Two Weeks In and Struggling...

Hi everyone, I'm so happy to have found this forum. It's the first one of any kind I've ever joined- I'm not even on Facebook. But since these symptoms hit me over the last few weeks, I knew I had to reach out for help. I wasn't even sure that I'd get a hit when I googled "Tinnitus support group", but was greatly relieved when I did. There is something inherently comforting about knowing you're not experiencing this thing on your own. I hope someday that I can be someone who offers help to others, but right now, I'm a long way from that. I need your help.
The irony is that I was making a concerted effort since the beginning of the year to take better care of myself; back in the gym, no alcohol, meditating again, devouring books. And then the ringing came. When I went to my Eye, Ear and Nose specialist, it wasn't even that bad, so I was pretty relaxed about what I was experiencing. Later that night, it was as if someone turned up the volume. And it went from predominantly right ear to both.
I guess I don't really have to describe here the feelings and emotions brought on by these symptoms; the sickening, icy fear running through your veins that you have just been condemned to a lifetime of unremitting torment. The hopelessness. The despair, thoughts of suicide. Clearly, so many of you... all of you I suppose, know exactly what I'm talking about.
By the way, as I write this, I have not even had my audiology exam, let alone brain scans of any sort. I will have those things done, but there is just something in my heart telling me that my karma is to deal with this for the rest of my life. How funny to actually be hoping and praying that it's a tumor, since tumors can at least be removed!
I know that from adversity and suffering, real wisdom can come. But boy, the road ahead of me now seems daunting as, well... hell.
To all of you who are suffering like I am right now, we suffer together. Hopefully that is of comfort.
To all of you who have created this forum and who contribute to help others... thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

Hi@ Tommy Hill sorry to hear about your t. Pls keep us updated. Lots of good info and support on this site.

 

And it's just been two weeks , it just might go away.

 

Tommy,
it's just two weeks. Ask to your doctor about prednisone. It works well if taken not so long time after the onset.
You'll find here a lot of support and useful informations. Good luck and stay positive

 

Tommy,

You are far from alone. It isn’t unusual for tinnitus to begin in one ear and end up in both. Although the volume of the ringing bothers you, the chances are very good that you will be fine when some time passes. For some, the passage of time is all it takes. Others need a little help, and there are several approaches for managing tinnitus that have been shown to do just that.

For the time being, just know that it is very unlikely you will be “condemned to a lifetime of unremitting torment.” I realize this can be hard to imagine when tinnitus is brand new and we are so affected by it, but the hopelessness and despair you are feeling now is temporary.

Right now, it feels as you will be consigned to deal with tinnitus for the rest of your life. It is much more likely that you will learn to deal with, and gradually overcome, tinnitus so that having it is no longer daunting and you no longer suffer from it.

here2help

 

Tommy
Welcome to the group; you describe precisely what I was experiencing a year ago. I wished I had reached out to a site like this; smart move (I wouldn't have had to suffer that isolated feeling -- because non T-sufferers simply don't understand).

Going to an audiologist (that specializes in T) is your best move; general practitioners and ENTs are quite dead on the subject.

My audiologist hooked me up with some state-of-the-art hearing aids with programmable white noise generators to mask my T and aid in habituation (and give sweeeeet relief when I needed it and sleeeeeep!)

Nonetheless, the most important part in this journey is simply learning not to react to it anymore (easier said then done). About 4 weeks into my T, I was so tired (no sleep), so angry (fighting it), so agitated, and so desperate because I read all the horror stories online (I got scrooogled) that I had 2 x nervous breakdowns (couldn't stop shaking). This doesn't need to happen to you. Your first step is to try your best to accept what is going on (that's very hard to do, but very much worth working at). Then, you can start to gain control of your reaction to it (that is what is driving the situation out of control). Then you gain a sense of objectivity. It gets better from there on out.

Buckle up, you are in for a bit of a long haul; however, be encouraged, I'm by no means a super man (I'm not good at suffering at all) and I did most of the wrong things and I am fine now (got my life back, T is manageable).

Keep coming back to the site...

Mark

 

Sherri.... Thank you so much for replying to my post. Incredibly encouraging to make contact with others who know. I can't thank you enough. I will keep coming back with updates.
Bows of gratitude...

 

Thank you Carlo. I will take your advice and ask about that particular drug. I'm so moved that people have actually responded to my post. I think that one of the side effects of T is increased compassion.

 

Thank you, here2help, from the bottom of my heart. Just reading the responses to my post, I'm feeling a sense of calm spreading through my body... even as it sounds like a jet is taxiing for take off between my temples. What you folks are doing here is making a difference. I cannot wait for the day when I can join you in helping others too.

 

Thank you Mark. I'm just sitting here in my apartment in NYC, amazed at how kind people can be, to take the time to share their experience and wisdom with total strangers. Thank you, my friend, you don't know how much I appreciate it. Or maybe you do. Talk soon, I hope...

TH

 

Hi Tommy. My t started four years ago in my left ear, like yourself and everyone else on this forum had a roller coaster ride of emotions for a long time. Gradually as time passed my t became an annoyance rather then my obsession. Time is you're friend, trust me it will get much better. Don't lose hope bro were all in it for the long haul. Cheers

 

No problem Tommy, we know that the first few weeks are a total nightmare
Please vent anytime you want to we are here to support you and and answer any questions you may want to ask.

 

Hi Tommy how you doing mate?


You pretty much described the exact same emotions I went through when I first got T (about ten years ago) and I feel for you. Everyone tells you it will get easier but it really doesn't feel like it at the time!!! I guess it's like someone close to you passing away.... To begin with its agony, then every time you think of them it all comes flooding back...and it's something that's always there in the back of your mind! But it really does get easier...you'll have good days and bad days...and it is daunting but you will come out the other side...just hang in there!ive gone from feeling exactly like you do to just thinking of My T as a reminder to live every day like its my last. Don't let it rule you or hold you back! Best of luck. J

 

Alohaaaa tommy ! you found the right place ive had T for the past 8 months and at first i felt the same way as u, i just wanted to bang my head on a wall stay home and hide and i was sooo depressed thinking i would never have silence ever.... then came the anger that know one knew what i was hearing, feeling and that drove me even more crazy, i too had my new healthy life style on track before T eating right excersing andall that good stuff i even stop working for 6 months could handle the stress of working. dealing with the stress along with the ringing that know one else could understand. Then i found this site and things started to get better i met new people who i call my friends ,people who was ther any time for questions, advice and ideas to help me better understand this T thing. they brought comport to me that i thought i had lost forever.... I Love this site, the people here are in the same boat as we both are and they know what we are going through, but to tell you it does get better i deal with it everyday , but i grew to understand that you cant let it take your life, or hold you back from doing things you love, just remember to protect your ears ( ear plugs) around loud noise really helps keep reading everyone here as great advice some things work some things dont you need to find what works for you. i'm back to work full time , live life everday more that ever and T has been very good so far ..lol sounds weired hearing how T can sound good right but i am in control now an that make it easeir... hang in there my friend you will find the light ant the end of this tunnel.... hope this all make sence and helps you out a bit..

 

Thank you so much Stelly. What a great thing to be told, "Time is your friend". And I feel time is not the only friend I now have to get through this. Cheers to you...

 

Thank you James. As tough and awful as this is, I know it will bring out the best in me. But Lord, what a struggle. Sending you best wishes and deep gratitude...

 

Hello Christine.... thank you for making me feel so welcome. Yes, this helps so much. In fact your expert use of emoticons made me laugh out loud, and that as we all know is the best medicine! To be in touch with people from all over the planet who know what I'm talking about is therapy in itself. So much relief in hearing other's version of my own story, though I hate to hear how much suffering this crazy condition inflicts on so many people.
And thanks for the specific advice about ear plugs. One thing I've been surprised not to see on this site so far (though I haven't read extensively) is the option of just laying down in the shower for a good long while to have a nice relaxing break from the ringing. Is there some reason that isn't recommended, such as water getting in the ears making the condition worse? Or is it just so obvious people don't bother to suggest it?
Thank you Christine.... so greatly appreciated.

 

OMG.. I love the shower! Its the only place where my T goes away completely! I tried downloading shower sounds on my phone but its just not the same!

 

It will seemingly drive you nuts at firsts, I worked in a cube on a computer in silence when I got my T, but with T, I learned to have a radio with ears buds.. drive the T away, and over time the brain moved away from the T, it is whining at me right now, but I just ignore it, the best I can.. time is your only friend, but the moment you let go of the fear of it, will be your first day on the road to habituation, I found 4 people who I know that have it, it wasn't until I mentioned mine, they told me about theirs. Two of the guys worked in the cubes next to me.. they didn't even notice theirs until I mentioned mine. I think more people have than what is believed... but a word of advice, stay away from the forums.... thinking and reading about may seem to help, but you spend more time concentrating on it, try yo forget about it, you will over time... just my 2 cent's.....

 

I'm thinking about figuring out a way to sleep in the shower! Things are super loud right now, I'm dreading the time when it comes to sleep. I missed the pharmacist today, so no Valium to help, and white noise machine I ordered doesn't arrive till tomorrow. Going to be a tough night, really nervous...

 

Thanks Piper, your two cents is very valuable to me. That was another question I've had; is there any reason to not simply utilize ear buds with music to catch a break from symptoms? Is that considered dangerous, as in causing further damage, or should I feel free to start using them on a regular basis?

 

tommy have you looked into noise machine that looks like a hearing aid and it plays white noise or what ever sounds that blocks out the T? i got one and i used it for the first 3 months of my T and it really worked for me i love it you cant tell your wearing it , and i can even sleep with it and it comportable my insurance covered half of it , but i would not trade it in for anything.....white noise works for me i do everything with it on except shower lol it's reallt small but like i said it saved my life ........ill send a pic....

 

Believe me, I'm looking into them right now! Will call a doctor here in NY who prescribes them. That's great if you can't tell your wearing one, but at this point, I don't care if they look like bunny ears, I want them! But I guess the idea is to use them wisely, right? Not to cover all the time, but to help in gradually getting used to the symptoms? Habituation, as they say?
Aloha Christine! Thank you!

 

Nice to read all the comments here, and good luck to all.

Acoustic neuroma removal 12/2013, now deaf in my left ear with raging T that will probably be with me the rest of my life. Just found the forum, so lots of reading to catch up on . . .

 

Really sorry to hear what your'e going through, mg, but you know your'e not alone. Reach out anytime, I'll always respond. I'm new to this too, but whatever I can do. Peace, brother...

 

That's great tommy! Hope u find on u love to and your right I don't wear mine all the time in fact it help me to get use too the ringing have not worn it for almost two months... it help train my brain....lol

 

Tommy
Not sure what they have in NY (probably a lot) but I got my hearing aids with white noise generators in Nebraska; I was in such a messed up state-of-mind when I landed there that I had no idea how they compared to other devices. I'm finding out they are state of the art (truly exceptional); I was just very glad they offered instant relief. I've used mine continuously for a year (my T was in the profound range); I'm habituating just fine now (whew!).

If you're curious contact Nebraska Hearing Instruments (Omaha, NE) @ 402-933-1453 (mention my name if you want -- hopefully they don't hang up immediately ). They can likely refer you to an office in NY.

Mark (McDill)

 

Thank you my friend! Much appreciated...

 

Yes, thats what I thought! I'm doing that already on my own; never total silence, but never total masking either. On my way to getting used to it, I hope. But looking forward to getting my very own noise machine for sure!