Tinnitus, Relationships and Stress

Discussion in 'Support' started by Tweaker, Jun 11, 2019.

    1. Tweaker
      Transparent

      Tweaker Member Benefactor

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      Losing friendships is stressful and makes my tinnitus worse.

      I am a happily married guy but I do occasionally make emotional connections with other women on a friendship level. I think I just lost a friend because of this. Suddenly they distance themselves from me. I don't understand unless I just connect too much.

      Tinnitus spiked because of this.

      Can anyone else relate to this problem? Or can any female posters shed light on this?

      Maybe I should avoid close female friendships altogether. I just find women easy to talk to. Many of my male friends like football and beer (I dislike both) and don't tend to share their problems.
       
    2. Michael B
      Supportive

      Michael B Member Benefactor

      Location:
      San Diego, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stupidity
      From one happily married guy to another, limit your emotional connection to your wife for the sake of your marriage & your tinnitus.
       
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    3. Digital Doc

      Digital Doc Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise induced
      No relationship advice, but a stressful day will definitely make my tinnitus louder - and a good night's sleep gets it back under control with a quite predictable pattern.
       
    4. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Tweaker
      Transparent

      Tweaker Member Benefactor

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      You are right. That's the safest and right thing to do. We celebrate 23 years of marriage together this month.
       
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    5. Bill Bauer
      No Mood

      Bill Bauer Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      February, 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Isn't it good that you found out her true nature? Turns out she wasn't a real friend to you, right?
       
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    6. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      @Tweaker

      I understand where you are coming from as a similar thing has happened to me on more than one occasion although, I am not married but in a relationship with a woman. What may have started out as a platonic friendship, with your female friend or friends, can quickly change once emotional feelings start to develop into romantic ones from either the man or woman.

      Most women think on an emotional level and just from reading your post, I get the impression you're the type of man that can tune into women quite easily. Your female friend has seen this quality in you and has probably been able to tell you things that she wouldn't find so easy to reveal to anyone else. She may want more than just a platonic friendship but the fact you're married presents a problem. This is the most likely the reason she has decided to distance herself from you.

      I get along better with women than men and have two very good female friends that I met whilst doing tinnitus counselling by telephone. One phones me up at least twice a week and tinnitus is rarely discussed now. I just finished a 30 mins telephone call with her before writing this post. It is great friendship and she says, she is able to talk things over with me that she can't discuss with a friends.

      Try not to take it to heart although I know it's not easy. You are clearly a sensitive and caring person and these are good qualities to have.

      Take care and hope the tinnitus calms down for you soon.
      Michael
       
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    7. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Tweaker
      Transparent

      Tweaker Member Benefactor

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      Thanks for your responses guys. We live and learn through experience in life and I need to change. I take responsibility as the older person and need to be aware of other people's feelings. I wish no harm to anyone.
       
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    8. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      temporarily banished from this plane of existence.
      Tinnitus Since:
      1999
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      Or have a conversation with your wife about it? This is a modern world and people have very different sorts of relationships; one married couple I know, both very openly have sex with another person. Interestingly, it's often the SAME person.

      Anyway, @Tweaker relationships are complicated and losing friends sucks but I don't think that's a good reason not to make them. My tinnitus went nuts over stress about the travel I'm doing now, but doing the travel was still the correct decision.
       
    9. Michael B
      Supportive

      Michael B Member Benefactor

      Location:
      San Diego, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stupidity
      Congratulations! Just celebrated 22 years this month :)
       
    10. BobDigi
      Kick ass

      BobDigi Member

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      5.6.14
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Is it even possible for a male and a female to be friends without one of them wanting it to go further? Even for a night? I don't think so. But everyone's different!
       
    11. JohnFox

      JohnFox Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown. Sudden loss of 100% hearing R ear with Tinnitus
      If you play with fire, don’t be surprised if you get burned. ....from a guy nearing 38 years of happy marriage.
       
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    12. coffee_girl
      Innocent

      coffee_girl Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      All my life, but got worse 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced / Concert
      Wow there are some great husbands in this thread, men like this still exist?! Must be from another generation hehe =P

      I concur also, I have many friends who are married... it's never "just friends" in their eyes, eventually they will signal and I get out of there as quick as I can.
       
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    13. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      Indeed they do @coffee_girl and this applies to women too. It is all a matter of one's character, ethics and ultimately class, which will never change whether one lived in 1820 or 2019 as we do now. As human beings we have a choice, whether to do the right thing or not which basically comes down to morality. I am a firm believer in there being two types of people. Those that are brought up and those that are dragged up.

      I rest my case.
      All the best

      Michael
       
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    14. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      It is possible.
      It is also possible for a man and woman to have a platonic friendship for longer duration providing there are no romantic feelings involved. However, once this happens either from the man or woman it can put a strain on the friendship, if the other person doesn't feel the same. This can often result in the friendship deteriorating as the author of this thread has mentioned.

      Michael
       
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    15. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Tweaker
      Transparent

      Tweaker Member Benefactor

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure
      It is possible to have close friends of the opposite sex but it is risky as a married person because emotional connections are powerful. We need to guard our hearts. Incidentally, the friendship has repaired but I intend to keep some distance between us. Lesson learnt. And the tinnitus is a bit improved because stress has reduced.
       
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    16. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      I am pleased to hear that your tinnitus has started to improve and the relationship with your female friend has reconciled. @BobDigi raises a valid and important point, whether it's possible for a man and woman to be "just friends?" I believe it's possible but not easy once emotional feelings towards the other person develops.

      Michael
       
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