Two Weeks and I Am Dying Inside

I can assure you that that is not a standard procedure in Germany for tinnitus. If anything they offer you regular infusions into the your arm for better circulation. How ever insurance doesn't cover those infusions and usually they are also not offered anymore because studies and experience has shown that if anything they have a placebo effect. But infusions right into your ear? Never ever! Never heard of anything like that being performed here in Germany

 

Perhaps his T is very mild. Or his auditory system has evolved, and can handle louder noise.

One single loud BANG can cause T. It's all about volume.
Also, headphones don't damage the ears at low volume!
In your case, T could be medication related or damage to the cochlea, nerves.

Be grateful. Many people here have it so badly they can't even mask it at all.
I've read your comments and I'm impressed. Your view and attitude are remarkable. And I think you'll do fine.

 

@NineNails ,

I think his are louder than mine. But I can't say for sure since I cannot hear his. I think he got to the point of habitation that he doesn't care anymore.

I am very grateful that I most of the day don't hear the T, and I have gotten more used to the sound now that it doesn't give me anxiety anymore. Never thought I'd be here when I first posted this thread. It's been almost a month now and I guess time does make a difference. Thank you for your kind words, it makes me happy that you feel that way, it gives me more courage!

 

@ceauses97

Hey again Jonas, sorry for the late reply.

I hope you are right, at this point I kind of have accepted that I might be living with this for the rest of my life. Of course I hope that isn't the case but it's not as "end of my life" as I felt two weeks ago. How are you feeling? Have you been able to sleep normally?

Regarding the loud noises and T, it really does come down to if my inner ear cells have died or not. If they have not, then yes, the T will fade away with time. If I am unlucky and some of them have died due to prolonged exposure to loud music/noises, then this T won't ever go away But no one can say for sure so it's really a guessing game.

Since you have had times were you have not heard your T, I think that yours are due to medication. Not sure how curable T is when it comes to medication, at least you have not damaged anything in your ear so hopefully there is a treatment so your hearing can go back to normal.
Some people can take longer exposure to loudness than others, that is why some never seem to have any issue and others are very sensitive. I have never seen myself as the latter one but who knows. I lived in my headphones since I was 16 something, so who knows if I was in the risk zone or something.

I hope I do come back to this post and think about how right you were well, me and you both hopefully!

Take care Jonas, och god fortsättning

 

Hi Fang

Just got told that my T most likely is not because of my previous medical condition. It was such a long time that the doctors doubt the medicine randomly should have a side effect on me 4 years later. Well, atleast i can exclude that as a reason for the ringing.

I haven't really being sleeping properly since the ringing occured. but its not the sleeping part that is difficult. I can sleep perfectly fine the first time. The annoying part is the fact that I I wake up at least 10 times at night because of my screaming T. Some nights are more worse than other. Miss those times when I was able to sleep 12 hours, and how refreshed and happy I was rest of the day. That was actually the best part of the holidays, and it gets me depressed knowing I may never enjoy sleep and silence anymore.

but strangely, it wasn't the tinnitus that kept me awake last night, but some strong chest pain right next to my heart. dont know if its linked to the tinnitus, and I havent spoke to any doctors since the pain is gone. hope it was just a one time experience and not a future heart attack comming up. =p but hey, if i die, there may be a hidden tinnitus cure in hell. hehe

anyway, I wish they had equipment to check if the ear cells were bend or broken. To be honest, the tinnitus itself isn't really that bad. I mean, I think both you and me could have perfectly survived with it for a month or two, maybe even a year or two. The problem is with the fear that it may last forever. If they had equipment to tell if the T were temporary or permanent, life would be such easier. right??

ja ja ... take care fang.

 

@Fangen , does your bf have perceptible hearing loss?
Acoustic trauma is definitely irritation/damage to the sensory cells (hair cells) inside the cochlea.
Did you know that a pressure chamber can reverse acoustic trauma induced T, but only in the first few days?
You're welcome. Though I think, you're a very strong being to begin with.
@ceauses97 , if your T isn't really that bad but the fear of it being permanent, you must have it very mild. Thus be grateful. Chances are high you get used to it. Or it may even resolve eventually.
The cochlea has the approximate size of a pea. If not smaller. And inside are millions of sensory cells.
Oh, and nothing lasts forever, but a lifetime it can be.

 

what i meant was that i could survive loud T one or two months. Tinnitus is not really painful, more of a annoyting thing, and the thought of that it may last forever is scary. I'm sure you understand my point, and trust me, im very grate ful my tinnitus is mild. but its still loud enough to keep me awake at night. its depressing knowing i may never enjoy silence anymore.

hope it fades away soon, and i hope it gets better for you too. Have a good day

 

Jonas,

Does your T get louder at night? Or do you just perceive it as louder? I suppose that if you get waked up by it while sleeping, or is it the anxiety that keeps waking you up? I know that my T keeps ringing away, but I tend to stop listening after it more and more. Yesterday when I got home after seeing my sister, I stood in the hallway and listened after it for a few extra seconds. Couldn't really hear it over the fridge. Then I sat at the TV and started to play a video game, and I didn't listen for it AT ALL for two hours or so. I didn't realize it until I went to bed. I could have promised a million times by the time I wrote my first post, that I could NEVER, EVER have gotten used to the T. But it feels like I am getting habituated, and that means that you will too if you haven't already. It's a great feeling.

I hope it will go away, somehow I don't feel as depressed as before, if it won't. I understand that you want silence, I do too. Life would be easier if we could have all the answers right now, I wish I could tell you if it was permanent or not. I wished that someone would tell me before too. But I guess we'll have to wait. I hope you feel better, and hopefully 2016 will bring us silence. Or maybe make peace with T if it doesn't go away. Don't be scared. We'll be okay, we'll go on and be the best that we can That I can promise you!

Happy new year, and take care!

 

You will be fine Jonas, in time.
The only thing you need to process is the "silence" thing, which happens in time.

I am still fighting my weird spike since 2 months and going, It's roaring over everything. It's both a high pitched eeeeee, and metallic clinging sounds in the back of my head that goes up and down and clings very fast.
Watching a movie, going out etc, nothing can mask it. It's way louder then anything except the shower, and all sounds even speech are amplified atm to a point where it can hurt.

You are fighting fear of not hearing silence right now, you will get over that in time, and then it will lower in strength as well.
I wish I had your or Fangs tinnitus right now, let me tell you. I would be "cured" and soooo happy if I only heard it faint at night

 

hei Fang.

I think my T is actually starting to get quiter now. Last night I actually slept okey for the first time in three weeks. (without sleeping meds!!). maybe I will be fine after all, huh.

I'm glad to hear that youre doing it better too. but i still wonder, how do you know you are getting habituated, or if youre T is slowly, but surely fading away? if you T isnt that loud as it was when it stared, that has to mean something, right?? and to be fully honest, i actually dont what to be habituated. I want my T to be gone. i know this is not something i can choose, but knowing my t may fade away soon is the only thing giving me hope. and i hope thats the case for us both.

happy new year. take care.

 

hi andersson. thank you. im sorry to hear about your condition. to be fair, i dont really know what to say...

im the guy the teachers used to say had no empathy or compassion towards other people in primary school, but knowing how much you suffer is actually making me depressed. I never ever thought i would feel sad about someone over the internet, and the fact that youre trying to cheer me up while dealing with tinnitus 100x time worse is... incredible. I really hope there was a cure, I do, not just for me, but so so people like you could find peace again.

dont really know how you do it, cause i would be very suicidal if i heard mine T all over the place. i would never wish that on anyone.

i hope it goes well for you, so you can enjoy your life again

take care my man

 

@Fangen thanks for your positivity

 

Hey Jonas,

I know I am getting more habituated because the loudness of the T has not changed. Maybe a little if compared to the first day, but over the last two weeks? I really doubt it. If I listen to it I can hear that it is still fairy "loud", I don't have to try very hard to hear it. But I can forget it faster now when I do something. I don't associate the T with so many negative feelings anymore. I can't control when or if it will go away, so I just accept that it will be there for now. I think you need to accept that you have T, regardless if it will go away or not. I can see that you still feel resentful to T and I understand that completely, I was feeling the same before. But more that you fight it, in the sense that you don't want to get habituated, you try to listen to see if it is more quiet or not, that just keeps reminding you that it has not gone away yet. I could barely stay alone at home because I got so anxious that I would hear it all the time, but I have been alone (during the days) and it have felt just like before T. It's a relief.
Jonas, if you want to be able to deal with T better, you need to accept it. I know you don't want to, but you need to stop fight it. It won't go away because you don't want it to be there, the sooner you just embrace it, the sooner you'll forget about it. Trust me, I didn't want to believe that either but it's the only way to have our old lives back.

Take care!

 

yes, stress make it worse, but don't overstress because it will go up and become worse permanently. Stress made mine 8 time worse and worse and recently 8th time worse in 2,5 years ,cumulative 350% worse. So try to free your mind from it... if it is just a little it is ok, you will probably care much more now to protect ears and nerves. If you been destroying your hearing for long time and now it is uterly devastated then you expect soon it can be 6 month or 1year that it get worse. so vitamin 6 complex, zink, magnesium, gingko biloba of 5000mg try to save before it get worse , there is no cure comming nor do they know what to cute, they dont know what is tinnitus, what types there are, can be 60 and one medicine help 20... so keep yourself safe.

IN götengurg here we have the most modern cerebral fluid check up and they dont want to do it for people with t because the believe we dont have toxin who could damage nerve between ear and brain.

Remains life with it, such a stupid thing and such hell

 

Not sure what you mean with trying to save it before it gets worse.
But I know that yes, stress can cause it to spike. Maybe if you stress for a very long period it could go up. Like with T, everyone reacts different to T, some people have no changes in T unless exposed to loud sounds or whatever factor that initially can cause T. Sorry to hear that yours have spiked so many times and that it is worse, however I heard about people who's T has remained the same since the onset, or people whose T changed after many many years. And yes, also about those, like you, that has increased. I guess that can depend on a lot of things, but scaring us with that won't make it easier to stop stressing Just saying!

I don't know what toxin you speak about, but in my and Charlie's case the T has been due to acoustic trauma, and I hardly think any cerebral fluid check will help. It's a matter if our inner ear cells have died permanently or if it's damaged and could heal over time.

 

hei fang

the thing is that if i accept my tinnitus, that would mean accepting my defeat. may sound stupid, but to me its more than logical. I want my life back. dont really care if i have to go trough many hours without sleeping. All i care about is when the T will fade away.

in the mean time, i will try to live as normal as possible, although it seems fairly impossible right now. But if in, lets say... 3 months from now on and the Tinnitus is still there, i will revaluate my thinking and then start my "habilitation".

And when i slowly start understanding that this may be something i have to deal with the rest of my life, I know excactly whats going to happend next. I'm going to be very depressed, maybe even fell some tears and start blaming God for ruining my life. proably be on several antidepressants. but after that, I don't really how my story will continue. Maybe my heart will beat, maybe not. i guess time will tell, huh.

but no, i dont think that will be the case. My T will most likely go away, and I'm sure your will be gone as well. i know youre just trying to stay optimistic by accepting your T, but its too early to come with any any conclusion. One month cant tell if its permanent or not. I know you dont want to disappoint yourself it it is, but its not. i know its not. were too young for this shit anyway. hehe

by the way, dont know if you have heard about this or not, but clearly everyone can hear ringing in their head, if they want to.

"An experiment carried out in 1953 by researchers Heller and Bergman showed that tinnitus is an almost universal experience in a very quiet environment. When a number of young, healthy medical students were put in a sound proofed room, 98% reported hearing tinnitus sounds."

huh... our brain is amazing, right??

ja ja... take care Fang.

 

Ok, I just read something suprising. I will just quote it directly:

"The best data we have indicates that about 98% of people with tinnitus go on to habituate. With tinnitus, habituation generally takes about 6-18 months."

Wait, what? read the last sentence. If habituation takes up to six and - something months that must mean we're not really habituating. Our T is only decreasing in volum. I think this is the only logical explanation why we are coping better in our daily life, and I how i finally am able to sleep normal again. its not because we're getting used to the T sound, but because its actually slowly fading away. yes ofcourse if you try to listen for it may seem loud, or even louder than before, but thats because of our emotion taking over. Just walk in to a quite room without thinking and tell me: is it your T really the same as it was one week ago? or for that matter, when your T started?

conclusion: our tinnitus is gradual reducing in intensity.

great news, right?