Tinnitus Has Ruined My Life Beyond Repair

I've become really nihilistic towards life. People can't understand the shit that i go through on a daily basis... constantly trying to convince myself to not buy a gun, or to not hang myself... it's exhausting. I've got a habit now of reducing the human experience to nothing but a series of arbitrary goal seeking, and pain. I feel I'm only here to suffer and then kill myself.

I am a musician. A recording artist. Music is the only reason I'm alive. But hearing my passion alongside the very reason I want to die? heartbreaking. I'm missing out on so much. I can never experience anything without having my tinnitus be there reminding me how cruel life is. All my note worthy events are always dampened, and i turn nothing matters to me anymore.

I can't and will never be able to enjoy a lazy Sunday in bed. I'll never be able to cuddle with a S/O and not be in my head. Especially because no girl wants to deal with a partner having tinnitus. I'll never be able to just relax. I'm always at war with my head and is that anyway to live? I'm pretty old (22) and I think I've experienced everything in this lifetime that's of any value. I think I'm ready to check out soon.

I've had tinnitus since 2016 so there's no hope of habituation. And in turn no hope of happiness for me.

 

If the cause of your tinnitus is TMJ, there are quit a several ways to try to fix that. Have you tried them all, including botox?

In addition, if you are in such state as you describe it, you should agree that you will lose nothing if you pay a visit to a good psychiatrist to try medications and psychotherapy.

 

Bro, you are just 22, it's very, very young, not old, the only sad thing is that you have to deal with this shit at such a young age.

I had 2 girlfriends and they did not care at all, they said they were with me despite the tinnitus.

Almost everyone has to deal with some kind of shit so they also could not be perfect. When they see you they don't even think about it because they can't see it and don't know what it is like. And when she does not have sympathy, you just say F'you and leave, relation is based on respect, support and sympathy.

I am also a musician (guitar) and can only play with the best ear protectors, I am not afraid to play anymore live with them. This thing makes me also depressed, it started 2015, but I still hope for a cure.

Stay very busy and careful until then.

 

Are you sure the cause of your tinnitus is TMJ? If so, there is some treatment for TMJ which could help with the tinnitus.

 

@Dave111

For instance the guys at Linkin Park play with earmuffs...

 

Yea the man in my band want to play with inear but i do without i told them i will never put speaker in my ears.
If you want to keep playing make earmuffs on customization with best decrease volume. (Its around 160 euro)
Its way less fun with T and with muffs in. Still people tell me i can play amazing. and at least you can still do it.

 

You're not alone man, and help is on its way (Frequency Therapeutics). I developed tinnitus in 2012, turned my whole life upside down. But as I slowly learned to accept it, respect it and understand it, the negative vibe about it disappeared and now I don't perceive it as a threat anymore. It's just there and I'm o.k. with that. Sometimes it's really loud, sometimes I'm hardly aware of it. Whatever the volume, I don't feel intimidated by it anymore. It has become a fundamental part of me, but it took me a long time to finally get to that point. I suppose what it basically comes down to is the following question that you have to ask yourself: Do I choose to have a good life with tinnitus, or a bad life with tinnitus ? Since the tinnitus is here to stay anyway, I have decided to choose for the first option, a good life with tinnitus. It's possible. With a positive attitude the tinnitus will change from a heavy burden to a minor discomfort.

 

I tried drumming with ear muffs still causes reaction. From what I understand it is due to bone conduction...

 

Yes, that may be the reason.

 

Some people do not believe tinnitus can increase due to bone conduction but as you've found it can.

 

The real wake up call was tinnitus spiking due to attempting to play with my custom molded musician ear plugs AND muffs doubled.

I do have to wonder if part of it is psychological. I get a reaction if I play electronic drums with volume control through regular powered speakers but yet can listen to my 7.1 surround system with sub woofer on...

 

I agree part of it could be psychological. As I have said in many of my posts and articles: Tinnitus and hyperacusis are intrinsically linked to a person's mental and emotional wellbeing.


To others reading this post: Counselling with an Audiologist or Hearing Therapist trained in tinnitus and hyperacusis treatment and management can be helpful and this includes sound therapy using white noise generators. There are some that flatly refuse to believe in these treatments and prefer to wear earmuffs and earplugs, at every opportunity and don't realize this makes the problem worse. Both physically and mentally.

If tinnitus and hyperacusis are not treated especially hyperacusis, the person will always have a problem with spikes.

Michael

 

With respect.

There are people who habituate without such treatments. Therefore your statement may not be accurate.

 

I have no wish to get into a debate about this with you @bobvann My comments were for other readers of my post,
that's the reason I wrote in Bold.

People do habituate to tinnitus with or without treatment and I have mentioned this many times in my posts. I have also said hyperacusis can improve and be cured without treatment also and have said this in my article: Hyperacusis, As I see it, in the link below. However, the longer the tinnitus prolongs and a person doesn't habituate or has a problem accepting it for various reasons it can become very difficult to manage. More import is the hyperacusis, if this doesn't improve and a person resorts to wearing earmuffs and earplugs as a means of dealing with the oversensitivity to sound, the opposite happens. The auditory system becomes more hypersensitive resulting in frequent spikes and additional psychological problems can manifest themselves: Phonophobia and Misophonia that I wrote about in my post: The complexities of tinnitus and hyperacusis, the link is below.

Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-complexities-of-tinnitus-and-hyperacusis.25733/

 

I agree in regards to overprotecting. I NEVER use ear protection for everyday life & using my surround system. I did post with respect to keep it respectful. You know me by now and do not wish to get into childish pissing matches

 

I'm sorry man. I hope you're able to find another way to cope. I hate that word. I want it fixed. I've dealt with a lot in life but nothing has made me feel as suicidal and miserable as tinnitus. I hate this shit so much. Best years of my life wasted I can already tell.

 

I'm glad you're optimistic that help is on the way. It seems that everyone on this forum has their hopes up about FX-322. I hope it works.

 

@Grayson June, have you still not habituated at this point?