The Importance of Forgiving/Moving On from Blaming Others/Yourself for Your Tinnitus

Hello everyone,

I was lying in my bed yesterday and was asking myself what prevented me from finding some new motivation for doing something with my life.

So it dawned upon me that I still hadn't found an answer what to do with that idiot of a bus driver who gave me my last setback. I knew from other problems that the only way was some sort of forgiveness, though there might be prerequisites for that, like a criminal prosecution. The thing is that there's probably not going to happen much with criminal prosecution as people are usually not being held accountable for injuring people that are vastly more susceptible to certain forms of bodily injury (unless visible) which I can understand from a systemic point of view. Also who knows if I get an apology out of it or a rejection of responsibility. I'm not really sure if it's worth going that way, so that brings me a bit closer to forgiveness/letting it rest.

I definitely do feel a lot better already as if a burden has been lifted a bit even if I haven't really decided yet how to proceed. The relief I experience seems consistent with previous processes of forgiving that I had to go through.

I recommend everyone to consider finding a way how to put aside the emotional injury that has been dealt when either other people or you by your own have caused your tinnitus. It frees up many resources.

 

Do you blame yourself for this? Do you ask why did I do this or that? Or why did I let this doctor or other person do this or that, why did I listen to them?

How do you get past it?

 

I don't really have an answer to it. I don't blame myself. I would say I did most things correct, but I can't predict everything.

I think we can get past it if we're able to live with what is left. That might be so little though that it can be difficult to accept. Some people can be happy being piss poor (in our case, not being able to do much), but many will be depressed. Being happy despite an illness is a challenge.

I try to meditate and accept my reality. But I'm not very disciplined. I've had an avoidant personality for my whole life, so it doesn't really help.

 

I'm 23 years old. Got tinnitus 2 and a half months ago because I consciously blasted loudly music in my car. I wanted to test how loud can the car stereo be. The trip was probably 50 min long. Now I have terrible hissing which is not improving. I had a great productive life and now I'm just a shadow of myself. I didn't know about tinnitus but why did I even did that to myself?

How can I forgive myself?

 

@GCS, don't be too hard on yourself and try to stay positive. You can read many stories on this forum of people that have had a similar experience to yours and they are doing much better now.

 

It is normal that we hurt ourselves out of ignorance, curiosity or self-hate, or whatever reason (and these circumstances are not always apparent to ourselves). It can happen to everyone (if you don't believe that, Google "Darwin award" for people who killed themselves out of stupidity), so it is a part of life and thus you can only accept it. If you can accept it that you hurt yourself for whatever reason (which again is normal, nothing extraordinary), then you can also forgive yourself.

 

Life is a series of high and low moments. Some of them are of our own doing and some of them are the doing of others. How we react to the events in our lives and how we feel about them however is entirely up to us. Life can be wonderful but it is not perfection, we have unforecasted obstacles continuously. You learn form any negatives or positive experiences and move on. You do better next time. Going after someone that has harmed you is seldom worth the emotional and financial burden. Even if you "win", you don't "win" most of the time. Trust me on this one.

Every day when we wake up its another day to figure out what's the best path to take as of today with the situation at hand. A positive, relaxed frame of mind is essential to get to the best place that you can, with the most health and happiness possible for you and your loved ones.

All other things being equal, the person with the best outlook, the least anger and fear and the most acceptance of what has happened - does better. We need to be happy for what we do have, relax and work the problem. Believe me I get it, I have a raging hissing truck tire/jet engine in my head, can barely watch TV and I'm a musician that cannot play or perform music right now. All I can do is move forward from the current position on the game board.

George