The Negativity Thread

Or it may be that we are already dead, and this is hell, where we supplicate a pinch of silence; similar a as in the holy Bible, the rich man in hell supplicate a pinch water on the tongue.

 

The flashing blue/white dots are totally normal, as are small eye floaters. The dots are white blood cells moving through the capillaries in your retina. They're actually a beautiful phenomena - at least, they are to me. They patrol the same paths inside your eye dutifully, day in and day out, scurrying to and fro on their mission to protect your eyesight from dangerous pathogens. You probably had the floaters all along. You almost certainly only noticed them because of your time here, where some of us also suffer from them pretty badly for some reason. My rule is: as long as the floaters are clear, you're IN the clear. The clear wormy floaters are incredibly common, can be seen through, and, compared to other types of floaters, are very easy to ignore. Everyone I know has at least one of them that is easy to see. These floaters typically spend a lot of time completely out of your central vision. You are 38, right? Are you shortsighted?

In some people, like Markku and I, they become dense enough and numerous enough to physically obstruct our vision, blurring and totally obscuring cars on the road, making street signs impossible to read, and heavily distorting the text on a screen or in a book as it passes slowly over it. The big one that I have a problem with is a nearly opaque brown shape that vaguely resembles the Dave Matthew's Band firedancer if her arms and legs were 20 feet long. It looks like a rapidly moving grease stain in my vision and is large enough when fully extended to stretch across my 14" computer screen at a distance of 2 feet from me. It is as large as a radio tower (100ft tall) if I look at it from a distance of 200 feet. I need to be very careful to lock my eyes on the screen and NEVER MOVE THEM, otherwise I am blinded by a spray of stringy monstrosities.

You've totally lost me, man. I don't even know what you're going on about anymore!

 

It's not by chance. I think those of us who hear better than the rest are much more prone to getting tinnitus.

I am the same, I have a very sensitive ear. I can hear things which other people don't, even with the loud tinnitus I have now. Even those devices which are kind of a speaker that sends sound in high frequencies to scare bats away but are supposed not to be heard by humans; I can hear those.

Think about all the people you know that constantly expose themselves to insanely loud noises with no consequences at all. I think we were condemned from birth to have tinnitus with our "superior" hearing.

 

I wish I could! When I had some problem I usually worked out a bit harder on the gym and that relieves a bit the tension. But now that I have this loud tinnitus that won't let me sleep well I feel so tired that I don't even have energy for training and working out.

I'd love to flee away from the tinnitus by doing something productive, but what can I do when I'm so tired?

 

Yeah, you need to get your sleep straightened out, because short term not sleeping well is making you feel like crap, and over the long term it actually increases your cancer risks and all kinds of other nasty things.

What worked for me was stubbornly continuing to exercise vigorously 3-5x a week, doing guided body scan meditations every night in bed for a month, and getting some sort of intense talk therapy to work through my anxieties about sleep and tinnitus. It was a sort of hellish couple months before I started sleeping again but no sweat now, and I often sleep solidly through the night with earplugs in, blaring tinnitus be damned.

 

Interesting. Im my more bleak moments I see this life as a hell realm where we are led to believe we can be happy but in the end sooner or later every one of us succumbs to a horrible illness and/or loses everyone they have ever loved to death and disease. Then we die and get reincarnated to go through the same shite again ad infinitum. I'm not always this bleak though and prefer to think we only live once

 

I think we need to do what helps us and others in the same position. I understand not wanting to be all Pollyanaish...but staying positive, looking for options that make you feel better tend to help more than despairing.

When I first realized what was wrong, I heard such horror stories all around that I went into a panic. Out of a need and desire to survive I started looking for activities that helped me do better and I did better. I could manage instead of thinking constantly this is awful, I will be deaf soon, there is no cure...no one really knows.

Medical experts do an awful disservice by simply saying...no cure blah blah...I find meditation helps me, prayer helps me, totally detaching from the sound and just doing physical things, cleaning, walking, taking photographs, making a meal whatever...seems to help me.

Maybe these options don't help you, but don't give up and find what does give you more perspective...Honestly, it's never really silent for anyone on this earth....if you are in the city, there are motors, and sirens, loud conversations, tv's ...if you are in the country, there are birds, crickets, water, wind sounds...

I hope we all find what helps. Maybe venting for a while is therapeutic, but one has to find a way. It starts within not without.

 

I honestly could care about the silence thing, I always liked a lot of noise around me, music almost all waking hours, loud clubs, concerts, sporting events etc. It's the not being able to hear properly through these screaming sounds in my brain that really bothers me. And then there is the never ending ear pain, headaches, pressure, and hyperacusis, all put together it makes for a exhausting life. But I agree who cares about having dead silence, if that's all you are worried about you are probably just nit picking, and have some minor ringing in the ears.

 

It is hard. Pain, lack of sleep, it is so difficult. Hoping you find something that helps you. Look for something you love that gives you joy. Something that consumes you. You can only think one thought at a time. You can be distracted and have the mind wander but if you focus on one good thing you can enjoy, at the very least it gives you rest from the torment for that moment. With time, perhaps you can stretch out the moments to longer periods of rest. I hope you find something that will help you.