Tinnitus Took a Back Seat During a Period of Illness, Now Back to Feeling Hopeless with No Joy

Discussion in 'Support' started by Allan1967, Mar 5, 2019.

    1. Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Hello all,

      I was posting quite regularly about 4 weeks ago when I had a really bad chest infection and lots of other virus like symptoms.

      My tinnitus really took a back seat during this period, it didn't go away, I was just overwhelmed with being ill. It did do some weird things every now and then.

      Anyway I'm now 90% better, back to work and unfortunately I'm back to feeling hopeless, sadness, no joy for life, questioning why did I buy that freaking piano and make matters worse for myself and sad that knowing that I've likely got this till the day I die.

      My sleep pattern gone out of whack again as well... woke at midnight last night and didn't get back to sleep.

      I've got so much hope for Neuromod but I also realise it may not work and if that happens, what's next? And the length of time it's taking seems like a carrot on a stick that's now seeming like it's dream.

      I've got two noises now when I used to have one... a constant steady hiss in my right ear/head/both ears but also a tinkling that's in my left ear alone and doesn't move.

      I so desperately want to get to the point where i was at before this spike... happy, engaged, tinnitus was there but not an issue, but I just can't find it.

      I also think I'm having a bit of a midlife crisis... My mum's been diagnosed with cancer at 84, my Dad had a stroke two years ago and I think I'm realising my own mortality plus everything I set out to do in my 20s I've done and now I'm like 'What now at 51'?

      Words of support and love from my Tinnitus Talk family really welcome right about now.
       
      Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2019
      • Hug Hug x 3
    2. another sean
      Studious

      another sean Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Los Angeles
      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Long duration of low audio
      • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    3. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      I had a brief read the other day @another sean. I didn't fully understand what it was all about but I'd probably wait for something a bit more mainstream.

      I'm just finding it hard to put the events and the chaos of the last few months behind me. So much of my being seems to hang on my tinnitus these days.
       
    4. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      It seems like you are depressed, Alan, and maybe this was the catalyst for your tinnitus ramping up in intrusiveness rather than it being the other way round? Linking the piano as the direct cause seems unlikely to me as any number of things could have made this happen to you.

      At this point you need to concentrate on anything that can make you happy, and you have to try and cut your obsession with tinnitus completely. The more you think about it, and focus on it, the more it will take over your life. It’s interesting to hear that it temporarily became less of a priority when another illness came into the picture and this is quite common. From my perspective, when my chest problem re-emerged, tinnitus was so far down my list of priorities that at one point I was begging for it to bother me again so I could worry about that instead. The mind is a very strange and powerful thing.

      I think you can get back to a happy place again if you stop putting all of your attention on your problems. It’s a lot easier said than done, though.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    5. Meirion

      Meirion Member

      Location:
      Wales, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music (headphones)
      Hi @Allan1967

      I'm feeling the exact same way at the moment. In my mid 40s, struggling to find joy in anything I do due to recent worsening of T and other health issues. Keep thinking about my own mortality a lot due to Mother getting older and having lost many family members to illness in recent years. It's hard to feel positive for the future, but at the same time I'm thinking I'm still here and need to make the most of a difficult situation and somehow find passion and purpose in life again.

      I'm impressed that you've already achieved everything you set out to do in your 20s. Many don't including myself. Maybe setting new goals could help, finding new things to put your energy into and keep busy and less focused on the T. I'm hoping that this approach will help me, although so far I'm still struggling to feel enthusiastic about some new activities that I've got planned. Feel I'm just going through the motions right now, which maybe is normal considering my spike only happened over 2 months ago.

      I'm sorry to hear about your parents and your situation and I wish you the best with recovery and finding joy again. I know in my own life time has been a great healer and sometimes we can't force things and expect too much too soon. Just keep going, stay strong and get to a better place again.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm relieved that I'm not the only one feeling this way. Reading your post has helped me feel a little normal again.
       
    6. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Thanks Ed209... you're probably right. I've lost my mojo. I keep looking at tinnitus pages etc because I'm waiting for that announcement from Neuromod.
       
    7. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Yep we sound exactly the same Meirion. When I say I achieved what I set out to do, all I wanted back in my 20s was a good woman to settle down with, buy a house, start a family. I've done that and now my two kids are at age where the spend all evening in their rooms so you feel kinda lost, after having so many years of constantly having one eye on them. And I'm now thinking, ok....what now? Where do focus my attention now? I think what makes it harder is when you see celebs like Luke Perry and Keith Flint who you remember from your youth popping their clogs and you know it could be you anytime (although it wouldn't be a problem for me as long as it's quick and I don't feel it).

      And of course I've had tinnitus since 1997 and I always believed within 20 years we'd have a cure and what happens? Time flies and before you know it 20 years have passed and stil no f&$@ing cure and I think 'have I got to go into old age with this bastard where it'll probably be the last thing I hear as I peg it'?

      I'm going to be having serious words with my maker if that happens. What sort of things have you got planned? I'm thinking of dusting off my bicycle.
       
    8. Meirion

      Meirion Member

      Location:
      Wales, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music (headphones)
      I'm afraid it's just me, the tinnitus and four walls at the moment. So not the best place to be when trying to cope with this. I get you totally about the kids though. I have two nephews who wanted my time and attention constantly only a few years ago, but are now at the 'stay in my room not interested' phase. It's ironic that I did the same as a teenager and am back there again in my mid 40s. History repeats itself.

      Made me feel depressed and anxious hearing the sad news yesterday. Just another reminder of our mortality. Maybe a good reason to try and live our life to the fullest whilst we can, even with this horrible affliction.

      I'm going to do a few hikes in a walking festival. I have to say, the walking doesn't excite me that much at the moment, but it will be good to be in the outdoors and meet new people. I'll be dusting off my bicycle too! I was a passionate cyclist not that long ago, just love the freedom of being on my bike in the countryside and escaping the city. Hope to do more of that with a few friends soon enough. Just hope I can enjoy it again like I once did. Other than that, maybe volunteering in the community. Only thing is, with every activity I have to think about the implications on my T, will it be too noisy etc. I guess we just have to find ways round these challenges and still participate in things we enjoy. All the best with the cycling and hope you feel better for it.
       
    9. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Hi all

      Yes, me again, struggling as ever to deal with this beast.

      Right now, I think my Eustachian tubes are slightly blocked [or at least they vary]; my ear canals are blocked with wax so I'm told [not sure how bad as I didn't notice any hearing loss] I cant even feel olive oil getting to the ear drum and I'm on day 6 of olive oil drops twice a day and they say don't go past 7 days as if it hasn't come out by then it'll need something more.

      But that's not all - my new tinnitus is a super high pitch [btw - how do people measure this? I've seen people mention it] hiss and beneath that sits beeping in both ears that varies, which just started lately.

      I hear it everywhere except the shower. Always present; always unrelenting, little to no break except when I sleep. I'm thoroughly down and trying not to have suicidal ideations but it's hard. My mum has also being diagnosed with lymphoma and I'm in my early 50's and realising my own mortality as a consequence of my mum's illness (she's 85)

      I look at other people in my office - seemingly care free and not looking permanently troubled. I know it may be like this the remainder of my life and I have to accept it, I know I have to reach a point where even though its there I don't have a reaction one way or the other to it. Right now it's the only option I have.

      But it's just not happening. I think it's a combination of its loudness, relentless intensity and how it occasionally changes or a new noise is introduced.

      What do I do? Where do I go from here? I'm so sad and despondent knowing this is my lot.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    10. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      I really do understand your frustration Allan, but all you can do is try to disassociate yourself from the ringing and hissing. Stop reading about tinnitus online and pursue other things. This is easily said, but right now your tinnitus is making you depressed and this is something that you can’t just snap out of. You can help yourself by exercising and by focusing your attention elsewhere. You need a goal in life to aspire to because that’s what gets us out of bed in the morning, and when we start focusing on our problems and our attention is inward rather than outward, well that’s when our mental health takes a battering. You need to try and reboot your life and reset your brain somewhat, however, as I said earlier, you cannot willfully make yourself happy. You have to drag yourself, kicking and screaming if necessary, to do new things and in the long run, you may find that you come out of yourself again and that your feelings may change.

      Have you ever thought about doing something like the 3 peaks challenge? Maybe make a plan to do this with the proceeds going to a charity of your choice. Doing something like this will not only force you to get fit and look after your body, but it will give you something else to think about and achieve.
       
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    11. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      You're quite correct in many ways @Ed209 I am focusing inward a lot and I do lack goals at the minute. I'm just recovering from a bad chest infection so feel very sluggish still which is frustrating as I havent the ability to run around a bit more and my head feels clogged.

      Attention does need to be focused externally, but if you are like me and your tinnitus can be heard over everything how do you even begin to focus your mind outside of yourself when your own inner dialogue is interrupted by a constant high pitched noise?

      Best bit is - I had this skill. I had tinnitus that was loud, could be heard over everything and it was just 'there'. But this spike...which has to be permanent now I guess after 5 months...has shaken me to the core.
       
    12. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      I am like you, Alan. I can hear my tinnitus all the time and nothing outside masks it including motorway noise, bars, cities, etc. I was the mirror image of you buddy: desperate, anxious and totally lost in my own depression. I figured my life was over and I spent a long time being desperately sad, and to deal with this I isolated myself from life, but this made everything worse for me. I was living and drowning in my own thoughts and it got so bad that I knew I had to do something. I stopped researching tinnitus, and I stopped going on forums. I made drastic changes and reintroduced goals into my life, I started training again and I ate a better diet. In the beginning, this is incredibly hard to do because every fibre of your body will be resisting, but you have to push through on your mental reserves and force yourself. I noticed that I started to feel better and I was no longer obsessed with my tinnitus. I’d say I went from thinking about my tinnitus every second of the day to not thinking about it at all for long periods of time (days and weeks).

      You need to focus on other things to pull yourself out of the hole you are in. Make a list of 5 relatively obtainable goals and then try to achieve them; tick them off as you reach each one. It’s very therapeutic and could well give you a new lease on life because the goals start getting bigger and more improbable, but there’s no better feeling than smashing a goal that you thought was unattainable. That’s how we hit our natural highs in life, and this doesn’t happen when we are locked in our own thoughts.
       
      • Helpful Helpful x 1
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    13. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
    14. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      One thing I noticed, Allan, is that when I hosted a charity night there was a lot of pressure and that day I didn’t think about my tinnitus (this was years ago). I was preoccupied with how I’d introduce the evening and what tone I should adopt, etc. This has been reported by other members who have suddenly had to either deal with other problems, or they were purposely challenging themselves.

      I call this the burning building analogy. If you woke and your house was on fire, the last thing on your mind would be how loud your tinnitus is. I’m saying to set your house on fire, but you need to reignite some good stresses in your brain by challenging yourself. All in good time though.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    15. LAnative
      Swamped

      LAnative Member

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Gunshot
      What did you set out to do in your 20s? You've accomplished all your hopes and dreams?!
       
    16. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Usual stuff - marry; kids; house.

      Just dont have peace and quite or the ability to sit quietly.

      Ruined my life this has. Can't wait until its over.
       
    17. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Just have to vent... I just don't effing understand this. 5 months on and this is getting worse. No new noise exposure, just a serious chest infection in the last few weeks that still hasn't cleared and impacted ear wax apparently [I've been told in the last week] and some muffled hearing.

      Chewing, yawning seems to make noises very local to the ear.

      The frequency has increased, and keeps increasing as the day goes on and bells are tinkling and the high pitched is just right inside my head like a dentist drill.

      Why the hell won't this just settle down into something consistent????
       
    18. Ed209

      Ed209 Member Podcast Patron Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Because it’s on your mind and you’re stuck in a state of anxiety about it. I know it’s not easy, but you have to try and get outside your own head in order you break the negative thought cycle. Do you ever go swimming or anything like that? Start with small activities that allow you to escape for a while; in my opinion this can help a lot.

      Rumination is the worst enemy.
       
    19. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Allan1967

      Allan1967 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1997
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      I'm actually starting to wonder if it's the anti depressant I'm on.

      When I fell ill 4 weeks ago... as things went bad to worse I had days when I wasn't taking my full dose of Venlafaxine or not at all. My tinnitus became a secondary concern then, but I'm not sure if it was because of the illness.

      When I went back to work not last Monday but the Monday before I went straight back to taking my dose of 75mg.

      And now 10 days later my tinnitus is screaming at me. Is there a connection do you think @Ed209?
       

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