The Anxious Aftermath

Hi!

My name's Matty, 17. I had T for a month before getting better. I just get it infrequently for a few minutes at a time, but that is not the point of this post.

I quickly found out that the aftermath of T in an anxious person such as myself is just as brutal. Ever since I was able to "hear" silence again something changed in my head.

It's like my brain is recalibrating or something and my senses with it. In short, I am slightly yet significantly depersonalized. My POV became odd like that of a moving camera. I am paranoid, I know, but I cannot help myself as to constantly ponder about if all this is real, or more precisely if I am awake (I had a very vivid and disturbing dream that made me start questioning this).

Doesn't help that I am terribly confused about time! I can't tell how much has passed, it can be flowing awfully quick at one moment or slow in the next one, but either way I even have problems telling the date and remembering my schedule.

I am anxious about nonsense (like the other day I was paranoid of seeing the Moon during daylight) I know, paranoid even, and the only thing that helps is applying logic when in doubt. Has anybody else had any experience with such sensation?

 

If i EVER had a low day, instead of enjoying it I was a mess. I would cry and I'm not a cryer. I would listen for it all day and OBSESS about when it would come back. After years I did learn to enjoy the precious few low days but now I don't get any low days so it's not an issue. My point is the anxiety of a change or low day can be very real. I think after time you might develop a pattern and you will not get as anxious about any changes.

 

You don't feel good about 'hearing' silence? I would do/give anything to be able to be like you. May I ask, how did yours get better?

 

This hardly comes from the tinnitus. I'm no expert but what you describe sounds more like psychological issues, possibly related to but by no means caused by the tinnitus, much less its improving. I'd try to get therapy, in any case see a specialist. Distorted perception of time and derealization/depersonalization are not symptoms typical of people with tinnitus, but be that as it may, they certainly can be got under control. I'm surprised the previous posters seemingly just take it for granted that your symptoms have anything to do with tinnitus at all. People, apply some logic, please! Having trouble remembering the date? Being anxious about seeing the moon during the day? And you think this has anything to do with an improved tinnitus? Man, some replies here you really need to take with a huge pinch of salt...

Matty, I think you've possibly got cause and effect mixed up, that is, it's possible that your current issues and your past tinnitus were both caused by the same underlying issues, however as stated it's completely implausible your current issues were caused by your tinnitus, or by its going away. It's well possible that to you it seems very much connected, but then again that's how we humans tend to think - we tend to see seemingly entirely plausible causal connections where there are none. We've gone centuries thinking illnesses were caused by an imbalance of fluids in our organisms, to lots of us it still seems entirely reasonable to think that homeopathy works because superficially similar things have a special connection, and when we're in love with someone, all their littlest actions will seem totally meaningful even when they're not. Nevertheless, what you describe can not have been caused by your tinnitus going away, which is plain to see even just from the fact that you won't find anyone who has improved reporting similar symptoms. Even if your tinnitus going away somehow triggered the onset of these, it most certainly didn't cause them and the underlying cause is deeper - anything else could have thrown you off and triggered these then. These symptoms are just symptoms of something else, possibly heavy distress, hormone imbalance, who knows - I'm no specialist! However you obviously need to address these issues, and there's no shame in consulting a therapist! I'd recommend doing just that.

 

Hey Matty,

I'm a lot like you, but twice your age. When I was 18, I went through a period of severe depersonalization which consumed my life for a year.

My best advice is, try to be patient and be VERY skeptical of psychiatrists and VERY wary of taking any drugs, especially psychiatric medication, to deal with this. What you are going through may just be a normal part of growing up for you. True, many people get to adulthood without having to deal with this, but that's okay... This is you, your life, and it will be fine, I promise.

I'm not a doctor and even if I were I couldn't diagnose you through the internet, but when this happened to me, I went hard in the other direction, I saw countless shrinks, took countless pills, and it all made things worse and harder to get out of.

I totally relate to the "camera POV", I have been there. You are not crazy, and it does get better.

When you get a little better, you might want to learn to meditate.. That's helped me a lot. But, that's not something to undertake if you're already in a state of perceptual freakout where you are questioning the nature of reality all the time already. One thing that might help us guided body scan meditations, if you can do like 10 mins a day for a couple months, it might help you feel more at home in your body.

The good news is, this experience can make you a better and more interesting person. Once you get through it, you'll be able to reflect on yourself and your mind in a way that lots of people never get a glimpse of in their whole lives.

I still remember that part of my life with an odd clarity, and while I would not want to go through it again, I wouldn't undo it, either.

One other piece of advice that I attach someone had told me when I was 20: your auditory system is more active and fragile than some other people. Be very careful about going to concerts or shooting guns at all, and never do that stuff without earplugs.

 

I would think that this is caused by anxiety , a quick way to find out is to learn some breathing exercises and do the when you feel "weird" if it subsides it might well be anxiety.

 

When my T disappears I get silence.

Just once, a couple of weeks ago, during this silence, everything felt 'unreal'. I felt 'unreal'. It was seriously weird. I was trying to explain it to a friend at the time and it sounded absurd. The closest, but not really accurate, description was.. 'everything seems too still'. Well, everything being still really doesn't sound like a big deal - but it was.

It's only happened once - it didn't happen the next time the T went away.

I think that T causes some kind of weird vibration, indiscernable when it's happening, that has a profound effect when it stops. I'd imagine that this, combined with worrying could produce some crazy thoughts in an anxious person.

 

About 2 years ago i had a severe episode of anxiety attack amd that was one of the symptoms (despersonalization ) kinda like you are living in a dream right?? I was sent to a psichyatrist who explained to me.what happens when you have a severe case like mine ..the panick attacks "overlap" in your brain and you cant stop them giving you these dream like sensations ,shaky and uncontrollable crying..she put me.on ativan right away and also zolof for about a year (mine was stress induced my brother had had a massive heart attack plus i was post partum ) i was soing great until i got T 2 weeks ago..my anxiety and panick cam.back thru the roof..anyways just telling you my experience and maybe you might want to see a doctors...you might need meds qhen tour anxiety gets to extreme levels like mine did..good luck!