The Future Scares Me So Much

Discussion in 'Support' started by geg1992, Mar 19, 2015.

tinnitus forum
    1. geg1992
      English

      geg1992 Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure + Antibiotics
      I struggle enough as it is after 3 and a half months.

      I keep talking to my girlfriend who I'm in a long term relationship with, about growing old together. I worry it will get too much for me to cope when I get older. It feels close to that already. :( I keep feeling happy one minute then realise the T and feel instantly awful again. If it stays like this I'm sure I can cope, but I read it can get seriously bad after 50 years old or so and will continue to slowly deteriorate in the mean time.

      There's so many brave people on here, but I'm so weak in a psychological way, it's so frustrating. I hate being alone at the moment and I always get butterflies on the way home from work if I have to be alone, and every night before bed as I know I have to try and sleep with the siren in my head.

      Sorry, I just had to get this out. I know I need help but I've just started a new job so I can't take time off work. They don't even know about my T and H yet.
       
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    2. theoriginalh

      theoriginalh Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2008
      I'm absolutely with you there. I've been feeling exactly the same. But tonight I decided to just live for the night, pushed my t to one side and had a great evening with my girlfriend. I'm trying to be positive and deal with this thing one step at a time. If it does get worse in the future I will have to try and deal with it but I'm trying not to sabotage the present with my worries about the future.

      Just my opinion. I'm still struggling but hopefully going in the right direction. There are a lot of people on here who seem to have lived full lives whilst dealing with the t!

      Stay strong!
       
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    3. RCP1
      Ape-like

      RCP1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Dublin, Ireland
      Tinnitus Since:
      122014
      @theoriginalh

      You are on the right road. What you need to focus on is becoming neutral to your T - Then it WILL diminish...
      Go source a good TRT consultant who will explain the way the brain works and will get you on the right road...
      Once you lower the signal down in the brains importance list it does diminish....

      I had loud intrusive Tinnitus which left me wanting out of this life. 3 months on I'm living 95% of what I was doing before. Back at work, socialising, travelling etc. The T is there but my brain is getting less and less interested in it..

      Check out Pavel Jastrebroff's masterpiece and get started on your recovery....

      R
       
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    4. RCP1
      Ape-like

      RCP1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Dublin, Ireland
      Tinnitus Since:
      122014
      @geg1992

      Its getting worse because you're focusing on it. Read the above post and try and go down the TRT route...

      R
       
    5. geg1992
      English

      geg1992 Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure + Antibiotics
      Thanks mate.

      I see you've had it since 2008, has it suddenly got worse? Or are you still habituating?

      Also how did you get yours?
       
    6. Fiore
      Doubtful

      Fiore Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2015
      I think about the future everyday- I constantly ask myself in what state will I in be next year on the same day. I just pray it gets better/goes away and or hope it doesn't get worse. By the time we are 50 I sure as H hope theres something to silence this ring -__-
      While some things are working for me, it does worry me. In the mean time I try to enjoy my bearable T. If I don't then I will let this time pass me by and it may get worse in the future or it may not but I will try to enjoy my present as much as I can and you should too.
       
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    7. Giovanni
      Insomnious

      Giovanni Member

      Location:
      Rochester
      Tinnitus Since:
      2/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Woke up one morning.
      image.jpg The future is a mystery.
       
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    8. Barbara777

      Barbara777 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2/2015
      Try not to think too far into the future. You may be worrying needlessly. You are young, and whose to say their won't be a cure for you way before then? Enjoy you life now as no one can tell what tomorrow is going to bring.
       
    9. MikeA
      Curious

      MikeA Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1992
      Excellent point.

      @geg1992 , in my opinion, it is likely that you will see no worsening in your T for many years, if
      ever. Habituation over these first few years will help as well. My best advice would be to start seeing a good physiologist to help you sort through your emotions. Once you get over the first couple years it gets much better with time. Trust me on this.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    10. geg1992
      English

      geg1992 Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure + Antibiotics
      Thanks very much for your input. I've accepted a job offer today which I hope will bring more positivity into my life. I've also said that If I get past the 3 month probation period, I will buy a Subaru Impreza which is one of my dream cars, so this is a lot of motivation to push through it.

      Has yours got much worse with time? And how did you get yours?

      Thanks! :)
       
      • Like Like x 1
    11. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Don't worry about the future. It is not yet a reality and there are too many variable factors affecting that. It is typical for a new T sufferer to have catastrophic thinking about the future, something they call cognitive distortions in CBT. You can google that and you will find a list of common distortions. This is quite common when our T is new and we are under the control of the limbic system. With the passage of time and learning more about T from others here and by reading those comforting success stories, you will learn to calm down and your normal parasympathetic nerve system will return. By then you will not view the future with so much pessimism.

      I have learned in my struggle to focus on the current moment and live it the best I can. It is not easy at this stage but if you keep at it, you will do just fine. I know how hard it is because i went through hell with my ultra high pitch dog whistle T and severe H, which also triggered relentless anxiety and panic attacks, resulting in depression and sleeplessness. I was in a mess and I often thought back then I would never get well and have good life again. I made that mistake of projecting a catastrophic future based on my immense sufferings back then. That is a suffering that can be avoided had I known that I am doing well and living an absolutely enjoyable life now. Take it easy and give it time. Read up as many success stories as possible as they will reaffirm to you that T is not an end game. You just need to learn from others some insights & strategies how to cope and win the battle with T.
       
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    12. MikeA
      Curious

      MikeA Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1992
      A new job sounds like a great way to move forward.

      By my best estimate, T was unchanged for more than 20 years. Noise induced; I have a history of playing in rock bands and going to too many shows. For 20 years T was a 2 on 1-10 scale. During that time I attended concerts and went to clubs, but always with hearing protection. I did not stop living. No change in T. This time last year my T spiked. I attribute that to some noise (friends playing a reunion concert) combined with much work stress and, most importantly, insomnia at that time. Yet, by focusing on sleep, and with the help of a good shrink, I noticed that over several month the spike was fading. The improvements caused a feedback whereby sleep improved, stress lowered, sleep further improved, ....... At this time I'd say T is a 3 on 1-10. Perhaps a bit more noticeable than in the past, but I feel no stress from T. Sleep is better than ever. Probably the brisk walks! Good luck.
       
    13. geg1992
      English

      geg1992 Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure + Antibiotics
      That's great to hear, glad you;re getting on well. It's great to hear people getting on with their lives despite having it for a long period!
       
    14. geg1992
      English

      geg1992 Member

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure + Antibiotics
      Thanks very much.

      Has your T and H died down a bit? My H is all over the place at the moment but I find the more I just get on with life, the easier it seems to be. If I stay at home for example, it gets a lot worse.
       
    15. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      No my H just faded within a year. It is usually the easier of the two devils to fade away. I find out that this is the case of many members who develop H after T that H just fades slowly over time. You want to do reasonable protection against loud noises but not for everyday normal sounds. This is a time game with H. Can't rush it. But don't fear it. It is going to be fine over time.

      My T still stays but me and my body has hardened to the sound and won't give a dime. The tyranny of T on me and my life is over. It it now just a paper tiger and my brain fades out the ultra high pitch dog whistle from consciousness when it doesn't perceive the T sound as life threatening. How is it possible for the brain to fade out loud sounds that you don't hear it while you are on something? Well, remember all those flights you took before T. While you were deep into watching a movie, did you hear the loud and all encompassing jet noise around you? Same idea here. You need to learn the skill to turn T from a life threatening thing to a neutral sensation. The success stories have loads of hints how people do it. I wrote down 10 points in my success story how I did it. So it is a good idea to learn from those who are well now what they did to help themselves. Don't trust what the brain is telling you now because it is highly biased towards negativity due to the trauma of T. It will pass. Take it easy.
       
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    16. RB2014
      Confused

      RB2014 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2014 became noticable
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loss of hearing and then stress and anxiety
      You cant worry about when you are 50. By then for sure they will have a cure or at least something to make it much less noticeable. The phara companies are investing so much in the ear right now and new discoveries are being made on a monthly basis right now. Odds are they will have something for us soon.
       
    17. Lorenzo74
      Mellow

      Lorenzo74 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Italy
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2013
      I feel for you… Live in the moment mate… As all should do, with or without T… One of the most important thing I learnt through this crazy adventure...

      No point fantasizing about the future or regretting the past… The present moment is all that counts really, so work on the Power of Now on improving your situation despite the challenges at any one given moment..

      Wish you well on the road to habituation..

      Take care of yourself and your ears…

      Lorenzo
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    18. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Just look at Dr.Nagler, his T didnt get worse since 1995 until now, and he has still overcome the increase.
      So make the best out of your life right now, and worry about increase (if ever) - when it comes.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    19. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      We can all be absolutely certain that our bodies will fall apart and fail us in terrible ways.

      We can all be absolutely certain that if we hit 80 and our tinnitus is the worst health problem we've got, that we will be very lucky.

      So, we have these certainties. We are the monkeys with technology who are smart enough to foresee our own eventual downfall and decline, but not nearly smart enough to prevent it.

      How do you want to live? Do you want these facts to crush your happiness under their full weight for every second of your conscious awareness, or do you want to find a way to be calmly accepting of your own limitations, and enjoy every moment to the fullest?

      This has almost nothing to do with tinnitus. Tinnitus might be the lens you are focusing your existential angst through, and tinnitus might be the first issue in your life which has caused you to do this. It will not be the last!

      If you want to be terrified of your future with your girlfriend, just picture the two of you at 65 or 70, all wrinkley and jiggly, mashing together your old genitals covered in gray old-person pubes. Gross! And yet, something I look forward to, because it would mean that I made it to 70 with my body largely intact, vastly preferable to the other options.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    20. RB2014
      Confused

      RB2014 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2014 became noticable
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loss of hearing and then stress and anxiety
      Hey linearb,
      I've been reading a lot on stem cell therapy treatments for our bodies and there are many people having these procedures done that are seeing some good results. Our bodies may be good for a long time coming especially with all of the new advances occurring. We live in some pretty remarkable times and this stuff is getting more and more advanced. I'm looking forward to getting old and staying healthy. I'm hoping my tinnitus is the least of my problems or at least gone by the time I'm 80.
       
    21. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      Okay, suppose this is all true, and we double our life spans. Then we can expect things to start breaking at 120-140.

      Projecting ourselves into the future and obsessing about having cures or comfort that we don't have now, feels just as toxic to me as putting that energy into worry about which things will break when. Maybe life will be easier/better later on, but probably it will be harder/worse (if not in 20 years, then in 40, or 60). There will never be another today! Why think about the future? It will take care of itself.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Good Question Good Question x 1
    22. NiNyu

      NiNyu Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      29/12/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      barotrauma? stress?
      Due to money and greed.

      How can I enjoy every moment to the fullest when something is screaming down my ear 24/7 ?

      The hearing sense what is it important for? Communication, interacting with others, to enjoy music, things like that. But there's of course more, we need some quiet to relax, to concentrate, to sleep, to recover..
      Matter of fact, people living in a noisy or stressful environment have a shorter lifespan. Personally I think I have no future anymore 'cause everything I ever did, and what I was doing, and what I was interested in involved acoustic communication. Living with just one ear could have worked, but this debilitating noise.. impossible.
       
    23. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      I think that's a dramatic overstatement of our abilities as a species. If immortality were possible based entirely on financial expenditures, the very rich would already have it. The very rich on average live slightly longer and get better drugs/doctors, but their lifespan is still roughly the same as anyone else.

      So, you're responding to something here that I'd written to the OP, who quite frankly does not sound like she is dealing with quite the same level of problems that you are. That said, my comment remains the same as it's been all along to you: you are setting yourself up to suffer more than you already are, because of the way you are letting your thinking get away with you. This is not to suggest that you are responsible for your own predicament or that it's your fault if you cannot change that thinking... this is only to imply that if you can change your thinking, then your experience will change, and you might well discover that life is pretty awesome afterall.

      I truly believe that if two people are faced with the same set of problems, and the only thing that's different is that one person chooses to think "my life has changed, my future has changed, and I must find a way to change my expectations and accept my experience of life", but the other person thinks "I cannot change or adapt to this, it is too hard, I have no future and my life is over"... well, which of those people do you think is more likely to report some measure of happiness 6,12, or 24 months down the line?

      Everything changes all the time. My life, capabilities, interests, hobbies and understanding of myself have all changed as a result of my ringing. I wish that were not the case. I am thankful that my ringing and HL are not worse than they are, true! But, I don't have any control over that, so I try not to spend too much time thinking about it, because along with the thought "thank heavens this isn't worse than it is!", comes the thought "oh god it is so bad, it is so loud, I hate it so much". I try not to make mental space for either of those thoughts, because they are traps.
       
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