearing issue, it's only been a struggle that has worsened within these 4 months. It was 4 months ago where I could relate to many of you on this site where I had loud high-pitched ringing in my ears from the two incidents that took place then....but ever since a week or two ago, I've completely lost my sense of life. 4 months ago I still felt like myself, I was just down/somewhat depressed then, couldn't focus, lost enjoyment in hanging out with friends. The biggest thing then was I still had some sense of myself, but I was just so angry and felt so sad because something was going on with my hearing. But as the days move on, I always felt like I was losing something. It's something that I have no idea where to pick my finger on. All I can really say is that I feel like I have no emotion towards anything anymore, my cognitive thinking is terrible now (always forgetting things, ADHD like symptoms, not always able to form thoughts well), and I'm even having sexual health issues. I was having issues with only a few of these things 4 months ago when my hearing started to change but they weren't nearly as bad as they are now. I would say they were at a 2 or 3 out of 10 then and now it's at like an 8 out of 10.

Everyone I've spoken to claims that some these problems are most likely occurring from being in a deep depression but I have to disagree with them. Even doctors. I'm doing everything that should be helping someone get out of a depression somewhat like eating healthy, exercising a lot, meditating, taking cold showers, eating Turmeric, taking supplements. I mean, I sure do feel good from doing all these things but the biggest problem is that it still always feels like I'm completely missing something I've always had with my hearing. My hearing completely changed over these 4 months and it frustrates me so much when someone asks me how exactly has your hearing changed. All I can say is it's like my hearing is numb and sounds are not in my head like they used to be. It really feels like I have new terrible hearing. I feel like a Grandpa who can't hear people speak to them anymore. Trust me, I know what it's like to have healthy hearing. I was basically on another planet last year at this time with my life/hearing compared to where I'm at now.

I'd like to look at the positive side of things in life and I'm trying my absolute best to keep moving on in life but there really is something wrong with my hearing that is causing these problems I'm having. I never encountered any of these problems in my past life and it's made me extremely curious as to why these have all shown up since I felt like my hearing started to change. It really feels like my brain is dead. Exercising is the only thing that sort of takes the edge off of feeling terrible. I don't want to be taking anti-depressants either. I never thought I'd have to be involved with those things in my life because never did I feel so terrible in my life until now.

I feel like I'm completely stuck with everything going on. It doesn't make sense how I can still hear sounds especially music yet I don't feel anything from it anymore. I always did before and ever since I felt my hearing change, I lost that ability. I can make myself feel better at times but my hearing is nothing compared to what it was even 4 months ago. I have to disagree with anyone who tells me that music will sound better when I can make myself feel better. Music is supposed to make you feel better. Your hearing is supposed to make you feel things. Hearing is not just hearing a noise, it involves a significant amount of neurotransmitters in its sound processing.


I really hate posting so much on this site because I want to help people out on this site more than me complaining about my problems but we all need to come together and realize what Tinnitus really is.

 

[Dutchy]

Medicine targets the brain directly and effectively,i'm not a shill for the medical appliance or medical industry.
I have to say though that in a lot of cases when it comes to brain 'abnormalities' it seldom turns out to be something you can (to use a metric) walk off.Having depression,anxiety,PTSD(like) and now T i'm speaking from experience.

I'm not saying you can't live on with either of these unfortunate conditions,i'm saying that certain things within our head are not something you can fight with the traditional remedies to make you feel better.

To give an example,i quit smoking because i felt chest pains,one person that is supposed to guide me in my ' process of healing ' needed anti depressants to change her mood.My motivation however was based on fear,and i do mean having the feeling you're going to die kind of fear,while she uses a mood enhancer.Now i don't know if mine was a better way though,that fear i had for weeks changed me forever while she is a bit woozy and nauseous.

She doesn't understand how i have no craving,while i know how i felt back then.
To really change takes a drastic turn of events,but that drastic turn scars you for life.

 

[glynis]

Hi Nic,
Depression can start gradually and before you know it you have lost interest in most things and no energy or confidence and emotions have hit rock bottom.

Their is help for depression and I know because I'm im living proof.

Talking therapy is good and would recommend MIND.
You can contact them yourself and get ten free 50 minute sessions and the Samaritans are great too.
Medication can help too so please don't suffer with depression as medication does help so forget any horror story's.
A slow release medication works great after taking it 2-4 weeks.
Depression can make you tired and loose your get up and go in the morning but get up soon as you wake up and try plan your day.

Talk to family and friends and get out in the fresh air and don't put any pressure on yourself.
Welcome pm me anytime if would like support off the forum.
Tinnitus can be tough going and unwanted emotions too but their is help I promise you....lots of love glynis

 

[Zorro!]

@Nick Pyzik

First of all Nick, I know this may be cold comfort but you're not alone. It seems that way because family and friends simply don't understand tinnitus/sudden hearing loss and their indifference makes us feel isolated and even more miserable. But, again, you're not alone.

The sudden depression that you describe really isn't that surprising. It has most likely been developing over the last four months in your unconscious/subconscious mind. You simply didn't notice because you were trying to do all the "correct" things to prevent depression -- exercising, eating right, etc. But, sadly, those things are no guarantee of a depression-free life. Sometimes the negative stressor(s) just become too much after awhile and overwhelm our defenses.

This is not your fault though.

Clearly you've tried to do everything you can to the best of your abilities to stave off depression. It may seem like your effort hasn't worked but maybe it has to some degree. And maybe things like exercise will help you more in the future. But since you're clearly miserable right now, at this very moment, you need to reevaluate your No-Anti-depression medication stance. Trust me, many many many people have not wanted to try psyche meds. I, myself, am not a huge fan of them. But when you hit rock bottom you really have nothing left to lose. And, the good news is that meds can be helpful when one is in mental agony. And, the even more good news is that just because one goes on anti-D meds that doesn't mean one has to take them forever. Sometimes all one needs is a little help over the bump in the road of life. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

The bottom line is it's pointless to be a martyr against the stigma of anti-D medication. If you were to wake up one day with the ability to know how many people in your neighborhood were on anti-D meds you would no doubt be shocked. And what's worse is that many people are on them yet they don't suffer from anything as horrific as what you're going through. So, why deny yourself a chance at some mental relief? The day might just come when you're feeling better and you ask yourself 'Why did I wait so long?'

As for your lack of interest in music currently, yes, I'm going to repeat what others have said. When you're feeling better your interest (passion, love) in music will most likely return. It may not be as strong as it once was, or you may not find certain artists appealing anymore, but that doesn't mean that you won't have an emotional response to it again. Chances are good that you will.

When I went first went through the initial experience of hearing loss with tinnitus (and hyperacussis) it was so horrible I lost all interest in music. I also lost all interest in reading books and writing, both of which I did daily. Seriously, I not only had no interest in these things anymore. Even when I tried to force myself I couldn't concentrate on these things for even a nano second. Now, I admit that it took awhile, but eventually I did get my love of these things to return. And I'm glad I did because in the intervening years since the onset of T I got to experience a couple great albums by my favorite band, RUSH. Plus I've discovered some great new artists like Foster the People and a few others. Also, my love of writing and reading has returned in a big way.

So, don't believe the lie your brain is telling you right now about music no longer holding value for you. The hearing loss/tinnitus thing loves to fill your head with a doom and gloom prognosis for your future. But chances are really good that eventually you will start to surface from that cesspool of despair and will find your interest in music again. Yes, it sucks that it takes so long to "get back to good" so to speak. But it can happen and it does happen. And I see no reason why you should be an exception in this regard.

Lastly I want to say something that will sound kind of corny, but I mean it sincerely. When I look at your avatar pic I see a happy guy that clearly has a lot to offer the world. I know you're miserable right now but I also know there is a good chance that you will someday return to being that happy guy in the pic. You gotta hang onto that belief. Be patient with yourself. And most importantly don't deny yourself the relief that the mental health profession can offer simply because you have a stigma about it. Even just talking to a psychotherapist could help. But you won't know until you try.

And I do hope you try, because the world is a better place with you in it.